Pitching Matchup:
Cubs: Glendon Rusch (0-0), 0.00 ERA
Reds: Bronson Arroyo (0-0), 0.00 ERA
Lineups:
Cubs (1-0)
Lucky Pierre, cf
Disgusted Bat Flip, 2b
MV Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Jock Jones, rf
Catcher Number Two, c
Matt Murton, lf
Ron(ny) Ce(deno), ss
Glendon Rusch, p
Reds (0-1)
Ryan “Kick an old lady in the face on a foul ball” Freel, 2b
Felipe Lopez, ss (Didn’t he play basketball at St. John’s?)
Griffey the Younger, cf
Rich Aurilia, 1b (What’s funnier, him playing first, or batting cleanup?)
Adam “I got it!” Dunn, lf
Edwin Encarceration, 3b
Austin kEARnS, rf
Dave “Remember that time I hit three homers in two games against the Cubs?” Ross, c
Charles Bronson Arroyo, p
How am I today?
In the previous three years, I’ve actually had 48 at-bats in the cleanup spot and I’m somehow hitting .354 in those at-bats! So, I guess the answer to that question is “playing first”, since I’ve logged exactly one game there in my career.
Why am I not hitting in the 5 spot instead of Jock??
Get me a tub of butter bitches, I’m going all the way.
Didn’t I catch the first pitch somewhere yesterday?
C’mon Dolan, don’t I deserve a better title than Catcher Number Two? I mean, I know of Hank’s pure dominance over the one spot, but maybe I can fit in as a One-A? One-B? One and a half?
I’m blowing out to left at 9mph for the start of today’s game.
Hey, speaking of blowing, doesn’t that Adam Dunn play left?
Why’d he cut me?
I’m just trying out new nicknames for you, Mikey.
On Friday we can try Inexplicable Winner of the 2006 Silver Slugger at Catcher.
What’t the least amount of time I have to wait before the trouser and sock color report, Pat?
Does anybody else watch This Old House? The “new” host (he’s been around for at least a year now) could be Len’s twin brother.
http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/tvprograms/asktoh
Where the hell am I?
Pat Hues just checked in. Happy?
I am currently occupying the space on top of Bronson Arroyo’s head.
Who’s the blond chick on the bump for Cincinnati?
Time to walk A-Ram.
Am I working for ANYBODY?
#12 – MLB.com is still showing the games for April 4th on the GameDay audio page. Click the “Multimedia Guide” link and it’ll show April 5th’s schedule and let you listen to Pat and Ron.
I am much thinner than the real me.
Mmm…pancakes!!!
See? YOu have to walk him.
Welcome back to the NL, Bronson.
Rami-Rami!
FYC
good morning folks and welcome to cincinnati, home of wkrp
parterns. honesty compels me to say that we have a good one
today between mr rusch and mr arroyo folks
That does it. I’m growing my cornrows back and going down to South Padre Island for Spring Break.
I’ve been pretty hot over the last month, no?
Does anyone have “Jock Jones gets his first hit after Easter” on their radar?
I thought you guys like outfielders that see about 2 pitches per at-bat?
You have to go to the actual media page itself for your respective media (TV or Audio).
http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/mediacenter/index.jsp
I have Pat and Ron on the computer and the game muted on TV. No clue as to who ESPN has in the booth.
I am!
dudes, i’m making all the right moves as always
las year injuries doomed us and thanks to me we
won 79 games and not 54.
Where’s my extension bros? hehe
Nice arm I got, huh? God I have already provged myself to be totally fuckign useless.
Wow that Juan Pierre sure has a cannon out there.
Honest question about the use of “mullet”…. since when does all long hair qualify?
Mullet = redneck, “shlong”, business in the front, party in the back. Randy Johnson circa 1998. All white professional wrestlers in the 80’s. Etc.
Seems to me that what Arroyo and Greene have is hippy hair. Like rednecks, they probably should shower and get real jobs. But that’s where the similarity ends.
If Arroyo and Green have mullets, then so do Manny Ramirez and Pokey Reese, no?
Just wondering. Because what’s a Gamecast without useless tangents?
Are ESPN games available to watch on MLBTV or are they blacked out?
10-9 reds.
I “fielded” that double, Jock. If you want to call it “fielding”.
