Remember how fun it was to mock the Lions last week when Joey Harrington humilated himself with five interceptions? Oh, it was grand.
Until yesterday when Kyle Orton unleashed his inner Harrington over and over and over and over and over again. If it was a fight towels would have been thrown at his feet by about 65,000 fans.
The Bears defense somehow bailed the team out for a while, and the Bengals led “only” 10-0 after the fourth pick. But they don’t make buckets big enough to bail you ought of five interceptions and six turnovers.
Actually, they make one bucket big enough, but the Cubs wash Jose Macias in it.
I will give Orton this, he’s tough. I mean come on, you have to admire the resolve of anybody who can completely fail over and over and …(you get the idea) and come back for more.
You have to kind of admire it. Just like you have to admire John Clayton of ESPN for combing what’s left of his hair into that little pile on top of his head and getting in front of a camera about 74 times a week.
We have heard, non-stop, about how poised and composed Kyle Orton is. He lets nothing bother him. He’s unflappable!
And he didn’t seem all that flapped yesterday, despite creating more turnovers than Sara Lee. Every pick he threw he’d make that “ooh, that was so close!” face and kind of wander to the sidelines like he was trying to find a bus stop.
Then he’d kind of stare blankly at the coaches with his Lloyd Christmas haircut in full view.
The kid has moxie. He’s got determination. He’s got heart.
Or, he could be mildly retarded. Either way, it’s something.
You can hope that the Bengals are really good. That’s what they did all week in Minnesota and it worked for them as they finally won a game after being pantsed by Cincinnati.
Or you can just gaze to the north and realize that no matter how bad things get, the Bears are not the Packers (who are astoundingly awful this year) and we don’t have to live in Green Bay. So that’s something.
You knew it was going to be a bad day when Randy Cross showed up to do the game. Nobody, and I literally mean nobody, loves to hear the sound of his own voice more than Randy Cross. He literally never shuts up. But he never says anything, either. This is a guy who’s career and really, life, peaked when he was in a Miller Lite commercial where he was in a bar and nobody recognized him as being the starting center for the 49ers until he bent over to pick something up off the floor. Then somebody yelled, “Hey, it’s Randy Cross” and much mirth and laughter followed. That was as good as it was going to get on our TVs when Randy Cross was involved.
How hard is it to find competent analysts? Really? During the Raiders-Eagles game, Dan Dierdorf ripped on Warren Sapp for dropping an interception. Dan said it was an “easy catch” and they showed the replay over and over again. And every time they showed it, we, at home, saw Sapp reach up to grab the ball only to be barrelled over by 380 pounds of teammate Ted Washington.
Six plays later, Sapp did pick off a pass, one clearly tipped by another Raiders’ defender. Dan watched FOUR replays of it before he noticed the ball was tipped. That would be like watching the Zapruder film four times and then going, “Oh, Kennedy got shot.” And incredibly, Dan never said a word about how unusual it was that Sapp, a defensive tackle had two inteception chances within six plays.
In New York, babbling, screaming, annoying Gus Johnson watched Jimmy Smith go out of bounds on the two yard line, watched the referee waive his arms and signal the ball down at the two and kept yelling, “Touchdown Jaguars!” How does that happen? I can see missing a call once and while, but how do you continue to miss the call for like two minutes?
In Green Bay, something happened for a second straight week that hardly ever happens. The Packers were out of timeouts and Tampa had a third down at the two minute warning. Cadillac Williams broke free for the first down and it looked for a moment like he was going to score. If he’d scored, the score would have been 24-16 with like 1:40 to go. Green Bay would actually have a chance to come down and tie the game. Instead they tackled him, Tampa took a knee and the game was over.
What’s interesting about it is that just a week earlier the Packers were at home, down one to Cleveland with the Browns running the clock out when Steve Heiden broke a long run and scored, giving Green Bay one last chance to tie the game.
Wouldn’t you think the Packers would have covered this during the two-minute warning time out?
“OK, we have to stop them here and force a punt. If they get a first down, we can’t stop the clock and the game will be over, so if they do get past the first down marker let them go, or the game’s over. Remember last week? We almost forced overtime because we accidentally let that happen.”
Uh…apparently not. Again, that’s why Mike Sherman is a strategic genius and his Packers’ teams always fare so well in close games.
Do we think Bill Belichick would have had that conversation with the defense?
Uh…yes.
I missed 79 games last year and 58 this year. Don’t ruin the good memories of my uncharacteristically healthy 2003. I’d play about 50 games if I was signed by the Cubs.
Does anybody remember when I used to mean something?
“Gus Johnson watched Jimmy Smith go out of bounds on the two yard line, watched the referee waive his arms and signal the ball down at the two and kept yelling, “Touchdown Jaguars!†”
Uh… didn’t the Jags score a touchdown on that play?
