It’s been an eventful few days for the Cubs. They got swept by a really lousy team in Washington, they then took the first two games against the best team in the National League (the Mets, right?), E-ramis Ramirez has hit 40 homers in the last six days, Carlos Zambrano never loses anymore and hits homers at a pace just slightly slower than E-ramis, and the Cubs are still more than 20 games under .500 and sucking ass.
Oh, and did I mention that Mark Prior got lit up in five straight appearances only to no-hit the Mets into the sixth inning today…when he had to left because his fingers were tired?
You can’t…and don’t want to make this stuff up.
Anyway, with the trade deadline coming up on Tuesday, Len Kasper has, for the third time in his young career with the Cubs offered to answer real questions, sent in by you, real readers. Post away, I’ll pick the best ones and fire them off to Len.
In case you’ve forgotten (and really, how could you have?), Len answered our questions in December last year, and and June of 2005. I think he likes the interviews because we always ask such in depth, classy questions.
Len,
Am I a good nickname for Bob Brenly? The guys on the Score think so and I tend to agree. Striking resemblance.
Len, you seem to have to stretch to come up with reasons why certain things are going wrong. Does it sting like hot poison to have to try and cover for this horrible team’s lack of effort, talent and luck?
Len, if we pitch in and buy you a “You’re with me, Leather” shirt, would you wear it during a broadcast? Will the higher-ups allow it? Perhaps a Hank White Fan Club shirt, instead?
Does Dustry love Neifi as much as he hates me
Does Dusty love Neifi as much as he hates me
Why all the hatred for Todd Walker? For an OBP guy like him to be on our bench most days baffles me.
Hey, Len, did you like my shout-out in Cincinnati to you? Remember? “Member: Len Kasper Fan Club Oh, how humiliating!” That sign won out over “Bob Brenly’s Mustache Rocks! Now, More than Ever!” Anyhow, since I know you taped that game, can you send me a copy? I can’t get a copy anywhere. Also, let Bob know I’ll give him a shout out the next time I can stomach watching the Cubs “live.”
poop.
Hey, Len. What do I feel like?
Len, what’s your favorite word for the female vagina?
Len, when would you have fired Dusty Baker?
It’s been said before here and elsewhere in so many ways that the 2006 Cubs stink to high heaven. Here at Desipio we hold a running serial discussion about which players stink most. Some people say Neifi, others pick Dusty or Glendon. I say they’re likely indistinguisible since they all live, work and shower together for several months at a time. You’re in a unique position to confirm or deny this. So, Len, which Cub smells worst?
Hey Len, what’s your favorite word for the non-female vagina?
Len, since Woody, Prior, Walker, Murton and Dempster all have to live around each other for eight months of the year, have all their periods sync’d up, like they told us could happen in Anatomy class?
#4, #5-
I thought you were referring to me.
A Four-Game Winning Streak:
Warm apple pie.
Len, if you were to make out a lineup card for opening day 2007 cubs, what do you suppose it would look like?
Also, have you spoke to Bob about a certian skipper position that may be opening up for the 2007 season?
Len,
Has Bob specifically expressed any interest in possibly managing the team were the position to be extended to him after the season? And if he were to take said job, would you like to have a say in his replacement in the booth?
Len, lets say you need some information and Bob finds out said information, and begins telling you with the phrase, “Per the internet…”
Do you punch him squarely in the face for talking like an office douche?
Len,
who would win in a fight? Freddie Bynum or Matt Murton?
My money is Bynum because he has vicious biting teeth.
What do a fungo bat, Carlos Lee, and Francis Beltran all have in common?
Len,
The Cubs used to have one of the deepest farm systems but now seem to have one of the worst. What has been the problem: do you think it is the coaching staffs or just the trades? And is it possible the Bulls will have more wins this year than the Cubs? Thanks!
Len,
Has anyone in the media suggested finding a position for Z to play at when he doesn’t pitch? If not, you need to. He’s a power bat! And he definitely could play outfield better than Matt Murton, Phil Nevin or Jacque Jones can.
Len,
The Cubs love their light-hitting second basemen. Now that Harold Reynolds is available, how long before Dusty tells Jim Hendry to bring him in for a tryout?
Len:
I’ve seen some of your boradcasts since moving here from NYC. I’m amazed at how you & Brenly manage to stay positive most games while watching this steaming dung-heap masquerading as a baseball team.
