Pitching matchup:
Reds: Eric Milton, 1-0, 2.57 ERA
Cubs: The Lawnmower, 0-0, 4.22 ERA
Lineups
Reds (5-3)
Ryan Freel, cf
Felipe Lopez, pg
E-7, lf
Rich “Andy won’t make fun of me batting cleanup this time” Aurilia, ss
Scott “If I had tagged Derrek Lee he’d have been out yesterday” Hatteberg, 1b
Austin kEARnS, rf
Brandon Phillips, 2b
Dave Ross, c
Eric Milton, p “Truth be told I find Milton to be a bore. He’s long winded. Even Mrs. Milton found him to be a bore.”
Cubs (5-2)
Lucky Pierre, cf
Jerry the Lesser, 2b
MV Lee, 1b
Look Who’s Batting Cleanup! Matt Murton, lf
Angel Pagan, rf
Ron(ny) Ce(deno), ss
Neifi!, 3b
Hank White, c
Big Z, p
(Man, the ass really falls out of that batting order, doesn’t it?)
BREEEEEEEEEAVEE!
Brave!
Unless someone discovers power, or DLee tags Milton for a few bombs, the Cubs are gonna have to win with me today, doges.
Over/Under for Cubs HR today= 2.5
Damn, FINALLY I get some freakin’ protection in the lineup. Thanks daddy… uh… Dusty.
Did somebody say ass?
um, today’s not your day. it’s eric friggin milton dude.
Is it me, or does the power go nothing…D Lee…Hank and Big Z?
This line-up would be so much better if I was batting 5th.
I had Brandons Phillips in roto when he was in Montreal’s system. Nice to see he didn’t break my heart by kicking ass in the AL. Welcome back, Brandon. Here’s Carlos.
am i seriously batting cleanup today?
oh. well, that’s cool, I guess…whatever
One down,
I mow you down on by one beetches
I’m really annoying.
Does Santo know any adjectives besides me?
I love Wrigley. Love it.
MOM! CAN YOU GET ME SOME CLEAN UNDERWEAR, PLEASE?
Yes, I do know other adjectives, however I have to mumble them to keep my job.
I mean seriously, has there ever been a bigger Cub-Killer?
I am insane at this park.
Uh, Big Z, or Toro, or whatever you want to call yourself: It’s called “keeping the ball down.” Look into it, kid.
I heard the crack of that bat here
Why am I dropping down so much? Didn’t I used to throw over the top more?
You tell ’em, Greg.
I was a bigger Cub killer than Adam Dunn….
Maybe I throw a 6-inning game with 6 solo HRs and 12 Ks. Deal… or no deal?
not really.
don’t forget about me Schmidt.
God, do I have show these stupid punk kids how to throw a 84-mph change-up?
These kids are so dumb, I take dumps smarter than them.
Milton is from State College PA? Guh, all the reason I need to hate his tall, left-handed, lollipop throwing ass.
Don’t forget me. I killed the Cubs both as an opponent and as a player.
I gave up 40 HRs last year. The line-up Dusty put together today won’t sniff 3 HRs off me.
I am so annoying…
If Milton beats Zambrano, get your Wrigley playoff tickets, cuz hell froze over.
Don’t worry. I’ll get this thing started. How about that 10 pitch AB?!
Damn Lopez…
The power is off at Wrigley Field!
Nice uniforms!
You all look like big blueberries!
i must be running slow, number 33
are great, but we want Milton IN the game as long as possible in this case.
Hope you all still enjoy my grunting after each Cub out.
Gah! Ugh! Jee!
Should I go full-tilt and just let fly with “Sonuvabitch!”
Hey, anyone want a job?
The only air time I get these days is when I’m done with my blog, and Pat goes to..uh…release his.
You don’t want to get into us!
Most of the balls are hit right at the cubs on deck circle.
I’m 5-12 lifetime against Mil-Ton.
No wonder Walker sits.
fear me?
Nice to see Jerry annoying somebody other than us. How many pitches is this at bat now? 40?
Of course now Jerry’s just annoying the umpire.
Am I at two dozen yet? Pretty close…
Hey Hairston, swing at strikes when the count is full.
Man, why am I on the bench again?
Now that they’re paying me like Sammy, I’m going to start running the bases like him! Len just explained that yesterday when I got nailed by 20 feet at third base in the seventh, I heard the ball hit the catcher’s mitt and thought it was a foul ball so I stopped running. Nice.
