Pitching Matchups
LAD: Derek Lowe, 16-8, 3.63 ERA
NYM: John Maine 6-5, 3.60 ERA
Lineups
Dodgers
Rafael Furcalholic, ss
Kenny Lofton, cf
Nomar!, ss
Jeff Pornstache, 2b
JD Drew, rf
Russ Martin, c
Marlon Anderson?, lf
Wilson Betemit, 3b
Derek Lowe, p
Mets
Jose Reyes, ss
Paul LoDuca, OTB
Carlos Beltran, cf
Carlos Delgado, 1b
David Wright, 3b
Clifford Floyd, lf
Shawn Green, rf
Jose Valentin, 2b
John Maine, p
Is Wendell Kim coaching third for the Dodgers? Weird play at the plate.
Wow, that was a beautiful sequence of events that took place at home plate. All instigated by Jeff Kent, no less.
Damn, JD, I thought I was the one who didn’t stop at stop signs.
Rich Donnelly just became my top managerial choice! That is some innovative third base coaching.
I looked up and saw a replay of Kent and then Drew getting tagged out at home plate and thought, “I wonder which regular season game those dumbasses did that in” thinking that it was a replay from during the season. Wow, that happened in a playoff game? It’s like Wendell Kim and Dale Sveum had a baby and Grady hired it to coach third.
Sometimes, love just ain’t enough. And it appears that John has AIDS.
I’m a Mets fan? No wonder the Da Vinci Code sucked.
Now that the Big Urinal Cake is gone, Shea Stadium remains as the only tribute to feces disposal in the big leagues. Well, other than Jim Edmonds’ chest, of course.
I’d like to point out that the only times the Cubs have been so close to a World Title were years I played for them. When I was there in 2003 and as a rookie in 1945.
Just so you know, once a week I grab a Physicians’ Desk Reference and randomly pick out a body part to rupture. Last week it was my oblique. Unfortunately, this week? It’s my left testicle. I should call Mike Barrett and see how the rehab is for that thing.
Just so you know, I never cheated on my superhot ex-wife by taking dates to the OTB. I met them there.
Thanks, beautiful.
But if you rupture it, I’ll just have to have more sex with Julie Foudy.
Either another crackhouse has been torched, or Queens just elected a new Pope.
Another knock! I’m going to try to get thrown out at home all by myself this time.
So few have done so little with so much. What an enormous vulva I am.
I’m back for 2007, fellas! Hot damn, can’t wait for another scintillating season of Astros baseball where we mail it in for the first 100 games.
At least Dale Berra had an excuse when he was the second runner tagged out at home plate by Carlton Fisk on a similar play at Yankee Stadium.
His excuse being that he was coked out of his mind.
That picture of Grady is going to play prominently in any nightmare I have tonight.
“Some folks calls it a sling blade. I calls it a Keyser blade.”
How is it that a guy three IQ points away from Downs’ Syndrome can make a lucrative living spouting nonsense?
I’m not asking for me. I’m asking Joe Morgan.
Did you see that among the coaches the Marlins won’t interview for Fredi Gonzalez’s staff include me? Anybody know why I was the Marlins’ bullpen coach? Anybody?
Come on. You know you do.
Think about it.
OK. It’s because it was too dangerous to give me a job that included me having to walk down the dugout steps.
I thought you were the bullpen coach because every time you pitched the bullpen got seven innings of work?
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
These dugout interviews are so uncomfortable, you expect to see Daniel Pearl somehow involved.
Anybody just see me congratulate Delgado after his homer? I’m Ryan Howard sized!
I don’t think that’s where Lowe wanted that one.
–Really? He didn’t want it bouncing off the center field scoreboard?
The stone sculpture that is Grady Little’s glare better rally the troops. Boot-straps!
Sixteen minutes to Wapner!
There are lots of us in the Mets’ dugout. We’re all wearing white pants, too.
Don’t worry guys! I’ve got it from here!
(Oh, God. Why did they give ME the lead?)
Ironic since the state abbreviation for my name is ME!
Wow, I’m like four cheeseburgers away from Lenny Harris.
I got Pedro, then El Dookie. Now I got Lowe?
I’m pitching? Am I even facing the right direction?
I’m blind. I can’t type.
Why is Kenny Lofton swinging so hard?
I like little boys
That guy in the Dodger dugout does a much better “Bill” than I did.
Joe Morgan is leaving Shea right now, because apparently it takes two and a half hours to go nine miles from Shea to Yankee Stadium. It is now safe to listen to the ESPN broadcast.