Can you offer any justification at all for Dusty Baker’s return in 2007?
Hey Len,
Do these french crullers in my back pocket make me look fat?
Len: Who is the most overpaid player on the Cubs? Wood? Jacques? Neifi (even at $1, neifi might qualify)?
I look forward to your candid response.
Len, so ummm whats up?
Len-
Do I speak like a complete jackass around the clubhouse or is it just a show for the reporters?
Also, which do I prefer using the most: double switches or double negatives?
Len,
Would you please lobby with us to bring Stoney back?
Len, don’t you agree that after Dusty Baker is fired, the Cubs should hire Mike Ditka to be their head coach?
Len,
When is your next interview on Boers & Bernstein? I like you in the booth but you are even more enjoyable when there is not a Cubs game attached.
Are there any other teams in either league that treat practice the way I do? I’d like to expand my options, but not all that hopeful.
(1) Would you sign my kid’s BuildaBear Workshop ™ Len Bear? and (2) As a highly dejected fan who is losing, if not lost, confidence in management from the President down, what is there realy to watch for the rest of this season,and why should we have hope for next season?
Who’s in worse shape? Me or the Cubs franchise?
Len,
To be a really good announcer like me you need to develop really lame catch phrases like He Gone or Put On the Board YES!! You need to refer to yourself as part of the team and come up with conspiracy theories as to why your team is losing. Such as the umps are cheating or someone in centerfield is tipping off the opposing hitters. Of course to reach my level as an announcer you need to have a group of fans and dumb as posts, meaning White Sox fans, who actually think you are good and not the complete POS that I really am.
So, has this broadcasting gig turned out to be all that and a bag of chips? Or does it just suck royal ass?
Len,
What’s your take on Murton and Cedeno? I, like many cub fans, had high hopes for Murton coming into the season. He had that one really tough stretch, but it seems like he’s been up and down all season.
Cedeno has been just awful lately at the plate, after starting the season pretty hot. He’s shown flashing of brillance in the field, however.
Do you think these two will end up as legitimate every day big league ballplayers?
Have you ever considered telling Jim Hendry he’s the GM of a professional baseball team, and not a track and field team? Also, can you give us any indication that anyone in the Cubs’ organization knows what the letters “OBP” mean? Ooh, one more: Is Todd Walker a dick? Or just misunderstood?
Why am I such a pussy?
Len:
Does Matt Murton know that his three kids living in Glenview want to know why Dusty Baker has placed their dad’s picture is on a milk carton
Does E-Ramis really want to stay in Chicago, or will he excercise his option this offseason?
Len,
Is there one of these in the TV and/or radio booth to stop all the cursing that results from this poor display?
Len,
Is there an item in the booth that you and Bob utilize to release aggression? (i.e. baker pin doll, bobblehead murton, etc)
Len,
First, are you disappointed with the Cubs fans who boo mercilessly and throw trash on the field, or do you have some (and if so, how much) empathy for a fan base that has had to suffer through Game 6 in ’03, Victor Diaz and the ’04 collapse, the crap that was last season, and now this season with a 1-10 record at home in June?
Do you think that Cubs fans will be more effective in getting real and meaningful change in how the organization is run by staying home altogether or showing up each day, but making Wrigley the unfriendly confines?
How would you react if you were in our shoes?
And as fans, can we even do anything to influence the gross mismanagement and poor talent evaluation that is taking place?
That string of questions aside…
I’ve always wanted to be a color announcer for baseball and for the Cubs. It’s a one in a million job. I’m going to law school in Chicago next fall–any thoughts on how I could parlay a law degree into that gig one day?
¡Hola Len!
Este año los cachorros estan dificil buscar. Estas fortunado que tu recibes dinero para buscar ellos.
Pues, Tu pareces que sabes mucho en los sciencias de statisticos de beisball. ¿Estas un “sabermetricador”, no? Soy un “stat geek” tambien. Porque no habas mas en los statisticos como VORP, EqOBP y HWeqA en la tele?
Y una mas pregunta: ¿Cuando voy a cantar “take me out to the ballgame” con Usted y señor Brenly?
¡Adios Len!