At this rate, even if I throw a perfect game, it will take 300 pitches.
Same pitch as strike three to Jerry. That’s the advantage of having your knees higher off the ground.
Or something.
Just went yard  game tied 1-1.
Or, that’s what I wished I typed instead of
Just walked.
Dusty said that when I bat fourth I can’t take any pitches.
I wish I was getting paid like Sammy.
I won 2 games with as many pitches this year.
Thanks, Matt.
I hate to keep throwing the ball to the plate. It feels like exercise, so I do it as little as possible.
Yeah, cause those paychecks I’ve been getting this season are for mucho, mucho dinero.
The chickens are all dancing around, buddy!
Chuck says my agent is better than yours Derrek.
We gone.
“hey these new hot tubs are great!”
“yeah, i know, …pass the nerve tonic!”
“muy caliente!”
So will I enter the game in the 5th or 6th inning?
#58 is me.
Is the Cub Killer convention still going on?
Greg, what kind of workout are you on? Cut it out, man. Seriously.
#60 is me.
I make 50 G’s a day dude.
Carlos’ slider is filthy!
I look pretty filthy today.
Get Waveland ready, boys! I’m parking two out there today!
One’s a Land Rover, the other is my wife’s BMW.
Gracias!
Two for flinching
I’m nasty
If you threw positions out of the mix, don’t you think today’s lineup on merit would be:
Lucky
Cedeno
Lee
Zambrano
Murton
Pagan
Hairston
Hank
Neifi
Matt Murton?
I’ve seen filthier. In fact, I am filthier.
Yeah, I’m batting .500, sac bunt with no outs, good idea huh?
Speaking of dumbass, did Brenly just use the phrase “Neifi’s POWER side”??!!
Yeah, they saw my power.
I have Big Z protecting me. Pitch to me doges.
I am indeed a gazelle in left.
Yeah, especially since you looked so good at the plate yesterday, Ronny.
Am i guest manager today? Our #6 hitter just bunted
Just missed that one.
By a yard.
Between-innings-thought: So what’s all this about the Saints possibly signing me to an offer sheet?
I missed that one on purpose. I’m setting up the pitcher for my next AB. Lulling him into a false sense of security man.
Milton 38 pitches.
Carlos 35 pitches….through 2 innings.
Pfft. Make fun of my VORP, will you? Just wait till I come up again. You’re going to feel my VORP upside your heads, Desipiots.
Can’t Neifi learn to “sell” that check-swing in the dirt? He looks as guilty as sin. Reminds of Richard Fain on MNF with the pass interference.
Stop looking at the ump when you check-swing.
Jerry couldn’t “sell” his walk, BTW, ’cause he’s a punk ass.
Len just said Carlos is working at a good pace….. Good pace for what? taking a shower at 3?
I hit like my brother BOB
Heheh… fear my speed.
If you can tolerate my groans at the slightest problem– i.e. Carflos’ balk–you should kill yourself.
Time for Hank to beat the shit out of Carlos
If you can tolerate the fact that I groan at every stinking thing, like Big Z’s balk and HBP, kill yourself.
Keel that, Toro.
Throw a strike, kid.
Boy I’m telling you, NOBODY gets better while pitching for me.
Now that’s a blow up! I like this guy, Z!
Always impressive to see Carlos maintain his composure.
Balk.
HBP
Three run homer to Judy Lopez.
What were you doing, Hank? We ALL could see Z needed a slap.
can’t let eric milton steal dude.
NOW it’s okay to groan, Ronnie.
How obvious was it that Carlos was going to fall apart after that balk?
Christ on a bike.
It’s tough love, Chuck. He WANTED me to slap him.
Uh, Andy? That would be Nancy Lopez. Learned her swing from her hubby.
Too soon to mention I’ve got Felipe Lopez?
I’m surprised they’re not playing that Arroyo guy. Now he can really hit.
FYC
duh…um let me look at this bat again…duh
Cubs will win this game. Start yer drinking now.
Glendon has thrown two 0-2 pitches to Bronson this year. Bronson’s 2-2 with two homers on those pitches.
Nice.
Well, I say it’s official. Greg Maddux, signed two years ago to be our 5th starter, is now the ace of the staff.
don’t hit homeruns off Carlos. It only makes him angry.
