During the Royals-Phillies World Series more than two decades ago, George Brett made headlines for his battle with ‘roids. You didn’t know that, did you? That’s right, the Hall of Famer himself, the guy who hilariously hides knives in “friends” carry on luggage and draws a paycheck, still, from the KC Royals, went public with his ‘roid problems.
When people talk about ‘roids, they talk boldly about Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi, they mock indignation about Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, they hail Jose Canseco as a ‘stand up guy’ and they pity poor, dead, puffed up Gary Allan look-a-like Ken Caminiti.
But nobody says anything about Brett? How is this fair. If people credit all of Barry Bonds’ recent success on ‘roids, why not George? He hit almost .400 in 1980. Then, his secret got out. In the World Series against the Phillies he had to leave game two because of the ‘roids. Busted!
They caught him red-handed! Or at least red pantsed.
Twenty-six years later and Barry Bonds is being booed mercilessly on the road. He had a syringe thrown at him in San Diego (probably by an illegal immigrant) and a tube of toothpaste with a hilarious home-made “The Cream” label on it in Phoenix.
Nobody threw anything at George. Why is that? Why pick on poor Barry and not on George?
Is it because George is white?
Or could it be that we somehow find hemorrhoids to be more acceptable than steroids? After all hemorrhoids are funny (as Don Zimmer proved in his epic commercial a few years back) as long as they happen to somebody else.
How could the world’s nastiest fans–the Phillies phaithful–not throw Tucks medicated pads or those bullet shaped Preparation H’s at George? I’m aghast.
Now the focus is on how relevant any of the hitting records are. Thanks to the juice crew, anybody in shape is under scrutiny.
If Tony Gwynn had hit .400 in 1994, that accomplishment would go unchecked because he’s fat. It’s a known fact that if you take steroids you cannot be fat. That’s why only the skinny NFL linemen ever flunk them. Huh?
 How do we know Roger Maris was clean? He looked hopped up on Mylanta to me.
I go back and forth with my reaction to the hand-wringing over Bonds. Barry’s a five-tool tool, there’s no doubt about that, and his complete lack of likeability certainly makes him an even easier target.
If the whole thing though, has the feel of a witch hunt to it, at least Keith Olbermann has reminded us that in order for it to be a witch hunt, you can’t have any witches. Barry’s broom may not have any bristles on it, but you half expect to see him in the dugout stirring a cauldron. One that has his arthritic knee in it.
huh?
And about us???????
I’m this post. This post is me.
MY DR SAID MYLANTA!
OW! That little bitch Furcal. Well, cya in 2007.
I throw up an elbow at D LEE, and the pitcher also comes out on the same play, then I steal 2nd on the next pitch?
Does this not earn me a beaning first time up next time?
This is a good post. It appears when the Cubs are succesful and no one has anything to whine about they post crap like this. I dont know about you, but I will take these posts all year if it means the Cubs are winning.
was a long way to go for a joke about ‘roids and ‘roids. Dolan’s either drinking too much, or not enough, to crank out his usual excellence, I figure. But at least we know his official position on Barry Bonds. Sort of. Thank God for that. This was the one media outlet remaining which had not checked in on the subject.
Yes! I can start a scrapbook now. Who’s Ken Caminiti?
With this kind of writing, you could work for the Tribune!! How many crayons did you break?
when did Andy start posting BC’s articles under his name?
All the people who are complaining are me.
#12, they are all me.
I should be sufficient enough reason for Andy to make a Dose. C’mon baseball season is going on. Get off your crack binge and write more Doses! I need to feel worse about the Cubs!
Thanks for writing that I will never hit under .300 the other day… haven’t been above .300 since! Please don’t say you think I will get laid every night, I”m afraid of your vodoo
I’m pretty bitter that this is my replacement. It’s like when Ronny had to watch Neifi “shine” everyday last September.
I think Andy meant that Matt Murton would never drop below a .300 average for his career.
12, 13 and 17 are me.
Yay, Andy’s celebrating me.
Because Murton is born-again he’s not allowed to get me until marriage.
I’m out 8-10 weeks. That’s why Andy didn’t want to talk about the Cubs in today’s dose.
I’m hitting the fan right now.
Good question beneath the “mouse-over”.
I was an unspectacular hitter prior to 1961, and burst out of nowhere to hit 61. Tales are told about how I lost my hair, and I did die relatively young from cancer. Hmm, indeed. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
Is Over.
Or at least that’s what one of you losers will write.
I am so clever. I write a subject under “name” and then under the comments section, I pretend that I am the verb. I am so funny.
You are all a bunch of freaking losers.
I also love to take it in the trunk.
If I were a verb, I’d be an imperfect subjunctive.
I guess being the AL MVP in 1960 was evidence enough of me being “unspectacular.”