-Rubby
Len,
Since 2003, Wrigley is a very negative place. The fans are vile. The players complain about everything. The writers have now joined in. You and Bob stand above it all, and make broadcasts of crap baseball tolerable. The organization needs to follow your lead before it is too late and do the following:
1. Fire Dusty and his “us against them” mentality
2. Forgive Steve Bartman publicly; let him throw out the first pitch in a game, and bring some levity back to Wrigley
3. Forgive Sammy Sosa. Bring him back into the fold, one way or the other.
The Cubs are about a game, sunshine, ivy, cold beer, and a history of lovable losers. They are losing the lovable element.
I have forgiven this team for 90 years of despicable incompetence. They need to do the same for Bartman and Sammy. You can make it happen, Len. Help me Len Kasper, you’re my only hope.
Fondly,
Captain Virtue
Len, am I one of the injured horses preventing Dusty from being able to win?
A few more…
Len, would you “forgive” Sammy Sosa for being a steroid-fueled, cheating, clubhouse cancer, or were the homeruns and chest taps and Pepsi commercials good enough that we should look past the bad?
Or do you have your own opinion of Mr. Sosa that falls somewhere between those two characitures? If so, would you share it?
A few more…
Len, would you “forgive” Sammy Sosa for being a steroid-fueled, cheating, clubhouse cancer, or were the homeruns and chest taps and Pepsi commercials good enough that we should look past the bad?
Or do you have your own opinion of Mr. Sosa that falls somewhere between those two characitures? If so, would you share it?
Len, I just managed my team to a tie in the AL Central by sweeping the World Chumps at home after being left for dead by everyone as late as June. I’ve done it without Shannon Stewart and Torii Hunter for significant chunks of time, and I haven’t once bitched to the media about them being hurt. By the way, my team’s payroll is signficantly smaller than the Cubs’ payroll, and the owner of my team is even cheaper than the Tribune Company, if that’s possible. Do you attribute my success to:
A. Having a bigger sack than Dusty;
B. Making my players practice;
C. Concerning myself more with what’s going on between the foul lines than between the headlines; or
D. Not having Neifi Perez, Freddie Bynum, Phil Nevin, and Glendon Rusch on my team.
E. The fact that the players of the quality of D would have zero playing time if on my team
#42 I don’t exercise. Period. Dusty actually encourages me not to. He knows how fragile his horses can be.
Len,
Will I ever be a legit major leaguer? If not why am I so good in AAA and so craptastic in the bigs?
Dude… where’s my car?
Two questions:
(1) A lot has been made of a stroy on Chicago sports radio that the Cubs rarely (never?) take infield, either due to Tribune Company-sponsored events on the field before games or the manager’s failure to mandate that they do. Do the Cubs regularly take infield before games? Since you are at th ball park early, what percentage of other teams and players would you say regularly take infield before games?
(2) Does Bob’s mustache tickle?
My 2 year old saw you on TV earler this year wearing a red shirt and thought you were Murray from the kid musical group The Wiggles. Assuming that’s not your off season job, is he a relative or even a close acquaintance? And while were on it, The Wiggles have a pirate friend, Captain Feathersword. Do you and Bob have your own “Captain Feathersword” that you like to hang out with?
Len. Thanks for taking my question. What do you recommend for chronic hip pain? Tylenol works but there are potential liver problems with prolonged use. Aspirin and Motrin are associated with stomach bleeding problems. What do you think tis the safest and most effective course of treatment?
Any truth to the rumor that a former third base coach was tying one on with everyone’s favorite donut-loving general manager before getting busted?
Do you think the ’06 team just needs a few tweaks to be competitive in ’07?
Any hope of Hendry or McPhail ever being shown the door due to rank incompetence? Or will the Trib Towers have to tumble down first?
Should I be worried that all the girls that want to sleep with me are what the general public might call “out of shape” or “ugly” or a combination of both? Or should I just bury the pork sword? Thanks as always.
When Murton came up to the majors last season, he was a remarkable thing for a Cubs fan to witness: someone who actually knew how to approach a major league plate appearance.
Apparently, in the Red Sox system, batters are required to keep batting diaries. Did the Cubs’ staff make Matt burn these notebooks in the offseason? Or did Sarge and Clines just work him over with the same Abbott and Costello routine that did Corey in?
hey #61, you’re stealing my handle and asking intelligent questions.
cut it out.
Len, have you ever been to Hobart, Indiana? Just so you know, I diddled every girl in that town and wrote poems about most of them.