We show ESPN games. Totally worth it.
I just ripped the choice of Rich Aurillia for clean up hitter.
Guh.
I field alot like Adam Dunn.
I agree that Arroyo and Greene do NOT have mullets.
Our gamecast is top notch today
WHAT A RUSCH!
I also field a lot like Adam Dunn.
I wonder what origin “kindergartener” is. I mean, couldn’t we have come up with a simpler word.
NEIN JD!
Oh. Figures…crazy Germans with their totally different language. Speak American, Hitler!
Did you see that crazy spin move? I’m so on the next dancing with the stars bitches!
MY….OH….MY
Brave!
hey…I’m batting .800
14 pitches per inning? Rusch could go 8 or 9 at this rate. How the hell are supposed to get the bullpen any work?
Mwahahahahahaha! My voodoo is working on that annoying Frenchman!
My bat flip is in midseason form.
Thank you for staying away, Larry.
buddies i’m so happy i’m outta baseball
i’m hanging with my little buddy k-patt
here in my house in miami. just chillin
buddies and rooting for the reds.
¡Messmer, usted perro femenino! I tell you in 2006 you include Venezuelan song. Es Brave! Honor! You forget again, I keel you.
“got salad?”
I can’t believe what I just saw.
Where’s Fat Jerome?
That’s a tad embarrassing.
We’re not friends, Sammy. Don’t you remember that time in 2002 when our team plane broke down and you chartered a jet and didn’t give me a ride? I had to fly commercial, but you took that douchebag Hundley on the flight with you. Get fucked, sir.
Did that chick just hit a home run? Christ.
What happened, did Glendon’s pants split?
Gamecast has my pants splitting from the extra weight that was just added when Arroyo went yard.
Let’s see.
Two-out RBI single to the rotting corpse of Rich Aurilia? Check
Home run to Bronson Arroyo on 0-2 pitch? Check.
Boy I really know how to bear down, don’t I?
Arroyo…..MY…OH….MY
I’m tough to steal on because I don’t have a high leg kick. That’s not a strategy or anything. I just can’t lift my leg up past my waistline.
I just tossed Glendon’s salad. That’s what happened.
And now I seem to have forgotten that throwing strikes is good.
Swung on, BELTED!
We’re looking at Glendon as our new spokesman.
(first of many to come the rest of the season)
NOOOOO….NO…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Folks….Like my acqua sweater?
See guys? I’m good!
What? Letting a guy run on me with a pitchout on is bad?
Apparently, I don’t throw hard enough for a pitch out to work.
I’m much better this year.
This shortstop shit is the tits!
It takes me four minutes to deliver the ball. Ron Santo could steal third on me.
Shouldn’t I negate that SB by that little fuck Freel?
“I wonder what origin ‘kindergartener’ is. I mean, couldn’t we have come up with a simpler word.”
What world do you live in that you didn’t know kindergartener was a German word? Oh, that’s right, dumb world.
Catcher’s Indifference? How big of a jump did Freel get?
#80–
I’ll have to look at that again.
Where’s my monitor?
No. 2 starter, bitches.
Jesus Christ I hate the Reds.
I’m still better than Jock, female doges.
You definitely pitch like me, Glendon.
But, only against Glen ‘doh
I don’t think Glendon has me today… or any other day for that matter.
Honestly, I don’t understand baseball, no, but even I would be better than Jacque Jones.
Amazed Guy: Please come up with a better insult than “dumb world.” I mean, really.
Does anyone know why I’m not starting the second game of the season?
Dunn’s so fast too!
I feel like I’ve been out here forever. When the hell does BP end anyway?
What? I’m STARTING? But it’s only the second game of the year. Holy shit do we suck!
So, the entire Reds offense today is Aurilia and Arroyo … and we’re losing. Just great. Bring on Guzman.
Because, Greg, the Cubs want you pitching in me.
I’m looking good…
I think your third because no one wanted GlenDon(g) to face the Satanic Fowl.
Naw, I’m busy blowing out my arm at Iowa.
1995?
1969?
1997? Wait–it’s consecutive WINS to start the season?
That Adam Dunn is so funny. Did I mention VORP!
That was us in the crowd cheering Dunn’s routine catch. He’s so sexy!
