Pitching matchup:
Reds: Bronson Arroyo, 1-0, 4.05 ERA
Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 0-1, 9.00 ERA
Hey Glen. Try to keep Bronson in the yard today.
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Pitching matchup:
Reds: Bronson Arroyo, 1-0, 4.05 ERA
Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 0-1, 9.00 ERA
Hey Glen. Try to keep Bronson in the yard today.
Brave!
Honor!
How can I be both dead and singing the anthem?
Do I get to play today, Coach?
Dont forget fake!
Just an FYI, I’m trying to give up as many homeruns as possible today. Lets see what happens!
Not while I’m winning the batting title, buddy.
I ‘m glad to see people are happy I’m back. It’s nice to get such a nice reception.
So is everybody ready to see the Reds get their hooks into Fish Lips Rusch today? Maybe he can contain Arroyo at the plate and not serve one up.
Who’s starting at second today? I’m sure it will be Neifi. He’s been seating on that bench too long and been giving Dusty handjobs to stay warm.
Go Cubs!
Baker Basher
Hmmm, a 2-2, 2-out bomb to Griffey… At least it’s not the wanna-be pop star, I suppose.
Geez, even I knew Jr. was going to hit a HR after those first two fly-outs to start the game.
Glendon Rusch sucks donkey balls. That’s why we locked him up for the next few years.
Hey, Griffey! Did you like that one? Served up nice and warm for you.
Evidentally, Glendon is a flyball pitcher…
“Rusch fooled nobody. He gave up a homer and 3 warning-track outs.”
Or so I heard Pat Hughes say on the radio down here in the pen. Time to start throwing coach?
Can someone please smack me in the face with a shovel?
My neck hurts.
I am thinking 7 ER today by Glendon.
Luckily, Arroyo gives up 6 ER, and we’ll have a shot at the Reds bullpen by the start of the 6th inning.
What neck?
Touche
Any chance we can bring Guzman up to replace Glen?
Glendon!!
Now how the heck did Bronson get 3 weak groundballs? I gotta watch him pitch some more…
Well, I’m sure that Dunn won’t hit a homer.
I brought my #2 stuff today.
What’s the record for most home runs by a team in a single game? Cause…we’re going to destroy it today.
Sonofabitch!
Adam Dunn looks mighty good in those tightpants.
You can see the shape of his VORP.
Rusch is going to struggle when the location of the ball isn’t there…especially when the location is the centerfield bleachers.
It looks like KGJr hit his about 400 and Dunn’s VORP hit it about 455.
TV people?
Whew, back to normal.
That we’re only down 2-0.
As bad as those bombs were, they were just me. One Cubs blast with the bases clogged could tie or take the lead.
so, over/under for the balls hit out of the park today?
4.5?
I’ll take the over Caramis.
ballhawks,
sounds like a name for professional Aardsma-givers.
I feel like throwing a perfect game.
Caramis, I’ll take the over on Glendung alone.
Pat Hughes estimated Dunn’s HR at 460-470 feet saying it almost landed in the “upper deck.” Or something like that.
Uh, uh.
Arroyo’s comming up.
Better walk him dude.
Can’t let that guy beat us.
He’s a dangerous hitter. Big time.
I just hit a home run again.
On to Waveland.
No…. No…. No fucking way.
Glendon:
Need to get away?
Southwest Airlines offering new non-stops to Des Moines, Jackson, TN, Daytona and Peoria.
Ding
You are no free to move around the country.
are you fucking kidding me!
I believe an on mound Aardsmaing is occurring.
Hey, if Kameron Loe can do it, so can you Glendon!
I’m not a major league pitcher. It’ll be nice when I can relax in Iowa while Angel Guzman takes my spot.
Hey, this hitting thing is pretty easy.
This game sucks.
Aw, fuck it. I’m just gonna drill Dunn in his junk next time he’s up and get tossed. Better get your pancake ass up and throwing in the bullpen, Jerome.
nice one #40
I can’t believe this sh*t!! F*ck you in the eye Glendon you low life piece of sh*t!!!
You know, I was almost believing that “at least they’re solo shot” crap.
Hey, you try pitching with a fork stuck in your back!
Cubs can whomp the Cards only to get pantsed by the Reds.
You know, I was almost believing that “we’ll at least they’re solo shots” crap.
I’m going to be 0-2, and the Cubs are going to be 4-2! Charles Tillman and I can form a club: Guys who single-handedly lost all the games their team lost.
#2, #2, #2!!!!
I think even I could take Glen Don downtown today.
When you get to Iowa, I’m going to #$%#$ YOUR #$@#$@ #@$#@$$##$# WITH A #$@@#$#@@##$ JAGGED RAZOR GLENN DON
Hey, at least we have Glendon for another 2 seasons or so?