Whatever’s become of Hendry’s blockbuster trade mojo?
I have three theories myself:
a) Other teams’ GMs stopped taking Jim’s calls after he systematically raped 3 major league squads in one fell swoop in July 2004
b) Dunkin Donuts’ shift away from transfats has had heretofore unrecognized psycho-physiological consequences, giving their crullers unexpected sedative qualities
c) Alou’s departure in 2004 has deprived the Tribune Co Gatorade of the magic ingredient that mitigated the irksome effects of chronic vaginitis
Have I missed any?
Another question that has vexed me.
If one had sex with an extraterrestrial chick, would that be considered bestiality?
Sorry, #62.
Serafini’s pretty pissed, too.
Nice link #59.
Len, do you think Jim Edmonds had anything to do with the death of Tony La Russa’s beloved pet, Res?
Len,
If the Cubs game were still on a Fox Sports Net station, would you call that program hosted by Chris Rose “The Best Sports Show, Period” or would you be filthy and use the “D” word?
Len,
Could you find out if any Cubs players might be availble to put on a Little League batting clinic?
My guys would love for Zambrano to take a look at their swings, but we’d settle for Hank White, too.
All of the Above.
Plus, not being able to hang onto his wife didn’t help. Since late ’04, his whole life has been a) getting his ass kicked by competitors at work and B)coming home to an empty house. A & B have contribued to Jumbo drowning himself in C) chocolate-covered, rasberyy-glazed donuts, resulting in him putting more on hs carriage than is healthy.
From there, the cycle continues. He gets worse and worse at his job, and wider and wider around his waist.
Nice that one’s man inability to cope with life and his job has had an effect on hundreds of thousands of people who have placed their misguided trust in him.
Most people go to see a therapist. But Jimbo insteads indulges in the likes of Glendon Rusch and Neifi Perez for multiple guaranteed years. How nice for the rest of us.
Fuck Hendry.
Len,
two questions:
If you could make 3 moves in the offseason to improve the cubs for 07 and 08, what would they be?
Also, just curious, do you have a fantasy baseball team? If so, who is on your roster?
I’ll hang up now and listen for your answer.
I give good talk therapy.
Hey Len,
Tell your partner to stop criticizing my defense or I may have to scrape the paint off his car with my stubble.
Len,
Two questions, if you would be so kind:
1) Since the Cubs suck, and the Tribune refuses to hold Hendry, Andy, Dusty, etc., accountable, can’t you at least use your pull and get some hot babes in the booth the rest of the this season so we have a reason to keep watching? We don’t want to see any more actors from 24, old Cubs, or any guy singing Take Me Out To The Ball Game. What we want is Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Julie Bowen, and the like.
2) Is it true that Freddie Bynum is actually the Zuni Fetish Doll from Trilogy of Terror? If that is true, tell the doctors that Freddie doesn’t have blood clots, he actually injured his arm when Karen Black (aka Mark Prior) stuffed him in the oven.
Chocolate Microscopes?
> Is it true that Freddie Bynum is actually the Zuni Fetish Doll from Trilogy of Terror?
You can call me Jobu.
Hi, Len. Did you ride the train from DC to the Big Apple with the team? Because, you know you’d never get a chance to ride a train again living in Chicago and all.
Len,
Are there any places around Wrigley that sell Sudafed? I can’t find any near the Cell.
I’m looking to score a gross.
What ever happened to Wade Miller???
Len-
What, in your opinion, is the best way to measure the Cubs ineptitude this season? Longest losing streak? Longest winning streak? Being eliminated by the end of May? Home record? Away record? Overall record? 8 home runs in a singe game?
Why do big league clubs tend to sign low value players to multi-year contracts when they have perfectly capable AAA guys who could hit .240 for the league minimum? Would you trade “potential” for an established player with only a few years left? Any comments on the Cubs not practicing before home games because coaches are doing clinics?
Len,
Can you see that I’m pissing in my pants on the mound tonight?
Len,
Who the fuck is Kent Mercker?
Jim Edmonds needs to show me how to bend over to reach balls.
Len,
Does this franchise have no pride?
Len,
You have access to players in those unguarded clubhouse moments.
Inquiring minds want to know: Matt “Big Red” Murton—does the welcome mat match the transom?
Dear Len,
What is your favorite Hank Aaron story?
Is it true that you were the “player to be named later” in the Dontrelle Willis trade?
