Robbie Gould kicked a game winner in front of about 12,000 fans in a 90,000 seat stadium and let’s just say NFL Films wasn’t around for the potential of the Bears’ 20-17 win being tonight’s HD Game of the Week on the NFL Network.
The Bears have a two game lead in the worst division ever. They have a rookie quarterback with a startling inability to grow a beard, yet a resolve to reprove that every day.
They needed three running backs to get through the game. The running back for the Saints is at least 47 years old and he rushed for more than 100 yards. The Bears have played two teams with winning records and lost to them both. So they’re a fraud, a sham, the football equivalent of a straw man, right?
It all depends on your point of view. The Bears are 3-0 in their own division and have outscored those opponents 85-22. They haven’t even played the Packers yet. You remember them, the 1-7 juggernaut who are currently scheming to draft Reggie Bush and sign Terrell Owens for next season. That’ll be a fun year. We’ll finally get to see Brett Farvuhruh snap and try to kill a teammate during a game. I was sure that if he didn’t do it Andre Rison, he never would.
The rookie quarterback with the patchy beard is pretty hard to not like. Sure his throws can be a little erratic from time to time, but we’re Bears fans, compared to what we’ve seen most of the last 15 years, the kid is Dan Marino. The thing you like best about Orton is that he’s fearless. Maybe you have to be to be the worst athlete on the field (I guarantee you that Gould is faster and stronger than Kyle) and not care or be intimidated by it.
What Orton has is the one option the Bears rarely have installed on any quarterback they employ. He’s got an NFL arm. You need a 12 yard out to the far side of the field? Kyle can throw it. You need a seam route that he’s going to have to throw 50 yards in the air, but not hang it up long enough for the safety to get to? Kyle can throw it.
You need a Jack Daniel’s loving-Seinfeld obsessed guy, who so entertained Fox with his answer to their question “What’s your favorite vacation spot” that they show it almost every week? Kyle’s your man.
I cringe whenever I hear an analyst say that all a quarterback has to do is manage the game and not lose it. Not only is it oft-repeated, but it’s always pure bullshit. If your quarterback can’t make plays, it doesn’t matter how great your defense is, or how stout your running game is, you aren’t going anywhere.
It’s just like when those same analysts looked at the rash of Super Bowl winners with mediocre quarterbacks and said, “Look, you don’t need a great quarterback to win it!” They ignored the fact that the teams who consistently made the playoffs were the ones who had the great quarterbacks. Once again, we’re Bears fans, we saw at least three potential Super Bowl teams die on the vine because the trained chimps the Bears had behind center couldn’t get it done.
The Bears are winning because their defense is excellent to the point of near dominance. We’re spoiled, we know what it’s like to watch the greatest defense ever assembled, so we almost certainly underestimate how good this defense is. It’s true they haven’t really faced a great offense yet. But they haven’t given us any signs that they’re going to mind all that much when they do.
The Bears are winning because their offensive line has a clue for a change. Sure, Orton gets hit, but not as much as anybody they had behind center last year. It probably helps that unlike Chad Hutchinson, Orton doesn’t need to see a receiver running alone to decide to throw him the ball, but more often than not, even when Orton doesn’t have time to just sit back there and sling it, there’s a lane either way for him to step into and still throw it someplace.
The Bears are winning because they drafted Cedric Benson. Huh? Work with me on this one. To me, the need to draft a running back in the 2005 draft was a no-brainer. Thomas Jones looked good when healthy last year, but he and health have seldom lingered longly. Benson was a great, not just good, prospect. Even Jones will not deny that the pick pissed him off to the point that he worked harder than he ever had in the offseason. He’s had a great year, and in the last couple weeks the injury bug has bit him, and Benson’s been up to the task both times. It doesn’t hurt that the “other” running back, Adrian Peterson is averaging seven yards a carry, either.