Now I smash the ball!!!
I will destroy this ball.
how bout I jus go and heet milton in de face with de bat instead.
how bout I jus go and heet milton in de face with de bat instead.
Am I supposed to catch the ball on the fly? I forget…
Two out rally, anyone?
Shoulda sat in left yesterday. WAY more material to ride Dunn.
That guy makes ME look good out there…
Another Cubbie Brain-Freezeâ„¢ as Zambrano tried to throw to first without Lee holding the runner on (the speedy Eric Mil-Ton).
I thought that one was gone, too.
Great. Here I come again…
I would cement myself forever if I were to become ace and pitching coach for the World Champion Cubs. Big Z’s starting to look like he’s been stuck in idle for 13 months.
While Larry gets paid.
Let me go out there and talk to Carlos
My glove does the talking for me.
Can we shift some momentum with our 3rd inning?
The Cubbies are losing. I need a juice box!
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47426&rss=1
the truth is here!!!
Make that FOURTH inning.
I am such good shape this year that I can pitch every other day, if needed.
Forty is the new twenty!
I’d better get off of Z’s computer and get ready to hit.
If we’re having this much trouble with the Reds, can a sweep in Pissburgh be in the offing?
See? That’s how ya do it.
I could have made that grab…on the moon, where no zero gravity.
I love batting clean-up.
End communication.
Len just correctly said my name.
Ronnie still ALWAYS refers to me as “Gene Cline”
Neifi RARELY has met a first pitch he didn’t like.
That Gene Cline, he does the work of two men.
Who feels like playing some catch with me?
I swing at the first pitch too!!!
And the second!! Wheee!!!
And the third!!! Whoopeee!!!
Another K for Dusty’s kid.
Neifi what’d Mike D. tell you about selling it? Run to first, dickface.
8 pitches, 1 ER. If you’re gonna give up a run, that’s how you do it.
That’s one run. You’ll get plenty more by the 6th inning.
Boy for a Super Bowl coach, Mike Holmgren’s got some stone hands.
Somebody staple E-Ramis’ ass muscle back on and get him out there. This lineup is shockingly bad without he and Barrett.
I’m Z’s worst nightmare
WTF?
Len also says my name correctly, Pérez, not Per-EZ.
I got good wood, baby
These are the kiss of death this season, they need to go!!
Again. Fear my speed!
With Pierre in center and Pagan in right, how the fuck does a pitcher hit a HR? One of those two should have had the ball in hand before he even started rounding second.
What, Dave? Three years? Fresh start? Work with Leyland? Sound sgreat but I’ll have to turn it down. I’m really happy where I’m at. Nothing is expected of me here. Carlos Zambrano? I can’t reach him, but it doesn’t matter.
er, triple.
Aw crap. It doesn’t matter anyway.
Yeah, it’s not my day today.
Someone check Big Z’s pockets for me.
Good thing your dumbfuck pitcher made a play on me at third. WTF?
What a creative way to erase the run you just scored… give up a triple to the pitcher and then toss the ball into the stands on a pickoff throw to third.
I swear, little leaguers couldn’t invent that one.
Zambrano needs less of me…
Available in the stands behind third base.
I think Carlos’ head is in me.
Somebody tell Carlos his act is a lot cuter when he’s not getting rocked by Eric Milton.
Maybe Z wouldn’t do something so patently stupid if his Dad was in the front row screaming at him.
Is Carlos completely insane.
Somebody please explain.
2 pickoff attempts on Eric Milton?
One w/ nobody covering 1st base.
One with Milton on 3rd?
I am completely confused.
We fear no Cub. Not Rusch, not Zambrano. Usually, not Maddux. We’re Cub Kryptonite.
neither team really needs me in this series. you know, with all of this great baseball being played…
Hey guys, could you help pull Z’s head out of me?
I agree, CT (165). The Big Z and Whitey jokes ain’t as funny when they ought to be gearing up to take the series from freaking Cincy.
(In Spanish)
THe fuck’s wrong with you. The guy’s the pitcher.
that is how you get a base hit!
Sorry, Hank. Keep it real.
Fear my nine iron.
I glad I take those golf lessons from Greggie
¡Olé!
I taught Big Z how to hit like that.
I couldn’t beat that out?
2 on, none out and the top of the order coming up. Where’s the Rally Carp?
