I hope you’re enjoying your day off, because I know I am. I slept in, watched a little Fox and Friends (still can’t decide if the blonde is hot or not…not the weather guy, silly…the chick), made a big pancake and plan on spending the day trying to drop another 105 on Stanford in my Arizona State dynasty.
What holiday, you ask? You’re at work? What is wrong with you people?
You don’t work on today, of all days.
It’s Henry Blanco’s 35th birthday!
He’s old enough now to run for president. OK, he’s Venezuelan, but think of this. The past couple of years there has been a huge groundswell among Republicans to amend the Constitution to allow naturalized US citizens a chance to run for president. You thought they were doing it for Arnold Schwarzenegger? Screw that, they knew that Hank would be primed for a run in 2008. I’m just not so sure he’d run as a Republican. Well, he’s got two years to worry about that I guess. Right now he’s got more important things to worry about.
Like what size dresses to make Les Walrond and Rich Hill wear on the flight home from Pissburgh tomorrow afternoon.
Last night on the telecast, longtime friend of Desipio Len Kasper noted that not only does Henry know about the Hank White Fan Club, but that he “appreciates it.”
And why not? Hank came to Chicago with a reputation as a good catch, no hit, catcher. But since the All-Star break last year (when he switched numbers from 9 to 24), Hank has hit .279 (61-219) with 11 homers and 51 RBI. It’s the most productive stretch of his career.
His HWEqBA (Hank White Equivalent Batting Average — which awards “hits” for things like hard hit balls that end up as outs, bad calls by umpires, good looking swings, etc.) is an astounding .553 over the same time span.
To put that into perspective, aging Cardinals “slugger” Albert Pujols’ HWEqBA is .247 since last year’s All-Star Game. Further proof that HGH makes lots of weakly hit balls fall in for hits. He should be ashamed.
As for us in the fan club, we just want to thank Hank for never letting us down. He always plays hard, he has that cool fist pump he does on big inning ending strikeouts before he spikes the ball halfway between home plate and the mound. He is singlehandly keeping the mullet in fashion. He keeps Carlos entertained in the dugout and smacks him around, when needed, on the mound.
The Cubs have had some illustrious backup catchers over the years. Guys like Gabor Bako (punchless hack), Tim Blackwell (creepy mustache), Barry Foote (creepy everything), Steve Lake (hepatitis) and Hector Villanueva (somewhat Hank-like, but the Hec Newhouse Fan Club just never took off.)
But Hank has, by far, been the best of the bunch. So today, on his 35th birthday, we celebrate by spending the day in this comfortable pose.
Viva Hank White!
Mmmmm….pancake.
Hank is also keeping Jheri-curl in fashion.
Wouldn’t it be Hec Newtown (Or “Newton”)? Hector Casanueva would be “Hec Newhouse”
FelÃÂz Cumpleaños, Whitey!
Feliz Cumpleanos, Hank. May your hits be plentiful and your naps pleasant.
I learned from a woman who claimed to have dated Benny Cadahia that the Cubs’ bullpen catcher has a greyhound named Hank White that races at the dog park up around there. Somebody oughta look that up. We can follow the dog’s progress. Alright, I’ll do it.
Mock all you want, but I am infinitely better defensively than Barret.
Thanks for the memories Hank. Many more.
Oh, and SMU is still languishing in the C-USA unfortunately. But after a couple double digit win seasons, we’re 5-0 and already ranked in the top 15 in season 8. Go Mustangs!
Cumpleanos a ti, Hank.
E D Hill on Fox and Friends: Not hot. Married several times, a bunch of kids, and a bitch.
Juliet Huddy on Fox News (dayside): HOT.
Mock me all you want, Hank. But I’m much better at spelling my own name.
Yeah Mike, and you’re better at catching like you’ve got a boxing glove on your left hand instead of a catcher’s mitt. And how come the umpire called “Infield fly” when you tried to throw out a runner at second the other day?
With Maddux gone, Hank is the only one who can save the Cubs pitching staff from Rothchild.
Viva Hank White!
Geh, geh, geh, Heinrich Weiss!
Zussamen!
Les or Rich Hill could always just wear one of Mark Prior’s outfits.
I second the motion. E.D. Hill is not hot. Acceptably shapely gams, but that’s where it ends. Fortunately, our network more than makes up for it with Alisyn Camerota, Kiran Chetry and Jane Skinner, among others.
Damn right I’m hot. And my husband is the new commisioner of the NFL. Sucks to be me!
I wanna chase broads all over Lincoln Park with Hank.
While you’re on the subject, thought you all might like to know that E.D. Hill has EIGHT kids. Hmm, sounds like someone Shawn Kemp would like, or Mark Grace, if she weighed a couple hundred more pounds. Course, she’s freakin’ Angelina Jolie compared to half the anchorwomen we here in Tucson have been saddled with over the years. By the way, speaking of Gracie’s current enablers, ER, employers, not only have the Diamondbacks collapsed completely, but, Cubs fans, no matter how bad your team has sucked this season, at least you don’t have a center fielder (Eric Byrnes, or as everyone here in Arizona calls him for VERY good reasons, “Pigpen”) who always looks like he just came out of a homeless shelter five minutes before the first pitch.