Jim Hendry seems like a nice, earnest, guy. Sure he has some problems. He tends to fall down the stairs, he combs his hair with his hand and for his entire run with the Cubs, his bullpens have sucked.
But, he’s not cheap when it comes to finding the sucky bullpen talent. You can’t hang that rap on him. No sir. He gave Mike Remlinger $10 million to be hurt and/or ineffective. He gave LaTroy Hawkins even more than that to pour gasoline on Cubs’ leads and his own career, and yesterday he gave $11 million over three years to a guy who’s just glad to sign with a team that won’t make him run. Oh, this is going to be great.
It’s true, in his conference call, new Cubs’ lefty Scott Eyre basically said three interesting things. All of them dumb.
First, he explained he’d have to turn the TV off to talk on the phone. I guess this is because of his ADD, but I live in a house where you can’t have the toaster and the microwave on at the same time, and it doesn’t matter how what kind of deficit your attention is at. The circuit breaker doesn’t care.
Then, he said:
”I know Dusty and Gene Clines and Sonny Jackson, and I was told it’s a fun clubhouse. Dusty runs the same type of clubhouse he ran in San Francisco.”
Wait, didn’t Dusty’s San Francisco clubhouse have Jeff Kent and Barry Bonds trying to beat each other up? The only thing that’s gotten that kind of treatment in Chicago is Sammy Sosa’s old boombox, and the tough guys in the Cubs’ clubhouse waited until Sammy was on a plane to Miami before they did it.
”Larry [Rothschild’s] not going to make us run 30 laps before we pitch,” Eyre said. ”He said, ‘If you’re ready to pitch every day, you can do whatever you want.”
Ahh, good. Always seems like a safe bet to invest $11 million in a supposed athlete who picks a team where he’ll be asked to exert the least amount of effort.
In today’s Tribune, Seabiscuit’s Jockey writes that Larry Wayne Jones has deferred some money to help the Braves go after free agents and to possibly re-sign Rafael Furcal.
Take a whiff. Breathe deep. You know what that smell is? It’s that familiar bullshit that the Cubs spout through one of their corporate mouthpieces to get fans ready to be disappointed.
Even with Larry Wayne’s benevolent move (he’s taking some of his 2006 salary in Hooters’ wings in lieu of cash), the Braves are cash strapped this offseason. They, like the Cubs, are run by a gi-normous corporation and have a phony-baloney budget they make their GM stick to. I find it hard to believe they’re going to pony up the needed funds to keep Furcal, and commit more than a third of their budget to three guys (the Joneses and Furcal, and that doesn’t even take Mike Hampton’s deal into account).
The only way the Braves will get to keep Furcal is if the Cubs go on the cheap and leave whatever offer the Braves make to Furcal in the ballpark. I don’t think Furcal is worth nine million a year for four years, I certainly don’t think he’s worth ten million a year for five years, but I don’t really care what it costs. If you think Furcal can fill two gaping holes in your team (shortstop and lead-off) then you pay whatever the cost of doing business is to get him.
Honestly, if you think Scott Eyre is worth $11 million, then Furcal probably is worth $50 million. Of course, on that same scale, Derrek Lee is worth the gross national product of Luxembourg.
But when the Tribune makes a big deal out of an announcement by the Braves, it just kind of points out that once again, they’ll fall short of sacking it up and paying what they need to make the team better. And they’ll think they’ve convinced you that it was the “right thing to do.”
The right thing to do would be to kick your toothpick chomping nincompoop of a manager to the curb, along with his cadre of incompetents on the coaching staff, but they don’t have the guts to do that, either.
The easiest thing to do in baseball is to buy a player. You don’t even need to know how to write a check, you just need to hire somebody who knows how to write a check and have that person write it for you.
It’ll be interesting, should the Cubs be unable to add either Furcal or Juan Pierre, to hear if they use their budget as an excuse. It’s hard to cry poor when you’re tearing the 90 year old bleachers down so you can cram a couple thousand more dopes at $50 a pop into your ballpark.
It’s also interesting to hear Hendry say that after signing Eyre they might not need to add another starting pitcher because now Glendon Rusch won’t have to go to the bullpen. Great. Sounds like another bag of money just got socked away for the winter.
That photo caption is brutal.
Funny, but brutal.
Best.
Desipio.
Caption.
Ever.