Well, relatively safe. Steve Phillips is still around.
Hey Jim, did you get molested too?
The Dodgers don’t have pitching coach Rick Honeycutt doing the in-game interviews. He’s actually Grady Little’s interpreter. He’s the only other coach on the Dodgers who speaks Gibberish.
Hero time! Hey, my eyes still bug out freakishly!
Dudes, I see my man Willie Randolph is already making rookie mistakes. He didn’t double switch there for the pitcher. Gotta double switch, dudes. Why use one player when you can use two? I would have put Tucker in to play center and pulled Beltran and put the pitcher in his spot. Willie will learn, man. He’s new.
Apparently when Grady blinks they bunt. When he doesn’t, they don’t. Only one bunt today. His eyes are going to awfully dry.
We’re eight minutes late. We suck.
Gary Thorne says that Jeff Kent it “going to the Hall of Fame.” How’s he going to drive all the way to Cooperstown and get back in time for a 7 p.m. first pitch tomorrow? Seems like a shit time to plan a day trip.
They just showed the Bobby Meachem-Dale Berra-Carlton Fisk two outs at home plate play. Dale’s pornstache puts Jeff Kent’s to shame.
What’s the over/under on Grady Little jokes? I say 112.
Shooting fish in a barrel isn’t this easy.
I sorruh, Becca!
Watch Mota strut around after pitches. He looks just like I do. Except he throws strikes and gets guys out. Otherwise we’re twins.
Guillermo Mota translated, colloquially, is me.
Good thing Dan Pasqua’s still not in the league. He’d hit me hard.
I played in the NBA. I sucked there, too.
He’d try to FedEx you to his brother-in-law’s.
Tim Robbins is in the booth. Over/under on the “Tim Robbins throws like a girl” in tonight’s Sports Guy running diary? Three.
I haven’t thrown one into the stands yet. That was a pretty good chance to do it, right there.
Uh-oh. Somebody’s going to be bouncing off of me tonight.
That’s how it’s done, Julio. 4-2.
Just got a little goose-bumpy in here. 4-4.
I’d pinch run for Nomar, but I might need him in the ninth. I’ll just give Kent the “home run sign.”
Coming up next is SportsCenter, followed by the Yankees.
What about the Tigers, Karl? Hmm?
OK. Say you’ve got a good starting pitcher with a sore back, so you decide to use him for an inning out of the bullpen. Wouldn’t you have another guy warmed up in case he gets hurt again or can’t find the strike zone?
Apparently not.
I don’t match my ethnicity.
Running is fast.
Thanks for the cookie, Brad.
Jose,
Dont you worry about clogging bases???
Mmm. Cookies. 6-4 Mets.
Whatever I tell pitchers during mound visits. Well, it’s not good.
How many runs do I have to give up before I get yanked?
See, this is why you don’t bat your lefties back to back. Grady was able to leave Penny in, who is a lefty to pitch to Floyd and Green.
He’s what? Righthanded? Really. Whatever, dude. I just blame that shit on Rothschild.
John Gibbons says 7 runs is time for the hook
My left fist says he’s wrong.
You guys still sell hamburgers here?
Peanuts!! GET YOUR PEANUTS??? $4.00 Peanuts.
My favorite Endy Chavez quote came from his manager at the time, Frank Robinson.
“When you bat Endy Chavez first, it’s like starting every game with an out.”
This Broxton guy is fat.
Next inning I’ll use the glove with a hinge in it.
I know most of this has to do with who bats behind you, but it’s interesting none the less.
Jose Reyes led the NL in stolen bases. He reached base 227 times and scored 122 runs. He scored 53.7 percent of the time he got on.
Juan Pierre finished second in the NL in stolen bases. He reached base 236 times and scored 87 runs. Or 36.9 percent of the time.
Woof.
Ramon “Fernando Sucre” Martinez just doubled to bring Nomar up as the go ahead run in the ninth.
Oooh, that Nomah sure looks pretty. But not as pretty as my pocket hanging bitch Jimmy Edmonds.
What makes Judy Pierre’s 87 R even worse is him almost topping 700 ABs. I’d have to think that anyone who racked up 200 H would have to at least have 100 R.
Then again, this is the same organization that saw Sammy Sosa hit 35 HR with only 80 RBI, and 49 HR with only 108 RBI. When Andre Dawson launched 49 HR in ’87, he had 137 RBI.