I am being flooded with traffic from a bunch of idiots trying to find a picture of the rally carp.
First game, Reds have 10 hits, 6 dingers, solo shots in each of the first 4 innings.
Second game, Cubs score 4 on 5 Reds’ errors.
Third game, Carlos freaks out because a pitcher is on base and gives up runs.
I’m glad I’m listening – as opposed to watching… I’m not sure I’d believe any of it… or more likely that I’d gouge my eyes out with a spork if I watched it.
Sorry, CT. The Rally Carp’s busy.
I’m giving some ass to Greggie for that performance yesterday. Hey Chris, hold the camera still stupid!
Clutch?
Looks like it might be up to me.
Pitch around Derrek at your own risk, Uncle Milty.
I’ve got another dinger in me today.
There is no joy in Naperville, Jerry.
The bases are loaded and so am I!
Bases loaded. Two outs. Game’s on the line. Let’s see how Murton handles me today.
Can I bat now?
Dolan or Masur?
Sign seen at Wrigley:
“Today is my birthday and all I want is a Cubs win.”
You’ll get nothing! And like it!
Oh, for a long one!
Both Matt and I came through on that one. 5-3.
Score 2 folks!
Looks like I was serious
Look! MORE Adam Dunn tomfoolery.Thanks, guy!
That’s my boy!!!
Thank god for Adam DH-unn.
Is that what it’s called when I call time out to dig into the box?
Pressure, I piss on you…
I’m your friend. Anyone else find 5 runs on 3 hits for the Reds sad, if not pathetic?
What happened, did Dunn slip on his VORP?
Honesty compels me to say that you are all going to hell for laughing at 201!
Andy, I vote that Murton be referred to as “Papa Gitles” in Desipio GameCast Lineups from now on…
But I can’t handle it yet…
Gotta admit, Chuck. That’s not bad. DHunn. Heh, heh.
The next time that Milton get on base, I throw the ball onto Sheffield.
I second morpheus.
Morpheus, if only it were true.
If only.
Sigh.
Have we had a Colon Blow sighting this year? Are pics enabled?
So far, the least productive cleanup hitter the Cubs have used this season is E-ramis.
Does Chuck’s surname rhyme with griddles or witless?
I’ll have to find the code that allows pics to be included.
That’s the downside to changing the look, I lost all of the modifications. That’s why it took me two hours on opening day to get the damn “Slow Down Cowboy” to stop popping up every two minutes.
In my mind, I pronounce it like Jake’s last name (with a t in it) from Chinatown.
So, Git-less.
Hey, guys. What time does the Cubs game start today. I fell asleep at my desk and dreamt that the Cubs were getting pantsed by Eric F. Milton and that Carlos was sucking ass….
What? Oh, no.
Watch Baseball Tonight on Sunday. If they show Dunn’s muff (heh heh), I’ll break out the “You’re with me, leather” just for him.
I thought it was like “Vittles…”
At least my BA (.174) is still higher than Adam DHunn’s FPC.
I do not tip pizza deliverymen, because I can pick up my own pizza. I do not tip cab drivers because I can drive my own car. I do tip my urologist however, as I can not pulverize my own kidney stones.
The witless wonder’s name rhymes with victuals.
I went from lucky to get off the bench last season, and now I’m a cleanup hitter?
Say that again, Wife. Couldn’t hear you.
My brother is high. Ignore him.
is Mike Murton??
GIT-uhlz.
Pronounce it with two “T”s, spell it with one. Or, as my old friend Loren Roseman said back in 6th grade, “G-I-T-T-L-E-S with one ‘T’.”
Douchebags of a feather flock together
What, is it free pink hats for fat women day at Wrigley?
Where is that Cub Killer convention again?
Like us, only gayer!
Feel me???
I so would have given a shout-out to the “HWFC” had that ball travelled 15 more feet.
Mierda!
I think I’m the more appropriate name.
WGN Viewer: Pink’s what happens when you get a little red in you.
We’re in Oakwood Room, #230.
Can I get my job back, just so I could sit in the press box right now with the 7th inning stretch singers?
Please. Stop. Now.
Not a pink hat among ’em.
I have a MP3 of Harry Carry doing the 7th Inning Stretch (the Cubs were probably losing as it includes a “let’s get some runs!”). If anyone would prefer to mute their television or radio and listen to it, I’ll send it to your email address.
Who is killing the 7th inning stretch today?
