The real Manning brothas

You’d think they’d learn. The national media, so quick to dismiss the Bears against the mighty New Orleans Saints all had egg on their face (probably from a free brunch buffet) after they all picked the wrong team to win the NFC. But, they’re at it again.

They keep saying things like, “I can’t imagine seeing Rex Grossman beating Peyton Manning.”

Kind of like how you couldn’t ever see him losing to Doug Johnson. Right?

They can’t figure out how the Bears defense which has “struggled” recently could shut down the mighty Colts offense. They’re pretty sure that 5’2 Colts safety Bob Sanders is an unstoppable force who will singlehandedly thwart the Bears’ running game. They’re also tripping all over themselves trying to shine Tony Dungy’s halo.

That’s fine. We learned long ago not to take any of them all that seriously, anyway. We all know Peyton’s uncanny ability to rise up and win the big game. Just like he did at Tennessee when the Vols beat the uh…um…wait, I’ll think of one.

When Michael Irvin makes the most sense on a subject–he said something to the effect of, “Peyton hasn’t won the big one yet. Sunday is the big one!”–you know something’s wrong. Irvin then said something about not digging around under the driver’s seat in his rental car. I never can understand him when he starts yelling.

As for the Lovie Smith – Tony Dungy coaching matchup, in the end, the student always surpasses the teacher. Think Belilchick-Parcells or Krzyzewski-Knight or Wannstedt-Johnson. Wait…never mind that last one.

Sports Guy ended today’s column with this line, “I haven’t run into one person who thinks the Bears can win on Sunday. Not one.”I wasn’t aware the Super Bowl winner was decided via caucus? If it was, I’m sure that Joe Biden would appreciate Lovie’s personal hygiene.

Besides, the only reason he hasn’t run into anybody who thinks the Bears can win is because he ran away when he saw Sean Salisbury because he wasn’t going to fall for that, “Hey Bill, check out my camera phone!” trick again.

The Colts are good, of course. We’re not disputing that. Peyton’s a Hall of Fame quarterback and he makes some funny commercials. Marvin Harrison is a great receiver, even if he does curl up in a fetal position more than Bob Wiley (not the old Bears’ line coach, either).

But the Colts’ defense isn’t any great shakes. They got to load up on a Chiefs’ team paralyzed by their dopey head coach and their concussed, horsetoothed quarterback. In the second round they dominated a team with a wildly inconsistent offense led by a QB who’s spent more time in the hospital in the past five years than Terry Shiavo (hey, she’s from Florida, right?) and led by a genius last seen wearing sandals with socks, lounging in a hammock and reading a Rick Pitino book. Then in the conference championship they didn’t exactly shut down the Patriots, and had Reche Caldwell not inadvertantly knocked a pass out of his own hands with simultaneously detaching retinas they’d have given up 40 points and lost.

So when Vegas says the Colts are seven point favorites, I can only imagine they’re preying on the amateur Super Sunday bettors who can’t wait to bet on the “Cut that meat” guy.

But I don’t know. Like most of us, I look at the Bears with my heart more than my head. Kind of like how Justin Timberlake looked at Jessica Biel with something other than his heart (and made a spectacularly correct choice, by the way).

I don’t expect Sexy Rexy to light up the Super Bowl like it’s an October tilt against the Bills. But unless he pulls another Arizona turnoverathon I like the Bears’ chances.

The Colts have played the run well the last three games, that’s true. But if KC wasn’t coached by a magic eight-ball with a headset, old Larry Johnson would have been loaded up for 40 carries. Jamal Lewis didn’t look right in the second round (I just figured that he was running low on cell minutes and distracted by several dozen pounds of coke taped next to the gas tank on his Escalade), and he underwent ankle surgery yesterday for some reason. The Pats did what they wanted on offense, until the end, when amazingly they didn’t have brains enough to keep running.

So you can’t convince me that the Bears can’t keep pounding Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson at the Colts. Eat up clock, like Dallas did in their win over Indy, and get lots of yardage, like Jacksonville did when they humiliated the Colts late in the season. Plus, the Bears have the best special team return and coverage units in the NFL and the Colts have some of the worst.

The Colts use two running backs, too.  One is rookie Joseph Addai, the other is former US Olympic gymnast Dominique Dawes.  She doesn’t scare me.  Now if it was Kerri Strug?  That tough little broad would hop out a key first down or two late in the game.

Bears fans have waited 21 long years for another shot at a Super Bowl.  This team is good enough to win it, and we fully expect them to do just that.

As for the good people of Indianapolis?  Screw them.  They stole their team from the wonderful crack hotbed of Baltimore.  They are owned by a cheap, sneaky, inbred family, just like the Bears are.  At least the McCaskeys had the good sense to shake down their own city for a new stadium instead of sneaking out on one to go do it to somebody else.  There’s a certain integrity in that, don’t you think?

All weekend we’ll hear the media watering down a blanket and throwing it on the Bears’ chances, kind of like Adrian psyching up her retarded boxer boyfriend by yelling, “You can’t win!”

But we know better.  They can.  They should.  They will.

The storybook ending is Peyton Manning finally winning his Super Bowl.

Just like two weeks ago it was the plucky little Saints winning a trip to the Super Bowl for their hurricane ravaged city.

The Bears aren’t big into storybooks.