Homeruns by Bronson Arroyo: 2
Homeruns by me: zero.
Can’t pull him now dude….He’s got a three hiter going. Speaking of…anyone seen my one hitter?
Don’t be ridiculous.
Er…you’re probably right.
yes! a desipio shoutout. I’m back on top.
I don’t consider this the Cubs. This is all on Glendon. Both losses. The sooner this mope is in Iowa, the better.
Zambrano
Maddux
Wood
Prior
Guzman
If this isn’t the rotation by May 15, WTF?
I’m where you should be right now Glendon.
On the plus side, Rusch has ruined the Reds’ team chemistry, as a fight has broken out at the bat rack.
oops
Anytime you can sign a guy to a multiyear deal who is a career 57-87 (well, 88) with a 4.90 ERA, you’ve got to make that move.
Mike Schmidt wrote a book. It comes with crayons.
(good one)
Len – So Bob, Mike Schmidt wrote a book, when does yours come out?
Bob – Mine will come WITH crayons.
Unfortunately, he’s probably not kidding…
With Ken GriffeyJr. batting, Ryan Freel picked off and caught stealing 2nd base, pitcher Glendon Rusch to first baseman Derrek Lee to third baseman Aramis Ramirez.
I picked a guy off and K’d Griffey. Doesn’t that count?
Not until we’re up 4-3? Shit.
Whatever, you guys. Think about it; how rare is it for a guy with a 9.00 ERA to maintain that exactly? It’s very difficult. And I’m doing it. I give up exactly one homer an inning. I’m the perfect 2-run lead closer! Cubs are misusing me.
We don’t hit in Glendon’s starts. You wouldn’t either.
It was 1-3-5 due to the “Griffey Shift”
I don’t know what’s pissing me off more:
1) Glendon serving Italian to the Reds for lunch.
2) Gameday Audio’s complete inability to do the one thing it’s supposed to do (stream audio), or…
3) The fact that I’m pissed that #2 is causing me to miss #1
So, FU Glendon and Gameday Audio.
This fat lefty wearing #33 can hit, dude. He’ll be pinch-hitting in no time, dude.
But I can hit right guys? Right?
I haven’t had a hit in six years.
I’m responsible for every hit in this game…
Its actually me pitching for the Reds. I’m drunk and a bit gay. I suck at music. But man I can swing a stick.
Anyway, how stupid are the Reds that they traded Wily Less Pena away so that they could play Adam Dunn in the outfield and Rich Aurilia at first base?
Could I get a cut against Glendon?
Glendon will never not have me!
Dammit, Rusch. I told you to just drill him! Not the other way around you, f’n #@$%!#$!#!
This is the worst performance by a pitcher I’ve ever seen. And remember, I’ve watched me pitch my entire life. I’m a sack of horrible.
I once bowled a game where every frame was a 9…
This is even more painful.
VORP!
You couldn’t use some of that pitching you traded for my weak-hitting ass, could you?
Don’t worry, Glen. Every Cubs loss this year is going to be either me relieving you after four, or you relieving me after four! Winning sucks.
Yes, Juan, I am the answer to all of the Cubs problems.
Who couldn’t use one of me?
Thank goodness for David Ross!
I could use a few #90’s. I think my problem today is lack of energy.
Suck it, non-believers. I’m going for five homers today.
Sounds like the greenie testing is taking it’s toll on Glendon.
Thanks for paying us, no more hits for you!
…is the lowest ERA Glendon will see this year. Booooooooooooo!
ok lets try this again,
over/under homeruns for today, 11.5
8.00, female doges
What is a VORP? I’m a long time reader, but this is my first Cubs Live…I guess I’m a Cubs Live virgin…
I reckon that there ball is juiced…
Value Over Replacement Player..Just think of how much better a person is than Jacque Jones and you have the idea.
Cubs are getting to me … last four Cubs have hit the ball well
Caramis, no fair changing the over/under on me. My number is still 4.5 on Glendung and I think the VORPinator may do it on his own.
Thanks, knower of the word VORP.
I hate the God Damn Reds. I hate any man with long blonde hair. I hate Joseph Stalin. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE losing to the GOD DAMN REDS…
Ok.
So, if comparing Jock to Dunn, Jock’s VORP approaches infinity?
Never Mind
Fear me, left-handed Reds batters. I’m throwing BP next inning!!!
Damn it, guys. I actually go five innings and you can’t get me the lead. What does someone need to get a Win.
Actually, it’s the other way around. Jock is the replacement player, Dunn the monster VORP.
OK fine, over/under is still 4.5.
What’s my VORP? Can’t be much. I make Jock look like Bob Clemente.
