Back in early June, Cubs’ announcer Len Kasper threw caution to the wind and agreed to answer questions flung at him by you, the intrepid readers of Desipio. It was a tremendous interview, likely to get us our second Pulitzer Prize. There were no wrong answers to those questions (though, really, would anybody count on Ryan Dempster’s magic trick abilities to distract a grizzly bear?), and proving that he’s a glutton for punishment. He’s volunteered to do it again.
That’s right, he’s so bored this winter hanging out with the family and watching Urkel yank his pants up to his throat nine times a day on WGN, that he volunteered to answer questions of Desipio Nation.
There are two ways to submit a question for consideration in the next interview. You can post it in the discussion thread here, or, if you can e-mail the question to us at the old askandy@desipio.com e-mail address.
I’ll pick the best ones, send them to Len and he’ll answer the ones he wants to. It should be noted, he answered them all last time.
You have until next Monday (November 28) to post or send in your questions.
Also, today seems like a good day to do some housekeeping of my own.
First off, yes it’s true, you really can buy a copy of both the 2005 “I resent the inference” collection and the 2005 “Hank White Fan Club” entries. They are available in more costly book form ($7.95–what a bargain). That’s considerably less than Sports Guy’s book, and I put just as much thought into mine (not much) as he did. The book is called, cleverly enough, “I resent the inference.”
Some of you have wondered if it is really him, and yes, it’s true, our very own Karry Ling has his own MySpace page. He just set it up and as you can see from his friends list, he hangs with a famous, albeit strange crowd.
In the meantime, we’ll sit around, get ready to stuff ourselves full of turkey and wait for Bob Howry to win the “career year at the right time” lottery.
Dear Len,
Will you and Bob be doing one of me this season? (that came out wrong)
Hi Len,
Wouldn’t you agree that there are too many potty mouths in baseball today? Also, am I your favorite gay announcer? Thanks.
Dear Len,
If you had to fight over me with Andy and it was in style of the Star Trek showdown between Spock and Kirk, would you choose the trident, or the mace, or the net?
And, who would win my love?
Len, do not answer that last question.
Chip, call me.
Number three, that was very unprofessional to post in between my post and Chip’s. I’d like to apologize for you and for Mark Grace dropping the f-bomb while breaking down Chris Snyder’s hitting abilities.
By the way, I’ll be doing the Cotton Bowl on Fox! You may now resume your fawning over my talents.
Len, chip here again, have you seen my beige and green sweaters? honesty
compels me to say i think i left them at the old ballpark.
See, this is why you can also e-mail your questions in.
Len â€â€
How do you feel the Cubs have been impacted by Dusty Baker’s reluctance to play younger players? Sure, he played Murton at the end of the year, but do you feel he really has a problem handing over the reigns to the Cedeno’s and Murton’s on the Cubs team?
question for Len:
how’s the visibility?
Len, got salad?
Len,
Wouldn’t you just like to kick me square in the nuts and chop my mullet off?
Dear Len, If you were still part of the Florida Marlins organization, do you think you would be on the trading block? If so what would you be worth?
Len,
Which minor character from Different Strokes would you most like to broadcast a game with?
1) housekeeper Adelaide Brubaker (Nedra Volz)
2) Arnold’s friend Dudley’s chainsmoking father (Le Tari) or
3) The “Gooch”
Len,
Do you mind if we replace you with a much more mediocre announcer and give him $5 million more per season? I dunno, I’ve just always had a thing for one of those Pirates announcers. Thanks bud.
Len
1) Based on your experiences last year, complete this sentence:
“I resent the inference that….”
2) While I thought you and Bob Brenly were good all year, by season’s end you two seemed to have really hit your stride as a broadcast team. Was there a particular game/road trip/drinking game/strip club visit where you said to yourself, “Hey, this is really starting to gel”?
3) Will we see you at any International Pop Overthrow shows next spring? What are you listening to these days that puts the “pow!” in power pop?
Len,
Do you get blisters on your fingers? I just ask because former Marlins who move north seem to have a problem with blisters.
Also, could you campaign to Jim Hendry for Hank White to take over as player-manager? I mean, come on, he’s Hank White! If anybody can do it, it’s him.
Have you seen my arm/leg/head anywhere?
Is there a wing for broadcasters in hell? And if so, which of the following are likely inductees?
Chip Caray
Mike Shannon
Len Kasper
Joe Buck
Al Hrobosky
Hawk Harrelson
tHom Brenneman
Bill Maas
Joe Namath
O.J. Simpson
Thanks, Len.
Len,
Am I the worst major leaguer you have ever seen? If not, who is?
Jose, I can answer that one for you.
Just sign this 3 year 11 million dollar contract.
Len, am I a dumbass?
Len,
Do these pants make me look fat?
Scott
Jim Hendry is trying to incorporate our union to extending the league minimum of 11 million over 3 years. Thanks Jim! Keep up the good (horrendous) work!
Len, how do you keep your hairpiece so lustrous? Go get ’em, big fella.
This Old Cub
P.S. What is so difficult about the concept of Q&A that BC can’t understand it?