The Bears are winning because, in Muhsin Muhammad they actually have a playmaking receiver that other teams scheme around. It’s one thing to have a guy like Marty Booker who “could” make plays. Muhammad “will” make them. Once Orton realizes that Muhsin is not 11 feet tall, there could be some serious clickage between those two.
All these good things I just wrote about the Bears offense, and yet, they have a long way to go. The loss of Mark Bradley hurt especially because their other speed guys, Bernard Berrian and Eddie Berlin are out with injuries, and because Bradley was starting to turn it on. That’s another impressive facet of Orton’s game, one we see in Rex Grossman, too, is his ability to hit receivers on the move, in stride. You wouldn’t think that would be an unusual skill for an NFL quarterback, but Bears’ QBs have been notoriously lousy at it. Nothing wastes great speed more than a pass the guy has to slow down to catch. Watch Orton throw swing passes to running backs and watch how he not only leads them, but leads them away from the closest defender. It’s a little thing, but maybe that’s why it stands out when the Bears do it. They’ve been so lousy at the little things for so long.
The Bears aren’t going to throw that much, so Orton can’t continue his recent trend of overthrowing every third open receiver. They aren’t going to score enough to overcome the drives that die that way. But they’ve got an offensive coordinator with a clue, and Ron Turner’s done a pretty underrated job of giving Orton enough to win with, but not more than he can handle.
It used to be that we worried more about the Bears giving up points when they had the ball than when they were on defense. Now, I pretty much worry about that only when the ball is being punted to Bobby Wade.
What do the Bears do when Rex Grossman’s cleared to play, maybe as early as the end of this month? They hand him a clipboard and breathe a sigh of relief that the need to use Jeff Blake is over.
I will give Orton one bit of advice. Once Rex is healthy, don’t get hurt. Unless Grossman’s either made of glass or has an unending unlucky streak, if you cough the job up to him, it could be a very long time before you get it back.
Then again, Rex could very well be made of glass and if you give up the job to him you might get it back nine plays later. Who knows?
A website called ATM said today, that if I get enough at bats this year, I could set the major league record for most runs TAKEN AWAY from an offense during one’s career!
I went to The Smoking Gun to read their take on the Top Cat lesbian cheerleaders incident and had to chuckle when the home page featured an ad for The Ellen Degeneres Show.
I’m Neifurious….but it’s too early to know what this means.
It has the potential to be very bad or very good.
Neifi and Furcal are good friends, I hope that this was a move made in part to help lure Furcal, and that Neifi will be a backup utility player.
There is also the possibility of Neifi could be traded. I have heard the Yankees are interested in Neifi as their super sub. There are teams with lower payrolls and lower aspirations that would give Neifi an everyday job.
The worst thing that can happens is that the Cubs don’t get Furcal, they bench Ron Ce and give Neifi the job as starting short stop. But for now, I’m going to break with tradition and not assume the worst just yet.
—-
By the way, how about some love for Hunter Hillemeyer and his badass INT on sunday.
I thought Helen Huntermeyer played very well yesterday, with the pick and the sack. Last week he had a great third down tackle when it looked like Marcus Pollard was going to get a first down in OT. Helen’s playing very well.
My wife’s very protective of Hunter, Andy. They’re both Vanderbilt alums, so she feels some kind of weird kinship with him.
Now I’m Neifi’s agent, mang and I get for heem the two-year contract. That he give to me the ten percent! So much extra drinking money for me to spend with you bitches next year mang! See you at Murphy’s for fung fung fung!!!
My offseason to-do list is almost complete!
1. Overpay for mediocre lefty.
2. Overpay for washed up sub who will end up starting 120 games.
3. Eat some burgers.
4. Pick up Dusty on way to 2-year extension signing party.
She feels the same kinship with me, T.J?
You’re waiting for our version of this movie? Come on, Andy! Wait until these broads hit the pole club circuit and eventually (and inevitably) dive tounge-first into the porn industry. Oh, baby, this is gonna be good.
