As you all know by know, Sammy Sosa is “seriously considering” retirement, at least that’s what it apparently says here at ESPNDeportes, though my four semesters of NIU Spanish has let me down, yet again. Sammy says he’s insulted that the only offer he’s gotten to play Major League Baseball this season was a non-guaranteed deal from the Washington Nationals for what Sammy feels is the pittance of $500,000. I mean, seriously, how is a guy supposed to leave $20K wrapped in a towel in a hotel lobby if he’s only making half a mildo?
It ain’t right.
Sammy can’t figure out why nobody wants him. After all, this is a guy who at the still young age of 37 (37? Wink, wink) already has more than 2,300 hits, almost 600 homers and he’s the only man in the history of big league baseball to hit 60 or more homers three times. He’s a legend!
Come on! It’s not like he hit .221 last year. It’s not like Olmedo Saenz, Bengie Molina, Hee Seop Choi, and Carl Crawford hit more homers than he did.
Oh, wait, he did…and they all did.
It’s not like Sammy’s been chronically injured. Since 2003 alone he’s lost a toenail, lost 27 games to a sneeze, had a bad back, a foot infection and one of those sinus infections that makes you feel like you should have all of your teeth pulled.
So here’s Sammy Sosa. Before that fateful night against the Devil Rays and the great Jeremi Gonzalez, when his bat exploded and cork fell out, he was a sure thing first ballot Hall of Famer. He was beloved in Chicago, and all over the world.
Now, less than two and a half years later he’s standing on the curb, holding up his thumb and trying to hitch a big paying ride with a big league team.
You wonder what Sammy has convinced himself the reasons are that have him unemployed on February 14.
We know what they are. He’s lost bat speed, either because of age, injury, a lack of the requisite pharmaceuticals or a combination of all three.
Sammy’s teammates were sick of him when he was going well, and they avoid him like the plague when he struggles. At his age and ability level now, every team knows that you’re likely to be paying him to walk around with a dark cloud over his head.
If Sammy is serious about wanting to keep playing, he’ll eventually sign Washington’s offer and try to earn a spot in spring training. But you get the feeling that if instead of having 588 career homers, he had 601, that he’d just retire.
He’s made $123 million in total salary during his big league career, so it’s not like he’s going to end up working the counter at Burger King any time soon.
And that’s what frustrates the few fans he has left. Stop grousing about “only” being offered more money than an average American makes in ten years.
If we’re going to give Sammy the benefit of the doubt, it could be that he’s trying to position himself to get another offer. That he’s glad he has one in hand from the Nationals, but that he knows that RFK Stadium is the worst possible park to play in when you’re an aging slugger just trying to get to a home run milestone, and that he might be kind of afraid of having to play for Frank Robinson and end up being called on his shit every day.
There’s no doubt that when Sammy works out at his mansion in Miami that he daydreams about getting an offer from the Rockies, pounding out his 600th homer by mid-June and ending up getting traded at the deadline to a contender for one last shot at a World Series.
There’s also no doubt that the Rockies are about as interested in him as Michael Jackson is at having the SI Swimsuit Edition land in his mailbox.
Sammy wouldn’t be the first slugger to hit the wall and have his career end abruptly. This guy is a pretty good example of that happening, even without any hint of a steroid accusation attached to it.
The media and fans tend to want to tell athletes when to retire, as though its any of their business. There are people who will argue with you for hours that Michael Jordan’s Washington Wizards’ comeback will forever tarnish his legacy. Sure. Whatever.
There are dopes over at the four-letter message board who can’t wait to see Greg Maddux hang up his spikes. You’d think since they pretend to be thinking man’s baseball fans that they’d notice that ages 38 and 39 he was the Cubs’ second best starter both years.
So I won’t tell Sammy Sosa if he should play or not. I’ll just offer him a little advice.
If he wants to play, then go for it. Keep trying to find a job until no one will pay you a dime or let you have a jersey. If you don’t really want to play, but you want to get 12 more homers, or you want to leave on “your terms” then if you think about it–you already made your decision.
Wanting to keep Maddux around is absurd. He is a long relief type guy, trust me, I’ve crunched the numbers. I was also on my cell to GMs all over the league and they agree. The people at my board are right on this one.
