Ooh, cross town humiliation. Brought to you by:
Pitching matchup:
White Sox: Matt Karchner…no, wait, Jon Garland, 6-3, 5.76 ERA
Cubs: Sean Marshall, 4-6, 5.13 ERA
Lineups
Pablo Escobar, lf (Where is Scotty Fabulous? BC will be so hurt.)
Todd Iguchi, 2b
Paul Konerko, 1b (The big ladies love Paulie.)
Jermaine Go Ahead and Dye Already, rf
AJ Asshole, I mean, Eyechart, c
Joe Crede, 3b (Nice mullet, kid.)
Juan Gonzalez…Uribe, ss No, wait it was the guy from the Giants who changed his name, right?
Brian “The Real Suckerpuncher” Anderson, cf
Jon Garland, p
Cubs
Unlucky Pierre, cf
Disgusted Bat Flip, 2b
MV Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Jock, rf
Blousey McOversizedJersey, lf
Sluggo, c
Ron Ce, ss
Sean Marshall, p
Might as well start things out properly.
Sigh. Html skilz not up to par today.
http://images.stltoday.com/stltoday/resources/pierzynski20story.jpg
………………
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!
Priceless.
Please remove your caps and observe a moment of silence in memory of the Cubs’ 2006 season.
Not to bring up a current pissing match over at the jerkoff playground, but this weekend could be tragic. Sigh.
If this game gets out of hand, I’m just going to starting calling chin music at random intervals. That’ll keep everyone entertained!
# of runs Sox score in first for innings: 7
I’m banning trans fats for that Carlton FIsk fan there.
I have Jermaine on my fantasy team and I need a three-run homer really badly. This sucks.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
No. 9, I hope you’re right. I’ve got the over, which is 10 1/2. I’m guessing the Sox will have to score at least 11 for me to win my bet.
Gameday says “Injury Delay.” Could someone who’s actually watching the game please let us know what’s going on?
Don’t worry BC! Here I am! Love me some more!
Nine runs to go!
Wha? Happened?
shit, why not run on Jones, Cora?
I might be good someday. That day is quite a long time hence.
8 runs to go!
Why is Guillen batting Anderson in the 8 spot. Centerfielders lead off, dude.
This is gonna suck, isnt it? Oh wait.. it already does.
20 runs?
That was a nice game between the old country of many Nazis and the adopted country of the other Nazis. They played for what, 2 hours balls to the wall, and how do we decide the game? Penalty kicks!
Maybe one day the NBA Finals or the NCAA Tourney can be decided with a game of HORSE after 2 overtimes or the World Series can be decided by a home run derby after 13 innings.
We suck.
If I weren’t at work I would get so drunk right now. I hate my life.
See what happens when Dusty doesn’t force me to bunt every damned time I’m up?
Hey #21, I can play center!
Ramirez has 4.5 times more bats this year than Lee. This season sucks.
Jesus, you could hear the “Lets Go White Sox” chant on the radio! I’m sure the Cubs fans were sitting on their hands. Well at least the ones that spent $1000 on their seat because “its cool to go to Wrigley”. These people need to go away.
The only thing less interesting than soccer is some moran here ranting about soccer.
Why is this thing telling me to slow down?
The best thing about penalty kicks in soccer is that they end the game. The game has to be decided while the majority of spectators who paid to see the game are still breathing. And since it can be months between GOOOOOOOOOALS! I think it’s a good compromise.
Are the Cubs actually trying to use me today?
This Garland guy has given up more homers than me!
Why is Derrek insisting on clogging the bases? Where the hell is Gene?
It yelled at me too, until I switched over to IE. This site in in league will Bill Gates.
Good to see the Cubs taking me today. Not that it’ll matter.
I said playing in Wrigley was like playing in a minor league park.
Since I’m hitting .177, I’m going to be in a real one soon.
Yeah but I’m using IE and still have problems. I have to hit refresh to get my post to show. Damn bugs..
Chicks in minor-league towns dig World Series rings.
My only problem is with the Great Kabuki.
How often is it that a PR scores the first run in the first inning?
I wonder when was the last time that happened… Really, I do.
Podsednik don’t look Puerto Rican.
Maybe he’s a polak #43
We score ALL dee time mang. Why ju thing there so many of us, ju knoe?
He’s no jungle bunny #44, I can tell you that.
I have issues today.
I smashed the server good with my sign
Hey, Son, wanna get punched if you say “have a catch” again?
How does one “have a catch” exactly? And second, why would anyone drop $300 to go play catch for an hour?
I can’t wait ’til I get back to the Messageboard and read one of TW’s posts. A day without multiple TW posts is like a Cubs win — rare.
