I’ll let you all in on a little secret. You’d probably value it more if you didn’t already really know it, but we’ll find out. Do you know why the White Sox collapse would make Cubs fans so happy?
I don’t just mean for the obvious reasons. Like the 400 pound woman in your office who squeezes into her Konerko jersey on Friday, or the guys who change the oil in your car and appear, by their general lack of ambition, brains and hygiene to be Sox fans. No, it’s more than just keeping them from having anything in their lives worth being happy about even for a day.
Misery loves company. It’s true. The Cubs have a better team, a bigger payroll and a better farm system and they’ve completely crashed and burned, despite having a first baseman who put up MVP numbers for most of the season (though Doug Davis sure made him look awful last night), and yet, the Cubs’ season has turned into one of the most frustrating in the long history of frustrating Cubs’ seasons.
It’s just like in 2003 when the Sox were in first place for most of the season only to flop in the end (which, if you notice has been their trend in every season since Kenny Williams took over) and see the Cubs get every lucky bounce, every big hit and cash in ever opponents’ mistake into late October.
See, it’s not about the Sox, it’s about the Cubs. The Sox are used to that, though. It’s never about them. Nothing is ever really about them.
What their win last night probably assured is that the apocalyptic collapse that they needed to pull off won’t happen. They’ll stumble into the playoffs somehow, be gone before the first weekend and spend the winter pissed that everybody’s talking about the Cubs again.
Which, is exactly what we’re going to do right now.
Some genius at the Tribune decided to give Billy Corgan an unpunctuated forum to express his thoughts about the Cubs. It’s not unlike when XRT gave him a forum for his normally uninteresting Cubs’ commentaries.
So today you can read not only Billy Corgan’s insight, but those of Scott Turow, too. Great minds… Turow hasn’t written an actually readable book since 1987 and everybody knows that the Pumpkins were all about James Iha. Or something.
Turow had this to say about Cubs’ fans rooting against the Sox.
“My nephew told me he wanted the Sox to lose [the division] and I said, ‘Don’t say that,'” Turow said. “As a matter of principle, I don’t enjoy other people’s misfortune.”
No, that’s why you were a lawyer, so while not “enjoying” other people’s misfortune, you could, instead profit off of it. Now go write another book where you don’t enjoy another person’s misfortune.
Corgan also defends the Sox saying that Cubs’ fans shouldn’t openly root against them because they’re a Chicago team. I don’t root against the Sox. I root against the happiness of my friends who are Sox fans. There’s a difference. Schadenfreude is a powerful thing there, you little bald androgynist.
Here’s the part of Corgan’s “column” that had me throwing things at the computer monitor.
when I think of corey patterson, the name that keeps ringing in my head is that of lou brock, the legendary lead-off man and base stealer that the cubs gave up on once upon a time … if you are old enough to remember, he tortured the cubs (and a few other teams!) for many, many years … obviously, corey patterson has the God-given talent, I don’t believe that is the question that needs to be answered … what I want to know is if there is anybody on the planet who can get through to this young man and explain to him the opportunity he is throwing away? If I ran the cubs, I would go out of my way to hire someone that could personally work with corey to develop ALL his skills in a balanced manner … someone with the credentials of a lou brock or a rickey henderson … if that didn’t work, then I would ship him off … as of right now, he is worth so little in a trade that I think it still is worth taking the risk to try to turn the corner, because corey patterson playing to his full potential is a very dangerous man … but, umm, don’t hold your breath!
This whole thing starts off with a very strong opinion (that Corey is a tremendous talent who can not be given up on) and then ends with Corgan saying he doesn’t think Corey will ever actually reach his potential. Brilliant. It’s this kind of insight that inspires us all.
It also presupposes some pretty strange things.
1. That Corey really is a “talented” baseball player. I used to think he was. Now I’m 100 percent certain that he is not. He’s a great athlete. But give Maurice Green a baseball bat and he’s not going to get on base either. Corey has never been able to find a swing that will allow him to make consistent contact and he’s never found a way to figure out which pitches to swing at and which ones not to. Those are the two essential parts of being a good hitter. He’s flunking both.
2. That Rickey Henderson and/or Lou Brock could teach Corey anything. First off, Rickey doesn’t strike me as the “teaching” type. Secondly, Lou is busy with his lounge act, touring 200 nights a year.
