Cubs: Marquis de Suc, 0-0, 1.50 ERA
‘Stros: KelvinRalph Somebody Sampson, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
297 Comments
In a nutsack
on April 10, 2007 at 11:52 am
Does that say “Get a brain! MORANS” in Arabic? Or, did you accidentally link the wrong picture? Or, are you starting a jihad by sending pictures of scribbly crap and shit language to your other jihadists?
I cut the Sampson’s hair before the game, and all he throw are slow meatballs. I also give him a Wade Miller jersey.
Clark B
on April 10, 2007 at 12:41 pm
The sign says, “Who died and made Al-Hasan Uday sharik?”
Chucks' Kids
on April 10, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Daddy?
Chris Sampson
on April 10, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Wait a second. You guys don’t remember me kicking your ass in my major league debut last season? 7 innings, 3 hits (all singles), 0 runs, 1 walk….86 pitches. Ringing a bell at all? No?
So, did the Astros score twice or once? The homer the scoring summary shows in the 5th isn’t reflected in the box anywhere. Strange.
We always suck against a guy making a debut. The next time out… wait, we suck then too.
DPappy
on April 10, 2007 at 1:00 pm
The recap from Sampson’s debut indicates that Lane hit a foul ball that was originally ruled a HR but was overturned after an umpire conference. Apparently, ESPN couldn’t (or didn’t) correct the error in their play-by-play.
Jock Jones
on April 10, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Knock it off, Sampson. Dolan hates it when his masturbation is interrupted by facts.
Deborah Sampson
on April 10, 2007 at 1:08 pm
I think I could shut out a lineup that featured Pierre-Womack-Barrett-Walker as the top 4 hitters. Besides, didn’t the Cubs’ season end in early May?
Marquis’ sinker isn’t exactly matzah, Obama. It keep rising to about belt high.
Wade Miller
on April 10, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Heh. Even I got through one inning without crapping my pants this badly.
Chinese Dudes
on April 10, 2007 at 1:30 pm
They’re still shitty
Tony LaRussa
on April 10, 2007 at 1:31 pm
He’s just getting warmed up. He’s got another six or seven earned runs in him today.
Jason Marquis
on April 10, 2007 at 1:31 pm
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck fuck
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Is Marquis being booed yet? I really liked all the articles this weekend that were talking about how all the new Cubs were excited about playing in front the Wrigley crowds for the first time. I wonder if the novelty has worn off yet.
Angel Guzman
on April 10, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Put me in, coach! Put me in!!!
Arne Harris
on April 10, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Three runs will not win this game.
Four probably will though.
Larry Rothschild
on April 10, 2007 at 1:32 pm
All Jason needed was for me to work out some of the kinks. Voila.
Cub Fan in PA
on April 10, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Today is the day we come all the way back, right? Third time is a charm?
Awww, fuck. Get Prior’s ass up here and send the Grand Marquis to the scrap heap.
Conventional Wisdom
on April 10, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Gotta walk HR Powered Everett to get to Assmess.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:33 pm
At least he got Adam Everett out.
Gaycaster
on April 10, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Fuck that ump, he’s squeezing us.
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I’m not feeling funny, CT; I’m still groggy from yesterday’s bender.
You’re gonna have to make the funny.
Half Baked
on April 10, 2007 at 1:36 pm
I WANNA TALK TO SAMPSON!
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:36 pm
I’ll try. I guess anything is possible.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:36 pm
But first I need some support. Otherwise, I’m going to start my own gamecast somwhere else.
What’s will all of the double plays? I liked it better when they just struck out all the time.
Alfonso
on April 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Well, I got to first base by getting hit on the hand with a pitch.
Nice job Jock
on April 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm
GIDP bitch
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Are we positiving Jock today?
DPappy
on April 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm
No kidding, I was just thinking that this team seems to have hit in to an inordinate amount of double plays so far this year.
Jock
on April 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I still suck.
Jim Hendry
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I’m sorry to the fans that Jacque is still here. I couldn’t trade him. Phul Nevin wasn’t able to work out a deal for me.
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Is it too early to start negativing?
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Nice at-bat, Jockstrap. 2-0 count and he rolls into grounder. I hate Jock. I hate everything about him. I even hate his Gameday photo. He looks like he got stoned and ate a whole pizza.
But mostly I hate him because he sucks.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
That’s because the bases are constantly clogged.
Tailor Made DP Ball
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I’m still here bitches.