This “have a catch” is all Kostner’s fault. He deserves his baldness.
Have a catch is the stupidest thing and makes NO sense. It’s that Bah-ston East Coast smugness that has this spreading. It ends here and now.
Ummm, most of us post multiple times per day. What’s your point?
Hey did you see Juan P back up for Crede’s double? Where did he learn that?
Ummm, most of us post multiple times per day. What’s your point?
Hi I’m Mark Prior and I’m here to tell you to follow the construction zone speed limits and watch out for construction workers. Give them a brake.
Man alive, I carry this team to the playoffs in 2003 and this is the best endorsement deal I can get? PSA for fucking IDOT???? Get me Drew Rosenhaus!!
Its because unlucky has a huge phobia of that ivory out there.
I wanna post more that once a day
Ivory?
OK, I just suck ass today.
But not as much as Marshall’s pitch count in the third inning.
Afternoon everyone. Watching this stuff from home today. You DON’T want to go thru what I went thru (or rather, what wnet thru me) today to keep you at home.
Can Jacqueshit actually kill the Sox again?
A Cubs Big League Paver? can we bounce them off Krustys head?
Since I’ve been back, I have more hits than E-ramis had the entire time I was gone.
Who the fuck is Kevin Costner?
Can I buy one that says “I Hate This Team!” ?
Len says its best to hide your slump at the end of the year. I guess the Cubs had it backwards, actually when haven’t they been in a slump?
Hey #52, the last name of the dumb actor who nearly ended Ripken’s consecutive games streak by banging his wife is spelled with a “C”.
Costner.
I, on the other hand, am a street in Chicago (4400 West)
Gotta love the “good loss” yesterday. “It’s not from a lack of effort,” said DBF. Nice to know that giving effort now qualifies in Cubdumb as a good thing.
Juan referred to us as Ivory once.
That’s cuz ju keep hitting singles ju pussy. I only swing for the jonron, cabron!
This team really cares about its fans. A $2.77 paver sold for $130.00. I hate this team also.
Jen Sterger lite!
A 2-out RBI Double by Juan Uribe fits me.
You mean the Cubs now have rally monkeys too? Wow how much are they? Can I kill one with the paver?
With Jermaine Dye batting, Paul Konerko steals (1) 2nd base.
I’m kidding, right?
is a paver?
WOW Its Phil “the answer Nevin”
I blame Costner.
I also believe Chuck had a vascetomy and is dying to share. Thanks, Chuck. TMI, fella.
Hey #77. what are you a polak, its a brick, like the one you carry around all day
Just announced, the Cubs will encase you in carbonite, just like Hans Solo, and put you in the walkway. Then they will crack the carbonite open the next time the Cubs get to the World Series. All for the low, low price of your soul.
Like the one I’ll throw your car windshield #80? That might well be worth $130.00.
Yeah, so everyone posts multiple times, but TW is like a rash  a topic doesn’t go by without his two cents appearing. It would go unnoticed, but it’s impossible to miss when he chimes in on EVERY topic.
He needs a blog.
I’m the German version of Han Solo.
I believe Chuck had me. Enjoy the ass donut.
Hey #82 my car doesn’t have a windshield yet, maybe I’ll steal yours.
I wouldn’t mind eating an ass donut.
Ju hit my catcher. Prepare to die.
What are you, a White Sox fan?
Did you know Judge Mathias is on the next channel up?
Means pinch runner, not puerto rican, in this case
Eat shit #83
#89 Naw I’ve got a daddy.
look Jon Garland, you better hit Marty Barrett when he comes up, mang!
Yeah, leave poor TW alone! I (heart) him and his daughter and wife and million posts!
Hans Solo? Was he the German goalkeeper?
Where has my power gone?
I know that when people ask what happened, that it gets treated like a rhetorical question, but how the hell did that inning end? Did Uribe tag Pierre and THEN throw Lee out? Gameday said groundout to short, but there was only 1 out before the at-bat and Pierre was on second. WTF?
I K’d to start the inning.
I got some B-12 shots for you Todd, if you’re interested.
I didn’t do much either
I do not (w/ a pointed finger) take steroids
This game is just boring. Ksaper needs to channel Harry and come out and say that.
I thought the phones were wireless?
Boy, it took me forever to tell everyone E-ramis got a single. I think someone hooked me up to the Desipio server. Slow down cowboy!
Wow little leaguers, did you see AJ alphabet back up first base on that last play. Somebody call DFB, unless he is getting ready for a double secret switch.
My dumb ass doesn’t like all that newfangled Blacktooth wireless crap. Give me a hard line phone to the bullpen so I can get Novoa going damnit!
It takes longer to call the bullpen on me than it would to use a landline.
