Pitching matchup:
Reds: Pickles Claussen, 0-0, 5.40 ERA
Cubs: Greggie, 1-0, 1.42 ERA
Lineups
Reds (5-2)
Tony Woeful, 2b
Felipe Lopez, pg
Griffey the Younger, cf
E-7, lf
Granny Encarnacion, 3b
Scott Don’t Hatteberg Me Because I’m Beautiful, 1b
Austin kEARnS, rf
Javy “I own Greggie” Valentin, c
Pickles, p
Cubs (4-2)
Lucky Pierre, cf
Jerry the Lesser, 2b
MV Lee, 1b
Michael “Look who’s hitting cleanup” Barrett, c
Angel Pagan, rf
Matt Murton, lf
Neifi!, 3b
Ron(ny) Ce(deno), ss
Greggie, p
Woof. This lineup is bad.
Anybody know how long E-ramis is out with his pulled ass?
I’m not playing today?
Was the Cubs lineup drawn up by us?
Oh, no, #2, “we” are playing. Our defense will be stellar on this windy, sunny afternoon. Paramedics are on standby.
In NY, the Royals staked me to a 3-0 lead in the first. In the bottom of the first, after three Yankees batters, it’s 3-3.
Wait…where am I in that lineup?
Greatest Desipio player nickname since Matt the Mouthbreather. Simple, yet accurate.
My goal today is to hit an extra base hit while Barrett is on base so I can try to pass him up.
…great lesson learned yesterday, guys. I’m now addicted to Cub’s Live, as if getting addicted to Andy’s rant wasn’t enough.
God bless those pagans.
Where’s Pie??
They ought to just play Rusch at 3rd until E-Ramis is back. It’d definitely help our lineup.
It’s a beautiful day for baseball!
Pitching for the Reds today is Brandon Colostomy and Greg Matty for our Cubbies. We’ll have the first pitch in a few minutes, but now here’s Steve wtih the Lead Off man, and his guest today, Lester Lacnaster. Ooh, sounds like a movie star!
Why is everyone looking at me like that??
Maybe the Reds would loan us Arroyo for a couple games, he could play third?
Glendon? Dusty wants to see you. Yeah, bring your playbook.
I told you fogies not to bother me in the middle of my doughnut special time…
We’re undefeated when we wear them. And we have yet to wear the grays at all. It’s time to burn the frickin’ blue tops.
Why don’t you guys wear the orange ones?
Does anyone else think Rusty looks at the calander and just sasys, “@#$$ it, we’ll still be above .500 if we lose this” when he makes a line up – and just goes into the game knowing he is going to lose?
Well, you know, you guys could start calling me Cookie Burger.
Cookie Burger! Cookie Burger! Cookie Burger!
We have a tendency to produce well for one game.
Who is this Hairston kid and who say’s he can play today? I need to run to Walgreens for more toothpicks.
Will probably be giving us #22 for about a week.
Brave!
Yeah, there was a game a year or two back where Dusty lined up a stinker, and they laid out a 9-4 clubbering on the opposition.
You’re gonna get me twice today, female doges!
Despite all the man love for me, what’s the over-under on HRs I give up today?
I’ll do my best, but it’ll look like I’m tossing BP.
Hi Cubs fans! We’re world champs!
Greggie, this will be one of your OK games, no HOF stuff, but no BP. You give up one HR (3 runs) in 6 innings.
The Cubs have to win this series. Just because it’s so sad to lose a series to a team that’s platooning Scott Hatteberg and Rich Aurila at first base.
[unintelligible] Malanga!
Bam!
Sorry i meant we’re world chumps.
BTW. Bring the kids to Comiskular tomorrow. The first 20,000 fans that show up will recieve a commemorative box of Mac&Cheese!
Aramis proved that you shouldn’t swing from me…unless I am in proper shape.
Apparently, we weren’t that good after all. Who knew?
I’m waiting for the Sudafed giveaway.
I am carry this team on my back!
Maddux is a hack! The Big Donkey is a star!
–Maddux strikes out Dunn–
*crickets*
Your back could go at any time, Jimbo.
Hey, you gonna eat the other half of that cruller?
Billy, I canceled it.
Hey Glen-Done! Are you taking notes?