John McDHunn-uh.
That’s Me! Jerry Hairston, Jr.!! Where do I pick up my prize?
Or, as they’re known around here, Sloth-bait.
Someone blinked during me. Can I get a recap?
Thank’s #245. Glad i don’t have to hear or watch it.
Their too old for me.
#246,
Walker first pitch, flyout. Pierre with his 657th slap to an infielder for 6-3, Hairston, who gives a fuck? 1-2-3. Cubs better get ’em in eighth or we’ve coughed up yet another series to Cincinnati, folks.
They’re too old for me.
This could be a long half inning.
#248.
Sloth has one of me. He know’s it’s “they’re”. Troll.
Who let Ohman back in the fuckin’ park man!!
Thanks Mike.
So much for freedom of speech…
Sorry, blood was redirected further south for a sec.
Sloth also has one of me. I’ve gotten in the way of spelling before in favor of lolitas.
I’m not sure deserves an @ss whipping more, Rucsh or Ohman!!
Can anyone tell me why this penis with a hat still throws for us??
Did someone say Glendon Rusch?!
Thanks, Will.
More like Howthefuck.
Good news! I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Over
Can I get a mulligan?
I was due to not do well.
But get ready to tie the can to that worthlesws POS Ohman. Way to bounce back from your pants-crapping effort on Tuesday, schmuck.
Yeah, Bobby. Me too.
Just as he hit that I was thinking, man, Howry’s stretch motion is exactly the same as laTroy’s. My fault. sorry
Hey, remember how in 2003 the Reds were in first place for most of April and May even though everybody knew they sucked and then the Cubs won the division?
Yes, that’s just me grasping at straws. This was abysmal today. Actually worse than Tuesday if possible.
Sure, I’d be happy to catch a bus to Pissburgh.
And for my next brilliant move, watch me pitch hit with Barrett or E-ramis down by five runs!!
I don’t have to read that crap about scoring an insurance run today, do I? I mean, AAA can’t be paying us that much, can they?
For Rusch and Ohman!!!!!
Now I let E-Ramis pinch hit. I’ve never seen a man’s ass fall off before.
Ooooh, Merker’s warming up in the bullpen….
Thank god for Maddux. I can’t express how disappointed I am in Zambrano. How does he not take the Series while facing these chumps a second time in a week? Somethings smells foul in Caracas, and it ain’t Hank’s chili.
Now that’s how you run one out.
Who the fuck’s Kent Mercker?
Now that’s how you rub one out…
Just, guh.
Carlos needs to pull his #1 out of his #2 for this team to be any threat at any point this season.
I’m up next.
Who the H_ll am I?
At least I’m helping beat the Cardinals for you.
Something tells me that “A Pleasure to Watch” will not be the title of tomorrow’s Daily Dose.
To 282:
No matter. Cub play better on the road of late anyway. It’s the Reds. As long they’re done with this goddamn team for a while, I don’t care where they’re playing. Christ. Cincy kills us, and it hurts more because we all know they they suck. It was one thing to get pounded on by the Phillies in the late 70’s, but this is the freaking Reds. They scored a ton this week but they’ll STILL struggle to win 75 games.
We just don’t understand.
Neither will “Cubs Pitching Dominates”.
We feel the same way about the cubs, 286.
Don’t worry guys, I haven’t gotten any better since last Sunday. I haven’t found a way to get rid of the foul stench coming from my pants, either.
But we’ve been, on balance, GOOD the last 3 years.
Cincy blows.
I know how it feels, jason. I know how it feels.
Call me, Izzy. We’ll talk bleach and tighty whities, k?
Good luck to Juan Pierre when he tries to get “Furcal money” on the free agent market next year.
Hank White/Lucky Pierre double steal?
Oakland Room, eh?
Zambrano pitches like a he’s forgotten how to be a major leaguer. Eric Milton gives up on HR to Orange Guy when the wind is blowing out. Mercker strikes out the side in the 9th. Cincy takes the series.
Welcome to crazy world.
And is it just me, or is Fast Freddie a waste of a roster spot?
Doug,
Yes.
Gotta like seeing Jerry the Lesser trying for a 5 run shot with two on. Take the walk, dumbass.
Yes, 9 road games are coming up. So are about 5 or 6 losses.
You have to remember we did a super job on the road last year.
290, you call 2005 GOOD?