I’m a stud who shouldn’t have much problem with a HEALTHY Fred Miller but, just the same, I think I’ll take a 10-yard “Hands-To-The-Face” on the first play from scrimmage just to shake that jaw up a little.
I may not be LT, but my 12 TDs are pretty impressive, no?
Just what this team needs, another jackass…
The Bears defense still gets no respect at all. The Washington media still thinks that the Colts and Bucs are tied for the lead in every category. With, of course, the Redskins a close second. Who could argue against Phillip Daniels and Walt Harris’ impact? Sonny Jurgenson and George Michael still blindy pick the Redskins to win by like 20 every week. You can see that it pains the morans at the 4 letter network just to talk about the Bears at all. Except, of course, when the story involves a fight at a shooting range. A win sunday would be huge for the franchise, and us the fans, but the Bears will still fly under the radar.
Actually, I get paid in bearclaws, that’s why my wife left me.
Stephen Davis, your 12 rushing TDs are impressive. Your 3.0 yards per carry average isn’t.
Anybody have the Bears under their radar?
Go to the 4 letter board and do a search on my posts. Then, read them…I’m a joke right? I mean, I can’t really be this pathetic of a person. “One of my better sources”, “Sources confirm”, “Does any one have this on their radar”. I’m just a small time comedian with a long running gag, right?
How could you mention Lassie and not link to this:
http://www.sportsdignity.com/0037.html
(Courtesy of Deadspin.)
right before I read this line: “Take a whiff. Breathe deep. You know what that smell is? It’s that familiar bullshit that the Cubs spout through one of their corporate mouthpieces to get fans ready to be disappointed.”
That sucked.
Sign Furcal if you are looking to fill two gaping holes.
Sign Edmonds if you are looking to fill gaping two holes.
Crash,
Shouldn’t that be:
Sign Furcal if you are looking to fill two gaping holes.
Sign Edmonds if you are looking to gape your a-hole?
Or gaping Poo-Holes.
Why wouldn’t we post a link to a headline called MVLee? It’s only been said about a billion times since April.
This Sunday’s Bears game is going to be a catastrophe on many levels. The Panthers are going to force a lot of runs due to the poor quarterback the Bears have been forced to run out there each week. Regardless of a 5-game winning streak, the Bears’ RBs will be running into the teeth of the #2 rush defense. That means they’ll have to rely on Orton more. And he’ll fail quite badly. It’s been coming for some time, but now that he’ll be forced to step up and perform, he’ll finally be exposed as the terrible QB he looks to be on paper. Eventually (after a four-game losing streak) it will be time for a Rexitude Adjustment to salvage an 8-8 season.
a “Rexitude Adjustment?”
a “Rexitude Adjustment?”
That is almost Bayless-esque. Guh.
I think Orton’s been exposed as a less-than-great quarterback. He’s a rookie. He’s only the starter by default. Still, you can’t convince me they’ll finish 8-8. Maybe 9-8, but not 8-8.
Doctor Z., is that you (#17)?
And the all-time worst Grossman nickname comes from–who else?–Moronotti:
Rex The Wonder Bear.
So very lame.
Hey we wanted to keep Eyre after the year he had, but if you guys want him bad enough that you’re willing to pay 11 million for him, then by all means….
Is someone offering rectumlube adjustments?
“These teams are nearly mirror images of each other … The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.”
27.8 PPG and 17.3 PPG would only resemble each other in the mirror at the funhouse. 18% of the Bear “offense” is the 4 return TDs.
got salad
Those salad jokes. Keep ’em comin’!
for success vs panthers:
1. a lot of thomas jones
2. if thomas jones gets injured, a lot of Petersen
3. 1 pass to TE every 3 plays…heck I would play with 2 TE and only 1 WR
4. what’s that play called when I let the defense run to me and I throw a short floater to the FB or RB? …. I think that will work well
5. hand it to jones, jones starts running but gives back the ball back to me and I pass it to muhsin for 52 yards.
When I read Eyre’s quotes earlier this morning I moaned out loud. Just what we need, another schmo who’s looking to do just enough to get by. I want 25 players who will trade their soul to win a World Series. Who will leave a kidney on the field after each game. I am a lazy overweight male with a desk job, and I don’t want to run 30 laps before I go to work either. But my job doesn’t require me to, you know, use my body. All I have to be able to do is breathe and click a mouse. We’d want someone who’s job it is to hurl things and run after things to not have such a problem with running. Most of all, we’d want someone who–if Dusty asked him to run to Needles California in order to help the team win–would say “You got it skip” and put on his Adidas. Or, more realistically, if Dusty asked him to frickin cover first base he’d do that. I’m not holding my breath.