Better cheer now Reds faithful…Wait till I drop a Murton Pop up in the 8th that lets 2 runs score and gives the Cubs the game.
Looks like Jock “Oh for April” Jones is looking to be the next DBF with that bat flip.
Every time I see you pop the ball up like that, you owe me 100 push ups.
I hit like shit.
Just lacin’ up my cleats I’ll be in after Rusch craps his pants on another pitch to Arroyo. I hope Jock is done picking dandelions.
In my two games as a Cub, I’ve made $32,921.81 to go 0-for-4. My life is pretty7 much awesome!
Yep. I’m gonna be this year’s “guy who couldn’t possibly be worse than, yet sits behind, non-producing vet until August” aren’t I? And it’s taken all of 13 innings to establish it. Nice.
hey guys, what’s up
Jock, you’re a tool. I haven’t made enough to buy a big gulp and nachoes!
Jacque,
Don’t listen to those Cubs fans. They aren’t booing you because you suck. They’re booing you because they’re racist.
Hell I have to pay Dusty to keep Neifi out of my spot.
LaTroy… Can’t stir shit up yet. I’m busy in Frisco, comparing Padre fans to klansmen and comparing Barry Bonds to Hank Aaron, Gandhi and Martin Luther King!
Once I’m done condemning all those racists who don’t like Bonds (like the clearly racist Hank Aaron), I’ll go and condemn Cubs fans with my illegitimate son Scoop Jackson.
Then, I can turn my attention to the No. 1 civil rights problem facing America today: DC Statehood.
Glendon is giving new meaning to the term “#2 starter”
Hey guys, what’s up?
The Cubs just love to do us so much!
This swingin’ at pitches at your eyeballs is contagious.
Man do I look bad today!
…
Maybe I should try dreadlocks?
Atta boy Matty, swing at the first pitch baby. Now you’re gettin it.
Time for a little more #2!
Who needs Miguel Tejada!
Freddie Bynum ain’t takin’ on 2-0. Freddie Bynum be swingin’, yo.
Look, guys! I suck just as much as the rest of you!
Not my normla self, Pat? I think you just got a taste of “my normal self.”
Tastes like #2!
I agree with LaTroy and the Rev, dawgs. Keep being ghetto fab, brothers, yes yes y’all.
Wow, my teeth are big.
Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in Put me in
You asked for it female dogs!
Larry just called. He wants me get ready to pitch. I’ll be ready by the 7th inning.
Wait, I’m on NOW? Oh crap…
So thats why I lost my spot in the rotation to a guy who hasn’t seen action beyond AA.
Hmmmm…That Freddie Bynum ain’t gonna clog any bases, dudes. That’s just good baseball. Thank God I got another brother who can play left field, dudes! I was scared by Marquis leaving. I can’t leave Matty in the sun too long!
I knew I shouldn’t have stocked my pitching staff with guys who enjoy beef gravy on their Krispy Kremes as much as I do.
Someone keep Eyre away from my poi. I gotta pitch.
I can’t wait for Trader Joe’s day!
Don’t forget about me. I am a big, fat piece of crap just like Glendon.
is the trader joe’s bag edible?
We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Holy crap I didn’t know they let our kind pitch in the Major Leagues?
HR, Fly out, BB, 2B…
Feel my heat, bitches!
You guys might want to actually think about bringing Glendon back in.
This is good baseball folks.
Hey guys I brought some gasoline to put that fire out.
I can’t throw out Adam Dunn. He might as well be Scotty Fabulous.
Hey who remembers me?
I wouldn’t have thrown Adam fucking Dunn out from second fucking base. Somebody shoot me.
Check out my VORP bitches!
Hi guys!
Who cares, I’m getting paid bitches
I was pitching around Arroyo, dudes, he has 5 hits since 2001.
Just for fun.. just put L’s on the days when Glendon pitches and see how accurate you are.
I already come that way #152.
That would be outta here if this was softball.
I was pitching around Arroyo, dudes, he has 5 hits since 2001.
And his 2006 SLG is outrageous.
No one can pop me out
Shades of Khalil’s Greene’s drop in ’04 on a Sammy popup before Sammy homered with his 2nd life.
Okay maybe not. But that blond wig that Khalil and Bronson share? Eerie.
Ahh, I haven’t seen pitching this good since we beat South Africa.
