Both national and local media insist on comparing the current Bears to the Super Bowl XX champions of 1985. I for one, could care less. I’m enjoying the current edition, and don’t care how they win, as long as they keep on doing it. But apparently, Fox decided to bring in an expert to sit in on yesterday’s scintillating contest between the Bears and the woefully overmatched 49ers.
Pat Summerall, a man who broadcast (by his count) five games in 1985 when the Bears didn’t allow a touchdown (Pat was drunk a lot back them, it could have been 12). At 76, Summerall still has the great voice, and a pretty good sense of humor. He’s not at the top of his game anymore, of course, which only made his call of yesterday’s 41-10 pounding of San Francisco 179 times better than the call you got on 780 AM.
Pat seemed pretty impressed by the team in the hideous orange jerseys. Then again, who wasn’t?
Last year, the Bears broke out the same ocular nightmares in a mid-season contest with the Niners, too. But last year there was 187 mile per hour wind howling across the field, and it took Nate Vasher’s 108 yard missed field goal return to keep the 49ers at bay (Bobby Wade fumbling every punt didn’t help, either.)
This year, the Bears wasted no time. It was 3-0 after one possession. 10-0 a couple minutes later. 24-0 at the end of the first quarter and then 41-0 at the half. Pat hadn’t seen numbers go up that fast since his last field sobriety test. (Wow, that was downright mean. Imagine if I didn’t like Pat. I shudder to think.)
The game was so lopsided that Lovie Smith actually smiled. No, seriously, they got TV footage of it and everything. You’d smile too if your offense didn’t miss a beat, your defense continually ripped the ball away from the Niners. The special teams were just as good. I really should be burning these games on DVDs, shouldn’t I?
 Rex Grossman shook off the worst game of his life with one of the best. Thomas Jones ran for 100 yards. The Todd Johnson Experience forced a pair of fumbles. Brian Urlacher made a ludicrous interception off a pass he tipped into the air, all of the while being bear hugged by a Niners’ o-lineman.
Fox just kept showing Mike Nolan, standing there with a laminated play sheet stuffed down the front of his pants (he’s lucky Ricky Manning, Jr. didn’t mistake it for a Denny’s menu) looking like he was trying to free a cyanide capsule from a rear molar.
Muhsin Muhammad got into the act with a great catch in the back of the end zone, and then an incredible diving catch for a short pass when he impossibly snagged a pass just before it touched the grass. Both catches showed off just how strong Moose’s hands are. We haven’t seen grip strength like that since Glendon Rusch tried to wrestle a cruller away from Scott Eyre.
Robbie Gould insists on not missing a kick, which is nice, though is it wrong that whenever the Bears are comfortably ahead I want him to miss, because I have visions of him lining up for a game-winning kick in the NFC Championship game with smarmy Joe Buck saying, “Gould hasn’t missed in 40 field goal attempts this year. So I’m sure he’ll make this. Oh, too bad it’s wide right, and short, and being returned for a touchdown. Haha, Bears suck!” I hate Joe Buck.
Tommie Harris showed off his moves after a fumble recovery. Manning pulled a fumble/interception out of midair and five guys showed up for the games wearing identically gay Captain America costumes.ÂÂ
The only thing missing from yesterday’s game was that the Bears did not punt enough for Pat Summerall to work in another great story about he and Brad Maynard share the same chiropractor. I’d have lost a great deal of money if any of you had bet me that that story wouldn’t get told at least once. By the way, since Pat didn’t remind us, the chiropractor is a woman, and has an autographed photo of Maynard punting in the Super Bowl for the Giants hanging up in her office. Damn, I missed Pat.
Next up are the Dolphins, who, when the schedule came out were supposed to kick off the strong middle of the season schedule for the Bears, followed by trips to the Meadowlands back-to-back then to Victor Kiam-Zeke Mowatt-Exposed Naked Phallus-Stadium in Foxborough. Now? Not so much.