Rothschild never makes us do any physical training. As long as we’re ready to pitch before we go on the DL, that’s fine with him.
I just want my guys to be healthy enough to throw every simulated 5th day.
What makes the ungodly amount of money given to Scott Eyre worse is that I get to go to the Giants.
You’re right, 29, that was a dick move.
No. 26, I won’t make my players run, bro. Especially them white players who don’t do well in the heat, dude.
So, would somebody’s 1st round pick go back the Cubs for signing what’s left of me?
Whatever happened to us? And where’s the Sloth been anyway? Phone home.
Mike, to be fair, I Mariotti probably stole the nickname from Chuck.
“Hendry Eyres on Side of Caution”: Signs reliever to 3 year deal
I wasn’t gonna let him get away, I had a hold on him tighter than a Tim Hortons’ jelly filled. Clearly, I know what I’m doing.
Actually, because the Cubs have a top-15 pick, they get to keep their first round pick no matter whom they sign. The only way they get a pick back for Nomar is if they offer him arbitration, and then he’d be a fool to not accept (unless he gets a multi-year deal someplace else, which isn’t likely). The Cubs will give up their 2nd round pick, but hopefully that’ll go to the Braves in exchnage for Furcal…and their 3rd round pick will go to SF.
How much would I reward Nomar?
Not that I would “reward” him with anything, since McFail has never gone to arbitration with a player, but what would his market be set at?
#22 Intrepid Reader: Funghouse
November 18th, 2005 at 1:11 pm
“These teams are nearly mirror images of each other … The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.â€Â
27.8 PPG and 17.3 PPG would only resemble each other in the mirror at the funhouse. 18% of the Bear “offense†is the 4 return TDs.
That’s a pretty convienient ellipse you used to prove your point, “Funghouse.” Within the part you happily skipped was this…
“OK, that’s not to say there isn’t something that looks like a bad omen for the Bears. The Bears’ defense has allowed a league low 106 points. That’s good. The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.”
Eyre’s not one of us. The Cubs haven’t lost their first rounder just yet. If they sign Furcal, though, it’s gone.
Without me, Funghouse would have nothing to say.
I don’t rike prayers rike Eyre! Physicar fitness and hard work is the onry way to win basebarr games!
Re: #40–
If they sign Furcal, I’ll promise to pick up said Draft Pick and drive him tohis new team’s headquarters.
Boom goes the dynamite
I love my bomber jokes
Hey, 30…you forgot me…
*cough*
Why do we do this to ourselves?? Cubs fans like me who hope and even say a prayer that the brilliant Jim Hendry will actually sign someone like Furcal and work hard to get another bat (hopefully a lefty) such as Pierre. This is the same man that signed N. Perez to a contract of $2.5 mil a year and signed Eyre (who is another overpaid decision), then makes a statement that we may not need to find another starting pitcher because now Rusch doesn’t have to go to the pen. I hate to say it Cub fans but wake up and smell another season of bullsh!t. We have a manager that whines about people being hard on him, players that come here so they don’t have to work too hard. The 06 season is already a joke and it hasn’t even begun, I may have given up already but at least I won’t be disappointed when it is July of 06 and we are 5 games out of the wildcard spot. Oh and by the way…. I still hate the WhiteSux!
Ok, I checked the rules, and I belong to the Cubs and I’m not going anywhere. bozos was right. Even if the Cubs sign Furcal I’m still Cubs property, which means I can turn into another toolsy high school outfielder come early-June.
What about me? Of course the only guy who’s upset that I’m a bust is that Mysterious Fourth Molina, who would have taken a nice chunk of my big league salary had I, you know, actually earned one.
Hendry Caves to Fans’ Demands
Cubs Sign Furcal, Damon; Trade for Ichiro, Pierre, Lofton
Excerpt: “The Cubs, lacking a leadoff bat and never bashful in regard to experimentation, bold innovations and even the unprecedented –as witnessed in the wildly successful ‘College of Coaches’ managerial model of the early 1960s– have responded to incessant public demand for a leadoff man in making the deals announced today.
