Sit on my lap and call me UNCLE Lou!

Holy hell. I’ve been reading the nonsense Dolan and you idiots have going over here the past couple of days. I have to tell you, I hate what I’m seeing. You guys think you’re clever? Clever my ass! I see these poor saps on your message board getting called douches right away! What the hell is that? And who the hell is Paul? And what the hell is “teh”? This place gives me a headache.

But I was asked to do your little “Dose” on Fridays. Maybe what you all need is a dose of reality, so here you go. You’re a bunch of f@#$ing nerds! Ha ha haaa! Ah, man. It hurts when I laugh sometimes.

Are you guys trying to be different by stopping at 1908 posts? Or 1989? Or 1984? Or 1969? Or whatever the hell loser year you losers are stopping at? I see all the kids at the other message boards have, like, 35,000 posts. What’s that say about you guys? Well, probably that you have tans, for one thing.

Ah, I’m just giving you guys shit. Honestly, I respect the fact you guys are even f@#$ing crankier than I am, even if you are a bunch of self-congratulatory bunch of one-uppers. No rays of sunshine over on this site. No, sir. I guess it makes sense, what with you guys getting used to almost 100 years of disappointment. What’s it like experiencing them all firsthand, Stew? Ha ha ha! Yeah, I’ve been taking notes.

So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to be here for the next couple of Fridays, covering for Kermit’s hungover ass, who’s covering for Dolan’s lazy ass, who’s covering the internet with idiocy. And if you do mind, make like an opposing hitter and take a f@#$ing walk. Ha ha! You guys suck.

Well, that’s all for me. I don’t care if you enjoyed it, because you read it, which means I get paid in Desipio stock. And Uncle Lou has some gambling debts he needs to take care of. Chumps.