Because I’ll watch just about any televised baseball game I can find, I sat down to watch some of the Orioles-Twins on ESPN2 last night, and what to my soon to be bleeding ears did I hear? The announcing “team” of Dave O’Brien, Rick Sutcliffe and Dusty Baker.
Three things you can count on with this bunch. Dave’s hair will be shining, Rick will know where the beverage cart is, and Dusty will have several notecards full of unintelligible gibberish ready to read to you as the game goes on.
My two favorite parts had to do with two of our favorite former Cubs. (I’m not going to pretend I watched the whole game, or that I didn’t miss some quality comedy gold from Dusty).
The first involved our old pal Corey Patterson. Corey came up to bat and Dusty immediately began to extol the virtues of the Cubs’ wild swinging flame out. Dusty talked about how fast Corey is (true), how smart he is (debatable) and what a great defender he is (occasionally).
Sutcliffe said that Corey stole “bases in nine straight games last year.” It’s true. You can look it up. The Orioles even won five of those games. And Corey only struck out nine times in those nine games.
Dusty then said, “Oh, I know he’s going to be a superstar. I’ve known that ever since I met him.”
We all know how ridiculous that statement is. Nobody thinks Corey’s ever going to be a superstar. He’s basically an average to below average player. He’s fast, true, but even his “breakout” 2006 season was pretty much just a duplicate of his 2004 season, and neither of those are in the same area code as a superstar season.
What Dusty basically said without saying it was, “He’s talented, but I couldn’t get anything out of him, and maybe whoever the guy is who’s managing the Orioles can.”
But that wasn’t the best thing Dusty said all night.
Joe Mauer did something that impressed Sutcliffe (probably smiled at a beer vendor or something) and Rick said, “Both of these teams have their catching locked up for a long time. Both have great young catchers.”
He was referring to Mauer and to Orioles catcher Ramon Hernandez. Ramon’s not young (he’ll be 31 in May) and he’s not great, but he’s a nice player. He just should never be compared to Joe Mauer. But that’s not the best part. Dusty wasn’t sure what Rick meant and he looked to see who was catching that day for the Orioles and saw that Gabor Bako was in the lineup because Hernandez is day-to-day with an injury. Incredibly, here’s what Dusty said.
“That’s right. Mauer’s a great player and Baltimore’s got Bako.”
Gabor Paul Bako II, a guy who you can legitimately argue is the WORST player in the big leagues. A guy with a .236 career average and 14 homers in 1600 career at bats.
Great Oden’s Raven! This had better be opening day jitters, or else Dusty’s the dumbest man on the planet. And that includes Tim McCarver and Steve Lyons.
Here’s the problem for Dusty. He’s open about the fact that he only took the announcing job because he wants to manage again and he was worried that if he went the Cito Gaston route and sat out a year or two that he’d never get another job. But if he’s going to remind everyone how wrong he is about so many things by going on national TV several times a week and saying stupid stuff, how’s he ever expect to get taken seriously again?
In reality, most of the crap Dusty will spout this year won’t be any dumber than anything Joe Morgan says. Joe spent five minutes on Sunday night talking about how if your infield defense is good you don’t need outfield defense because “a ground ball is harder to catch than a flyball.” Many of us think Joe Morgan is dumb and stubborn and petty. Many more of us think he’s Gary Coleman with a beard and think he does a nice job.
Dusty only needs one dumb team to give him another job. But a few more nights like last night and he might have trouble finding even that.
Nevermore!
I kinda like listening to Dusty do games. That means he’s not managing the cubs. Plus, he’s good for some comedy. I heard him talking about working the count when Cuddyer was up. I think he was just agreeing with Sutcliffe. Maybe he’s just gonna agree with whatever the person next to him says. However he’s gonna do it, I think I’m sold on him as an announcer. Like you said, he won’t be dumber than Joe Morgan and Dusty actually seems like a nice guy.
I played ball, and in the hall of fame as the greatest player ever, next to all my “Big Red Machine” teammates. Why aren’t all 25 in the hall yet?