3. That Corey has no trade value. Here’s what I can guarantee you. If you’re ever going to get anything for him, you have to do it right now. This offseason. Right now he’s still a guy who “might” turn into something. One more season, or even a part of a season is just going to prove that he’s never going to really be good. He’s been an excellent major leaguer for two months of his entire career. For most of the other months he hasn’t been average, he’s been bad. Odds are that he’ll be bad again next year. But you only need to find one dope to trade with. Jim Hendry has to find that dope.
Does anybody seriously still worry that Corey would come back to haunt the Cubs? Does anybody really think he’s going to be a star anymore? What has he shown you that makes you think he’s ever going to get it?
There is one way he could haunt the Cubs next year. Say they’re in a pennant race with the Cardinals down to the wire. Corey could be playing for a team the Cubs need to beat the Cardinals. Then, he’d haunt their ass. Otherwise? No.
Dusty Baker says something stupid and insulting to the intelligence of Cubs’ fans every day. Every day. The worst part is that he believes everything he says. He’s too dumb not to know that he’s being dumb.
Here’s today’s same song, different verse.
Dusty says he can’t play young players because he wants to finish .500 (like that means anything) and…
“I also owe it to baseball and owe it to the Phillies and the Florida Marlins and the Washington Nationals to play my best lineup because those teams are competing with Houston in the wild-card race.”
First off, who are the young players he’s got that he could be playing?
Matt Murton is one.
Then…well, there’s…uh…Ryan Theriot? Geovany Soto? Nobody wants to see them anyway.
I don’t think Scott McLain or Ben Grieve count.
So it comes down to Murton. Right now, Dusty almost has to play Murton every day because Jerry Hairston is hurt. And, the fact that Murton and Nomar are the only guys actually hitting.
Here’s what Dusty doesn’t understand, though. When Hairston’s healthy enough to play, any time he plays Jerry in left and Corey in center he’s doing exactly what he says he morally can’t do. He’s putting a lesser product on the field. He is, by his own criteria “cheating” the Marlins, Phillies, Astros and whoever. Because Matt Murton is good and Corey Patterson is awful. Every game that starts with Patterson in it and Murton not should be followed by Bud Selig accusing Dusty of trying to fix the pennant race and banning him for life. (Hey, a guy can dream.)
Any game that starts with Neifi Perez leading off, Corey Patterson in the lineup and Matt Murton on the bench should result in the entire Cubs’ field staff and front office being sent to Galveston to try and tackle Hurricane Rita and wrestle it to submission, or die trying.
Dusty apparently compared Corey’s struggles to Mark McGwire, saying that just like Corey, Mark had early success and then bottomed out, only to come back and be a Hall of Famer.
Uh…well, there’s a difference. Mark had success. Corey? Not so much. One hot month in 2003 doesn’t cut it.
And it’s true that Tony LaRussa had to bench McGwire at the end of 1991 so that Mark’s average would stay at .201 and not go under the humiliating Mendoza line. It’s also true that McGwire would come back freakishly larger in 1992 and have a good year, then be hurt for most of 1993 and 1994 before coming back even more garganutan in 1995. I guess it’s Dusty’s “code” telling Corey to start sucking down the Andro.
It took both KC Johnson and John Mullin to write this fascinating column about how Kyle Orton likes to throw passes to Muhsin Muhammad. Tomorrow, it’ll take six Tribune writers to pen an effort detailing baseball players’ love of sunflower seeds.
The Wizard of Roz sings the praises of Cliff Politte. Apparently, Rozner’s been sniffing glue again. Politte came in with the bases loaded and the Indians up by two runs. Ronnie Belliard hammered his first pitch but right at Joe Crede for a double play. One foot either way and it’s a double and the games’ effectively over. Then, the next inning, with the Sox now holding a lead, Politte gives up a hit to Casey Blake and Ozzie Guillen comes out to remove him in favor of lefty Damaso Marte. This is the right move, because Grady Sizemore had looked awful against both Mark Buehrle and Neil Cotts in his first four at bats. The fans started booing, so Ozzie, incredibly listens to them and leaves Politte in. He gives up a single to Sizemore, then if not for a great play by Juan Uribe he gives up another single to Coco Crisp. Not only did Ozzie ignore Bobby Knight’s advice about the crowd, “If you listen to the guys in the stands, pretty soon you’ll be sitting with them,” but Rozner starts his column by glorifying what was in reality a pretty shaky effort by Politte. Otherwise, just great stuff. Call the Pulitzer people! Kudos.