If the Cubs are a disaster, which of the following is the best corollary: The Hindenburg, The Titanic or the movie, “Ishtar”?
Will you and Brenly have a “Turn Back the Clock” Day, dress up in straw boaters and pinstriped seersucker suits and sing the ad jingles in an olde-tymey way?
Who is the black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
I’ll hang up and wait for your answer(s).
HiLen. Hi. When you’re not watching awful baseball, which programs do you enjoy watching on television? Hi.
Len, What’s your favorite WGN Sports shirt color?
My favorite is blue. It complements your sparkly eyes.
Len,
With only days until the trading deadline will you be suprised when Jim Hendry makes no significant moves to position the Cubs for the future?
Please ask Dusty if Lame Duck tastes like chicken.
Len, I’ve noticed you have amazing control of your cycles. How do you manage to hold it for a whole game?
HOW DARE YOU SAY MY SON WAS FOOLED ON THAT INSIDE SLIDER LAST WEEK. JUST BECAUSE HE MISSES THAT PITCH EVERY TIME DOESNT MEAN HE WAS FOOLED. MAMA DIDNT RAISE NO FOOL! HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY YOUR REMARKS AND WHY DO YOU SOMETIMES SAY CRITICAL THINGS ABOUT MY SON??
Len,
Where does the Cubs AAAA affiliate play? I think I am going to spend awhile there. Thanks.
If Jim Edmonds invited you to a “pool party” at his house, would you go?
Len,
Would you like to come to a “pool party” at my house.
Hey mang, is it okay to peek at where the catcher is setting up before each pitch?
Neifi,
I’m usually ‘the catcher’ and I don’t mind if you peek.
Uhh…. How would Dusty know how lame duck tastes? He doesn’t lick himself! You’d have to ask Neifi how lame duck tastes!
Len, Do you like movies with gladiators?
Len,
If you wewre a twee, what twee would you be?
Len,
Es you gonna be broadcasting the besbol games next year mang? Ey am gonna return to the Cubs and heet 50 homers.
Len,
Could you please tell Josh Mora that his hair smells nice?
Len,
Do you have a pet monkey?
Hey Len,
Want to go for a ride with me on my bike?
Len,
These Cubs being the miserable outfit that they are, I am (like apparently so many others) at a bit of a loss for any good questions I might reasonably expect someone in your position to be able to answer in good faith.
I could ask what you think went wrong this year, but it would be unfair to ask you to settle on one scapegoat over any other.
I could ask you what bright spots you see in the clubs prospects for next season, but let’s face it: looking for silver linings has been your day job for three or four months now and I’m sure your as sick of it as anyone.
Not even sure I’d want to hear it anyways.
Assuming you haven’t already pseudonymously posted some ringer questions above, what would you ask Len Kasper if given the chance.
And, seriously, how much better did Boston Legal get when Julie Bowen signed on?
How much better has Boston Legal gotten since I jumped aboard? Anyone want to see my ham wallet?
If Jim Hendry thought last year’s 79 wins were unacceptble, what do you think he’ll have to say about this bunch? I only wish the Cubs were more watchable, because you and Bob are > than Caray and Stone
Give us a hug!
If you like Mr. Show, you’ll love me.
Len,
May I be your indentured cervix?
Jimbo a three winning streak against the Cards and we’re back to a respectable 19 games under .500. Dude, where’s my new contract, dude?
buy steroid buy steroid
Do you get a feel of what might be going on “upstairs” and how it might affect the next couple of years? I know that you’re not privy to such things, but we all know what’s going on with the Corporation that owns the team from which you draw a paycheck and the TV station by which some of your games are transmitted, If a family from California that used to run a newspaper out there (and now runs an avocado farm) has its way, this organization will be sold soon. Will we see a dramatic cut in payroll as a way to make the Cubs more attractive to prospective buyers? Is Andy MacPhail sweating more than usual this year as a result of the words “Cubs for sale” becoming more and more frequently used together? Any thoughts on what new ownership will mean — for better or worse? I have $25 in my pocket here, do you have $599,999,975 so that we can buy the club?
Len, maybe you can help me. I’m looking for a four-letter word that ends with a “K” and has a “U” as the second letter and the clue is, “Indicator that Cubs fan is aware that No. 50 is on the mound with a one-run lead.”