How did “we” win a world series? It was the baseball team that won, not the fans. We have been engaging in too much meth induced dreamy land visits. Now, we could have sent the same message from the “Sox” correctly, but again our meth addled brains tend to overestimate our own importance.
What the hell did Juan just do? Oh, he’s safe? Nevermind dudes.
anyone remember that horrendous lineup last year…the one that never got to play because of a rain delay or something?
It was something Like Macias, Neifi, Walker, Barrett, Burnitz, Hairston Hollandsworth,
Bunt single bitches! For my next impression: Jesse Owens! Where the white women at?
A bunt single? Who knew the Cubs were allowed to do that?
Jack Pete, we changed the rules this year, the Cubs are now allowed to bunt for singles.
I am annoying
one handed, bitches
Yeah, everybody bunt! You too Barrett.
I HATE that cliche!
Didn’t I used to steal bases?
I’ll start stealing bases soon, I just need to get used to the national league first…Oh wait.
Juan, we have not made a rule change on stealing bases, stealing should be discouraged in our society and it is still illegal for the Cubs to attempt to do so.
Let Lee bat with a runner on before green lighting Ivory.
My good friend Bud Selig says it’s okay for me to steal bases.
The Cubs ARE allowed to attempt stolen bases, they just aren’t allowed to succeed.
It’s called ground balls. I am great at getting those. Unless I groove one. Then it’s a ground ball on Sheffield.
I like this line-up in front of me. They are getting on base at least.
Did you just say butt, Ron?
I just said A-Ram pulled his “butt muscle.”
Green light me, Chico.
Speek kills (cue Teej’s street sign)
“Ramirez is out with pulling….well, what they call the butt muscle.”
“So now Babe Ruth is batting clean-up.”
You can’t make this stuff up.
Double steal? What the hell is going??? Whatever dude, it worked.
Double steal? What the hell is going on??? Whatever dude, it worked.
Oh, 3rd base is still 90 feet away? I forgot.
Double sweet! I have both Lee and Pierre on my fantasy team. Double steals are really nice.
Cubs lead 1-0.
Just because there is a rule against cubs stealing bases, doesn’t mean I am actually effective at enforcing it. Just think of it like steroids.
Good lord! How far is sportsline behind?
I love it when Dad gets me out of school, so I can manage. I can always tell when he will, because he’s half-awake when he drives me to school and always sleeps in the dugout when I manage…
What, Dad? You told me “Not to double steal?” I thought you said I could today. No, Dad, I don’t want to go back to school.
You thought E-Ramis couldn’t throw? Check this one out…
Yahoo is no better.
my hand’s broken
Say hi to GlenDone for me!!!
When was the last time 2 guy’s stole bases in the same game??
Had myself a nice little 10 pitch inning. Maybe, I do have my HOF stuff today.
I’m ready to show that sissy Bronson that he’s nothing special. Watch me bat, fellas. I’ve been working on my Jacques Jones pose.
Of, MLB, Sportsline, Yahoo, and myself, I seem to be running ahead. Besides, my new look is pretty nice.
Couldn’t we find someone better than Neifi to take RonCe under his wing? Do we want him to suck?
That Neifi can hurt you in so many ways.
Shit. I blame Neifi.
Jerk.
Oh well… back to dealin’.
I’m ON today.
Innuendo is fun.
FEAR MY HEAVY GOLD STICK!!!
I think I just struck out the side.
Glendon is a fag.
You win this round Senor Maddux, but I be back!
is there golf on today or what? Maddux have an early tee time?
Watching Maddux pitch must be so boring that Ron is fishing for compliments on his new walking stick from Pat. Ron describes it as having a gold knob and is really hung well. Pat says it’s very sturdy and heavier than the last one.
Yeah….nice “walking stick,” Ron.
Hey, guy who’s annoyed by Pat’s Mur-Ton (what’s the deal with that, does he also say Billy Mar-Tin?), check this out. It’s like Year 3 of Aram and Len decides it’s pronounced Arameese. Shut up Len.
I should not be engaged in between a play-by-play man, and a legless should-be HOFer during a radio broadcast of a ballgame.
Please stop. Stop.
Yesterday it was a homer an inning. Today it’s an error an inning.
When are the cardinals coming back to town?
Scott Hatteberg–pickin’ machine!
Stop testing my defense bitches!
My gamecast is the balls. But, like MLB’s Gamecast, there’s all this superflous foul territory that doesn’t exist.