Wanny is failing miserably, spectacularly and epically at Pitt. And I love every damn minute of it. I said that I can’t think of a Chicago coach in any sport who I hate as much as Wanny. Well, somebody’s closing in pretty quick.
Michael Smith says the Bears are the best team in the North. Well, duh.
Here’s a shock, Dusty’s old San Francisco boss says that there are more important things to be focusing on than steroids.
What a shock. Guy Ritchie and Madonna made another bad movie.
The Office returned last night with an excellent episode that involved Pam being banned for life from Chili’s and Michael accidentally giving out an award for Bushiest Beaver, when actually it was for Busiest Beaver. He advised Lorraine to not “display that one in the office.”
My Name is Earl did not disappoint, either. I especially enjoyed the cameo by Jamie Pressly as Earl’s now reluctant ex-wife, and Earl’s brother is tremendous.
Coming up next Monday on Arrested Development we not only get Charlize Theron, but Henry Winkler’s character Barry Zuckercorn is replaced by a man literally raised to follow the Fonz, Scott Baio.
America’s finest news source says Oprah’s giving away free men.
Uh oh… Dolan’s at work early today…
To be fair, Korey had a good August 2004. But, beyond that, he’s sucked.
Glad to see you join the reality based Cubs Fan community. You’ve come a long way since:
“I think we all kind of forgot just how good Corey Patterson was this year. We forget that defensively his only NL peer is Andruw Jones. We forget that he didn’t show any signs of slumping, he used the whole field at the plate and he delivered a lot of big hits. He was leading the team in batting average, stolen bases and RBI when he got hurt. He’s 24, too. He’s really good.”
Fear me, you self-loathing yuppie pigs!! Woot woot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll be sure to save some ALDS tickets for you at the Cell.
I am what Chuck spent his morning doing, searching through the Desipio archive to come across that nugget in #2.
Don’t worry, Joe. I’ll have a feeling we’ll be able to walk up and buy ’em at the box office.
Nice James Iha reference, Andy. Another fellow, along with Dave “Keys To The Game” Otto, who hails from the same hometown as yours truly.
You’re happy for me, I’m sure.
Searching? I have that page bookmarked.
The Cubs have a better team than the White Sox? Kidding right? They arguably have better talent, but not a better team.
The Cubs have a better farm system than the White Sox? Huh? Again, you must be kidding. If this is true, will we ever see it with that sorry excuse of a manager for the Cubs? Doubtful.
The Cubs season has been over since the All-Star break and the ONLY thing they can hope for is not to stay behind the Brewers in the standings.
Dahhh, errrrp, ppphhlaaat.
I’ve got a goose egg.
I’m bookmarking the page where Chuck appointed himself Colonel of the Reality Based Cubs Fan Welcome Wagon. Keep looking for those 2 dozen empty seats at Wrigley that are making a statement and causing the Trib to crap its pants.
Wow, I was alive before the all star break. Why did someone not tell the Cubs
Hey ??:
The Cubs season has been over since early May. Not many wanted to believe that, but it was true.
The Cubs have a better team than the White Sox? Kidding right? They arguably have better talent, but not a better team.
The Cubs have a better farm system than the White Sox? Huh? Again, you must be kidding. If this is true, will we ever see it with that sorry excuse of a manager for the Cubs? Doubtful.
Gee, I think these were kind of the points as to why the season was labelled “frustrating.”
Muhsin Muhammad Jihad
Some of my boys, Coco and Grady amongst them, said that last night’s game was “a lot of fun”. We’ll be fine. Whoo Hoo!!
On the other hand, um, Derrek? MVP my ass. You need a rest, take one, God knows Dusty’s too fuckin’ stupid to give you one himself.
PS. My Name Is Earl rocked. Who’s the maid? She’s stroooong…
Sorry Chuck…I was trying to be nice. You are correct when you say the season was over in early May.
May? The season was over when they got rid of Gladiator for Hairston jr., picked up Burnitz, and never addressed the middle relief or the closer spots.