Oh man, Andy. From time to time I nod along with you because you make sense, or at least have something funny to say.
This time, however, your mash note to Kyle Orton is just laughably bad. This is a sub-grade quarterback in many respects, and you are making him out to be the second coming of Jimmy Mac (i.e., marginal quarterback with great instincts and “just enough” to get the job done each week). Spare us the Orton love  it’s misplaced and way off.
Kyle Orton has proven to be miserable.
A few key stats bear this out:
> 23 QBs have thrown for more yards.
> 28 QBs have a higher completion percentage.
> David Carr (he of the 1-7 Texans) has as many TD passes.
> Those 9 INTs? 23 other QBs have thrown fewer.
> That 62.9 QB Ratings means only one QB is worse (Joey Harrington).
Is any of this good? Let me just outright tell you: No. This is bad. All bad.
This is a rushing-oriented team (as I am sure you’ll agree). So a top-flight QB is not key to overall team success. However, Kyle Orton is a joke of a QB. Giving him any props in any way (aside from pouring a manly shot of Jack Daniels) is just patently wrong. Give the defense credit, and applaud the coaching staff for working within the confines of this limited team (in a bad division), but do not in any way attribute their success to Kyle Orton.
Pray for Rex. His return cometh. And that right soon.
Remember how great it is to sign a SS from Atlanta?
As Mike D. says (often): “Good times.”
10: Orton’s a rookie for Chrissakes and he’s won (or managed not to lose, if you wish) four straight games. He’s started eight straight games and isn’t out for the season with some calamitous injury sustained during a play on which he WASN’T EVEN HIT, like the puss ass midget you’re espousing for QB duties. To hell with Rex. That ship sailed a long time ago. You bring up Jim McMahon and for good reason. His inability to remain in one piece for more than 11 games in any given NFL season is the major reason why our greatest Bears teams were unable to get it done each week. Unlike your boy Rexy, though, McMahon was always picking the pieces of himself off the turf because he was constantly getting hit HARD on all the crazy, hell-bent for election rushes he made.
If you want to have fun(g) with numbers, compare Orton’s numbers with the rookie stats of other QBs playing in the league right now. Don’t forget to include the one that holds the most significance though; the W-L columns.
Bear Down!
Kyle Orton sucks.
No, he doesn’t.
rookie or not, he sucks.
Your momma.
pussy
faggot
He doesn’t “suck”, but I agree with you on some points. Yes, he is a rookie, but when I watch him, I can’t help but think “Kerry Collins Jr”. He just doesn’t look like a future great QB. A lot of his mistakes aren’t rookie mistakes, they are just plain bad. Still, that being said, he is the best we’ve had since Eric Kramer.
bitch
That’s it. I’m telling.
Then I’ll tell about you and your love for Lassie Edmonds.
No, Skippy, she doesn’t bring your name up too often. She does bring up Buster Olney, Tyler Kepner and Lee Jenkins, the triumvirate of Vandy alums who went on to the Yankees beat at Jason Blair’s old rag.
And I’ll show those pictures of you french kissing Ozzie Guillen, you fruit!
There is a reason I’m not tops in yards thrown and TDs, I am in a controlled offense fool. It’s obvious our stregnth is the running game. I’m just there to overthrow the receivers once in awhile to keep the defense on their toes. I am not a great QB, I do show signs of being an above average QB, but its still way too early to tell.
I never said Orton was a 10-year veteran, nor did I insinuate he should be playing like one. I merely said the praise he is currently being given is wholly misplaced and unwarranted.
This guy is a joke. He overthrows receivers, fumbles too frequently, and generally looks like he is one step ahead of being found out. The writers haven’t outted him yet, because he does have those four straight wins. But those have been the work of a good coaching scheme and a pretty stingy defense.
Don’t let me be the one to burst the Orton love, if you’ve got it bad for him. Wait until he plays against Carolina or Tampa Bay or Pittsburg. Then you’ll see how bad he truly is.