I told Jock to just play to his strengths… but i didn’t realize he didn’t have any.
…would demote Poi Dog today.
Unfortunately, the Cubs are not only the most reactive teams around, but often times they don’t act in any way. They just sit on their thumbs daydreaming, and wonder where the season went.
Can you guys tell Jerome that I’ll see him soon?
Hey Tony, I’m a really good at Madden as long as the passing cone option is turned off.
Can I come back to the bigs, please? I still suck, but at least I cost less than Jerome to feed!
On radio, Marty Brenneman said of Jock’s “throw” home, “That Jock Jones, he’s known for a lot of things. Throwing is not one of them.” Striking out and turning outs into doubles though, sure. He’s known for that.
Holy crap…..didn’t we trade this asshole to Baltimore in the offseason?!
http://img316.imageshack.us/img316/5867/jacquesucks2tz.jpg
Damn Contreras had a 37-pitch first inning and we’re losing to the Tribe again, 2-0. Mercy.
with 2 strikes, just throw a fastball around their eyes. it doesn’t matter which one’s hitting. they’ll all swing at it
A two-out RBI by big, bad John Mayberry would be really nice here.
Who the fuck is Kent Mercker?
3 things I will never, EVER, grow tired of:
1) A warm summer afternoon at the beach
2) Paul’s incoherent rants at the messageboard
3) Kent Mercker getting pounded by the Cubs.
I’m officially your new Right Fielder. Jacque’s getting moved to left.
My Gameday must be broken. It says that John Mabry hit a home run.
dont’ laugh on air, don’t laugh on air, don’t laugh on air
Careful Mike, or you’ll end up working for a Duke graduate…
Feel me.
Broken gamecast nothing! Have you seen my VORP?
You can’t spell the Cubs offense without me
Well, time to go to the clubhouse and watch the game on television.
Come on brain, we can get through this. Please don’t explode on me now.
Mabry, just mabry, we can get behind this new bat off the bench. Yay, John!
I’m going to have to add:
4) Hearing Cubs fans drown out the home team’s fans while singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame.
Well, I hit that one as long as I could, guys. I tried to tie the game. But even in this place, 283 feet isn’t far enough for a homer. :-(
Is Stoney really doing this game on ESPN (it’s blacked out in Chicago)?
He must have really enjoyed that.
Just curious…Is it too early for someone to start me?
The game isn’t on ESPN, foo’.
Steve Stone is doing the game on ESPN, yes.
Just missing a homerun doesnt hurt my VORP, does it?
I’m watching the game on ESPN right now, hoss.
How the hell am I watching it on Comcast?
Where do you want us to send the keys, #184?
Say What?
Anyone catch me trip over myh own feet?
How the hell was I a quarterback?
I don’t know. But, I’m watchin it on ESPN.
We’d still take you, Sexy Adam! What’s your VORP in football?
189:
I’m probably not blacked out everywhere.
To our headquarters #190. We’re in the process of retooling, but we’ll begin processing applications by mid-April.
Is on Comcast in the Chicago area and ESPN nationally. In Chicago, the ESPN feed is blaqcked out in favor of ESPN News, for those of you who aren’t tired from watching “highlights” of a bunch of dykes playing basketball.
It’s not a hard concept to grasp, #189 (and #185).
Ooooh! Can we call it a BandWGN? BandWGN. See what we did there with the Ch. 9 reference? Pretty clever, eh? It’s not even overly-referential. It’s perfectly-referential. Come on over, Paul! You’re on our radar.
Argh!
We exist. We really do. And, we’re even populated with people. People that watch Cubs games(we don’t understand it, either)
We are still available.
How’d you like my Chip Caray impression on that Lee pop fly?
“It sure sounded a lot better coming off the bat. I think I had too much coffee to drink.”
Contrary to popular belief, nobody actually lives here.
If the Cubs don’t come back, I’m pinning this game on that fat bastard Williams, who better not be on the flight back to O’Hare. What a freaking joke. He embodied The Relievers of Christmas Past with that stinkfest of an outing. I thought we improved our bullpen. Nice job, Jerome, of taking a manageable game and blowing it out oif the water, you fat fuck.
One half inning to get at least oine run.