Okay…so, Jock actually doesn’t have a VORP when compared to Dunn. Dunn has a VORP (inifinity) over Jock. So, then we have an infinite increase in productivity once Dunn is inserted over Jock, right?
Hey, guys!
catch the feeling!
Dunn inserted over Jock? You guys are making me hot.
You guys are gonna start hatin’ on me again!
Dunn’s up w/o no outs and two in SP.
IBB if you ask me.
Did you fellas see my overexaggerated catch yesterday? It was awesome!
Goodnight, folks!
How’s this for confusing, Anonymous. A player can be so horrible that his VORP is negative. In other words, your average replacement player would contribute more runs to the team (given the same number of plate appearances) than the turd your manager keeps trotting out to the field day after day…
This was a good time. Thanks for the memories.
I hate the Reds.
Hey Burnitz,
we have almost the same vorp from last year.
Yours: 8.3
Mine: 9.6,
And by the way, Adam Dunn’s 2005 VORP is 45.0
…you get for starting that bloated sack of crap G-Unit. Eat sh*t, Dustbag.
that was truly isringhausesqe.
At least my ERA is still below my uniform number
There’s the over… and it hurt in the worst possible way too…
4 solo shots and a grand slam. Unbelievable.
I turned off gamecast and picked up internet radio… first song to come on “Comfortably Numb.” Music for the soul.
Ouch!
Apparently, I’m only blowing every half-inning. Or….the Cubs are batting with one eye closed. Take your pick.
One of us is about to establish his VORP vis a vis Jock. The other should be on his way to Wrigley tomorrow morning.
Just did a back flip at Iowa.
I also hate the Reds. As for blaming Dusty, who else was he supposed to start?
Pat, who won the back-to-back jacks contest?
… to Wuertz
What’s my jersey number? Can I get one of those cool Nike undershirts, too? What about those vented batting helmets? I bet those are nice…man, playing right field for the next 15 days will be awesome!
What happened? Am I dead?
It’s always Dusty’s fault. Remember when he tied my shoelaces together and made me miss that routine bouncer to short in the Bartman Game?
He ruined my career.
I am your saviour, female dogges
Hey do you wanna be a bat kid?
Yeah, you managed to croak even though the ball wasn’t hit to you. Congratulations, Jock Party!
Jock ran full speed into me a couple innings ago. He might be a bit swollen like Dunn’s VORP and Lassie’s crank when you insert Dunn over Jock.
I think I wanna wear #21. Nobody important ever wore that number here, right?
RF Macias
Felix, take 22 or 34, nobody’s using those numbers.
I hear #33 may be available soon, at least I hope so.
That 3-run homer by Jeter puts the Yanks on top 9-7 and gets Wang off the hook. God does that sound painful or what?
I’ve been strained.
Me too, #149.
Just think, you haven’t even run into us yet!
Felix Pie likes my old number, #20. Baseball prospectus say he is most comparable to me. Chuck is going to love me.
The Cubs seriously crapped on me today.
any desipiots with a tv, is this at-bat as good as it looks on gamecast?
the cedeno at-bat, if i am way behind.
Cedeno handled some decent pitches to eventually ground out. The AB didn’t look overly bad or overly good, but I was too distracted by Ron telling stories about spilling coffee on Thom Brennamen to really focus in on it.
Could it rest on the left arm on Sean Marshall?
How about I wear #20223433 in honor of our most “sand in the vagina” heroes?
I’m calling Len and Bob to make sure they refer to Ryan Freel as “scrappy.”
I’ve got to tell you, trying to catch up in a game by reading the comments is surreal to say that least. I can not believe fucking Bronson Arroyo went yard again. Guh.
Hey, only eight more runs to tie!
Rick White coming into a game is the equivalent of a bartender shouting “last call”.
Hey look! A bus ticket!
Hey look. A bus ticket?
Oh, good. Is E-ramis hurt now? Hey, April 11. He’s been an ironman so far.
Crap. Comcast just showed a replay of E-Ramis Ramirez grimacing after running to first in that last at-bat.
3B Macias
ninth inning homer! I am clutch
Len:
“Jerry Hairston, Jr. is going to pinch-bat”
What?
Well, you know he’s not going to hit.
Each team has me. What a difference it makes when 6/10 hits are of the long-ball variety.
OK, I’ll bite, what’s your beef with that, 169?
Michael Barrett thinks he’s me…..useless homers to pad my stats!!!
He fields like me too….did someone pour Gatorade on his mitt?
I do not remember the last two homers being useless stat padding.
Ding!
Hello?
Won’t Pie’s number be 3.14156?
Your comment is, of course, ridiculous. Pi is 3.14159265
I just landed in New Buffalo, MI. Thanks Glendon!
No way I am putting an irrational number on a uniform