I call your Ozzie pictures, and raise you and your pictures with Chip and the Beege. Bitch.
Orton has been compared to other rookie quarterbacks in addition to all other quarterbacks. And the number is ugly: Second-to-last in quarterback rating.
And, Kyle (#25), I acquiesced that you were running within a limited game scheme in my initial post, and stated the play-calling to be rush dominated.
Have another shot of Jack and re-read the original post that you got you rubbing your crappy half-beard in aggitation.
You suck. Time will bear it out.
What am I doing nowadays?
Oy vey, I can’t believe you mentioned my son Eddie as if he was ever in the plans. And calling him a “speed guy”? I’m verklempt! Why can’t he beat me in a race then?
What’s the over/under on when one or both of the carpet-munching cheerleaders shows up in Playboy?
I’d feel better about Orton if he could throw the deep ball with any accuaracy whatsoever. The poor throw out of bounds on what should have been a TD to Muhammed in the first half was ridiculous. When Brian Baldinger can see that you’ve got accuracy problems, then they must be pretty glaring.
I think Penthouse already has an offer out there.
Everyone ready for my mock Cubs GM press conference tonight? For authenticity, we’re piping in riot noise in the background.
Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders Fired, Approached by Penthouse
What the Bears’ record is with Kyle Orton behind center, with a cupcake first-half schedule, a top-three defense, an enviable running game, a solid offensive line and playing in the worst division in the NFL: 5-3
What the Bears’ record should be –and regardless of who their quarterback is, what with a cupcake first-half schedule, a top-three defense, an enviable running game, a solid offensive line and playing in the worst division in the NFL: 7-1 (should’ve beat the scum Washingtonians and expansion Browns while easily handling all others save for Cincinnati)
What the Bears’ record would be –had Jason Hanson not contrived to miss a 46-yard field goal attempt indoors as– with Kyle Orton behind center, a cupcake first-half schedule, a top-three defense, an enviable running game, a solid offensive line and playing in the worst division in the NFL: 4-4
The one on the left is still smokin’ hot! Hello!
And apparently I’m the bull…
“According to criminal report affidavits, copies of which you’ll find below, Thomas responded by clocking one complaining gal in the face.”
Renee’s got a butterfly on her back.
Might as well say “Aim Here” on it.
Why argue about how good we are or aren’t at this point? Just enjoy our season. After that horseshit baseball season, you all are entitled to a little guilty pleasure from a flawed team enjoying an easy ride atop a weak division.
By the way, those shit teams we keep beating the ones with records beginning with ones and twos and the like, they used to be us. Or we used to be them. Remember us last year? Or the year before? God we were fucking rotten. Could you even stand to watch us last December?
We may not have beaten anybody good yet, but in the NFL, some good team gets beat by some bad team almost every single week. But we’ve won four straight and the Forty Faggots are slated to prance around Soldier Field this Sunday. Watch us bury the cocksuckers like we did the Vikings and Lions. Didn’t SF beat us 49-0 two years back? We’re different now. We’ve got a coach, a quarterback, a real honest to Allah receiving threat.
Quit your bitching, for fuck sake. Mercy.
I hardly think this was a glowing review of Orton. I said he’s likeable in a whiskey-drinking-Seinfeld-watching-doesn’t get hurt every time he gets hit kind of way, and that he’s got an NFL arm. But I also said he overthrows every third pass, that the kicker has more athletic ability than he does and that he’s a better passer than most of the duds the Bears have had in the last 15 years. Hardly high praise.
Yeah, but the Dittoheads all see “Andy likes Orton” and they come charging in with #18 jerseys because he has the implied consent of St. Andy.
Orton’s not a long term solution. It will take time, but he’ll be exposed. And it will be ugly.
I’m sure everyone is enjoying the Bears’ season and 4-game win streak. However, the air of waiting for the other shoe to drop is hanging around Lake Michigan. Once Orton is tested and passes, the “I think he’s a legitimate NFL QB” balloon can be confidently floated.
