The big news about Arizona Cardinals’ Matt Leinart isn’t just that he got prepared for the lack of protection he’ll get from the Cardinals’ O-line by eschewing it in his extracurricular activities. At least not for me. As for a rich, white guy signing a deal with $14 million of guaranteed cash in it, and then announcing that he knocked up his on-again-off-again girlfriend, I just don’t think anybody will be too negatively impacted by that. Not the least of whom is the kid, who will have a Heisman trophy winning father and a…uh…kind of thick, but sort of cute mom who got a college basketball scholarship.
This isn’t even the story for me. What it did was remind me of some of the most uncomfortable moments in NFL Preseason history. All of them involved Mike Ditka.
On Friday night’s telecast, Ditka went from impressed by Leinart’s debut to full-out enamored by it. Mike Ditka…Iron Mike Ditka, mind you…said the following things about Matt Leinart.
He’s kind of a cute guy.
He gets to hang out at parties with Nick Lachey. That’s good stuff.
By the end of the night, it was clear that Ditka was ready to trade an entire draft for Leinart. I have a hunch, though only Dave Barnett knows for sure, that Mike finished the broadcast smoking a cigar and not wearing any pants.
The next thing we know, Matt and Coach will be on an ESPN The Magazine cover in a tux and wedding dress.
The whole thing distressed me, and continues to do so. Especially the part that Coach Ditka knows who Nick Lachey is. Shit. Ditka didn’t even know who Jim Lachey was, and he coached against him for chrissakes.
Because I know you all turn to me for guidance when it comes to all things sport (and really, who can blame you), here’s my two cents on the whole Rex Grossman-Brian Griese thing.
I got a little tired of the graphics during last Friday’s game that pointed out that if you took Brian Griese’s career numbers for completions, yards, and touchdowns that he’d rank #1 on the Bears list for all three.
Look, Griese’s a solid quarterback. I’m not going to pretend he’s not, even if I think his dad is the worst College Football announcer–ever, and even if Brian did go to Michigan. But first off, any stiff with six seasons under his belt probably has numbers that would put them way up on the Bears QB charts. The Bears have been so bereft of competence at that position that Ryan Leaf looks like Sonny Jurgensen compared to most of the dopes who’ve tickled the center’s nutsack in navy and orange over the years.
But remember, Griese’s numbers were accomplished in competent offenses. Denver, Miami and Tampa Bay. It’s easy to put up numbers when every third play isn’t a wide receiver reverse, and when your wide receivers are actually faster than a trio of Andy Frains.
As for Rex, what do we know about him? Other than he’s got a weird, low, Sling Blade kind of voice (I’d love to hear him say “potaters” just once) and his body parts are made out of some sort of paper mache.
Over at the Some Times, Jay Mariotti (who is getting fat again, by the way, and inexplicably looks more like a queen the more he weighs) compares Rex to Cade McNown.
That’s not fair. Cade was lefthanded.
And, a punk. I don’t know that Rex is a punk. He seems like a pretty normal guy, albeit one who’s been paid a lot of money and hasn’t done anything yet (like most of the Cubs, actually), and with an overbearing father. I would think that Cedric Benson is a more apt comparison to Cade, except that Cedric is black and plays running back and so that’s a whole lot more thinking than Jay actually wants to have to do.
I don’t blame Lovie for wanting Rex to have the job. He’s got a better arm, he’s got a cooler first name, he’s younger, he has yet to get drunk, trip over his dog and slide face first down his driveway (though really, it’s probably on his list of freak injuries down the road).
But like Steve Young said yesterday, the Bears have a championship caliber defense and how long can you really expect to keep them around? It already looks like Lance Briggs might bolt after this season and Mike Brown is falling apart before our very eyes. The window at getting to a Super Bowl is closing. If it means you end up going with Griese to give yourself a better shot, even if that’s not in the best long-term interests of the Bears, you really might have to do that.
The problem, of course, is that for all the grief Rex is taking, it might just be that he’s not the problem with the first-string offense. It could be that his only proven receiver is officially over the hill, that the younger guys either can’t catch or can’t end up in the right places to catch the ball, and that the running game has been non-existent. It could well be that if you switched Brian and Rex that all that would have happened this preseason is that Rex would have put up good numbers and Brian would have led the offense to nothing but punts, field goals and interceptions in the end zone.
If that’s the case, we’re right back to where we were last year. Hoping to squeeze out 17 points and hoping the defense returns an interception for six. Or maybe even holding out hope for another 106 yard missed field goal return.
Guh.
Listen right here … don’t be so sure about that Bob Greesey thing. Guess who’s joining the college football booth this year?
I’m spelled this way.
fag.
Please tell me I am the only one who watched the Cub game today. I hope no one else had to witness it.
Nice team.
Like spring training numbers, preseason results are have an awesomely high correlation to regular season results. Look at me!
The Cubs played today? Dang. First time this season and I went and missed it.
I am jealousof that team, as they were in the game for a while…
not 106 yards.
Bears are apparently offering a 2nd round pick for Deion Branch who they think is a proven #1 reciever, but they won’t give up their 1st rounder so a deal isn’t getting done. Thats great news especially considering our 1st round pick was so valuable this past year that we were able to trade it for… a 2nd round pick? Anyway… I agree that you shouldn’t make a trade to absolutely shore up your biggest weakness, and moving Moose, Bradley, Berrian, and Davis from shitty 1, 2, 3, 4 WR’s to very solid 2, 3, 4, 5 WR’s, when you can draft a 3 year project next year with the 25th pick in the draft. Cubs grow up to be Bears don’t they? It all makes sense now.
There’s an awful Trojan joke to be had somewhere.
“The window at getting to a Super Bowl is closing.”
Chicken Little hits the trifecta. Drag up a tired cliche, butcher it, and misapply it to one of the youngest teams in the league. Cluck cluck.
Guess I should have pulled out instead of holding out.
Thick or not, Slaky would totally do me. Hard.
Who am I again?
Shit-faced Griese tripped over MY dog, dog.
Have you seen me play? I’m a goddamn hall of famer, if only some NFL team would play me as their unconditional starter, I could prove it. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! You’d get smashed and pass out in your driveway too if you had to endure these people not realizing your greatness.
Well Keith, there’s another wonderful throw under pressure, and the defensive end never had a chance to tackle my Brian…and I am pretty sure there was a late hit. The last 3 incompletions were due to poor play calling and some lousy officiating.
Matt Leinart is definitely NOT me!
Just thank God that Matt Leinart knocked up this USC women’s basketball player (who, by the way, is incredibly attractive for a women’s basketball player, although that isn’t saying much) and not his most famous girlfriend, good ol’ Paris. God help us all if Miss “That’s hot!” EVER reproduced, especially since the conception would be available for sale on every sleazy porn Web site in the world.
“The big news about Arizona Cardinals’ Matt Leinart isn’t just that he got prepared for the lack of protection he’ll get from the Cardinals’ O-line by eschewing it in his extracurricular activities.”
I suppose when someone gets accustomed to playing without protection in one area of his life…