Let me just start by saying that I don’t care how much money the Cubs spend on players. I don’t get hung up on the payroll anymore. I’m through caring about what something cost somebody else. The only thing I concern myself with is how good the players are that the Cubs sign.
In a world where E-ramis Ramirez can parlay a season in which he was hitting .233 on June 1 into a $50 million raise, I suppose Mark DeRosa (who’s batting average dropped forty points in the second half) is worth $4 million a year. We can argue the merits of handing a career mediocrity like DeRosa a starting job all you want. I’m just glad he’s not Neifi. Only in the world of the Cubs is this progress.
It’s only November 15, but the Cubs have already committed almost $97 million in payroll to four guys. Rumors persist that they’ll give Alfonso Soriano $100 million if that’s what it takes. It’s obvious that Jim Hendry has plenty of money to work with. How much sense he has? That’s another story.
E-ramis – I love to make fun of him as much as the next guy, and I won’t dispute that his lousy start contributed mightily to 2006 becoming one of the most horrific seasons in the Cubs long history of horrific seasons. He did take a pop-up off the head to lose a game (but that was funny–it was pretty much worth it) early in the year. He doesn’t run very hard, and he always looks a little confused.

But the Cubs had to re-sign him. The contract that Jim Hendry negotiated with E-ramis two years ago was a joke. Why you pay market value for a guy and give him an out before his age 28 season is mystery enough, but then you give him a no-trade clause, too? Why not just pull your pants down, bend over and get it over with?

The Cubs had to sign him for several reasons. First, he’s a pretty good baseball player. His defense has gone from atrocious to average, and he’s been the Cubs most consistent offensive player since the day the airport limo dropped him and Kenny Lofton off at Wrigley in 2003.

Second, the Cubs offense was so atrocious last season that it’s hard to imagine it getting much better without him. There were no alternatives in the free agent market that were going to come close to replacing E-ramis’ production.

Third, there’s a huge market out there this year for the few decent players who are on the market. The Cubs couldn’t count on being able to sell a guy like Soriano or Carlos Lee or whoever to take their big money offer to play on a team with Derrek Lee, a catcher with bruised nuts and not much else. Having E-ramis back doesn’t hurt what little credibility the Cubs were going to have on the open market.

One thing we know about free agents. They go where the money is. But if the money is close, they go where they can get the money and win. It’s going to be rough enough to convince guys the Cubs can win now, can you imagine how much tougher it would have been without E-ramis?

The media seems to think it’s a big deal that E-ramis now makes more money than Derrek Lee. But you know what? That seems about right. He’s younger. He plays a position that’s tougher to fill. He has more big offensive years under his belt than Derrek. That doesn’t make him better. It just means in the open market an E-ramis will cost more than a Derrek.
Kerry Wood – I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. I can’t not like Kerry Wood. I can not like the fact that he gets hurt, but beyond that, what’s not to like? There are very few players these days who “get it.” But Kerry’s always gotten it. He even has the common courtesy to injure himself sufficiently to elicit our pity rather than our scorn. Mark Prior (who I also like, though I’m in an increasing minority–and actually, you may be right on that one) is big into strains and sprains. Kerry goes for ruptures and tears. Even his injuries are manly.

Most of the time when you hear an athlete say he “owed it to the fans” or to the organization you have to stop yourself from throwing up. Kerry said it this fall and you got the feeling he actually meant it. He’s made a shitload of money the past few years and in 2003 he was worth every penny. After that? Uh, not so much. He apparently felt guilty about it. Would you have? I know I wouldn’t have. I’d have spent my DL time getting lap dances and eating myself up to the 400 lb range. On the first and fifteenth I’d go online and check out my bank balance and laugh and call for more strippers and pizza.

Then, when the Cubs declined my option for next season, I’d do a few sit ups, play catch a few times, pronounce myself healthy and let four teams who I didn’t burn by being hurt at season crippling times fight over me in the open market.

But Kerry’s back to hang out in the bullpen with Bob Novoa and Scott Eyre and Will Ohman (why do I immediately picture a You Tube video next summer of Kerry stuffing Will into a Gatorade jug during a game?). It might not be the best thing for his career. He’s still relatively young. Maybe he should have gone on the market, signed with the Astros or Rangers or anybody else and gotten a fresh start. But he didn’t. He wanted to come back. Wanted to prove to us that he’s got something left. Wanted to try to earn some of the money he thinks he stole the past couple seasons. Honestly, how can you not think that’s kinda cool?