That was a fabulous post Mike
Games go quicker when there’s a lot of me.
to the 9-spot, no less
Eighty more of me to a .500 record! Yay!
I’m fundamentally sound.
I’m fundamentally bad.
Michael Barrett will never be mistaken for me.
Michael Barrett and Jacqueshit Jones are this year’s whipping boys now that Korey is gone and Wood and Prior are invisible.
Whoops.
I am going to keep sleeping, this makes me tired.
Good thing I was two feet in front of home plate for that throw back from DLee.
Pin that insurance run on me, fellas.
But I’m still here, Chuck.
Crap. DFB is going to use that play to start Neifi! for most of the rest of the season.
Chuck, we’re going to need a bullpen pitcher too.
I am an ass-hole, who always tries to find whipping boys. I lead a sad life.
I don’t hate Barrett as much as most of the people around here, but Christ he’s got to be one of the most fundamentally unsound catchers in the history of humans. What purpose was this meathead fulfilling by standing in front of home plate?
I HIT IT!
not good.
Were like a one, two punch, right in the nuts.
Bet you didn’t know I was the Reds closer, did you?
What purpose was this meathead fulfilling by standing in front of home plate?
Because I’m astoundingly poor today.
Hey 224:
How dare you point out the only negatives in this lineup!
How many walks will the 2006 Cubs pitching staff give up? I’m guessing over 550. And the Cubs will draw fewer than 425. And that’ll make a difference.
Here’s an idea:
1) Move Berut to RF.
2) Go with a platoon of Hank White and another good field-no hit catcher
3) Release Jock Jones.
Owwwwww! My Leg! Sorry, Kenny, I might be gone for a while.
Has Berut ever played the outfield?
I did not give someone $15 mil contract so that he would be released after the second game of the season. I gave Jock $15 mil to be our everyday starter for three years.
Who cares if he sucks. I am getting paid.
I am rich, bitch.
You know how some guys are better players than you realize if you see them every day?
Michael Barrett is the opposite of that. Opposing announcers always point out what a good player he is. We know the difference. As much as I love our man Hank if you played him 130 times he’d hit .202 so that’s probably not the most attractive option.
If the guys at NSBB are going to act like they understand Sabermetrics, one of them should study how many runs over replacement player Barrett’s defense costs the Cubs and compare that to how many Henry’s offense costs them. As woeful as Henry is behind the plate I’ll bet he wins that comparison.
How would this team look if Hendry had signed Bengie Molina when he was sitting out there hoping anybody but the Blue Jays would offer him a contract? You could have had a catching platoon with excellent defense and game calling skills, and the chance to sucker another team into trading for your Silver Slugger winning catcher. Maybe you could have found an outfielder and not had to have given Jock three guaranteed years.
Blecch.
Just because I allowed a passed ball, threw a ball into center field on a stolen base attempt and was out of position twice today which allowed 2 maybe 3 runs to score doesnt make me bad. Look at the poll on Chicago sports.com and see how the idiots, i mean fans voted today. They blame it all on Rusch. Besides I played on the WBC team, on second thought never mind on that last comment.
Andy,
I’m tan, I’m rested. I could’ve taught Barrett how to go from a good-hitting, shitty catcher to a good-hitting, shitty right fielder.
And while at it, I could have recruited fellow Longhorn alum Fat Roger Cletitte to be the Cubs’ 5th starter.
I LOVE Michael Barrett!
Of course, I also went to the WBC with 3 starting pitchers, and led the team to losses to Canada, Mexico and Korea.
I’m a fucking genius!
Chicago Cubs baseball: You’re not a fan unless you incessantly whine, piss, bitch, and moan, all while seeking out scapegoats to pile on.
Grow the fuck up or move to Baltimore so you can whip out the pom-poms for the late Corey Patterson.
shut up.
I HOPE JEROME WILLIAMS EXPLODES (WHILE PITCHING) [ON LIVE TV]
ps- how new is this format? IT’S FRICKIN LOVELY!
The obvious solution is for Hendry to “buy low” here and send “untouchable” Rich Hill, along with Dopirak, Sing, Coats, Ryu, Theriot, and Pawelek to the Redlegs and stick me behind the dish. Somebody get The Sanj on the horn, my radar is getting all tingly.
Did somebody say Adam Dunn?