You can blame bad in game managing, injuries, and poor individual performances for the eventual collapse, but this ship of fools was sinking well before the season even started.
You’re saying that 88 wins was unattainable with, from game 1, Hairston leading off, Korey 8th, Dempster closing, LaTroy setting up, Rusch starting?
Dusty cost this team 5 to 10 games with Korey and Neifi up top and LaTroy closing.
Let me be the first to declare the Cubs’ 2006 season is OVER. There, that wasn’t so hard. Come to think of it 2007, isn’t looking so strong either.
FYC!!!! I’ll leave you to declare 2008 dead until November, then I’m stepping out on that one too.
Baseball Symmetry, Catch It. Bogus bad boy AJ Eyechart, steps on the back of a prone third baseman, and the folowing night takes a fastball off the knee rendering him unavailable for the balance of the season. Chris Widger is unable to rally the troops to the playoff and thousands of South Side fans leap to their death from basement windows. I love this game.
The Cubs have more talent. Are you kidding? We’ve got them at every position.
Wait. Do you mean to say that the Cubs are still playing?Really?
Come on now. Stop pulling my leg.
Still playing? Hahahaha! Good one, good one. I’m cracking up here. Hysterical. You almost had me there.
Miss me yet?
#20. Crede’s stats: AVG .247 | HR 19 | RBI 56
A. Ram’s stats: AVG .302 | HR 31 | RBI 92
Choke on a bone Crede, You bitch!
Well, we are still playing…at least until game three of the ALDS.
Well, in spring training Hawk did call me “the most exciting player in the American League”. So choke on that, or something…
Sox are still playing? You coulda fooled us.
Cubs fans are so cute when they’ve been thoroughly defeated and humiliated.
Yeah, the Sox are still are playing. In fact, they took a series in the Metrodome over the weekend and are about to take a series from the Indians tonight.
Actually, I’m surprised you missed it. There on the front page of all the Chicago sports sections, major sports websites, the lead story on Sportcenter, etc.
No, really. I’m being serious. Check it out for yourselves.
When was the last time Ass Raumus actually fielded a groundball? He also hits more worhtless homers than Leon Durham
Moist Hands….no one misses you.
Now go back to being Barry’s towel boy
Yeah, that bomb I hit off of Dontrelle in the 03 playoffs was wothless. Go play on your own sites soxtrash.
If Sox fans were so confident about their team, they would be coming to a Cubs sight to talk a gang of shit. I could care less about what goes on on the south side. You guy’s on the other hand, get so upset because you know you are the stepchildren in Chicago sports and should probably be relocated to New Orleans!
I am the ONLY good sux site out there.
Rickey Henderson as a teacher? “Now you listen to what Rickey tells you. Rickey knows what he is talking about because Rickey is a Hall of Famer. Rickey is the greatest leadoff batter in history. Rickey is the greatest basestealer in history. Rickey is the greatest teacher in history. OK. That’s it. You just learned from the greatest.”
that Crede’s homerun was the biggest hit by a sux player in over 40 years. Win a playoff series before talking uc, you’re making you and the other 23,000 sox fans look even dumber. Go back to mom and dad’s Naperville basement and talk about how you and keep pretending you and your buddies are tough guys.
Rickey likes hearing his name. Today, I am the greatest teacher ever.
I’d say that entire Marlins-Cubs serious ended up pretty worthless, eh? And I love how Cubs fans resort AGAIN to talking about who has more fans.
More fans? OK, fine. But so what? What’s your point after stating this for 14,645,939th time? Do you have a point? If you do, out with it.
Look, Limp Bizkit has sold more records than the Arcade Fire, but it doesn’t mean Limp Bizkit is a better band. Far from it.
It’s all about critical acclain, baby. Not records sold. The Sox are true artists, while the Cubs are a boy band having their voices dubbed.
Who the fuck are we?????
Maybe if we won a playoff series, this UC turd wouldn’t sound like such a tool, no…probably not. True artists? That’s just funny.
What the fuck is that??? UC, just shut your pie hole!
We both suck, unless you are wanna be DuPage county street tuffs.
I have my own blog, but I come here because no one will visit it.
Just because a sux fan likes us doesn’t mean we suck. It doesn’t help though.
So called Cub fans have nothing to complain about today. The White Sox won and they lost (nice game for the MVP last night 0-4, 4 K’s).