Its me Slaky. yes, I cannot stand that.
#91, Len is doing his best impression of me.
That’s four….four errors….aah aah aah aah!!!
(thunder clap)
Is my new nickname E-5?
The Reds love us
The Cubs are a bunch of chaters
The Cubs are a bunch of cheaters
What in the hell is going on…I didn’t call for that!
Don’t worry guys, Lucky put a sleeping pill in Dusty’s water and he fell back asleep. I’m still in charge!
6 dingers yesterday, working towards 6 doofuses today.
Who clapped the ether-soaked rag over Dusty’s mouth and replaced him with Whitey Herzog?
Nice Moneyball reference, #95.
and i thought the Pacers didn’t play defense
My ERA is going down this inning, female doges
Thats five, five errors! Aah, aah, aah, aahhhhh!
(thunder clap)
Obviously, these Reds didn’t watch my videos.
Hey! Who let these little leaguers on our field?
it’s EDWIN dammit. EDWIN!
These guys are shitty.
It’s not my fault. I think that crafty veteran Maddux has been putting snot on the ball.
hey sports fans.
did you know the 3 hitters in the NL with the highest SLG. % against lefties last year were 1) Derrek Lee, 2) Aramis Ramirez, 3) Michael Barrett.
HEY, reave us arone
5 Reds errors and not one of them committed by me?
Someone get that guy a Cookie Burger!
Damn, Dad was right. That fucking catcher can’t do anything right if it doesn’t involve swinging the bat.
They’re still shitty
C is for Selig, it’s good enough for me!
Obviously not, #113. Hey any chance you have a less gay-looking hat for me to wear for the next commercial shoot?
Hey Look! A Hobart guy wrote into Santo with a bitter tone!
That’s great, Bill. Do you recall who finished 4th?
Hey 2005,
what’s your point,
I’m just saying, it wasn’t because the cubs couldn’t hit lefties.
Ground balls? How the hell are you getting those, Greg?
WAIT, I’m suppose to catch those throws? DAMN no one told me.
Told you I can’t throw.
Was my mask on when I botched that play at the plate?
Nice to see Meathead’s eyes nowhere near the ball on that relay throw.
There goes the no-hitter.
I run like a Welshman.
Yup, Barrett was wearing a Reagan mask when I got there
You want me to hit or you want me to catch? I ain’t doin’ BOTH. At least not in the same game.
Me neither.
Anyone watching the game, whose fault was that run? The way Pat described it, the relay throw from Ronny was terrible practically at Barrett’s shoes. Was it catchable? Could Hank White have made the play? Did the thought of a collision at the plate with E-7 make Barrett “miss” the throw?
It was right at my shoes. I kept my mask on for the collision, so I was covered there. Plus, my head is, like, REALLY hard. So, that’s like double coverage.
Was it Barrett that fucked that play up?
I have a one-hitter.
And five strikeouts.
And only 60 pitches.
You other stupid, young punks should take notes on effective use of a soon-to-be 40-year-old rag arm veteran.
I am the smartest man in baseball, and I don’t even exercise.
Considering Michael Barrett is a catcher, shouldn’t he better at, you know, catching the ball?
And there’s your classic Chicago Cubs baserunning!!!
Have apparently forgotten how to run the bases.
I assumed it would be kicked.
Remember me?
In commeration of the anniversary of parting of the Red Sea by my name sake, the cubs are running like me today.
Sucks! but nice try kiddo!
I just said all pictchers have the sort of days where you can’t get the ball where you want it to go.
GlenDone’s problem is he doesn’t have the sort of days when he can.
Ah…
Time for some comfy time on the DL.
Wouldn’t be the 21st Century without me injuring myself.
Hey Dusty, remember the name biotch!!!
Did Griff get hurt?
I sure will Jeremy.
Griffey was taken down for Freel. Probably an injury.
At least I can do one thing right.
There, I got the damn run back. Now quityerbitchin’.
Stiffness in the knee.
I know it’s pronounced “puh-gone” instead of “pa-gan,” but can we just call me the “Oxymoron” anyways?
FYA!
Griffey and the DL go hand in hand like Cheney and buckshots to the face!
is what Griffey REALLY has.
Lopez? Really? I’m getting too old for this shit.
Angel Pagan is hot!
Broken foot. Out 7-8 weeks.
