All three local dailies have stories on the crap storm that Todd Walker started a couple days ago when he said Dusty told him he was going to be the opening day second baseman. Todd compounded the fun when Sunday, while “clearing up” the matter, he said basically that front offices lie to everybody.

We, of course, know that Todd is right. General managers lie out of habit. When they talk trade with each other they can barely be heard over the sounds they are making shoveling bullshit at each other.

“No, really, we’d hate to have to give up Todd Hundley. He’s a class act. Yeah, he sweats a little. Probably from the booze. I mean boos. You know from the fans.”

Managers lie, too. Sometimes they do it to motivate a player.

“Damnit, E-ramis! If you don’t start cleaning up your footwork, I’m going to give your job to Mabry!”

Sometimes they do it for more self-serving reasons.

“Dude, I didn’t know Barry was doing any steroids. I don’t even know what they look like.”

What they can agree on, is that they hate to get called on their lies.

I don’t mean it in a George Ofman, “They’re lying!” sense. More innocent than that, even. It’s one thing if they feel like they’re covering up something important. But when a second baseman who they’re not sold on in the first place throws a vague promise back in their faces?

Well, let’s just say the best Todd Walker can hope for now is that they trade him to another team that wears blue spikes, or he’s going to be breaking in new shoes next week.

The part of the whole Todd Walker fiasco for me was this from Paul Sullivan today:

Hendry, who according to a source had Walker traded twice in the off-season only to have the deals fall through at the last minute, said he didn’t read Walker’s comments in the daily clips of news articles he receives.

It’s not even the part about having Walker traded twice. We know all about the fact that they went running to the Rangers with Walker and some prospects trying to get Alfonso Soriano. It’s the part about Hendry getting daily clips of news articles.

How great would it be to get your hands on those?

Let’s see what’s in here today. Mariotti called me “Mother HEN-dry.” Clever. You can’t spell sophomoric idiot dumbass without most of the letters in Mariotti. Miles is blabbing on about on base percentage again. What is that, anyway? Great, Dolan’s making hilarious jokes about me eating doughnuts and falling down the stairs, again. Guy’s a freakin’ Hemingway. See, now here’s a good column. It’s Mike Downey writing about pudding. This is the kind of stuff that people want to read.

Of course there’s no way they’re clipping anything from Desipio. I can just imagine the geniuses in the Wrigley front office trying to figure out how to use the exacto knife on their monitors a second time.

It just kind of makes you wonder though, what does the general manager need media clips for every day? I guess it’d be useful to get them from other teams. Maybe catch something about a disgruntled player you might be able to inquire about or something. But honestly, if you’re supposed to be running a big league team and you’re pouring over things written by the Cubs beat writer braintrust? Gee, I don’t see how a franchise could be going on a century of pitiful seasons with thick skin like that.

After a technical glitch (one that included me misreading which number was the Group ID number) we now have the correct info for you to use to sign up for the free Desipio Tourney Challenge. Sign up. Win the pool. Win a Desipio t-shirt. I know, it’s the kind of thing dreams are made of. Try to contain yourselves.

Don’t forget we have pick-by-pick analysis of the NCAA Tournament over at On-Hoops.com, and Matt has another of his world famous (they know about it in Australia and here) Behind the Boxscore features.

To sign up for the Desipio Tourney Challenge you need to log in to Yahoo here:

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/men

The Group ID is: 72276
The password is: moran

Good luck. But not too good. I’d like to win my own t-shirt.

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So why did they close the Cubs’ clubhouse for two hours yesterday? Probably to set up the semi-quarantine for Roberto Novoa. Don’t you just picture the Cubs’ team wholed up in Dusty’s office with the door closed and Novoa lying Edgar-like just outside the door? Then they decide to see how long Juan Pierre can hold his breath for while he runs around the clubhouse trying to collect enough ice bags to keep Mark, E-ramis and Kerry’s constantly swelling joints at bay until the training staff can remove Novoa from the scene and unseal the clubhouse.

OK. Maybe that’s just me.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to fire at Jerry Angelo for letting every free agent sign with the Redskins.

Gee, here’s a shock.  Matt Murton can hit.  Ronny Cedeno’s struggling, which means more Neifi, doesn’t it?

The Rockies drafted Chone Figgins and Juan Pierre the same year?  Did they think their sandwich picks had to be small enough to fit in a hoagie bun?

Dontrelle’s been awful.  And if you get a chance, you have see the defensive “highlights” of Chase Utley.  He makes Walker look like Ryne Sandberg.

I’m pretty sure that Grady Little couldn’t outdo Vince Young on a Wonderlic test.  The man might not be mentally handicapped, but he’s hiding his ability well if you know what I mean.

Over on ESPN.com’s Insider Section (you know, for suckers, or magazine subscribers–who are by definition, suckers) Peter Gammons has a new blog.  Some of the entries are great.  Sunday’s was basically his old Globe Sunday column.  Some are not so much.  Here’s the highlight of today’s.  The blog entry was short and pretty much all about, well…uh…this:

“But this spring,” the player said, “they made us give them the sample on the spot. It was like the military. I had to drop my pants to my ankles, pull up my shirt and produce — right there.”

“They did that to me in the offseason,” Player B said. “They showed up at my door this winter, told me to drop my pants and lift my shirt, handed me a cup and said they were going to stand there until I produced a sample. It shocked me, but I’m glad they did it.”

Sounds like Saturdays at Shawn Kemp’s!

Kelly Dwyer takes a swing around the NBA, and the papers that cover it.

Deadspin is doing one of these for every first round matchup.  But here’s Illinois-Air Force as a teaser of sorts.

Nobody has tested positive for anything yet at the WBC.  I know this to be false.  Dontrelle has tested positive for sucking.  Oooooh, burn!

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