It has to be us. OK, maybe it’s just me. I picked three teams to follow once the Cubs fell out of it for good in July.
The A’s. They would be in the playoffs right now if Rich Harden hadn’t gotten hurt and Bobby Crosby hadn’t gone back on the DL. Mark my words. But they did and they are out.
The Phillies. They killed me last week. I was watching a game that had started late because of a rain delay and the Phils were up on the Mets in Shea 5-2 when Pat Burrell hit one about 500 feet to make it 6-2. Eighth inning, four run lead, Ugy and Wagner in the bullpen. I went to bed. I wake up, they lost 7-6. They miss the playoffs by a game, even though the hapless Cubs beat the Astros four times in the final week to try to help them out.
The Indians? We made choke jokes for two weeks about the White Sox and who chokes? The Indians. It was like the 2004 Cubs showed up at The Jake for the final six games and dumped five of them (four by one run) to miss the playoffs entirely. How can you have 92 wins with six games to go, have won 17 of 20 and end up with 93 wins? How does this happen?
And so, the playoffs begin and three of teams we loathe the most (White Sox, Astros and Cardinals) are all in them, and what’s worse? I think all three are going to win in the first round. Guh.
Before we get to the playoffs lets do a quick post-mortem on the 2005 Cubs. They finished the way in fitting style for them. Dusty Baker batted Corey Patterson and Jose Macias 1-2 and they made the final two outs of the season. Kudos, sir! Nice job.
See, Dusty wanted to lead off with Neifi Perez since Neifi is such a great leadoff guy. His .298 on base average for the season was .263 when he lead off. Meaning that the only guy on the team who would be a worse choice to lead off would be Corey.
So he led off with Corey.
It would have killed him to have batted Matt Murton and Michael Barrett 1-2. Why use two good hitters in spots where they would get the most at bats? Nah.
Dusty also spoke in the past tense regarding Todd Walker which just proves to anybody who still doubted that Walker’s last days as Cub have just passed.
If you looked at the starting lineup for yesterday’s game. Three of those guys figure to be on the team next season. The NL batting champ, Derrek Lee, Murton and Barrett.
Dusty’s already making excuses for next year’s team being bad. He says there’s no talent out there to pick up. That’s funny because I didn’t realize trades were going to be illegal this winter.
He is right, however, to make excuses because the Cubs’ are already floating rumors to allow us to brace for the inevitable contract extension he’s going to be offered in spring training. This, of course, makes no sense because for two years Dusty has done nothing to show he deserves to keep his job, much less to prolong his stay.
The Cubs aren’t alone in questionable moves, though. Why would Ryan Dempster sign a three year, $15 million extension right now? Why not go on the market and drive up his price? At five million a year for three years, that signing was a no-brainer for the Cubs. Dempster was 32-34 in save chances and had wins in each of the saves he blew. He might have been the most efficient closer this side of Mo Rivera. Who knew?
Here’s what we know. Nomar’s gone. He’ll be playing third for the Dodgers and hanging out on the DL with JD Drew. Walker will get traded to a team that needs a stick at second (like the Giants) and the Cubs will go after Rafael Furcalholic to play short and move Ronny Cedeno to second base. Unless, of course, they can’t sign Furcal and end up panicking in the offseason and bring back Neifi to play every day. Ugh.
The Cubs would be smart, though, to do something like a Furcal-Cedeno double play combination. If your team is built (for real or in imagination) around starting pitching, you have to have strong defense. Though Furcal throws the ball away on occasion, he is a pretty spectacular defensive shortstop. Cedeno should have plenty of range to be a plus defender at either short or second. Then, you have to find a centerfielder who can cover some ground and who is not named Corey Patterson. The Marlins will be entertaining offers for Juan Pierre, the Cubs should be offering.
That move, however, is not without sizable risk. Pierre is a player whose entire value depends on the health of his legs. His defensive value is entirely in the ground he covers, because he has no arm. At the plate, his value is also entirely speed related. He slaps balls on the ground, he bunts, he steals bases. A healthy Juan Pierre bunting into the long grass at Wrigley should be match made in heaven. An unhealthy Juan Pierre would be like having a younger, thinner Lenny Harris. So this is one of those moves that could be great or disastrous. I kind of like those kind of moves, actually. Dare to be great at least once every 100 years.
Pierre had a lousy season with the Marlins. Him putting up a .326 on base average is a complete and utter failure. He didn’t score 100 runs. He’s due a nice, fat raise. But he’s only going to be 28 on opening day. I’d take a chance on him bouncing back.
The starting pitching will be back intact, though history tells us two of them will get hurt in spring training. Glendon Rusch has his own option for next season and figures to not exercise it. The Cubs, though, should look long and hard at trying to keep him anyway. All he proved this year was that he’s crap as a LOOGY. As a starter he was 7-7 with a 4.32 ERA, but that includes a couple rough starts he made after trying to come back from the bullpen. In September, he was 4-0 with a 3.41 ERA.