Also, what song should we lead off with in our next show on WLUP? If I do really well, and Bob Brenly gets run over by a bus (or, worse for Bob, gets named manager of the Cubs), what are the chances that I can get his job? You know that Dave Otto has a better future as a LHP out of the pen for the Cubs, and he’s over 40 and gave up 2 hits to Michael freakin’ Jordan!
Finally, can you announce over and over again all the runs, hits and mental errors I allow in hopes that the opposite effect of you avoiding mentioning that Carlos is throwing a no-hitter happens ?
No. 114, everyone knows steroids is bad.
Len,
1. If they cubs are going to try out some young players this year, who will we see the most of?
2. If Hill is going to have a chance to pitch, who is out of the rotation?
3. Any chance Maddux would come back as a pitching coach? Player/Manager?
4. In your opinion are Cedeno and Murton going through sophomore slumps?
Hi, Len, do you look forward to partnering with me one day? Brenly likes it when I sit in the booth second-guessing him. Also, I hear that many women have been wearing shirts reading “Cardinals fans take it in their Pujols.” Which team do these women root for? No particular reason why I ask…
Len, do you have a pet I can walk? Also, I saw that manywomen have been wearing shirts reading “Cardinals fans take it in their Pujols” this weekend. Which team do these men root for? No particular reason why I ask…
Heeeyyyyy Len,
Old buddy, you wanna go out drinkin’ with me a Bill Murray before your next broadcast? Len, you’re the best, man. Anybody on Earth that doesn’t like Len Kasper, they’ve got problems. What are still doing in Chicago? How about that?
George Clooney… you been reading about all that? You been seeing that? He’s up there with the Congress. He’s trying to get everybody to go over there and solve that thing…
I’m getting yelled at from Bill Murray in the back. I need to go. I’d much rather hang with you guys than him. He can wait.
Len,
Would you rather:
-Sit in the bleachers during a broadcast
-Wear a Hank White Fan Club T
-Smoke Bob’s Poll
We need answers.
–
Len,
Is working for the Cubs the broadcasting equivalent of living in a van down by the river?
Could you get Brenly to shut his big fat yapper!?
Thanks,
Matt
One more question
Does Hank White know about the fan club and the nickname and all of that?
If so, what does Hank think? If not, could you like get him a t-shirt or something?
Maybe we could just build Hank a cake, or something.
Len, could you get the ghost of Arne Harris or whoever it is who’s doing the camera shots to identify that young lady wearing the Hank White Fan Club T-shirt? There’s a young gentleman who lives in Wrigleyville that answers to Mitch, Andy or Slaky that would love to meet her.
Gawd, I’m so freakin’ HORNY
Hi JD.
Forget about JD and find me a ham wallet to hide in.
Someone ask me about the crimson stripe running up Edmonds’ nutsack…
Len,
How do you stop from telling all of us “fans” to just shut the fuck up?? We have to be the worst fans in the entire world with the booing and throwing crap on the field. How can you justify even caring? Must be the paycheck
San Diego…… meaning a whale’s vagina
Los Angeles California Angels of Orange County, California, USA
Bring on those sweet PA’s…
Fuck Dusty.
Er… Dodgers
We’re holding our collective breath…when does Cesar get here?????
Cesar Izturis: younger clone of Neifi Perez. God help us all.
Say hello to us:
256/267/357 2006, 270/299/379 Career
252/277/337 2006, 261/292/344 Career
252/302/353 2006, 260/295/339 Career
For those playing along at home, that’s Ne!f!, Ron(ny), and New Guy Cesar David Izturis (aka, Ne!f! with a neck).
We’re are building the greatest 4×400 relay that this world has ever seen!!!! Close to having two relay teams on the roster
> Cesar Izturis: younger clone of Neifi Perez. God help us all.
And I’m a younger clone of Cesar Izturis.
You can’t say Hendry doesn’t have a plan.
… minus the Gold Glove
Um, Len, why would any free agent want to sign with this mess of an organization?
Why can’t Jacque Jones throw the baseball? Every time he winds up, he ends up firing the ball straight into the ground — it’d be infuriating if it weren’t so hysterical. Were the Cubs aware of this when they signed him? Have they even made an effort to work on it?
Sammy used to always airmail the cut-off man. Is there some way we could engineer a Jock-Gladiator hybrid. Bound to be the fans’ best friend.
Does anyone remember me?