“When reached for comment on the acquisitions, skipper Dusty Baker remarked, ‘People are gonna say that this is a leadoff-heavy lineup, but dude, that don’t matter. See, we haven’t had a leadoff dude for the last two years, –and it’s hurt us bad, dude. So we’re going with a new program. I like to call it the “all-leadoff dude lineup,” dude.’
“When asked the obvious question –who leads off?– Baker bristled, shrugged, rolled his eyes and gruffed, ‘Dude, I don’t know, man’ before abruptly announcing that it was time to go and walk his son, Darren.”
The ellipsis wasn’t intended to mislead, it was to point out what you’re saying, that there was indeed something in between the 2 statements that don’t taste great together.
Saying they’re nearly a mirror image of each other may be fun to write, but it’s not true. The Panthers average over 10 points per game more than the Bears. If the Bears score 27 per game next year, they wouldn’t resemble this year’s team.
Funghouse……YOU SUUUUUUUUUCK!
Mark Grace asked me to get in touch with Korey Patterson. Why??
You can put me in the pantheon now, too. Former Cubs 1st round draft picks, we should start a club or something. You know, one where you get to wear funny hats and walk around on all fours, and screw each other in the ass. Isn’t that what they do at the Moose Lodge?
Are jokes about me even funny? Probably not, since its the same joke over and over again. At least inject some creativity people.
New point totals:
Bears – 169
Panthers – 253
Incredibly, Eyre is one:
Type A
Wilson Alvarez (LAD), Brad Ausmus (Hou), A.J. Burnett (Fla), Jeromy Burnitz (ChC), Royce Clayton (Ari), Roger Clemens (Hou), Jeff Conine (Fla), Johnny Damon (Bos), Octavio Dotel (Oak), Erubiel Durazo (Oak), Scott Eyre (SF), Kyle Farnsworth (Atl), Rafael Furcal (Atl), Brian Giles (SD), Tom Gordon (NYY), Mark Grudzielanek (StL), Ramon Hernandez (SD), Trevor Hoffman (SD), Bob Howry (Cle), Todd Jones (Fla), Paul Konerko (CWS), Matt Lawton (NYY), Braden Looper (NYM), Kevin Millar (Bos), Bengie Molina (LAA), Matt Morris (StL), Bill Mueller (Bos), Mike Piazza (NYM), Joe Randa (SD), Al Reyes (StL), Kenny Rogers (Tex), B.J. Ryan (Bal), Rudy Seanez (SD), Julian Tavarez (StL), Ugueth Urbina (Phi), Billy Wagner (Phi), Larry Walker (StL), Jeff Weaver (LAD), Rondell White (Det), Bob Wickman (Cle), Tim Worrell (Ari).
Type B
Antonio Alfonseca (Fla), Rich Aurilia (Cin), Paul Byrd (LAA), Hector Carrasco (Was), Elmer Dessens (LAD), Cal Eldred (StL), Juan Encarnacion (Fla), Shawn Estes (Ari), Carl Everett (CWS), Julio Franco (Atl), Nomar Garciaparra (ChC), Alex Gonzalez (Fla), Todd Greene (Col), Chris Hammond (SD), Scott Hatteberg (Oak), Rick Helling (Mil), Roberto Hernandez (NYM), Jason Johnson (Det), Jacque Jones (Min), Al Leiter (NYY), Esteban Loaiza (Was), Kenny Lofton (Phi), Brian Meadows (Pit), Jim Mecir (Fla), Jose Mesa (Pit), Dan Miceli (Col), Kevin Millwood (Cle), Jamie Moyer (Sea), Mike Myers (Bos), Rafael Palmeiro (Bal), Todd Pratt (Phi), Felix Rodriguez (NYY), Reggie Sanders (StL), J.T. Snow (SF), Sammy Sosa (Bal), Russ Springer (Hou), Frank Thomas (CWS), Brett Tomko (SF), Michael Tucker (Phi), Daryle Ward (Pit), Jarrod Washburn (LAA), Bernie Williams (NYY), Preston Wilson (Was), Eric Young (SD).
Type C (first-time free agents only)
Joey Eischen (Was), Scott Elarton (Cle), Abraham Nunez (StL).
Upon further review, I too, agree with Funghouse’s statement in #52:
“Saying they’re nearly a mirror image of each other may be fun to write, but it’s not true.”
How true. That Carolina defense doesn’t even deserve to be on the same field as the Bears “D”.
FIRST DOWN!