If you have Mark Prior and Kerry Wood it means you need seven starters on your staff someplace. Instead of giving the fifth spot to Jerome Williams why not leave it to Rusch with Jerome in the ‘pen. Then when Kerry and/or Mark go on the DL you have him as the swingman instead of Glendon?
As for the bullpen, you had one guy you could count on this year, Dempster. Mike Wuertz looks like he could be good, but too many times he came into a game with no control. The Ice Man is in the witness protection program, apparently, and Todd Wellemeyer is even more erratic than Wuertz. Bob Novoa is truly the Black Farns. Will Ohman is only valuable in the sense that the grading curve for lefties in the bullpen is enough to make him that way.
The Cubs should look to add a quality starter (Kevin Milwood, perhaps) and at least two bullpen arms.
They also need an All-Star caliber rightfielder. Sounds like a lot? Yeah, well it is, this team sucked. You don’t go from suck to the playoffs with just minor adjustments.
Normal Team signings Cubs signings
MIllwood or AJ Burnett Al Leiter
Juan Pierre or Damon Patterson/Pie platoon
Try to trade for big name outfielder Talk Burnitz into less money
Rafeal Furcal Cedeno
I see you cant use spacings on the post, that post makes absolutely no sense. Im sure you can figure it out. The Cubs will do their usual offseason crap was the point.
#1. What the F*ck are you trying to say?
We sold 3,099,000 seats and spent $100,000,000? Without Sosa. Without Wood. Without Nomar. And without Ramirez and Prior for a while?
Time to cut the budget.
I heard those Orton pics are from a bar in Iowa. Anybody know where?
And another thing: D-Lee was running on fumes the past six weeks and looked bad the last 10-15 games. A guy who can give him a breather at 1B once or twice a month would be nice.
Thoz pig-churs are from alongtim-uh go… Uhh… My hair… it’s zo mush shorter in thoz pig-churs. I’ve got, like, longer bangs ‘n stuff now. And my mole is kinda smaller, but tha’ might be the glaze of my goo’ fren’ Jack Daniels on my chin.
I tried to send over some drinks to these, like, haaaahhhht chicks from the Univers’ty of Iowa, but the drinks were intercepteded ‘n stuff.
Kyle Orton has a mole? My life is over.
Well, Kyle, my guess is you were sloshed Thursday night. If you zoom in on the TV screen, you’ll see the Red Sox-Blue Jays game. On the score line, you can zoom in and see that I am credited with going 3-for-4 with a double and a 2-run homer. I did that Thursday night versus Tampa.
I heard they were taken at a bar somewhere in Iowa during the Bears; bye week.
Dave B. I agree with you. They sure did abuse the fuck out a D-Lee without giving him much time off. Were lucky he did not get hurt!
By the way. Those pictures of Kyle are recent. If you look at the TV screen on the pic of him flippin the foreign affairs symbol, you can see that it’s the Boston Yankee game on Thursday the 29th.
Wait a second…you mean having both the asstrolls and the cards clinch on us was painfull for you? Whatever, gotta 3:00pm tee-time, see you next year.
Correction. #8 is right. It was against the Blue Jays. My bad!
Dudes, I couldn’t take D. Lee out of any of them blowout wins or losses, dudes. He’s my big, black stallion, like the book dudes. Hank Aaron handed me that book one time, and told me to read it, in my day, you did what your elders told you to. No sass from me back then, dudes. I actually batted behind Hank…dudes, this sucks, in all my years I ain’t never missed the playoffs. No excuses this year dudes, although I did have dem rookies, injuries, bad calls…no excuses though, dudes…none, not the day games, not the travel schedule, no way dudes, I take responsibility for my teams. Gotta clean up your own mess…gonna be hard to do though, seeing as there aren’t any good free agents out there, dudes…zzzzzzzzzz…..
If Corey is not traded in the off season what happens. Will the Cubs shoot some low salary number for arbitration…what amount would he be due? I think he made 2.7 million this year. So Probably around 3.5 to 4. That would suck bad!!!
Andy,
I deserve at least one final tribute on my fanclub website.
Dontcha think?
Why would Kyle the O be in Iowa City? I thought he mastriculated from Purdue? Or is that his ancestral home?
Runnels, Iowa…ok, my ba-a-a-a-a-a-d
Kyle hails from Iowa.
It’sh jest Dave B. sayin’ I wuz in Iowa. Only thing I know aboud Iowa is “I owe a” ton of drinks to the Bengalsss for catchin’ alluh my passeses.
Dave B. jest wants to talk aboud Iowa again. It’sh like he’s the Iowa version of the Sports Guy with his Iowa hard-ons.
‘Scuse me, I gotta pass out. Hope that’s not intercepteded, too.