Len,
I’ve heard lots of talk about Nomar switching to the outfield because he can’t handle the SS position much longer – do you think making a switch is the sort of thing that could revitalize his career? And where do you see him doing it?
Len,
Last year it was Journey that propelled the White Sox to their World Series victory. I think that’s the missing ingredient in the Cubs roster. We don’t have a crappy 80s band to inspire us. Any suggestions?
-Cheerless in Chicago
#22, no Scott, it’s your fat ass that makes you look fat.
Remember the time your dog ate my goldfish and you lied and said I never had goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Len? Why did I have the bowl?
Dear Len: shoring up the bullpen…
Good times?
Len, how close did you come to suicide when you realized that Dusty Baker was intent on crippling the Cubs lineup by batting Neifi Perez, Corey Patterson, and Jose Macias at the top of the order for the majority of the season?
Len,
Do these pants make me look fat?
Dear Len,
Why you use proper grammar? I don’t, and it good.
Hawk Harrelson
Len,
What do you think of the Cubs’ heart? Do they have the do-whatever-it-takes-to-win drive and attitude that we’re all praying they have? In other words, will pitchers other than Greg Maddux cover first base? Will catchers not screw up run downs? Will players get in spats with announcers? (not that they had any problems with you and Bob last year)
Dear Len,
Does your partner slap you and call you names during the commercial breaks? Does he ever throw hot tea at you if you forget to put lemon in it? Does he ever push you and make fun of your hair? Do you ever get tired of carrying his luggage and acting like his houseboy all the time?
D.J.
Hi, Len,
I think the boys up in the boardroom on North Michigan Avenue decided they had too many minorities on the team and just designated me for assignment, whatever that means.
By the way, could you loan me a G note so I can get the heck out of Venezuela?
Hi Len, do you agree with Andy that I’m a dope?
Len,
What is your drink of choice when you go out with the gang? Mine is Cranberry Schnapps.
Thank You,
Tony LaRussa
P.S.
Did you know that I passed the bar exam?
Hi Len,
Will you put a saw buck down on me in the third race?
Hey Len,
What would your top 5 offseason pickups be? Also, what is your favorite Hank White moment of ’05?
Hey Len,
Did you play baseball as a kid? If so, what was your VORP?
-Caramis Rambrano
Hey len.
What’s your favorite purple color?
DB
Hola Len,
Me llamo Rubby Pérez. Tu conoces mi hermano Neifi. Tenemos una familia con mucho talento.
En la Republica Dominicana, soy un cantador muy famoso.
Me encantan los cachorros, y olvido que un dia, puedo cantar “take me out to the ball game” con ustedes en Chicago. Quisas, un version merengue? Si?
Di me.
Rubby.
Hi Len,
A two parter for you. (1) What do you think of the fire sale involving the Marlins, and (2) what Marlin would you like to see the Cubs pick up.
Questions for Len:
1. How would you explain D. Lee’s increase in production last year?
2. Did Mike Marshall’s comments about Cub pitcher’s mechanics raise any eyebrows within the organization?
3. Can you give some insight into the psychological and emotional make-up of Corey Patterson;?
4. Larry Rothchild must be doing something right. What is it?
5. I don’t get the Lead Off Man or the Tenth Inning on the West Coast. What became of HA Hair Arranger, Oak Park Federal Savings, Oklahoma Gas Stations and Richard’s Carfeterias?
Hey Gang,
Sometimes I look at Bob Brenly and wonder what he’d look like if he had a hangover.
Hey why is Hrabosky’ name above Hawk Harrelsons on your list?
Hey Len, do you think the Cubs have any big deals on their radar?
Hoops
Hi Len,
You and Bob were kind of like a new blanky last year. At first I didn’t think I would like you, but as the season went on you and Bob settled in and became a pretty good team (announcing team, I’m not talking about the group of clueless players and coaches on the field). One of the most suprising things was listening to the hacks on Fox doing the playoffs – Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, and Lou Pinella, among others, and being suprised to hear Bob do a few games and realize he is head and shoulders better than any of those dorks.
On to my question. Do you think Joe “I-Hate-everyone-and-everything-and-everyone-should-do-me-a-favor-and-just-die -already” Buck was brainwashed by the Khmer Rouge? Isn’t that the only possible explanation for why he behaves like he does? His father was a first-class person and announcer, but Joe seems to have some real issues. Do any of the other announcers talk about him when you get together?
Your number 1 fan – MOM
Lenford “Lenny” Leonard…
Should the Corey Patterson saga give the club pause when it comes to promoting young’uns like Felix Pie?
Or was Corey’s 2005 flailing something altogether more uniquely catastrophic?
Best bunch of Desipio comments in a long time. Good job fellas, and gal (Apex).
Girls? Girls!?! Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod…..
Len,
What is your me of choice?
Len, two questions.
1. Can I have my old job back?
2. Wanna DO it?
Len,
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Got Milk?
Len,
How did I spend my time away from the ballpark when I got sent down to the minors on an injury rehab in 2003?
A. Took all of the guys out for beers to share stories about the Show
B. Took the guys out to a local Des Moines stripclub for lap dances on me, since after all I made about 300x their average salary.
