Death March: Reds at Cubs, 1:20 p.m., 9/15

Sep 15, 2006 | Andy | 16 comments

Via Deadspin, today’s game is brought to you by a little too intense high school football coach.

Pitching matchup
Reds: Bronson Arroyo, 13-9, 3.29 ERA
Cubs: Juan Mateo, 1-3, 4.75 ERA

Lineups

Reds
Old Lady Kicker, cf
Dennis Hopper, rf
Scott Hatteberg, 1b
Rich Aurilia, 3b
E-7, lf
Dave Ross, c
Royce “No contender should ever trade for me” Clayton, ss
Brandon Phillips, 2b
Bronson, p

Cubs
Lucky Pierre, cf
Ron Ce, 2b
E-ramis, 3b
Jock, rf
Red, lf
Dinty Moore, 1b
Little Cesar, ss
Hank White, MVP
Juan Mateo, p

16 Comments

  1. Marty Brennaman
    Marty Brennaman on September 15, 2006 at 12:30 pm

    I’m an asshole.

  2. CT
    CT on September 15, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    You know, I think Adam Dunn would actually be a defensive upgrade to the Cubs outfield.

  3. Geezer
    Geezer on September 15, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    About that video. I just don’t get it. It’s high school football. What is this b.s. about “sacrificing our lives?” Do they offer up a virgin football player on an alter?

  4. Geezer
    Geezer on September 15, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    “altar”

  5. Henry Blanco
    Henry Blanco on September 15, 2006 at 12:56 pm

    Seriously, look at today’s Cubs’ lineup. Take both offense and defense into account. I’m the second best player in the lineup today. Holy crap.

  6. CT
    CT on September 15, 2006 at 12:57 pm

    That’s what happens when you embarass the program.

  7. morpheus
    morpheus on September 15, 2006 at 1:09 pm

    WTF? What happened to Mateo? Was he on a strict 44 pitch count?

  8. Bronson Arroyo
    Bronson Arroyo on September 15, 2006 at 1:45 pm

    Seems rather extreme of Glendon Rusch to fake an embolism just to get out of having to face me today.

  9. Chuck
    Chuck on September 15, 2006 at 4:41 pm

    Wow. Eight comments. At least attedance here is lower than at Wrigley.

  10. I am History Dude
    I am History Dude on September 15, 2006 at 5:47 pm

    Now, how in the hell could you embarass this program. I suppose it gets a teenie weenie bit better when Krusty gets the hell out of town, but thats about it.

  11. Charlie Weis
    Charlie Weis on September 15, 2006 at 7:36 pm

    That coach snots and slobbers more than me.

  12. kent from PA
    kent from PA on September 15, 2006 at 9:30 pm

    Small world! I live in the Hempfield School District here in PA and never saw that. Cantafio is/was a world class jerk. He stepped down this year amid, I believe, ongoing fraud investigations. ttp://local.lancasteronline.com/4/24676
    Wilson “produced” Kerry Collins, whose mom “moved” there from nearby Lebanon, PA to get him some NCAA attention back in the day. Go Cubs, uh, next year!

  13. Juan Mateo
    Juan Mateo on September 15, 2006 at 9:54 pm

    My peench running daybahcle reesulted in me cougheenk up spinal fluid, mang. Dusty and Larry said aye was fine, tho, so aye had to go out and peetched! No me gusta!

  14. Apoptosis
    Apoptosis on September 15, 2006 at 10:43 pm

    I recently relocated from Indiana to Florida, so I didn’t get a chance to watch the game today. Probably just as well, because I’m cheering for this team to lose. Please, COME ON 100 LOSES! Next year, when they play the dreaded Florida Fish, I’ll go there with my Maddux jersey and a paper bag over my head. Not just because this team is teh suck, but because they traded him away. Greg come back next year before he retires? Get real.

  15. Hank White
    Hank White on September 18, 2006 at 11:31 am

    Hey members of my fan club. I’m up to .271 this season and going for the Gold Glove award at 1B since Derrek let me borrow his glove. I better call my agent and get a 10 year extension in the works! How about an update to my fan club page!

  16. Len
    Len on September 18, 2006 at 2:29 pm

    Did you hear me ask Wayne if he thought about calling the first baseman Hank White?