The Cubs go for the sweep? Seriously?
Pitching matchup:
Cubs: Ryan O’Malley 0-0, 0.00 ERA (Huh? Did he win this start in an Old Style contest?)
Astros: Andy Clettitte, 11-12, 4.86 ERA
Lineups
Cubs
Unlucky Pierre, cf
Dance Fever, 2b
Michael Barrett, c
E-ramis, 3b
Shirtless Huggy Bear, 1b
Pagan Ritual, rf
Red, lf
Neifi?, ss
Ryan O’Malley (The Rick?), p
Astros
Wily Less Taveras, cf
Corky Thatcher, 2b
Fat Lance, 1b
Michael Scott, lf
Bob Stoops, 3b
Lois Lane, rf
Adam Everett’s Ears, ss
Dartmouth Legend, c
Andy Clettitte, p
Wow, they’d rather put me on the 40 man roster for one day than just activate Wade Miller?
I am not a pimp, either.
By the way, my commercials make Alex Kaseberg sound like Dave Chappelle.
Ryan O’Malley looks a lot like John Koronka. I hope his girlfriend looks like Koronka’s then.
Ya gotta ask my brother Ryan “do you got GUTS?”
Is last night’s game over?
Did we win?
Sure, now Brenly calls me “yesterday’s hero.” I’ll bet about 12:30 last night he’d wished I’d never gone yard in the ninth.
Who ARE these fuckin’ guys?
This is where I give up a 3-run bomb, right?
eventually they’re not gonna catch me
Doges on 3rd with less than one out, I’m here for you.
Or less than 2 outs for that matter…
“Chris Burke singles on a line drive to catcher Michael Barrett.”
Huh….go figure.
I think that was possible in me #13… somehow. Although that is hilarious.l
Top o’the morning to ye!
I lined it off of O’Malley’s glove back to Barrett who barehanded and threw just an eyelash late to first.
Hey, lets haze the rookie by not giving him any run support!
All these young punks, putting up donuts rather than eatin them. Good thing I got another year on my contract. Thanks Jimbo!!
No, you haze the rookie by pounding him in drills. Wait, we just hit hard all the time.
4 walks in 4 innings Dusty, just like you asked for. Now how does this help me become an effective pitcher?
Maybe next time Pierre gets on base, Dusty will let Theriot swing the bat. I mean, he’s only hitting .360.
No way CT, you gotta play small-ball. My baserunners need to be able to rest for 2 outs in the lawn chair at 3rd.
See my shirt? It’s actually a belly shirt but nobody can tell.
If you know your team sucks with runners at third and less than two out, why do you keep trying to put them into position to fail. This is bad managizing.
1. Lassie
2. Fat Roger
3. The Beege/Fat Lance
My most hated baseball player list has a conundrum at the three spot.
I think Fat Lance deserves #3 by himself. I’ll never forget the performance he gave pretending to be hit in the helmet after a ball from Remlinger sailed over his head and hit his bat.
What’s with the Cubs going to dead center in Houston? They generally yank the ball but now, in the one instance where it doesn’t behoove them to do so, they’re lacing it to center?
Jones homerun was the first I’ve ever seen to dead center there. He nearly had two.
How am I looking guys?
Can’t wait till the season starts.
What time do we start today?
On the number of games Sexy Rexy plays before going down with an injury? please include preseason
What’s up with letting O’Malley lead off the 8th after he has thrown 96 pitches in a one-run game and in his first big league start? Oh, that’s right. Dusty still here.
is 3, #31
Dave B, wasn’t the excuse last night after 5 that you want the rookie to feel good about himself?
Of course, every reliever is overextended from last night so they want to milk the kid for every pitch.
What in the name of Jeff Pico is going on in Houston? 7 2/3 shutout innings by a AAAA pitcher? God DAMN is Houston terrible.
First they lay down for the White Sox (I still have a seething hatred for Morgan Esnberg for his performance). Now they lay down to keep Dusty’s job. How aggravating.
Oh, and Apex–it’s Fat Elvis, not Fat Lance.
Actually, Dusty screwed himself for extra innings last night with all of his lefty-righty switches. And he took Mateo out so he wouldn’t get drilled, no matter what Brenly says.
Yep, no Scott Eyre or Novoa or Dempster today. You can get Wuertz in there or Ohman. No thank you. Howry has to pitch the ninth.
We’re scoreless in our last 20 innings against (gasp!) the Cubs…
Bitches, I’ll be at Rockit tonite.
Why do we keep picking the Astros to make a run for the playoffs? These guys are terrible
I got this, bitches. No problem. Now what did Dempster say to do? Walk the leadoff hitter, a single, a wild pitch. Hmmmm. This is easy.
I’m surprised that O’Malley kept them in the park in the 7th and 8th, but at the same time, you have to figure that Houston was their worst enemy there. Except for the Beege’s AB, when he worked the count and singled on a 3-1 pitch, the Asstrolls were letting Lucky O’Malley off the hook by swinging at the first or second pitch.
And why not sac Tavarez to 2nd? With the game Clettite has thrown, you owe it to him to avoid him taking the L. Dusty might have outmanaged Garner today by default.
Hey guys! Remember when it seemed like a good idea to trade for me? (Like two years ago?) I suck. I’m Phil Nevin with a t-shirt.
We have a lot of guys who can’t hit. We’re like the Cubs, only with healthier pitchers.
The red hot Cubs will announce Dusty Baker’s extension through the 2114 season. Gotta luck up greatness like this. Four in a row!
Len just said, “We hope to talk to Ryan right after these messages. They’re getting the shaving cream ready right now.”
Well, at least he’s not getting and Aardsma.
I love it when typos kill even the weakest of jokes. Guh.
I’ll bet Milo Hamilton is really pissed about right now.
Carlos’ face pie to Ryan was surprisingly gentle. Much like the face pie (of a different sort) that Jim Edmonds gave to Ronnie Belliard upon his arrival.
Nice recovery, Andy.
Nothing portends greatness like a first game shutout.
I invite you all to stop by and seem my Hall of Plaque. Which, of course is hanging in the janitor’s closet of a strip mall in Jupiter, Florida!
O’My God it’s O’Malley!
Hee hee.
I’ve got to write that down. It’s right up there with this gem.
Did you see on the Simple Life when Paris and Nicole were working at that garden center? Just a couple of ho’s trying to couple a hose.
hey, is last night’s game over yet?
what happened…
hello?
anyone here?
aw, who cares anyways.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I’ve started for the cubs
Maddux
Marshall
Marmol
Mateo
‘Malley…
we rock
O’Malley, hmmmmm suprised he wasn’t drunk…..