Korey Patterson + Todd Walker to the Dodgers for Milton Bradley + Hee Seop Choi. Choi can play some LF in addition to being your backup 1B for Lee (ironic), but mostly, I want him back as a quality LH bat off the bench. We might have had the worst bench in baseball this year. Bradley solves leadoff and is a good CF. I hate Baker, but he can tame Milton.
To complement Choi, I’d like to get Rob Mackowiak from Pissburgh as the RH bat on my bench. He’s a versatile guy, and if we can get him to keep knocking up his wife, he’d be a quality bat for the bench. Pissburgh needs starting pitching, so how about Jerome Williams and Roberto Novoa for Mike Gonzalez + Rob Mackowiak?
I think it’s essential the Cubs spend some of their $40MM+ this offseason on AJ Burnett and Brian Giles, that’s a given.
Finally, how about Julio Lugo from Tampa? He should be available in trade, and frankly, I think he’s just as good if not better than Furcal at less money and less drunk tank bailouts. A Lugo/Cedeno middle infield sounds great.
Finally, Minnesota has way too many good relievers, but not much else other than Mauer and Santana. What trade could we offer them for one of JC Romero, Juan Rincon or Jesse Crain? Closer Joe Nathan is going nowhere. All of those relievers have first names that start with J, weird.
There’s a rich tradition of us.
I used to get the boys together to speed up to my summer home in Long Beach, Ind., get blitzed and then zip back to Rennssalaer before Halas woke up:
I was known to be a drunk and a jerk. Plus, the Bears sucked when I was their “quarterback”
I sucked as well, but I guess I helped the Bears to the playoffs in 1979. As a drunk, I have many DUIs in DuPage County to my credit (wouldn’t it have been great if Bob Thomas was my judge when he was still in the DuPage circuit courts?), plus I knocked out the big picture window at McGee’s on Webster with a golf club.
I won a Super Bowl, but I am always fully kreusened:
I don’t know if I ever got as drunk as Kyle Orton, but in my short tenure, I did more to encourage dangerous binge drinking among Bears fans than anyone else!
When I wasn’t applying for handicapped parking spaces, I could toss them back with the best of them!
Drunk? Oh, never mind. I was just punch drunk
And, c’mon! You think I wouldn’t throw a few back with my brother in law as we chase skanks around?
Ah, don’t worry, Kyle. I’ll keep a seat open for you at the next Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting at Maple School in Northbrook, my leafy, suburban paradise! Hey! Is my wife on the phone again, calling 9-1-1?
I’ll be a free agent. Sign me, Jim Hendry.
I don’t have an Iowa hard-on, Kyle. In fact, I haven’t been to an Iowa football game in over three years after not missing one from ’82 till ’98. I’m tired of fighting the crowds and the 11 a.m. starts. I would say my interest in Hawkeye sports is about 33% of what it used to be. I was just wondering if you were partying here in Iowa City because I could check some sources and get it confirmed.
I did attend the UNI-Western Illinois game in Macomb over the weekend. It was the drunkest I’ve ever seen that town. I think it should be called “Boob U’ the way most of the chicks looked.
Dude #20, I bat left-handed.
Don’t worry Hank, you’ll get a worthy offseason send off.
I’ll actually finish off “I resent the inference” too.
I’m looking forward to the playoff gamecasts. It’s going to be a great opportunity to get rid of all the frustration and anger that this Cubs season has been. It’s also a great chance to rip the asstros, the sux and the La rus-ass for one final time this season. I hope everybody here brings their A-game and let’s make this gamecasts the best ones of the year.
#20, I’m a free agent on a team that does not like me. Why are you trading for me? I would agree that I am good for the money, although I am a nut job. I would love to play next to Brian Giles.
What’s Milton Bradley got that I don’t?
Spelling.
I am OUTTA HERE!
And I’m taking my bum ticker with me.
#20, remember when I was cut by the Astros after I slammed my wife/girlfriend’s grill on the hood of a car? Team me with Milton Bradley, Raffy Furcal, Kenny Rogers, Kyle Farnsworth, and Julian Tavarez. F’ing with Dusty is fung, mang.
People actually want me at 2B next year? My offensive #s will probably be Neifi-like.
I walked five times in 80 at bats. Neifi walked 18 times in almost 600.
I hit .355 at AAA Iowa.
The tribune says that the white sox have more of me, than the red sox do!
I’ll take a chance on Cedeno beating Neifi’s pathetic #s….
He looked pretty good in a limited role this year.
Well I am pissed!
They were from a bar called the Stadium out at Univ. of Iowa
The bar that Kyle Orton was at is called The Union Bar. It is the biggest bar in the big ten and the best bar in Iowa City…A lot of professional athletes go there to cut loose
hey sloth kyle did not grow up in runnells, he grew up in altoona iowa.
Those pictures were taken at the Union bar in Iowa City.