This was a big weekend for a lot of the teams we follow here. The Bears drafted every player they could off the worst Florida Gators team in ten years. The Cubs frittered away two of three games in Denver. The Sox got booed a lot and still won two of three from the Twins. But the biggest disaster of the weekend happened in South Bend, Indiana. And no, it didn’t even have anything to do with a player or a coach or a fan.

Notre Dame ruined the coolest uniforms in college football.

Yikes! Are you kidding me? I’m getting nauseous. Somebody get me some Pepto. No, no time for that, how about a large bucket?

These are a joke, right? Just to make the Blue and Gold game at the end of spring practice really Blue and GOLD, right? Hey, a guy can dream.

You’ve got to hand it to Ty Willingham. He’s a sharp guy. He decided that the best way to quell any talk of a quarterback controversy over the summer was to have Carlyle Holiday hand off twice and then jog to the sidelines while Chris Olsen and Pat Dillingham handled the QB duties. If Holiday didn’t have any stats to compare with Olsen’s, you couldn’t say Olsen should be starting.

Genius. I tell you, the man is a genius.

And Ty? It didn’t work.

Oops.

I have a lot of draft stuff and you are in luck, because today marks the debut of a new feature here at Desipio Media Ventures. It’s a little thing we like to call “After Further Review”. This semi-regular (aren’t we all?) column will become the home for our reviews of all kinds of things. For example, the Cubs Report–which you all seem to love–will live there. So will columns on the state of the race in the NL Central or AL West or whatever. So will our thoughts on things like the NFL Draft, the NBA Draft, the Bears season. Basically, if it’s already happened and we feel the need to go into detail about it, that’s where the column will be.

It’s also just a cool way to have an excuse to sell T-shirts with Ed Hochuli or Johnny Greer on them.

OK, maybe not.

But the Dose deserves at least a passing mention of the draft. I’m no Mel Kiper, but here are three fundamental things I know about the draft.

1) Short quarterbacks aren’t worth first round draft picks.
2) Never, ever, draft a white defensive back.

I’m not going to say anything, but:
Rex Grossman=5’8 in high heels.
Todd Johnson=whiter than I am.

But that’s just me.

The Bears wanted Rex Grossman, and that’s fine. He was a stud quarterback at Florida, and we know those guys are always superstars in the NFL. In fact, this summer I’m going to Canton, Ohio to check out the bust of Kerwin Bell at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Huh?

The reason the Bears took Rex in the first round instead of waiting to take him with the 35th pick in the second round was that the Green Bay Packers told everybody and their mother that they wanted Rex. The thought of going from Brett Farvuhruh to Sexy Rexy was too much for Jerry Angelo to bear.

I actually like the pick, despite my cheapshots above. Grossman can throw the ball, and that’s always the first priority of a quarterback. He’ll get a lot of Cade McNown comparisons (especially if he wears his beloved number eight), but those aren’t fair. Cade was a gunslinger without a gun. He had an average arm. Cade is also a little on the dumb side. Honestly, the reason he’s failed in the NFL is because he’s dumb and lazy. Grossman is neither of those things. If anything, he struggled last year at Florida because he’s too smart. He knew when the great Ron Zook and Ed Zaunbrecher had sent in a bad play. He tried to fix it. Sometimes he didn’t have the right personnel on the field for his fix to work. He forced throws, and took too much of the offensive load on his shoulders. I didn’t want him in Green Bay, either. I think he’s going to be a good player in this league.

But I still think when all was said and done; he’d have been there in the second round.

Still no word from Champaign about who the new head men’s basketball coach will be. Every day brings a new frontrunner and this weekend seemed to put Dana Altman in the pole position. I think it’d be great. I mean, really, that’s a bold, progressive move, naming a woman to be a head men’s coach. I think she’ll do fine.

What? Oh. You mean this is the same Dana Altman who crashed and burned at Kansas State in the wake of the Lon Kruger era? Ahh, that’s a fine precedent to follow.