Billy Bean never should have written that moneyball book thingie. I don’t need no stats, I am an ex player and a hall of famer. Did you play the game? IF not, then shut the hell up!
Dusty will not get any smarter as the season goes on. And actually, do you really want him to manage anything?
What is that thing you call a brain in Dusty’s head made of? Shredded lettuce or what?
I can not believe not one but two Major League baseball teams actually paid this individual to sit in a dugout. That’s pretty hard to stomach, especially listening to him now doing a telecast.
He’ll never get a managing job unless it’s single A ball if he keeps being an assclown on ESPN.
You almost have to feel for him with such stupidity. He was just a ballplayer that worshipped the ground big Hank walked on and that’s it.
Baker Basher
Well, Hank was a pretty good player.
What do you mean was? Hank White IS the greatest.
…”He’s open about the fact that he only took the announcing job because he wants to manage again and he was worried that if he went the Cito Gaston route and sat out a year or two that he’d never get another job. But if he’s going to remind everyone how wrong he is about so many things by going on national TV several times a week and saying stupid stuff, how’s he ever expect to get taken seriously again?”…
For those of you who have not read both “Ball Four” and “Moneyball” (by the multi-talented Billy Beane), both books explain how baseball is so inbred that it makes NBA coaching retreads look fresh. Dusty will get a job because people have heard of him. I just hope he gets the chance to mismanage a team I truly hate.
Also, I’m convinced that if I go to hell, all I’ll be subjected to are infinite Cards – Sux games (interleague play invented by Satan, along with the DH) announced by Joe Morgan and Dusty. If that sounds terrible, wait. It could be a playoff booth. Shit…my ears just started to bleed.
Point made.
Here’s a counter point.
1,2,3,4,5
Crud. That didn’t go as I’d hoped.
Oh well. Just know that you missed something spectacular.
JD, I watched the game. I heard the crap rolling from his mouth. Your excellent points notwithstanding, my view of hell stands. And for what it’s worth, everybody here is right. Dusty could log on tonight and make us all look smarter.
I HAVE read both Ball Four and Moneyball(by the multi-talented Billy Beane). I’m not going anywhere with that. I just wanted to put down the myth that Arkansas doesn’t have books. Of course, I didn’t read either book while I was IN Arkansas. But I could’ve.
Andy:
Great reference to “Anchorman.” Just priceless.
Maybe I’ve missed a joke or something, but Billy Beane didn’t write Moneyball.
Maybe you did miss a joke or something.
Dusty was right for referring to me and that punk kid Mauer in the same sentence. Didn’t you see what I did on opening day? Johan Santana was kicking our asses until I came to the plate with my thunderous bat. Santana started shitting his pants at the sight of me and couldn’t hit the strike zone. Then later on, I punked out the reigning AL MVP at the plate.
Also, it’s not coincidence that the Cubs had winning seasons the two years I was with them, but have sucked ass since I left!
Time for everybody to bow to the power of Gabor Bako!
Bako got more out of our pitchers than any of our other recent catchers (the great Hank White included). Ever notice in 2003, that when ever one of our starters had a rough outing, Bako caught their next game and got them back on track? He brings a wet roll of paper towels to the plate as a hitter, but he is a great handler of pitchers. Given that our team, was built on talented, but fragile, starting pitching, we should have stuck with catchers that can call games. Instead we Mr. Almost who has no clue on how to call a game or handle pitchers.
> Ramon’s not young (he’ll be 31 in May) and he’s not great, but he’s a nice player. He just should never be compared to Joe Mauer.
Señor Hernández no es macho. Y José Mauer es muy guapo.
Joey Mauer ain’t even a pimple on Gabor Bako’s ass
You’re correct, r (#14). I actually wrote “Moneyball” but all of the insecure, anti-intellectual reactionary flat-earth cave dwellers like Joe Morgan (even though Morgan was a “Moneyball”-like producer), who haven’t actually READ the book ignorantly assert that it’s “Billy Beane”‘s book.
That, sir, is what you are missing. Now try to keep up.