I scored, but he’s right that the refs originally tried to spot the ball at the two. I didn’t hear the call, but if Gus kept yelling “touchdown” he’d have needed some sort of trivial psychic ability.
Chuck–
The play had to be reviewed first. The second offical “claimed’ he saw Smith go out of bounds, overruling the offical who ruled it a touchdown.
The second offical also apparently was told to burn down the east grandstands at the behest of his imaginary leprechaun.
I think the Packers are afraid to use the strategy of letting the other team score with a one point lead since I screwed up the math when I called for it in our Super Bowl loss to Denver. I did it in a tie game. Oops.
Hey Grady,
If you ever need to borrow my sunglasses, they’re on my hat!
Does this mean you guys don’t hate me? Can I start when I come back…please?
I am the white Jerome Walton.
Does anyone remember when I meant anything?
I was ripping Gus for taking so long to realize the refs hadn’t ruled it a TD.
And Grady, if you’re white Jerome Walton, then I must have blocked out all memory of Jerome being really, really good.
Grady leads the American league with 20 three hit games, and here are his September numbers.
ba .340
oba .415
slg. .649
ops 1.064
seven homers, six doubles and a triple
15 rbi
All while batting leadoff.
Grady Sizemore can’t hold my jock!!
… Damn, Chuck’s right this time. Gus Johnson should be applauded, not ripped, for calling the play accurately. The referee himself probably would have applauded Gus had he not waived his arms, as if they were Mike Remlinger.
Yup, put me in the Hall of Fame. Just like Jody Gerut and Rocco Baldelli, I’m a can’t miss guy.
Remember when Steve Stone and the like compared Rocco Balldelli to me? How’s that working out?
2005, Joe Crede: ba .254, oba .305, slg .455
2005, Grady Sizemore: ba .296, oba .355, slg .498
One of these players cannot hold the other’s jock. I leave it to you, Joe, to figure out which is which.
I know you’re joking, but you are right. Crede has been the most clutch hitter in Chicago, he’s the best defensive 3rd sacker in the game, and he’s got hustle. You know, he’s the opposite of Aramis.
#17, see #16.
Last I checked, I’m not a third baseman. Crede is more clutch than I am, and a better fielder. He’s usually a better hitter, but it’s an off year for him. Except this year, he only gets hits that MATTER. I’ll be watching the Sox celebrate their division championship on my field in a few days anyway.
I was amazed that you didnt rip Korey for refusing to see a sports shrink, BUT, that article (in the online Tribune this morning) has now mysteriously vanished from the site. Wish I would have saved it. I thought he doesnt want to do winter ball or anything else the Cubs want him to do, so I really hope that this selfish a-hole is traded in the offseason.
Why do I have to hear about this through the media? Why wouldn’t the Cubs come to me first to mention seeing a psychologist?
2005, Joe Crede: ba .254, oba .305, slg .455
career, Joe Crede: ba .255, oba .304, slg .439
Yeah, it’s a real off year for Joe. And I’d be careful about planning that division championship celebration… you might as well plan your “It’s been a nice year, too bad about our first-round loss” celebration while you’re at it.
Now, don’t you have a GED class or something to go see about? Pay careful attention during the “elementary statistics” part, you might learn something useful.
Um, 22, the sox just beat us pretty soundly. We gave up about a month ago, and aren’t that good anyway. We’re last in the league in runs, frankly, wwithout KC and Detroit, we ain’t even near .500. As far as the Tigers, they are awful. They might score 17 one game, and then go 5 consecutive games scoring 3 or less. That’s why their stats even look okay on offense. Truth is, you’re right, beating us and the Tigers doesn’t make you great, or even good, at this point. We both gave up long ago, and we stink on ice anyway.
But Hawk says I’m good.
You mean, we’re not good tests for playoff bound teams?
I’m not actually sure I’m white. Have you seen me with my hat off? I might be like a quarter-black or something. Same with Travis Hafner.
Actually, I think I’m a quarter mongoloid.
Gus Johnson didn’t notice the officials were not giving Jimmy the touchdown. CBS had a camera zoomed in on them putting the ball at the two and Smith waving at them frantically in protest and Gus was still screaming “Touchdown Jaguars!”
I was sitting there watching, wondering “What is Gus doing right now that he’s not actually looking at the field?” I came up with:
– Making himself a postgame sandwich
– Primping in front of a mirror in case he got to do a little postgame interview
– Screaming so loudly his eyes were closed
I think the third one is the winner.
Hey Twins (#23) … I agree with you. I was trying to help #19 learn a few things.
I’m just gonna come out and say it…I love bar skanks.
Oh, and #25 is the perfect definition of our Cubs.