The Bears being 7-0 trumps all other sports news. It’s so much more important that baseball free agency (with E-ramis Ramirez pulling the ejector handle), than upcoming college basketball (and with Illinois’ prize recruit bolting for the Hoosiers), than that stupid little tournament baseball has where it rains all the times and the American League team forgets how to throw the ball to first base. It’s all about the Bears. Bears, Bears, Bears!
I happen to know everything there is to know about the Bears! I love the Bears. I love the Bears on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take the Bears and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?
See, I’m fine. Terrific. Glad you asked.
Go Bears!ÂÂ
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Oh Andy, suppressing your anger will only make it worse…
I think everyone can agree I should have been the image found here.
Great thing you used to call a Dose.
I am a sexual Tyrannosaurus.
so who has his wallet in her bony little fingers ?
The tag in that photo from SFGate is even better than the photo itself. “Alex Smith, in an all too familiar position, yesterday at Soldier Field.”
You see, the problem with missing an insignificant kick is that it doesn’t represent an aberration as much as it represents the beginning of a funk.
You watch–once I miss one, I’ll end up going 6-13 the rest of the way.
That must have sucked, Dick
Nice referrence to me, you classic bitch.
Watching this game from section 440 with my dad, we were commenting about how much better it would be if the team on whom the Bears were administering a butt-whupping were more loathsome. Sure, the Joe Montana-led Niners, with that arrogant prick Walsh certainly can conjure up bad memories, but they are so far removed, that it doesn’t even feel like the same franchise anymore. Sure, I was hoping to see 50 points yesterday, but I was otherwise actually feeling kinda sorry for San Fran.
Now, next week’s opponent, on the other hand. Something about the Miami Dolphins…I don’t think I could ever NOT hate that franchise. For one, it’s nice to see that the 7-0 Bears are giving jock itch to the Dolphins of ’72, but the biggest reason to see the Bears embarass the hell out of them is Nick Saban.
I’m really hoping the Bears make that egotistical prick suffer. The guy turned his back on longtime friend Jerry Angelo because he just had to be in control of an NFL team. Now, how much you wanna bet Saban would easily trade in his GM title in Miami to coach a team with the talent that the Bears have? Instead, as a Wanny-like GM, he passes up on Drew Brees for Daunte Culpepper and Joey Harrington. What a maroon.
Even though he may have done us a favor by publicly rejecting–and embarassing–his friend Angelo (some friend, BTW), I still would like to see Saban get his nose rubbed in it.
Go Bears.
It wasn’t a cruller it was a jelly doughnut that I kiped from old doughnut gut Jim Hendry!
How the fuck did Eyre get a cruller?
I resent the usage of “Todd Johnson Experience” in this dose without my propers.
Is Youtube’s statement on the linked website regarding the 5 guys in Captain America costumes prima facia evidence of infringement? I think they should get a lawyer’s opinion regarding revising that language.
“COULDN’T care less”. Gosh.
Nothing about the front page of Sunday’s bright one? “Tyna Robertson – I guess I’m easy on the eyes?”
No, she’s not a golddigger. No, she ain’t messing with no broke ni**er…
How DARE you correct Andy, 15? You should be beaten with a foul pole. Good times.
I am not smart.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/cs-061030drivertalks,1,6121587.story?coll=chi-sportstop-hed
I dunno, Donald used to be smart enough to get my drugs to me on time.
> five guys showed up for the games wearing identically gay Captain America costumes
No worse than the three identically douchebaggy Mr. Incredibles that showed up at Delilah’s Friday night.
For one thing, store-bought costumes ought to be straight up no-fly territory for the fellas. Quite apart from that, though, matching your buddies’ store-bought getup merely serves to admit to the world that you once cupped each others’ balls during some unguarded Hell Week moment.
bears>/bulls>sux>hawks>cobs :(
hey #20 can you come up with a clever handle. I’ve been using dan on the messageboard for about a year or two and it was the cleverest thing I could come up with. I don’t want you getting credit for my bad jokes.