Ooh, boy, two and a half more months of this!
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Pitching matchup:
Mets: Steve “Human Rain Delay” Trachsel, 8-4, 4.67 ERA
Cubs: Greggie, 7-9, 4.89 ERA
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Ooh, boy, two and a half more months of this!
Sponsored by:
Pitching matchup:
Mets: Steve “Human Rain Delay” Trachsel, 8-4, 4.67 ERA
Cubs: Greggie, 7-9, 4.89 ERA
Hey guys, remember me? Alex Gonzalez and I are having lunch of AGonz’s beatiful Miami condo. He really likes me for some reason.
Believe me, I don’t for a second blame Dolan for using only half his ass at this point with regard to Gamecasts and Doses. Really I don’t.
But does the fact that Cubs suck monkey scrote, every last one of ’em, mean that we intrepid Desipiots should no longer get a few minutes before the first pitch to set the stage, make a few pregame cracks, and marvel at the dulcet tones which spring forth from my pipes?
Or is it really that bad? I mean, if we can’t even wallow in our own crapulence before having to wallow in the crapulence of the Cubs, then don’t the terrorists win?
You guys are down here in Miami? I right behind you, Steve and Alex.
I sure hope the view from the other duggout is as good as this one.
I’m a moran.
I’m in LF today, doges. Must be by encyclopedic knowledge of Los Metropolitains. You know, what with my having driven past Shea Stadium at one point.
Between that and my comparatively abundant pigmentation, was there any other choice?
No.
Which is good, because Dusty’s a great manager the answers to the questions are obvious.
I am also refered to as the beer vendor’s best friend. Ironically matching up against the beer vendor’s enemy #1.
boooo me now, female doges!
Wouldn’t it have been funny if I had run flat out to first when I got that walk?
Apparently I’m the 3rd ball boy now
They call me the donut vendor’s best friend.
I just can’t hate that lazy lug. Way to play Trachsel at his own game and keep the inning alive, Big Boy.
The Anti-Aramis
Why do they bother advertising Sox-Yankees during a Cubs game?!?! Who the hell watches both Cubs games, and Sox-Yankees Games?!?!?!
People who like to watch minor league baseball in the afternoon and major league baseball at night, that’s who.
I was the best. Don’t think you’l be seeing an Aram-o-meter. Other than in Lassie’s locker
Remember when Greggy’s record was 5-0? I know what happened, but still can’t help but ask “What the fuck happened?”
Can we go back to April before Hendry got his extension and things looked promising? Ehhhh, fuck, lets just hope this train wreck gets interesting.
What’s the over/under on number of at-bats I’ll get this time?
3?
still waiting on those heifers julio
Ryan, I’ll take the under.
What’s higher, my IQ or the humidity?
My analysis of teams other than the Cubs is as useful as Neifi! in a home run derby.
Poochie, is that you?
They should have taken me out after 3 innings so I’ll have a little more trade value.
Honesty compels us to report that Phil Nevin’s position is still DH, no matter what league he’s in.
Can’t Spell Cedeno without an E
we’re through the looking glass here, people.
Ronny Cedeno can’t hit or field, but other than that, I see a lot of promise in the kid. Weren’t teams trying to trade for him in the offseason?
Dusty said to me before the game, Look whitey in all this heat and sun you’ll probably get sunstroke and go on the DL so you ride the pines and Pagan is in. I’m glad Angel is tearing it up today.
I’m not out today.
Maddux is taking another beating today. I don’t care. I still don’t want to see him traded. We need to keep that guy in the Cubs organization somehow.
Does it really matter if he loses every remaining start this year? I think the benefit of his staying in the organization, mentoring young pitchers, is much better than watching Hendry get ripped off on a trade for another “prospect” that never pans out. Seriously, do any of you really think Fat Jim is savy enough to get a legitimate major league prospect in exchange for Greggie? No thanks. I have no interest in hearing Hendry hype up the next Richard Lewis or Micah Bowie.
Maddux needs to be kept in this organization, as a coach or front office guy. I say, give him another $6 million to lose another 15 games in 2007 – this team won’t contend next year anyway. Whatever it takes to keep him with the Cubs, do it. We can’t let more quality guys like Joe Girardi or Andre Dawson get away to teams like the freaking Marlins.
I can’t run either. Remember me getting picked off twice by Chris Capuano in the same at-bat?
I look good playing CF at Wrigley.
I’m actually pretty quick when I’m facing a double-A lineup like the Cubs.
Why does everybody think that Maddux wants to coach or manage? He might take a front office job, but he doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who will wither and die without baseball.
I tried putting MEP through a looking glass and cut the hell out of it. I don’t recommend it.
Screw you, Trachsel.
Game, set, match, Trachsel.
Sorry about the two posts. I’m just a stupid rain delay, after all.
#30, CT is right on in #34.
Why would I want to subject myself to having Dusty throw ME under the bus next time someone question why the pitching isn’t living up to the hype. “Well, my horses were healthy for a while, but I don’t know dude… I asked Maddux about it but he doesn’t know. He might not be able to coach in the daytime heat…”
I’m a smart guy. Why the hell would I sign up to get in line to be Dusty’s next excuse? I don’t need that shit, and for that matter, I don’t need THIS shit.
It’s a gullywasher!
Who would have thought Milwaukee would be a more exciting place for me to play the final year of the contract I signed with the Cubs?
Racism.
I’m all over this thing today.
85% of the players in the NBA are African-American??????
I already knew that. Why? Because I live it, every day. Me and my people, that is.
I remember crying on the shoulder of Kurt Rambis shortly after the first time I saw White Men Can’t Jump. We just shook our heads in disbelief that this country still believes a cracka ain’t got no ups just because he was born lacking the pigmenticular fortitude that The Man requires just to get a shot.
But don’t cry for me. No, I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m just asking for JUSTICE, DAMMIT!
Justice.
Is that too much for a cracka to ask for? Forget for a second that you’re reading my words on a screen. Imagine you’re looking right into my eyes. See my lip trembling slightly? See the tiny tear welling up in my left eye? See the steely, dignified, strong in the face of oppression look on my face?
Now gimme my Pulitzer, dammit.
From the makers of Cracker Ass Crackers.
You cubs fans, you all so racist man.
No need to use us today, I’m sure we’re tired.
I don’t know shit about baseball, yo.
Please write me someday, Scoop.
*Cough* look over here! *cough*
A Bill Simmon’s column without a stupid pop culture reference.
A Bill Simmons article without pop-culture or Boston sports references.
Why is everyone ignoring me?
Because they’re all racist, #53.
I see we’ve already had a doubleswitch AND a Neifi. At the same time. I also understand that Ryan Theriot got to go out and put pine tar on the bat for Neifi.
… and Neifi ends it. Gotta get him his AB’s dude. He saved the Cubs in 2005.
Oh yeah, what a great game I knew if I kept Dusty as manager he’d make a run in the second half. We’re off to a great start. Good job Dusty. Now come over here an rub old Jim the way he likes.
Do I remind anyone else of that crappy salesman/lawyer from the Simpsons?
Hey Jimbo I resent that remark.
You have had it in for me ever since I kind of ran over your dog….
Well, replace the word “kind of” with repeatedly and the word “dog” with “son.”
Did someone mention a canine? IM me, please!
I think #58 is referring to me, #59.
Although at this point we wouldn’t mind if Hendry does to himself witha rifle what the guy who provided your voice did.
Uh, Phil Hartman was murdered in his bed by his wacko wife.