Eat shit, RD.
shit, I forgot about the game, what did I miss?
I think it also takes longer than SHOUTING.
There’s also a lot of signal interference from all those damned yuppies in the stands talking on their cell phones.
There is a racial joke in here somewhere…I just know it.
I thought I was a Sox fan dentistry joke.
A whole lot of nothing
Garland’s thrown 111 pitches in 6 innings. Sheesh. You’d think he were still with us.
at least TW isn’t as bad as simiarly named TG. i figured I’d say it, as long as we’re hating people here.
I think Dusty meant me.
it’s very bizzare to see wrigley field on tv, and hear hawk harrelson’s voice
It’s when all the in-fighting comes out! Just needs to vent from time to time…
I’m bringing the gas bitches.
While Slaky is funny, I think he’s running for the “Fastest to a New Name” title. His per-day average has to be a record.
Here I come! Love the double swich!
Screw you, 83. This site had become nearly as stagnant as Itchy & Scratchy. And then one day, like a gift from the cartoon gods, TW arrived and got biz-zay injecting his hilarity into the program every 20 seconds.
TO THE EXTREME! He’s half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli, you just can’t deal with that. Just like with Poochie, everyone would mourn deeply if TW suddenly died on the journey back to his home planet.
What is the record for most pitches in a 1-2-3 inning? and did I just set it?
My voice isnt bad… I probably should pinch hit
If you see us and we are holding a sign that says, ” We love our Cubbies no matter what!”. Please smack us in the fucking head. We obviously are the fans that deserve watching this shit ass team.
What was that, #126?
I don’t clog the bases. That’s for sure
Got to get Neifi in the game. Got to get Neifi in the game. Got to get Neifi in the game. Got to get Neifi in the game. Got to get…..
Still untapped this year.
All I need is a a HR for the cycle! Expect me to be swinging out of my size 6 shoes next AB!
So Pierre has hit for the cycle this week? Bully for him.
Sure I had no chance at that, but I got style points for my fabulous belly flop.
Don’t laugh…oh, you’re mean…grrr. Be nice tiger…
Upping my trade value everyday bitches!
Just a fly ball Todd, ANYTHING… don’t pop up
Wha happened?
Pat:If the Cubs hit back-to-back homers in the seventh inning, our lucky listener gets $1,000…oh who are we kidding?
Ron: I have a better chance of finding a cure for diabetes at this point…
I hate Todd Walker. Always have.
Anybody still hate me? I used to be hated all the time on Gamecasts. Not so much anymore. How bout a Salad joke to take some of the heat off of TW. That never gets old. Anyone? Anyone?
Was I out or what?
NO salad jokes
remember when they tried to intentionally walk me and I hit a homer anyways? That was awesome.
What did the man with the 18-inch…oh never mind.
Caeser and Chef walk into a bar…
I called lucky out… it was real close, and unclear wither Pierre actually touched the bag
Did someone say tossing salad?
call me, I can help
We seem to think that Pierre was safe, but the play was so close that the umpire called him out since the throw beat him to the plate.
Hey Tom, how about a new hat for me for the new commercial? Tom?
sure glad I pulled that double switch to keep Bobo in the game!
and that’s why I give Dusty Baker MY FULL ENDORSEMENT
Was Uribe fooled by that pitch or what?
Turn out the lights, the party’s over.
On the plus side, each loss brings us closer to the Dusty Sayonarra Event.
OH-NOvoa
and that’s why I give Dusty Baker MY FULL ENDORSEMENT
It’s better than double-switching and then taking the Black Farns out after one inning.
BTW, I’m relying strictly on the Internet, so I’m taking your word that it was a close play at the plate. Seriously, how flippin’ retarded is Paul Konerko anyway? 2-run lead, fastest man on the team at third base, and he passes up an easy out to make a play at home? For the third run?
Damn it’s too bad, Pierre wasn’t called safe. For years I laughed at that stiff the Sox employed at first base, Thoma. Konerko’s hardly better. That fat bastard is so freaking lucky Pierre wasn’t called safe? What a stupid play.
And this gaaaaame is OVA!!!
Supernovoa strikes again. I sure do enjoy listening to 7 innings of the Cubs choking so Juan fucking Uribe to break the game open with a 2-run dinger.
Kiss the ring. Mike, kiss the ring.
Shut the fuck up, 155. You’re out of your element.
I’ve been sleeping for the last 30 minutes. I feel so good now.
nothin but air on that swing bitches.
Boy that inning lasted a long time
I’m back again! WEEEE!…Oh boy! Ball…ZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOM! GOT IT! ZZZZZZZZOOOOOM!