So of course, they talk about attendance and Naperville.
Maybe they should think (I know, hard for Cubs fans to do on their own) about their own team who is going to finish 4th behind the Brewers.
A team in me should not have a bunch of empty seats, so yeah, I guess attendance isn’t important. Night games too, no excuse. Way to support your team.
We care too much to show up.
We’ve won 4 out of our last 12 games. We’re not in a pennant race though, cause we’re in first place.
I’m having trouble with the cuss words thing, is there anywhere else I can find it?
Your a dumb fuck!
(I know, hard for Cubs fans to do on their own)
What do you mean Corky??
Huh? I just got here, and I’m confused. Wasn’t this dose about Korey? WTF?
WAH! WAH! WAH!
BOO! HOO! HOO!
White Sox fans are poopy heads! Let’s make fun of them. Maybe it will drown out the sound of the Cards, Astros, and BREWERS laughing at us.
Oh, yeah. We need a diaper change. Yes, again.
WAH! WAH! WAH!
Don’t worry. I’ve been here a long time, and I’m STILL confused.
#50. Read #44 or anything this idiot (UC) has said today. You will understand.
Is why so many Sox fans are homeless and jobless.
Check out my blog. It’s craptacular!
This UC loser really craves attention.
Yeah, check it out! Especially if you enjoy baseball that matters.
And it’s not craptacular. It’s craptaculous. Big difference.
What did you expect? Desipio? Come on, if I had a brain would I be here trying to pick fights over a computer?
Come on UC, you know we don’t matter.
UC’s right! Stop the season now, with us as the champs! That’s how our fans are acting anyway. We already won it all!
The UC is a witty, witty man. He’s got serious Alex Kaseberg type potential.
OK, all kidding aside, guys, I don’t “crave attention.” I read this site all the time – even made a link to desipio when I started my “craptacular” blog – but I never comment. However, you’re petty bashing of the Sox really is a bunch of whining and sour grapes. Pathetic, actually. The Cubs blow, the Sox are going to the playoffs. Deal.
Can we at least agree that the Bears are going 12-4 this year?
“Yeah, the Sox are still are playing. In fact, they took a series in the Metrodome over the weekend and are about to take a series from the Indians tonight.”
Behind Judy Garland, who learned to pitch from his mom, and who is 2-5 since August 1st? Woof.
While you’re busy trolling Cub websites looking for meaning in your shithole of a life, mark my words.: Your precious gaggle of overrated, hitless wonders will be sitting on a 2 1/2 game lead at 10:30 PM tonight.
You can put it on the booooaaaaaarrrrdddd….YES!
We’re not making the playoffs, not after reading your blog. We’ll be too busy intentionally stranding baserunners.
“The sox are going to the playoffs”, where they will proceed to lose in the first round. Sorry, I forgot to throw that in there. I mean, they dominated all the good teams this season, right?
If we didn’t play the Tigers and Royals a bunch, we would have a worse record than the Cubs. Did anyone think we were gonna be that good this season?
Dr. Z’s latest power rankings on SI.com has the bears in 20th!!! I don’t know what’s worse, his rankings or his ridiculous mustache!
The fact of the matter is, we are doing to you guys what you do to us every year. We deal with it, why can’t you? And yes, we are trashing you guys, but on our own sites. Go look at the comments on your blog and see how many you have from pissed off Cubs fans looking to start fights. None, right? Cub fans are sick of boners like you, pulling shit like this. I know you crave attention, but go somewhere else for it, you know, maybe somewhere you’re liked.
I’m a senile, old moran. Don’t even acknowledge my exsistence.
Since when did Brown’s Chicken let you guys start using computers? Arent you guys busy making fried chicken? WHERE ARE MY HUSH PUPPYS BITCH!
Except he gets all John Ashcroft on ’em.
From September 19th, there were 3 comments:
C said…
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10:47 PM
Small Business Printers said…
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10:52 PM
William said…
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10:53 PM
Nice. Not only does he troll over here, but he evidently swats down any comments he disagrees with on his own site. At least Andy lets the ignorant comments stand on their own.
I wonder how long “Bill Ligue”‘s comment from today will stay up there.
I wander onto the nastiest Cubs site there is, get hammered and then act all sensitive about it?
Oh well. Spiking Aaron Boone in the back is HILARIOUS!!!