Kevin Millwood of the Phillies threw a no-hitter yesterday and thanks to the good folks at DirecTV I got to see it. The Fox Sports Net Bay Area crew of Duane Kiper and Mike Krukow (my favorite announcing team) started advocating bunting from about the seventh inning on. Somewhere, Bob Brenley’s mustache had a seizure. I agreed, though. It was a 1-0 game. The Giants hadn’t had a man past first base. You’ve got to try something.

Instead, they just flailed away and got no-hit.

And I think they noticed this on their flight home to San Francisco yesterday afternoon: the next three starting pitchers they face are Kerry Wood, Matt Clement and Mark Prior. Muahahahahahahaha!

The NBA Playoffs featured a number of great games. My favorite moment of the weekend came in the Boston-Indiana game yesterday. Boston is in the midst of a huge third period run to erase a double digit deficit and take a double digit lead. Isiah Thomas is looking confused at staring at the scoreboard muttering, “I should call a timeout, but I have nothing to say.” Meanwhile, Paul Pierce is running the clock down for one last shot and chatting with the poor sap (Al Harrington, I believe) trying to cover him. Pierce says something like, “You can’t stop me,” takes a jab step at the defender and lauches a 30 footer as the period runs out. He drains it and the Pacers might as well have gotten on the bus and gone home.

Before we get to the draft, Jake found this stuff on Iowa State Coach Larry Eustacy and it’s great.

The Des Moines Register has an article on a campus party at Missouri that Eustacy and one of his players attended after a Cyclone loss to the Tigers in January. Larry is quoted by party attendees as saying, “My team sucks.” No argument here, Larry. But his best comment was this one to a Mizzou coed, and it shines some light on Bill Self’s desire to coach at Kansas. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you going to KU? The girls down there are much hotter. You belong there.”

Here are the photos that one of the party goers took. My favorite things. 1) K-State kids drink Natural Light. Yikes. 2) Larry likes to kiss fat girls.

It’s a good thing that we have a source at a major publication in Columbia, Missouri. Drew Lawrence was hanging with Justin Gage when he became a Bear.

Rosey with some good stuff, and some stuff on the Sox.

Don Pierson says this draft will be judged on the play of one man. And no, it’s not Brock Forsey.

Jerry Angelo loves Florida. Hey, how about moving back there?

Angelo thinks Justin Gage will push David Terrell. How about pushing Dez White instead?

The Irish had the second most players drafted. They also had the most drafted on day two. Talk about your dubious honor.

Here’s the thing about Jerry Manuel getting tossed on purpose yesterday. The Sox played great without him. Does that really help Jerry’s case, or just prove he’s superfluous?

Rick Morrissey says that Manuel just keeps his fire to himself. Uhh…that’s great?

Sammy didn’t homer in Coors and the Cubs lost two of three. No coincidence there.

Shawn Estes is hurt! Hooray! Alan Benes is next in line to start. Boooo!

Thad Matta’s not really telling recruits much. Oh, really.

Mariotti put down the doughnut to bore us to tears about Jerry Manuel today, so we’ll link to his semi-interesting column on Rex Grossman from yesterday.

Are the Cubs folding? They could be…they might be…they…?

Ron Guenther’s safety net has Rob Judson written all over it.

Underwear supermodel Len Pasquarelli loved the Ravens’ draft.

Len’s not so hot on the Bears, though.

The Texans drafted Drew Henson. But why? They can’t afford him even if he wants to go there. You can’t pay two QBs that kind of money.

Peter Gammons on Detroit’s lone bright spot.

Can’t anybody shut Drew Rosenhaus up? Ever?

Spanish-yes.com’s John Donovan says the Tigers are even worse than last year. Wow.

Apparently Derek Crudup doesn’t know what a redneck is.

Hillary finally submitted her book. Wow, I really can’t wait to not read it.

Sidney Blumenthal’s book will also suck.

Tariq Aziz says Saddam is still alive.

America’s Finest News Source on Fox’s great new idea about how to pick leaders for the new Iraq.