Spurred on by his image on CNN, and troubled that he was about to lose his job, Desipio has spared no expense to hire Mohammad Said Sahhaf, the former Iraqi Information Minister. His version of the truth is always interesting. And he’ll be bringing it to you, right here.

I am very excited to have this chance to bring to you, the American sporting fan, all of the important news here at Desipio Media Ventures. I am truly honored. Let’s get right to it.

In Chicago, yesterday, Bulls General Manager Jerry Krause was very excited to tell me that he plans on working to improve the Bulls for years to come. He is very much excited by the potential of the young team, which is expected to earn the second seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs in two weeks. Built around superstars like Jalen Rose, Fred Hoiberg and Dalibor Bagaric, the Bulls will bring much pain and suffering to anyone who challenges their supremacy in the NBA.

The Chicago Cubs played their first home game of the season yesterday in beautiful, sunny, Wrigley Field. I was on hand to watch the game. Which was excellent. The Cubs dispatched easily the threat from the Infidels of Canada, the Montreal Expos.

Sammy Sosa was glorious in his performance, especially in the third inning when he hit a five-run grand slam home run. The first of it’s kind in professional baseball.

It was my first visit to Wrigley and it was beautiful. What a nice place for some American baseball. The sun was shining, I had some fully Kreusened Old Style and enjoyed sitting with women who do not feel the need to cover their faces…

…or breasts.

I would like to congratulate Kansas Coach Roy Williams on his first National Championship in the sport of American college basketball. The performance of his beaked predators was incredible, especially in the way in which they dispatched of the round orange projectiles who play for Syracuse University. I was impressed not only with the play of guard Kirk Hinrich, but also with the young man’s grooming habits.

And finally, I want to give a good, old, fashioned American “shout out” to the well-behaved fans at Comiskey Park who root for the White Sanitary Hose. I envy their ability to root, root for the home team, all the while, comparting themselves in a manner that is inspirational to the rest of us.

Go Sox!