I suck wherever I go. Can I come back Chicago?
Calm down people. There’s no need for hostility.
In UC’s defense, he could be deleting spam. We get craploads of it here, and taking the comments off the Dose didn’t help, so I just brought them back.
Did anyone else hear Hawk wet himself when Rowand misplayed that fly ball late in the game last night?
I’d comment on the Cub, but when I turn the game on to see the Gremlin at bat in the 9th, I just give up.
If I have any sac, AJ will get one in the piehole in his first at bat.
Spam? Me no delete Spam, give it to me and I eat it. I like to fry it up with some pineapple. Umm…good. Very good. Yum.
I was not spam on UC’s site. I was simply asking the assorted masses at the Unknown Column if they stole any of me at an office break-in.
And that probably still wouldn’t shut my pansy ass up.
Fly Ball. Rowand.
No!
No!
Also, while your old broadcaster Chip was a major sissy, keep in mind that I’m the first player to have ever worn batting gloves.
Mercy, I’m a weenie.
I should be UC’s team, not the Bears.
Did anyone see me lose my arm last night? Man, I really like the Vicodine I’m on right now!
Thanks, Andy. That was all spam. If you’d prefer, I could leave ads from a-holes for attention deficit disorder medicines and used car loans.
And to whoever made the Billy Ligue comment (“Calm down people. There’s no need for hostility”), now that’s funny. Hysterical. Had to chuckle heartily at that one. Still chuckling. Besides, that incident was all worth it to see 40 large men from two teams beating the utter crap out of the Ligues. You know it was.
One time during a broadcast in 03′, AJ’s last year with the Twins, we ripped him for 5 minutes easy. We sais we would knock that silly elbow guard off him with a high heater, and maybe that would shut him up. All kinds of good stuff, you could tell we hated him, amazing how a year changes everything. There hasn’t been a bigger instigator, who then backs down or claims he’s innocent, in baseball over the last 5 years than Eyechart.
Mr Roberts, please keep these Percocet away from that Palmiero guy.
Fuck the Percocet, wheres my Viagra? Man I hate me!
“There hasn’t been a bigger instigator, who then backs down or claims he’s innocent, in baseball over the last 5 years than Eyechart.”
*ahem*
I love AJ. I think he’s the bees knees. He knows how to strap it down and cinch it up. He’s the best gamecaller in the business, bar none. I also love bitching about other teams’ catchers pulling balls back into the strike zone, but I looooove it when AJ does it. AJ’s got the fire folks. He’s my pick to click every night. I love big, immobile catchers who couldn’t throw out a basestealer if the guy tore both Achilles’ between first and second. I love guys who kick the trainer in the nuts. Love them. I love guys who can be more than ably replaced the year after they leave by Henry Blanco and Mike Matheny, even in a year when Matheny takes a month off to have surgery.
Anyone betting on the Youngstown St. Fighting Penguins to at least cover against Pitt, on the road, this weekend? If my Panthers find a way to lose this game, I will serve Wanny’s head on a platter to the Desipiot Kingdom.
And remember, these same Panthers needed OT and a huuuuuge 2nd half comeback to beat I-AA Furman at home last year on the day of the Victor Diaz fiasco. Looking back, it’s funny to think how close I was to actually climbing to the 35th floor ledge of Pitt’s Cathedral of Learning that day.
Wanny and Dusty may yet drive me there.
People, didn’t you hear him? Where is Raffy’s Viagra?
I purposely gained 150 more pounds when we signed AJ so that he’d have a harder time finding my nuts.
We used to be able to see Pitt Stadium from our house, so we could hear it when the Panthers were playing at home. Now, we can’t see them. But we sure can smell ’em.
I climbed the Cathedral of Learning’s Stairs after a 5 mile run around Oakland. I thought I was gonna keel over and die, seriously. Do they still play Dungeons and Dragons up there?
I can’t use the Internet, so I’ll be posting under the name “UC” or “Unknown Column” on here from now on. Are there any 15-year-old deaf girls out there who’ll let me watch them pee? I can drive all the way to Waukegan East High School if need be…
I’m not in prison. Justice in Lake County’s a beautiful thing.