I totally post too much. If someone sent some trim my way maybe I would have something better to do. Time to go home and get drunk and pretend the Cubs don’t exist.
Trim?
It’s time for Scott EYRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE
HAVE YOU SEEN MY CHEEZ DOODLES?
Pussy
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It’s rated AARRRRRGH!
What the f*** happened to all the donuts I keep in the bullpen?
Don’t look at me, #170.
Me found a treasure chest of outs! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
We’re the best pen in the NL. Give us a four run deficit in the 7th inning and we’ll hold it right there untill the game is over. Sure, we’re expensive, but we get results dammit.
Jim you fat bastard! You ate all the dounuts again?
does a sweep cost me my job monday?
If mccarthy finishes, my fantasy team gets a save. Go Sox!
Whose the pimp in the suit?
of course not Dusty, then I would have to admit I was wrong… pass me a donut… NOW!
I’m baaaaaack….
See, Pagan is back, finally I have my team…oh wait…Where’s Freddy Bynum? Sorry dudes, can’t win. Don’t have my team back yet.
I’m over the mendoza line from he left side!
Anybody know where one can buy a few brown paper bags for tomorrow’s game? I suppose I could just go get some free ones at Dominick’s but I could do without the advertisement.
Hmm Nefi strikes out.
Fuck! Ozzie, you’re a fag for taking out McCarthy
FYC!
What a waste of three hours.
let’s just draw this out a little longer… muhahahahahahahaha
Screw you, Chuck! I’ll be what they call “empty fantasy value” like when Adrian Peterson scores a tuttie.
Taking out McCarthy is a Dusty move.
READ ME! READ ME!
Ozzie, its only Juan Pierre.
In my country, fucking asshole is a term of endearment.
Ozzie, you walked him dumbshit
just give me a chance…
Chuck,
Your fantasy team must be worse than the Cubs. Brandon McCarthy? Do you have room on your roster for Matt Belisle too?
well that was worthless
We are more fond of the cubs than Len and Bob. We can’t say enough good things about Eyre, Pierre, Novoa, Marshall, Walker…
It’s sad that a .213 hitter vs lefties is the best option we have. Game over.
Cubs win nine games in June wow
I want my steroids back!
1st – Fly Out
3rd – Line Out
5th – Pop Out
7th – Fielder’s Choice Out
9th – Ground out
I hit for the cycle today!
I need to read through again to remind myself which Desipiots suck.
Yeah, well I kicked May’s ass!
Actually in second place right now with 63.5 points. Leading in runs, BA, wins. Second in whip, era and k/9. McCarthy was drafted as trade bait (AL only league).
The Cubs are staring right at us.
it’s better than may.
OVA!!
#198, yeah, it would’ve been a real stretch to find someone who hits lefties well… wait, what’s that? Matt Murton hits .333 vs lefties this year, with a .410 OBP and .493 SLG?
Oh, that’s right, Dusty doubleswitched us out of that possibility to bring in his pet middle infielder.
Tune in tomorrow folks!
#206 so you would call that an improvment?
Hey #208… don’t question my double switches dude! We may be near last place in wins-losses, but we lead the league in double switches. You can’t teach instincts, dude.
What does it take to embarass the Cubs? Obviously losing doesn’t. Losing badly doesn’t, either.
Losing money might.
Commodore McSweatervest is too busy polishing his yacht to be concerned with this team. That’s why he gave Doughnuts the early extension after the 3 game sweep of the Cards. Race to Mackinac island is coming up.
Dusty on the post game show says: I can’t see first base, second base, or home plate from where I sit” So where does he sit, in the shitcan.
Boycott Chuck’s fantasy team. This incompetent signs Brandon McCarthy as “trade bait” and here it’s almost July and his value is rooting for a lucky save against the worst team in the league. Fire Chuck.
I’m not leaving this f***ing place until I find those donuts. Hey, buddy have you seen my donuts? Why are you waddling away from me? Hey, get back here you fat……
I actually did hit for the “Bizarro Cycle”, but to get the true “Cubs’ Cycle” I would have had to get a foul out as well.
I’m better than Ryan Dempster.
Dempster can’t close day games cuz he’s too white to take the heat.
Neifi is the new closer.
I have faith in Dempster that he can do the job and he’ll get every opportunity to do it once we get healthier.
Hey #221 you look familiar. Didn’t I see you hanging around our bullpen the last couple of days? Yeah, you were sniffing around the six dozen donuts I have before, during and after the game. And they’re gone again today! Get back here you fat…..
Anyone else have trouble sleeping at night worrying about that first fresh batch of donuts turned out each morning?
whats lower than lowest?
Don’t look at us. We’ll have a better record than the Cubs by the All-Star Break.