If you were to believe Joe Buck (and really, why should you?), fans all over Chicago are clamoring for Brian Griese. Joe would have you believe that we all have shirtless posters of Brian hanging in our bedrooms and that we spend time locked in the bathroom using a hairbrush to conduct imaginary interviews with the MVP of Super Bowl XLI–yes, Brian Griese.

I have nothing against Griese–well, except for the fact that he went to Michigan, that his dad is one of the weakest members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and that nobody ever bought the whole “tripped over a dog and slid down the driveway” excuse he gave for missing a game because he got boozed up and fell down–I’m glad the Bears have a guy most people feel is a bona fide NFL quarterback on their roster.

I just don’t buy into the idea that making Griese the quarterback gets the Bears any closer to winning the Super Bowl than sticking with Rex Grossman does.

I will admit that Rex snapped my last straw when the Bears got the ball back with 1:46 left in the game, down four and the first thing he did was throw a woefully short deep ball to Rashied Davis and get it picked off to end the game. I invented new expletives as I rather pathetically chewed Rex’s visage out through the TV.

The Bears should have beaten the Patriots on Sunday. Hell, that’s an understatement. They should have pounded them. The Pats’ secondary is an injury depleted joke. When Junior Seau’s career snapped in two in the second quarter their run defense became as bad as their secondary. But the Bears managed just 13 points, largely because their quarterback was busy giving the ball back to the Patriots time after time.

This, is the whole crux of the argument for switching to Griese. He’s not as prone to bouts of inane passing decisions and snap fumbling as Rex. The defense is good enough to win a Super Bowl, it just needs the offense to get out of the way.

I just don’t buy that argument. For all of Rex’s faults (and in the past six games you could stack them end to end and clean some pretty high windows), the difference between this Bears’ offense and every one…ever…is the threat of the deep pass. The Bears offense is designed to put the fear of the quick strike into the defense. It helps open up running lanes, it gives the passing game room between the safeties and the linebackers and when it’s working, it’s a thing of beauty.

Brian Griese doesn’t provide that threat. Maybe the Bears can win with a Harbaugh-esque 20-27, 137 yard performance from their QB. It’s how they beat the Jets. Rex hung onto the ball, didn’t do anything too dumb and they won 10-0.

But did anybody think the Bears played all that well in that game? Did that inspire visions of the Lombardi Trophy?

The Rex who beat the Seahawks in week four is the guy that makes you think the Bears can win it all. That was a good team, with a good defense and he went 17-31 for 232 yards, two touchdowns and no picks.

That’s the guy the Bears need. No matter how hard Brian Griese tries, he’s not that guy.

Granted, the one thing the Bears do not need is the turnover machine Rex has been more often than not since they plane landed in Phoenix. If that’s the choice, then you have to go to Griese. But with five regular season games to go (against the pitiful Vikings, Rams, Bucs, Lions and Packers), you still need to try to fix Rex rather than benching him now.

Three weeks from now, if he’s still a 50-50 bet to forget which color jersey the Bears are wearing during pass plays? I’ll get out the hairbrush, you go find thumbtacks for the shirtless poster.

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I know what Troy Aikman’s excuse is. His IQ wasn’t all that hot to begin with and then he left about 40 percent of it in his blue-starred helmet, but doesn’t anybody on Fox watch their own broadcasts?

It was strange enough when Lovie tried to ice New England’s Polish kicker with a timeout and the ball went wide right and Troy and Joe thought it was good, but they watched a slo-mo replay of the kick, clearly avoiding the space between the uprights and they both commented on what a great kick it was.

But how about the moment after the wild double fumble in the fourth quarter when P’nut Tillman blasted Ben Watson with a block that drew moans of ‘oh what a cheapshot’ from the Fox broadcast duo, even though on the same replay, just seconds later you saw one of the Patriots finally touch Danieal Manning as he lay on the turf cradling the fumble recovery. Clearly, Manning wasn’t down, and the play wasn’t over, meaning that all P’nut was doing was blocking. The refs flagged Tillman for a late hit, but they were wrong, and it would have been nice if the guys getting paid about $6 million to announce the games had noticed.

If Bill Belichick is such a genius, how come he doesn’t realize how ridiculous he looks wearing his pajamas on the sidelines during games? Probably as ridiculous as calling for a reverse on the second-to-last Patriot possession that the Bears buried for an eight yard loss and pushed the Pats out of field goal range.

I know that Belichick-disciple Charlie Weis has taken to the sweatshirt/sweatpants look, too, but Charlie has a reason. He’s morbidly obese, those are probably the only clothes that still fit him. Plus, Charlie’s still busy trying to protect his own “genius” status by thinking up ways to defend the fact that in two years he has yet to beat a team with better talent than the one he’s coaching.

Lovie Smith is always the epitome of cool on the sidelines…uh, except for when the temperature goes under 40 degrees and he puts that stocking cap on. Come on, Lovie, it’s not that cold. That’s not a good look. You’ve already got the headset on, which is tantamount to wearing earmuffs, if you need to keep the heat trapped under your bald head, just wear a baseball cap. Otherwise you look like the black Dave Wannstedt, and believe me, you don’t want this:

Ever.