Let’s see these cheerleaders in action.
Hey, Oyving (#30)! It’s ferklempt, not verklempt, you vaggot, you.
Now, I got shpilkes..
I once won 4 games in a row, too.
Can this man lead the Bears to the playoffs?
Could it be that Orton is me with a better arm? Better hope not because I’ve just got the one arm left. Will you please help me put on my shirt?
Anybody have Neifi for two years on their radar?
I mean it, because maybe we can still shoot it down with a sidewinder missle or something?
Don’t make me lay the smackdown again, Jim! You know you aint really hurt. Now get the fuck outta here before I rip off your other arm and beat you with it!
So, let’s cheer ourselves up with a picture of a goat on a trampoline with a hyperactive kid.
Before comparing Orton favorably to Miller, I’d like to see how Orton is at connecting on the 3rd-and-9 ball to the receiver who ran 2 yards and fell down.
how about taking steroids?
Uh… OK, how about that? I’ll take ten.
Miller did that. You want to see Kyle take them too?
I want Gabe Reid lay off the goofballs.
I love Mike Vick, and I will defend him to the death. This should come as a surprise. I can’t wait for Vince Young, I will claim he is a great QB too. I’m a piece of shit.
Kind of like I defend the god Tom Brady?
Or how about me defending Brett Favruhh?
I rip on Brady and others(who are white), while I say nothing but great things about McNabb and Vick. I claim to be a Cubs fan, yet I wore a sox jersey and said things like, “I have to root for them, I’m a south sider”. McNabb is a top QB, Vick is not, he’s a running back that can throw.
Has anyone else ever taken more credit for a team accomplishment than me? Going 30 yards in 3 minutes and then handing it to Vinatieri in the Super Bowl is good, but it’s not like going 99 for 6. Did you see me on 60 minutes? It was nice watching me lose last night.
.48 I’m afraid that’s not possible. You see, the Sidewinder is a heat-seeking missile, and lord knows it’s been a while since Neifi was even close to hot.
I make up for it by slurping all over Tom Brady. Plus Wilbon always slurps Favruhh too. This whole race-baiting is very scoppesque from you.
“McNabb is a media creation. In reality, he is a very ave. QB. Look at his stats before TO got there. Now check his stats after TO. He is a ave. QB. Media just makes him look great.”
Don’t link to that article, it sucks man-thigh.
I like this one, where I get to rip on everyone:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/writers/kelly_dwyer/11/04/announcers/index.htmlhttp://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/writers/kelly_dwyer/11/04/announcers/index.html
Whoops.
I am made of retard parts.
Did someone say race baiting? Me and my buddy Scoop are real good at that.
You think Peyton Manning would care whether or not he passes for the winning touchdown in this year’s Super Bowl or completes short, safe passes in the final couple minutes so that Vanderjagt gets a chance to win it?
I doubt it.
Hey, look at us. our rookie seasons we had a 71.2 and 55.4 QB rating. Orton’s clearly way worse than we were.
Oh, and that Fav-ruh guy? 72.2 his second season.
Spec-fucking-tacular
simmy down there manning bitches. Win a ring, then come talk to me.
Why? Easier to trade you some vicodin for yours.
I am a vicodin poppin’ drunk. And? Still got the rings, and one of the best winning percentage as starting QB. Try again later.
Rings? Try one ring. Although your fans act like you’ve won eight out of the last ten Super Bowls.
Brett Favre likes us!
Yeah, it would have been two rings, but I was so clever, letting Denver score.
I still got that one. How many do you have manning brothers? Exactly. Try again later, bitches.
Brett Fav-ruh likes us. He third all time in passing touchdowns.
Touchdowns apparently don’t like us. They decided not to use one of us in the second sentence of post 75.
Is Ken Harrelson your English teacher?
Me like touchdowns. Me like Brett Favre.