Me dead!
I was the fucking tits. Great show if there ever was one.
Wait Wait Wait –
How in the heck could GB have forced overtime last week vs the Browns? After Heiden’s 60-yd TD, the Browns went up by 9.
Green Bay came back and scored a TD they otherwise wouldn’t have – no argument about that – but that cut the lead to two and then only had 0:04 to catch an onside kick and launch a Hail Mary with the intent of a TD or a defensive pass interference penalty deep enough to set up a potential game-winning FG.
Speaking of Don Adams,
If Sloth’s blog had been around during the first Nixon Adminstration, I’d have made his All-Majestic. Agent 99 was the bomb.
If I fall down and don’t score in Green Bay, the game’s over and Green Bay can’t score the last TD or have enough time for an onside kick.
Um, Todd, we all know you love bar skanks, but that time in San Diego might have been the first time you’ve ever hidden from a camera in your life!
If that camera had me, Todd would have faced it.
Barbara:
The bomb or Nude Bomb?
Reality Police is right. And so is Steve Heiden. I knew there was a Green Bay advantage to him scoring, but I didn’t go back and confirm it. It’s my Phil Rogers moment of the day.
Andy,
You’re about me from being in dumbass Phil’s sphere.
As I was running late for work this morning, I left my normal public-transport “reading material” at home. Furthermore, it being school holiday time, there are no 16 year old girls to surreptitiously look at. So, faced with a 45 minute anti-boredom endurance contest, I did the only possible thing and looked into my briefcase for some mind-occupying substances among the retinue of miscellaneous documents that live in such places.
And here was lucky enough to find print-outs of Desipio’s Award-Winning NFL Season previews from a few weeks ago. So it was with much pleasure that I re-read them – taking the entire trip – and enjoying myself immensely. They’re gold.
Thankyou Andy.
We lost yesterday’s game…big time
#42: YOU SUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!
I AM THE BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oops.
C’mon coach, Benson, my name’s Benson, it must be on the roster.
Yes, No. 43 I lost big time… to Philadelphia. My brother Ron is the guy to blame for the shitty offense!
Anybody else get the feeling that I’ve been living off that Randy Moss interception from 2003?
A couple more shit-tastic games like Sunday, and y’all won’t be able to tell me apart from Lemuel Stinson
OVER RATED! Clap. Clap. Clapclapclap.
Hey Tillman, you suck.
Hey, dudes. Sup?
Am I too late for this party?
BTW- Jeremy Lincoln. WOW. What a catch.
Anybody remember my lousy ass?
Yes Richard, unfortunately we do remember you.
What’s up guys.
One of the funniest things Buddy Ryan ever said was when he said that “LA” stood for “Lazy Ass”.
In addition to being the one weak link on the ’85 defense, I’m also evidently retarded. Friggin’ Reggie Phillips is still cashing in on the ’85 Bears and, even though I was a starter, I prefer to stay the hell away from that team. It’s the simplest cash cow going, but I’m M.I.A.
Remember me? No. Didn’t think so.
You couldn’t hold my jock Mike.
Shutup Frazier or I’ll also put an end to your coaching career.
A reverse? Isn’t the lead big enough? Oh well…what’s the worst that can happen?
So we’re left dregging up mediocre cornerbacks from the past, I guess.
Anybody old enough to remember Rueben Henderson?
I’m about halfway through John Mullin’s new book on the ’85 Bears. It does a pretty good job of highlighting the building process of the early ’80s, and I’m sure will discuss how they didn’t win more than the one Super Bowl and how they fell apart.
I have a no-hitter through 4 this afternoon, boys.
Never mind. I am now self-destructing. You’re welcome, Ozzie!
Damn you Ortiz, you Dominican f$@#!. 3-1 Red Sox.
I play for Notre Dame. My name gets to haunt Andy’s past and present.
OK, I’ve gone 6, the Bosox lead 3-1. A win makes things a lot more interesting for the White Sox.
You want interesting? Last night Konerko banged 3 fat Polish groupies on the trainer’s table, while Crash Rownad watched and beat off using Icy Hot, all the while yelling “feel the burn Paulie, feel it.” Your move Wakefield.
Holler if you remember me!
Free. Agent. Bust.
I was actually decent.
I was John Mangum’s wife, might still be…anyway, I am absolutely, drop dead gorgeous. Brunette, hot body, with a pair of snack trays you could eat off for months.
So was I Mark.
Woops.
Yo bitches, I come correct. Anybody need a mortgage payment? I suck.
Who the fuck invited all these safeties? Carter? Carrier? Mangum? Get the fuck out of here! Mo Douglass, don’t even THINK about dancing your ass over here neither.
Red Sox win game 1… uh oh…
Hey R-Dub, how bout a block?