It’s been a while, and I haven’t Dosed in two days, so you get this instead. I know, I know, it’s not the same. But you know what? Nothing’s the same as it ever was. That’s a lie. House of Pain may have sung it, but that doesn’t mean they meant it.

Just when things are going good, well…it won’t last. Trust me on this, my friends. Because I know.

And I’m not even talking about the Cubs. Anyway…

I’m loathe to admit that there hasn’t been a Dose the last two days because frankly, I just wasn’t feeling it. I don’t do things half assed. I give it the whole ass or nothing. Perhaps tomorrow?

Perhaps.

I find the woman from Mr. Personality attractive in a “cute red head with teeth that a horse would laugh at” kind of way.

Notice, I included redhead so you all wouldn’t think I was referring to Monica.

Despite all of the sandwich jokes, I really think Illinois did a good job hiring Bruce Weber. He’s smart, hard working, deals well with kids and the media and he’s a good coach. He’s Bill Self without the hairpiece.

I don’t think Jerry Manuel deserves to be fired. Since when is boring, quiet and expecting your players to be professional a fireable offense? The Sox have big holes. That’s why they lose. Not because the manager is channeling Ghandi in the dugout.

Ghandi can’t make Paul Konerko stop limping.
Ghandi can’t help it that Frank Thomas is scared of the ball.
Ghandi can’t trick Stevie Loaiza into thinking every month is April.
Ghandi can’t convince the 4,123 actual Sox fans in the world that this team is .500 at best.

Don’t blame Ghandi. Maybe he’s just hungry.

I really liked this guy’s Weblog entry about all of the ways he’s signed his credit card receipts without ever being challenged about it.

With all of the hubub about (yes, hubub) the Cubs clinging to first place by their fingernails and the impending surge by the Cardinals, has anybody wondered if maybe the Cubs haven’t hit their stride yet? Consider, they’ve gotten no offense out of third base, Moises Alou’s hot spell lasted about six days, Hee Seop Choi is still trying to figure this whole Major League thing out, Sammy never hits until it gets warm and Mike Remlinger has pitched like he’s channeling the ghost of Jeff Fassero.

Maybe the Cubs are, in the immortal words of Lee Elia, about to “get hotter than s@#$, so they can stuff it up all of your a$$es!”

I’m tired of listening to callers give their two cents about David Kelton’s defensive struggles at AAA. Any chimp can read a stat sheet and see how many errors he has. But if you haven’t seen him play, you have no idea. Nomar Garciaparra has made five errors in four days. Does that make Nomar the second coming of Mike Brumley?

I like Steve Stone, but what was with him giving Moises Alou a free pass when he swung at a 3-0 pitch and grounded out, only to rip Corey Patterson for hitting a 2-0 pitch? I’m worried that sitting next to Chip Caray for hours at a time will give Steve a baseball case of Stockholm Syndrome.

What is with Chip giving all of the Cubs nicknames? “The Horn?” I say when the Cubs send Mark Bellhorn to Iowa that they send Chip with him.

Hey, a guy can dream.

Honestly, I don’t know what a county councillor does, but I’m voting for this guy. I can’t take credit for finding Barrie, that goes to intrepid reader, and longtime friend of Desipio TJ Brown. What Google search turned this guy up, I don’t want to know.

We need to address this crap about all of the “Sammy Sosa stats after his Easter beaning” that are out there.

He got hit in the head with a pitch. It shattered his batting helmet, which is not supposed to happen. But we all know Sammy. He’s not afraid of the baseball. He’s the streakiest slugger of all time. When he’s hot, he’s unbelievably hot, when he’s not, he’s…well, the Sammy of the last two weeks. Leave him alone and he’ll take it all out on somebody. My guess? He takes it out on the Cardinals this weekend.

On last Thursday night’s Survivor we were all enthralled by Quisty’s final words. She said them and signed them at the same time. Who knew there was a sign for “pissed?”

Is it just me, or has “Friends” basically had the same plot now for six years? They just shift around the “he/she loves her/him, but they are dating somebody else” characters. I actually tape that show. How sad is that?

Two shows worth taping though are the John Corbett comedy “Lucky” on FX and the HBO series “The Wire” which starts its second season in June.

And, unlike Larry King, I didn’t just get paid for those plugs.

But enough about Bill Self’s hair.

I’m loathe to admit, I’m tired of admitting.