OK, I need to go. Got to find a massage therapist online…
Oh, one more thing before I leave ya’ll to your Sox bashing: Can we also agree that Jay Mariotti is a worthless piece of shite? Seriously, does it get any worse than that fat, eyebrow-waxing douchebag? I’ll vomit in my mouth when he jumps on the Bears bandwagon after constantly belittling them.
I realize you guys might love Mariotti’s relentless bashing of the Sox (even when the Sox were hot as hell earlier in the season), but he’s a dipshit of the highest order.
Am I wrong here?
Um UC, I have been on and off the sox bandwagon all year, especially in my Cubs bashing articles. I hate this city, I mean, I call it the City of Weak Shoulders. If you came here as often as you say you do, you would know that everyone here hates me with a passion.
I have to constantly look over my shoulders when I leave my home.
Mariotti looks like someone smashed a grapefruit in his face everytime he’s talking on ESPN.
We are the spice girls of journalism.
Actually, I have to constantly look over my shoulder whenever I’m being done from behind by my shemale dominatrix so that i can be sure that her leather mask with Alfred E. Neuman painted on it is still being worn.
Otherwise, the whole thing doesn’t work.
I’ve only seen “Around the Horn” a three or four times, but I think there is one guy that might possibly be more insufferable than Mariotti; and that is the Assclown Prince of Sportswriting Hacks, Woody Paige. The guy is so bad, he makes my eyes water.
(takes off leather mask)
Found it!!
Last year I said the Phillies had the best rotation in baseball. Yeah, I got paid for my appearance. I’m that good.
Yeah, I know Mariotti is hated here. I’m just throwing bones. Meet me in the middle, eh? I’ve honestly not met a Chicago sports fan who likes him. Ever. Not once. The most positive response I usually get is, “I don’t even read him.” It boggles my mind that the Sun-Times continues to emply a douche who thinks it’s cool to bash the city of fans he supposedly writes for. Unacceptable!
Now, you guys make fun of rowdy Sox fans, but remember that radio guy that was pummelled outside the Cell a few years ago? (I forgot his name. Bill something?) You can’t honestly tell me you wouldn’t fully support some rowdy Sox fans doing the same to Mariotti. I mean, I’m embarrassed by some of my fellow Sox fans as much as anyone, but I can make exceptions and conveniently turn a blind eye at least once. (By “turn a blind eye” I mean “join in”. Just kidding.)
Oh, yeah, get your Chicago Wind WNBA season tickets before they’re all snatched up.
The one thing more insane than the fact that the best part of me ran down my momma’s leg is the fact that I actually have my own website…WITH MY OWN MESSAGE BOARD.
People that register on my site and actually engage in a Woddy Paige Messageboard should really be euthanized
Click the link. Seeing is believing.
Hey, I wonder if Mariotti is into 14-year-old blonde girls who are into steamers… I’m almost less loathsome than he.
Uh oh, gotta go. Parole officer’s at the door.
“Shame on you Marrriotti!” Look at my catchphrase, and my eyebrows, I suck.
The Wind? Or is it the Sky?
Let’s try this again…
John Kass took his space in page 2 of the news section of today’s Tribune to rip on Cubs fans… I disagree with his premise, but I must admit his rips on WGN Radio’s Dave Kaplan were good… If only someone else at the Tribune had enough fortitude to blast DFB for the stupid stuff he says/does.
Rip Dusty and lose my all-celebrity access, which happens to be phenomenal?
I don’t think so.
Why do I even have a job? I am proof that one doesn’t have to be smart to be a “journalist” around here. Same with Kaplan, what a turd.
Wow, back-to-back posts by us.
Eerily similiar, right down to the name.
In response to #94 – I’ve done the 5 mile Oakland run, but my favorite run always was from Oakland, down the trail to the point and back… I never had the guts to climb the Cathedral steps afterwards though. If I ever climb them (instead of taking the elevator), it will be to give myself the extra time to make sure I know what I’m doing when I get to the top. :-)
The top of the Cathedral is still the Honors College, so I’m sure D&D and all sorts of other uber-nerdly enterprises go on up there. I was a member of the UHC, but I only went up there to register or show visitors the amazing view. I think an alarm went off whenver a sports fan entered.
