The Cubs spent all winter telling us that they’re not going to count on Mark Prior or Kerry Wood this year.  Anything they get from either of them will just be gravy.

That’s a good thing, because after one spring training outing Mark Prior left something oozing off the mound, and we can only hope it was gravy.

His two inning stint against the Mariners on Monday came after the Cubs moved his Cacti League debut up a week.  Wow, imagine how bad he’d have had to have been to get skipped?

His job was to get six outs, and he got four.  He threw precious few strikes and Felix Pie got his running in for the month trying to catch what happened to the few deliveries Prior did get within a zip code of home plate.

It’s all true that it’s early, this game doesn’t mean anything and a couple of solid efforts will wash it all away.  But come on.  How encouraged can you be when your one time wunderkind has turned into a salad tossing afterthought?

During a mound visit during the second inning, Prior told Larry Rothschild that, “It doesn’t feel right.  It’s just not right.  I can’t get it to do what I want.”

Michael Barrett offered, “Hey, it happens to lots of guys.  It’s not a big deal.  Happens to me a lot.  Just do what I do and picture Murton in a Speedo.”

Rothschild patiently asked Prior what he was talking about.

Prior looked down at the baseball he was holding in his hand and said, “I can’t get it to snap.  It’s just right.  This is the smallest, roundest, hardest towel I’ve ever had.”

Get ready for a long season.

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I don’t have to tell you, the intrepid readers of Desipio that there’s a quality Lou Piniella Web site gracing the Internet over at fireloupiniella.wordpress.com, run by our very own Kermit.  That site is funny,  well-written and profane, all of the things we enjoy.  There’s a very bad, poorly written and simplistic (in both design and content) site at a similar address that got lots of attention over the weekend.  The Cleveland Plain Dealer ran a story on it, Buster Olney mentioned it in his blog, and one of the awful Score weekend hosts spent a few minutes reading it out loud yesterday.

That site is, to quote a great woman, about as fresh as a Foghat concert.  This is the kind of crap that drives me nuts.  For chrissakes, if you Google “Fire Lou Piniella” the first two results are the bad site and the good one.  How much effort would it have taken to have clicked on more than one friggin’ link?

I hope that the AP or Reuters guy who wrote that article gets syphillis and dies.

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Speaking of dying from syphillis, I see that Joe Morgan and his little gang of dumbshits didn’t vote anybody into the Hall of Fame again.  Joe claims that he voted for Ron Santo.  We all know that Joe is lying.  Oh, Joe voted for somebody, he voted for himself.  Again.  Like he does every year.  And every year, some intern at the Cooperstown, NY museum has to point out that Joe is already in the Hall of Fame.  To which he replies, “Fuckin’ A, I am.  Now go get me a sammich!”

Just like every other day of his life, Ron Santo isn’t in the Hall of Fame.  He deserves to be, based on his career, but he’s not.  Writers didn’t vote him in for 15 years, and now his peers haven’t voted for him three times in six years.

I understand how frustrating it has to be for Ron.  He’s not in and far lesser players like Bill Mazeroski, Phil Rizzuto and Nellie Fox are in.  Unlike some of the cranky old bastards in the hall like Morgan, and Bob Feller, Santo would be thrilled with his induction, he wouldn’t act like it was a birthright.  But it doesn’t look like it’s not going to happen.

So, instead, Ron is left to focus on his other unfulfilled dream.  He just wants to see the Cubs win a World Series.

Wow, I never realized just how absolutely screwed he was until just now.

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Kerry Wood made his spring debut in the same game that Prior did.  Wood’s line.  One inning, no hits, no walks, a strikeout.  No crying or towel snapping delusions.

Well, I’m sure there was some crying.  But nobody’s listening to Ryan Dempster these days.