Hoops
Forget steroids, buddy. Since I’ve been pigging out on these Whoppers with cheese I just keep growing and growing! Look at how I dwarf this cashier lady. I’m huge, buddy!
That may be the hottest picture in the history of pictures. And, of course, I mean the one of the chicks in white.
What good is making all of your starts, if they turn out to be 5 inning 61 pitch days? Oh man, I’m tired just from typing this. Maybe if I actually did some form of cardio I would still be great. Nah, I’d rather golf and rely on being crafty and tired. I sure am glad our bullpen is better this year.
Maria Sharapova is in the SI Swimsuit Issue. Not as hot as I thought she would be, but an upgrade over Jennie Finch from last year.
That link to Schmidt’s stats uses “schmimi” in the url. That’s cute… schmimi.
I know this topic is from the last Dose, but I still feel like this needs a little attention…
One Cardinal fan I talked to recently said Milo Hamilton’s quote “exposing” of Harry Caray makes Hamilton one of the best announcers of all time.
I told him I have looked at many a list of baseball’s greatest announcers on websites, in newspapers, and the such, and I have NEVER seen Milo Hamilton’s name on any of those lists.
Moran.
BC, was it the same moran Cardinal fan you called a moran before last season for suggesting Chris Carpenter would win the Cy Young? On Milo Hamilton, you probably should check the Hall of Fame when you’re done looking at the such.
Don’t be too hard on Sammy Sosa…Regardless of anything else, anyone who hated, and was hated by, Mark Grace is a good guy in my book.
However, great line about Wacko Jacko and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue…
Thanks buddy. The master is away and the chickens are crazy. I was great teammate mang. I give my all to the people of chee-ca-o.
Did you hear about the happy Roman?…
He was glad-i-ator.
I can’t believe the Muskrat actually published my question calling her out on saying Neifi “saved” the season.
we ARE smarter than you and your attempts at humor are disgusting. How many different trade scenarios can YOU come up with to get Adam Dunn(I love him so) in a Cub uniform? I have upwards of 3,000. The best one includes Derek Lee, Mark Prior, Felix Pie, and Wrigley Field for Dunn and his dreamy love handles. I mean, you have to give value to get the greatest .240 hitter that ever lived. Viva La Adam!
Hey #10, the Gladiator only uses “buddy.” “Mang” is for Ozzie Guillen and the like.
I know. I caught it after I posted, must have been a case of the chickens running the house again. The computer macheem is new to me.
Adam Dunn would be more likely to see me if he were to look down than if he were to look up.
I’m still at a loss for how the hell my washed up ass got 18 million plus incentives over 3 years. Maybe its because I have one of the best wide receivers cores in NFL history. Or maybe Denny Green and his goons have finally lost it.
Look on thr bright side Sam old boy, you could buy a really big boom box with 500 large.
I am an excuse for dweebs to feel superior at something in the sporting world.
Dunn=God. His vorp, win shares, range factor and obp make him the best player this game has seen. Trade him for Prior, Lee, Ramirez…NOW MR. HENDRY! OMG! PLEASE!
I don’t get why people say I’m old and tired…I lead the Cubs in IP last year…I’ve got AT LEAST one more year left in me.
Oh and nice photoshopping work Andy.
Leading this Cubs staff in IP, is like winning the 100 yard dash at the special olympics.
The discussion ends when you see my stats:
…More innings…
…More wins…
…More games started…
…than any other Cubs starter for 2004 & 2005.
Aren’t those pretty important? Seems I’m the best on the team when it comes to consistent production.
So what if my training regimen consists of four push-ups, three field laps, and a Dove bar for a mid-morning snack each day? I’m slowing down, but I’ll still deliver three quality starts for every dog I throw.
I took this job to get revenge on that sox fan who gave me a “special” taco a few years ago. I will serve him a hamburger with a recipe made by alou
I’m in shape, fella’s. I switched to yogurt and I’m pitching for another contract this year.
I’m following the Maddux workout this season!
Planting the Jessica Alba lapdance image in my mind made it very hard to finish today’s dose in one sitting, if you know what I mean.
Burger King…mmmmm
We definitely believe that some combination of IP and wins should determine the worth of a pitcher.
Sign Estes!!!
Test.