Yeah, my first day there, I went to the gym, then running. I ran to the dreaded HIll District. I came back and all these central PA kids thought I had some sort of deathwish. I tried to explain to them that there are areas of Chicago that slightly resemble Beruit, no dice though. One of the good things about taking the stairs, is that by the 15th floor, your legs go numb and you can’t feel a damn thing. I ate like half a bottle of Advil the next day. The Pete steps are fun, so are the ones behind Old Engineering Hall. Good times… I saw George Karl taking his garbage out one night, he’s a pretty hefty guy.
The episode where Shawn Hunter works for the mob is on now. Priceless stuff.
I worked for a State Rep in the Hill District for over a year, and I’m a white boy from Iowa… My friends were surprised, at first, but like you said, there are so many places worse. And I’m familiar with those steps – if you’re still at Pitt, shoot me an e-mail through my blog, and maybe we can catch up at a tailgate or something and wonder why God gave us Wanny.
Hey will you two guys get me?
We were resurrected to give light to the shit that is UC and his Sox brethren?
Why the fuck would we be trotting down to a Cubs board in the midst of our historical coallpse-to-be anyway, after witnessing such a grand season?
The comments are back!
Cubs/Sox trash talk is back!
One more for old times… FYC!
you turd miner
That question has been asked a bunch of times. Apparently, the answer is that all of us Cubs fans are gay, cell phone waving yuppies, who drink too much, and over startch our white collars every morning, or something to that effect…whatever
Hey, I just noticed I’ve been added to the collage at the top of each page. I am back, baby!
Oh, and Hank’s back to napping.
There I am too Mike, right under you!
That’s Chief Sloth-a-hama to you, $*&#ers!
Desipio.com will remain banned from all postseason NCAA tournaments or bowl games until Chief Wahoo is taken off the homepage.
Fuck you, Myles!
It’s been almost a week now, and we are still yearning from a report of Dolan/Dwyer Day at Wrigley last Friday.
Has there been any re-telling of the surprise when you met each other – Dolan expecting KD to be taller, and KD expecting Dolan to be blacker?
Has there been any re-capping of the game itself, interspersed with semi-hilarious stories and incessant name dropping?
Has there been any re-hashing of the constant, yet deprecatingly humble, praise of each others “journalism”?
Oh no, just one oblique reference to the fact that KD saw (or owns) the Anchorman DVD. And that’s it. Two of the nation’s most and lucid sporting minds come together for an entire no-holds-barred day of baseball action and socially acceptable alcohol consumption, and what do we get out of it? Barely a peep.
I just figured Kelly would write about it in his next SI.com column.
Since when did I get integrity?
He owns the Rockford Files, and Anchorman. Recognize.
I scored some JC-quality trim in Naperville last week. Dumb cunt. I told her I needed my helmet shined, she sent Daddy’s Mexican car wash crew to wax my Harley. But, she took it in the ass like all good Cub fangirls, so I can’t complain.
So, do we get Boston or the Yankees in Round One, this is the question.
#132. Sux are going to lose anyway so what does it matter fuckbag!
If you get us, you lose in 3-Yankees, you lose in 4, what’s the difference?
You give guys like Rowand and Konerko a hard time, but have you actually WATCHED Kevin Millar butcher his way around the diamond? Matt Clement is peeing his pants pretty much every outing now, David Wells is fat and unsteady, and their bullpen is leaking like a sieve. Sox can take them, easy.
Yankees, that’s a scarier story. Boston vs. Chicago and New York vs. Anaheim would be the most preferred scenarios.
We would mean the end for the sox.
All of those teams have a ton more playoff experience, and unless you are a young team with a few strong veteran leaders(02′ Angels, 03′ Marlins), experience is very important. I would be very worried with the way Garcia, Buerhle, Garland, etc., have pitched lately. Especially in “big games”, only El Duque has any true big game success, and he looks like he’s literally about to fall apart.
Check me out.
Anyone got some one dollar bills?
#28 Intrepid Reader: UC
September 21st, 2005 at 12:27 pm
“Yeah, the Sox are still are playing. In fact, they took a series in the Metrodome over the weekend and are about to take a series from the Indians tonight.”
Nice attempt at bravado, UC, but I see where your team looks to be stmbling ass-backwards into the postseason worse than the ’98 Cubs. Enjoy.
Will Andy have one of me for today’s game?
I shudder to think how lame a gamecast for a meaningless, late September game would be. On the other hand, the venemous sarcasm may make it entertaining still.