Why is it we have details on injuries to minor league position players, but when it comes to Major League pitching, it’s always a guessing game?
We’re setting the record for double steals today!
Tee time!
Because we don’t depend on Brian Dopirak’s health to keep the illusion alive that we’re good in order to maximize ticket sales…
I was “studying” John Mabry. Weird.
Judging from the comments, I’m lagging by up to five minutes.
(That is all.)
I’m so hot.
Maddog is comming out of the game. I hope they don’t use OHMAN!
I am so sweaty.
I don’t like to run.
Do you really care how rotund i am when i pitch this well?
I like to eat.
WTF?
So the Cubs like to eat. We’ll make more.
Ouch…. Why do you keep hurting me?
I’m getting tired of random people being brought in to butcher “Take Me Out to The Ballgame”. This “tradition” needs to go. Just put on a recording of Harry singing and let everyone sing along.
For the love of God, McDonough, put an end to the Take Me out to the Ball game debacles.
In honor of our mulleted friend, wouldn’t it have to be Oxymoran?
Who was the ceremonial guest hack today?
Who is singing the 7th inning stretch?
Let’s..um…get some runs…yeah….
No Dad, I call the steals today!
Now this is some epic baserunning.
Somebody tape this game and put it in the time capsule! Five Reds’ errors and about 19 Cubs’ baserunning ones.
High school basketball players?? WTF!!!
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
Did I really get caught stealing third and home in the same game??
Back when Bart Colon was traded from the Indians to Expos I was the key component of that trade for the Tribe.
Along with some humps named Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee. Now? Not so much.
My life as a big leaguer just keeps getting crazier. In this game alone, I’ve:
– got 3 RBIs in 3 different ways (SF, single, fielder’s choice / error).
– missed a throw to the plate that could have been an out.
– left first base too soon on a hit & run causing the third out with a runner on third.
– probably missed the hit & run sign and got my teammate thrown out stealing third.
Yes Derrek. But only once was it because I missed the hit and run sign.
Hey everybody! Come see how good I look!
We rarely make it through a Gamecast without several non sequitir Anchorman quotes. What does that say about us?
Oh well.
When in Rome…
This smells worse than the time the raccoon got caught in the mimeograph machine!
That’s cool man. I got 13 million reasons to not hold a grudge. Keep on truckin’ my man.
Just FedEx my Gold Glove over.
Does anyone get the feeling that I’m going to kick Scott Eyre in the head when I come in?
Didn’t Scott Eyre usually pitch outings of an inning or less last year? Because it looks like Dusty is stretching this guy out to give him a start.
Remember that one time when I started at Busch Stadium? Yeah, that was an awesome idea…
How’s that for my Wrigley defense?
Michael, I’m here to deliver your error proof glove. My name? Leon. I used to play baseball.
Leon — keep your glove away from me…
Actually, pitched for longer than an inning many times last year.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/players/gamelog?statsId=5869&year=2005
Thanks #203, glad somebody here isn’t too lazy to do the research.
I would make an excellent Cub. Check swing strike three on a ball in my eyes.
I had the blown save feeling going into this 9th… Please don’t make it interesting Matt, as much as I’d like to tag Mercker for an L.
Web Gem game ender, bitches!
Cubs win!
I think we got a team, Charlie!
I think we got a team!
LOL #206. I was thinking the same thing about Mercker…
CUBS WIN! W’hoo!
Happy Passover folks!
Who the hell is Kent Mercker?
I hate that worthless, whining, left-handed douchebag (Mercker)… He was good for letting inherited runners score… or not getting anyone other than Griffey Jr. out. Maybe that’s why the Reds got him.
Great game from Maddux, and enough sloppy offense to win. Best part about the Gameday Radio broadcast though, hearing “Go Cubs Go” piped in the background after the last out. How old is that song?
What a classic Dempster save.
14 pitches. 6 strikes to 8 balls (1 BB, 1 K).
I am awesome
Go Cubs Go is 22 years old (anthem of ’84 Cubs). They have started playing it after wins, replacing “do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight” as the closing tune.
I wrote “Go, Cubs, Go.”
I also died eleven days before the ’84 playoffs.
What’d I miss?
Did they really replace “Jump” with a Bon Jovi song to start the games?
It was Bon Jovi on sunday, but when they took the field yesterday it was some Cold Play song about mumbling.