C. Caught that great flick The Stepford Wives by myself at a local movie theater
And who said I wasn’t a good teammate?
-Sammy
Len was in Florida with the Marlins during Sammy’s rehab, and The Gladiator was never in Des Moines.
Nice try, douche.
I thought Sammy rehabbed in West Tennessee. Did Sammy visit the Casey Jones Museum while he was there?
Len.
Have I ever played CF, at any level?
Len,
doing a great job and thanks for being there! Several questions:
1) did you know that Dusty Baker played with Hank Aaron?
2) do you know if, during his time in SF, Dusty obtained a medical marijuana id card?
3) if the answer to #2 is YES, do you think I could borrow it sometime?
Len,
I understand you developed a little Packers’ fetish while working at ‘TMJ in Milwaukee. (TMJ, incidentally also refers to a jaw disorder). If you haven’t gotten over that Packers love, how’d you like to come with me to a shooting range in North Chicago to discuss things? Your pick for Sunday (Dec. 4)?
Hey Len,
as we approach the 30th anniversary of the our country’s bicentennial, in your opinion, what do think was the real highlight of the ’76 Cubs?
Rick Monday saving Old Glory from a fiery death?
Wayne Tyrone hitting a home run?
Steve Swisher going to the All Star game?
Jose Cardinal’s hair barely fitting into his batting helmet?
Jerry Morales’s unnerving basket catches on routine plays?
Having a player named La Cock?
Mick Kelleher’s unusual lack of power?
Greetings Mr. Kasper.
Are Bob Brenly and Bill Cowher the same person?
Can I have a cigarette?
Who would you rather have pitching on your fantasy team?
Lil Stoner, Brandon Puffer, Herb Hash, or Jung Bong?
When Moises Alou was with the Cubs, did they make any special arrangements to accommodate his hands? Would you shake his hand given the opportunity?
uhh len…he he he…len.. he he he
When Antonio Alfonseca was with the Cubs, did they make any special arrangements to accommodate his hands? Would you shake his hand given the opportunity?
What was it like broadcasting Brewers games long after the glory days of Yount, Gantner, Gorman Thomas and me and long before the “new” “glory” days of Weeks, Sheets, Doug Davis and Derrick Turnbow? Is Prince Fielder the next Gorman Thomas, the next Don Money, the next Rob Deer or the next Greg Vaughn? Is Bob Uecker funnier on the air or off the air? Can you blame me for bolting Milwaukee for Canada… I know they won a World Series but it was Freakin’ Canada … and then Minnesota … I know I’m from there but it is worse than Freakin’ Canada!… ?
Len,
Len, have you read either of Andy’s books? Have you bought either of Andy’s books? Are either a threat to crack me?
Len, where’s my Ritalin? I can’t remember what I done with it???
Dangit
Len, many times it seems that I am the last one in the ballpark to figure certain things out, like that Hawkins shouldn’t close, Dempster shouldn’t start and Rusch should, Remlinger shouldn’t face lefties, Neifi shouldn’t lead off and Macias shouldn’t ever play more than once a month. Am I really that dumb, or am I just clueless? Your pal,
Dusty.
Len-
What possessed you to do another Q&A with us?
Also, is it hard to stay objective about a team when you watch the same mistakes being made by players & manager over an entire season?
Would you prefer Steve Stone as manager over Dusty if it were your choice?
I hear Soney’s got a medical marajuana prescription. Why do you think he and Chippy were always fighting over the Cinnamon almonds that were always being delivered to the booth. Think he’d share?
Uh . That’s STONEY.
Len,
How do you feel we can best solve our immigration problem? Should we put troops on our borders and/or build a really big wall? Also, how do you feel about rising interest rates and it’s effects on the economy?
Len,
Can my career be saved, or is Chuck correct that I suck and there is no hope for me?
Len, ha bout them ca-boys?
Len,
Do you think you could get the alumni at Marquette to start up a football program? Then maybe my friend Izzo can get his friend Crean to recommend me for the job. It’d be nice to coach some good players.
Len,
Do I hve naked blackmail pictures of Jim Hendry? I can’t figure out any other reason why I’m still around
Len,
Do I hve naked blackmail pictures of Dusty Baker? I can’t figure out any other reason why I’m still around
Dear Len,
Who is your favorite GM, not working in baseball today?
Len,
How do you see our chances this year? Do you think we can make the Superbowl? Or, at least the playoffs? What do you think of Orton?
Len,
I am best Bull ever, yes?
Len:
Were you a muppet, which one do you see yourself as?
Len,
Did Lee get screwed in MVP voting, and, if so, how much? Also, if Zambrano leaves a game with the lead, only to watch a reliever blow it, is Z crazy enough to kill said reliever? What would be his preferred method of execution?
Len,
Where can I get some of these naked blackmail pictures of Jim Hendry?
(They’re for Beeg… I swear.)
Len,
How is the media in Chicago? We often hear of how rough it can be in New York and Boston, but is Chicago similar to the smaller baseball teams or more like New York?
Suppose I go to an FBI shooting range with Fred Miller and Olin Kreutz. Who gets out alive without missing a start?