Author: Desipio

Daily Dose: Baltimore’s not just a good place to get crabs

I wouldn’t even allow myself to imagine the mess that will occur if somehow the Sammy Sosa trade falls through. Don’t even think about what spring training would be like then. It’d make Chernobyl look like somebody spilled grape juice on the carpet. So with Sammy planning on jetting up to Baltimore to get some crabs and take a physical tomorrow and one of the Orioles’ prospects not able to take his until Wednesday (by the way, why are the Cubs even giving the Orioles’ players physicals? If one of them had developed leprosy over the offseason, they’re not going to put the trade at risk), it’s going to be a few days before the hostage crisis finally ends. A thoughtful, intellectual Web site would take the next couple days to reflect. To reflect on what this trade means, not just to the Cubs or the Orioles but to society in general. What does it say about “us”? Hmm? Ahh, screw that. Sammy’s gone. So let’s figure out how to replace him! There are so many candidates to fill the Cubs two remaining outfield spots that it looks like the 2008 Iowa Caucus has started early. Let’s start with the in-house guys, including, for the same of argument one of the guys Sammy was traded for, Jerry Hairston, Jr. Jerry Hairston, Jr. Jerry’s 28, enjoys playing second base and...

Read More

So long, buddy

And so, barring any last minute freak out by O’s deranged owner Peter Angelos, or a sneezing fit during his physical, Sammy Sosa is no longer a Cub. In a move being celebrated by those who grew to hate him, the Cubs have agreed to send Sammy to Baltimore in exchange for Jerry Hairston, Jr. and a pair of minor leaguers. Those of us who were resigned to the fact that Sammy’s return for 2005 was going to be a distraction at best and a full-scale toxic waste scene at the worst, it doesn’t really matter who the Cubs got in return. Sometimes, buddy, it’s time to go. Now’s the time. Buddy. Dopes like Phil Rogers will express mock indignation that the Cubs couldn’t get more for Sammy, and evil, little, trolls like Jay Mariotti will put down the doughnut to rip Sammy on the way out, but like all things, it was a little more complicated than either has the ability to express. Mariotti actually wrote, “This puts intense pressure on Nomar Garciaparra to stay healthy and carry the offense with Aramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee, Todd Walker and Michael Barrett.” That’s right it’s up to Nomar and FOUR other guys (not to mention Corey Patterson) to carry an offense. In an article that was supposed to be written about how Sammy wasn’t a TEAM-mate, how can Mariotti so...

Read More

Daily Dose: We’re goin’ streakin’! Down at the quad!

Honestly, I haven’t heard this much talk about streaks since our school bus hydroplaned right after a chili supper. (I have no idea what that means.) But while one lived on last night. Two are in the ether. Illinois ran their current winning streak to 20 games, meaning that they’ve won every game since Chris Duhon’s gutty (snicker, snicker) performance in last year’s NCAAs. Wisconsin’s impressive 38 game home winning streak is over, as is the 16 game win streak the Badgers enjoyed when Mike Wilkinson’s pie-faced girlfriend sung the national anthem before games. At least in this game, the Illini left no doubt in the closing minutes so she could actually face the court from her seat in the Wisconsin band. They’re quite a pair, those two. She’s a band geek and he’s a rat-toothed guy who Dick Vitale thinks can play in the NBA. He’s white, and couldn’t jump over the Brodhead, Wisconsin phone booth. I see him more as bench fodder for the CBA’s Yakima Sun Kings. Besides, being outplayed down the stretch by James Augustine and Jack Ingram aren’t exactly bullet points on your NBA resume. But that’s what happened. Illinois found themselves down 56-48 in the second half and Wisconsin was throwing in shots from near halfcourt. The Kohl Center was rocking. The drunken students had their red and black tie-dye on and adrenaline...

Read More

When you’re on top

When you’re on top The Wallflowers I need a bed That nobody’s slept in I need some air Nobody’s been breathing I need a thought That I can believe in Is this fog Or is the building really burning I need you Much more than ever I’m making new friends But none of them matter Maybe now We don’t fit together But you’ve got your arms around No one but strangers I feel fine With the sun in my eyes The wind in my hair When I’m falling out of this sky I’m doing better than I thought I would But nothing’s ever as good As when you’re on top I want to wake up And just start running Into a ditch Or straight up a mountain I want to get Where no one been gettin’ Make it deeper than hell Or make it higher than heaven I need someone whose price hasn’t been met When everybody’s disappearing By the minute There isn’t anyone left I haven’t meet yet Well I remember When they hadn’t gotten to you yet I feel fine With the sun in my eyes The wind in my hair When I’m falling out of this sky I’m doing better than I thought I would But nothing’s ever as good As when you’re on top Half way up And over this rainbow I heard a shot...

Read More

Daily Dose: Cubs Convention Wrap-Up

When you’re mildly insane like I am, many things can entertain you. At this weekend’s Cubs Convention, one of the things I liked the most was looking at some of the bums immortalized by fans with their own jerseys. As you can see in the photo, somebody actually bought a game-used Gene Glynn jersey. What, Dan Radisson wasn’t available? The Tom Gamboa one was still bloodied from a run-in with the Ligue’s down in Wicker Park? The Cubs were selling “new” game-worn jerseys and a guy was holding a Wendell Kim jersey up to his son who couldn’t have been more than seven or eight and it looked like it actually might fit. I was very tempted to buy a game-used Paul Bako bat. As we know, the hits would all still be in that thing, but for $50 it just wasn’t funny enough. $20? You bet. $35? You’re pushing it. $50? Forget about it. I want to know how much this guy paid for his Steve Rain jersey! I should admit that the only Cubs jersy I’ve ever owned with a number on it was Shawon Dunston’s 12. Hey, I was 14 years old. Cut me some slack. Besides, if it still fit, I’d wear it. But this is not the information you want from me about the Cubs Convention is it? All right, let’s get down to...

Read More

Desipio Mailbag

You have questions, and we love to answer them. We make no promises the answers will make any damned sense, though.

Submit your burning questions here.

The Athletic

The Athletic is foolish enough to publish one of my columns every Monday.

You really should subscribe to it so you can read the stuff that the good writers there publish.

Subscribe to Desipio

Be among the first to know when there's new crap here to read.

What we’re up against

Get a brain, morans!

Follow Desipio on Twitter


November 2017
« Oct