What we know about Kerry is that his bullpen experiment won’t fail for lack of effort. Nobody knows how much he’s got left. His stuff will still be good, and if you had to pick any starting pitcher the past few years who has the proper mixture of talent, balls and pure meanness to become a great reliever, Kerry would be near the top of the list. If it fails, it’ll be because his arm falls off again. Rest assured, it won’t be tendonitis or bursitis or whatever other guys get diagnosed with. This time, his right arm will probably fly off and some lucky fan behind the first base dugout will get a pretty cool, and very bloody souvenir.

If you trade a BP bat for a gamer, what do you trade for your pitching arm? Mike Wuertz?

Mark DeRosa – The first thing I thought of when I saw that the Cubs had signed DeRosa was, “What, Pete Orr’s not available?” Actually that wasn’t it. I thought of how I’m sure Lou Piniella thinks of DeRosa as the ’00s version of Mark McLemore. Piniella loved McLemore in Seattle. A guy who could play almost every position, and who you could use every day if you wanted or needed to. McLemore had a few good years, though rarely two in a row. DeRosa had a good year last year, though most of it was accomplished before the end of July.

He’s 31, which makes his good year last year seem more of an exception than any new rule. Maybe we can get him to stop shaving so much and toss his bat in the air disgustedly after pop-ups, though.

Hank White – Did the fan club make Hank into a superstar or did Hank’s rise to superstardom make the fan club famous? All I know is this. When Hank showed up at Wrigley for the first time he was a solid catch, no hit catcher with a .216 career average. He was Paul Bako with a tan and a mullet. Since his arrival in Chicago, Hank has hit 40 points over his career average and increased that average to .225. As backup catchers go, and that’s still what he is, Hank’s among the very best in the game.

When Bob Uecker was a player he had a theory that the less he played the more years he’d put in, in the big leagues. He knew he had some skills that could help a team. Like Hank he was an excellent defensive catcher with not much offensive skill. Let’s put it this way, Hank hit two more triples last year than Bob hit in his entire big league career. Two.

Ueck was sure that if he ever had to play every day, it would be the end of his career. His deficiencies didn’t matter much when he was going to back up Tim McCarver and catch 30 games a year. But over a whole season, the Cardinals or Braves or Phillies were going to say, “Wow, this dude sucks,” and send him on his way.

One year McCarver got hurt in spring training, and Uecker was thrust into the starting role. He feared he’d lose his job before April rolled around. Incredibly, Uecker got hurt a couple days later, missed more time than McCarver and when he came back he was still the backup and lasted three more years in the big leagues.

Hank had never played well when given lots of playing time. Then again, until 2005 he’d never played well, period. But last year, when Barrett took one off the nutters, Hank was pretty much it behind the plate for all of September. He hit .291 that month. Is that why the Cubs re-signed him? Wow, I hope not. Because 103 at bats with your team a mile out of first after your 35th birthday is a pretty lousy basis for a decision.

So where I am going with any of this? I don’t know, except to say that even with Michael Barrett’s defensive lapses, the Barrett-Blanco catching tandem is as good as any (and better than most) in the National League. There wasn’t any reason to break it up. Hell, the Cubs still only have three excellent players they can count on: Lee, Ramirez and Zambrano, so having catchers who don’t crap themselves is next in line in Cubs’ on-field assets.

Don’t blame Hank for how low the bar is, just appreciate that even he can jump over it.

So now what? Hendry is said to be sniffing around such pitching luminaries as Gil Meche and Jason Marquis. Now there’s a sure way to a pennant. Hot damn THE Gil Meche? THE Jason Marquis? Ooh, dare to dream.

There’s talk they may go after Julio Lugo to play center field. That’s great. Why not move a guy who’s only value is that his offense isn’t that bad for a shortstop out to center where the same offensive production would make Juan Pierre look like Willie Mays?

Pardon me if I have no confidence in the Cubs’ ability to sign Alfonso Soriano. I think it’s the right move. The best move. Pay him whatever you have to, plug him into center, let him lead off and let whoever the owner is and the GM is in 2009 wonder why they’re paying him that much for that many more years. But since the Cubs have never actually “won” the services of the best free agent on the market, it’s kind of hard to picture it until it happens. If it ever does.

Wake me when they add some pitching.

Some non-Jason Marquis pitching.