Oh no!
on April 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm
We suck again!
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 1:42 pm
And I’m sorry, JD. It’s just the way things are.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:42 pm
“But mostly I hate him because he sucks.”
I think we all know what you really meant:
But mostly I hate him because he’s black.
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Cub Fan in PA
on April 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm
I negative positiving Jock. Unless it’s positiving that Jock sucks. In that case sign me up.
Homer
on April 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm
“Jockstrap?” Stupid monitor! Be more funny!
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm
–touches nose with finger, nods head–
Don Imus
on April 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Jaques Jones is a nappy-headed ho. There, I said it.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:46 pm
I don’t know much about Imus, but I’ve seen him on TV lately, and it seems like he should be the last person mocking somebody’s looks.
Marquis de something
on April 10, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Back on track, bitches. 1-2-3 inning! Just had to get that sinker going. Plus I figured I’d spot these assholes a 3-run lead like my boy Lilly did yesterday. I love a challenge!
Jason gets a lot of innings. Why? He gets you 5 runs down early, the game is already over, so you might as well let him go 5 to 6 innings and save teh bullpen.
Imus
on April 10, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Pipe down, baldy.
JD
on April 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Jock’s black? I don’t even see color.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Taylor, I disagree.
Andy
on April 10, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Imus looks whiter than he really is. Embalming fluid will do that to you.
How do you like the new, improved, Aramis Ramirez? Now with EFFORT!
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 1:51 pm
After today’s fiasco the Cubs will be tied for last place.
Who died?
on April 10, 2007 at 1:51 pm
And gave Imus a radio show?
Cubs offense
on April 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Wake me up around the 5th inning.
Ron Santo
on April 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Salmon, Sampson, who’s pitching today Pat?
Where am I?
I like kittys…
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 1:53 pm
The Barber is playing left again? Jeez Lou. Ask Dusty he’ll tell you play whitey when it’s cold out.
DPappy
on April 10, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Did I just hear Pat Hughes right when he said that Cliff Floyd beat the throw to first on what should have been a double-play? Did they give him a 15′ head start?
Andy
on April 10, 2007 at 1:54 pm
No Chuck. But Jock was the only Cub who saw that ceremonial first pitch and wondered why it was so funny.
Looks like I picked a good day not to buy the MLB satellite package.
Pac Man Jones
on April 10, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Hey guys, anybody wanna hang…for a year?
Screw this. Off to the strip club.
Ron Artest
on April 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Your with me #94
Michael Barrett
on April 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm
When Berkman comes around to score, I’ll throw my ceremonial first cheap shot into his back.
Over/Under
on April 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm
On when Andy will lose interest and stop doing Cubs Live!: May
Wind Pants
on April 10, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Don’t forget me Pac Man!
I have a complaint!
on April 10, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Time for the Dead Cubbies Sketch already?
Mike Remlinger
on April 10, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Go get ’em, Mikey.
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 2:03 pm
The Cubs will win today. Stop your flippin’ ledge-jumping, kids.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Marquis has settled down a bit, it appears. This offense should be able to score more than 3 runs.
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Mike D.
Promise?
Who died?
on April 10, 2007 at 2:05 pm
and made #101 Al Yellon?
Cubs offense
on April 10, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Who you crappin’, CT?
JD
on April 10, 2007 at 2:06 pm
When you’re facing a pitcher like Marquis, ya wanna get at him early. Not necessarily because he’s gonna settle down, but you wanna get as many at bats as possible to help your average and he could be knocked out of the game at any time.
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:06 pm
CT,
Not a chance. They are facing Cy Sampson today.
Andy
on April 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm
97, it’s probably closer to Friday.
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I promise, Taylor.
To #104– also, the Tribune will not sell the Cubs. Speculating on that notion is counter-productive.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
When are they going to start putting the names of players on certain seating areas of Wrigley like they do at other stadiums? I for one, am psyched about sitting in the Cesarean Section.
Ryne Sandberg
on April 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Soriano’s off to a slow start. Yeesh. How hard is it to hit in April?
The Cubs
on April 10, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Do we look as shitty on television as we do via GameCast?
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Marquis with 51 pitches through 3 innings. That’s more like it.
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Cy Sampson is so good he doesn’t even have a picture on ESPN’s Gamecast.
GameDay isn’t working again.
JS
on April 10, 2007 at 2:10 pm
There will be a lot of options when it comes to putting names on the shitters.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I want to take a dump in the Jock Jones bowl.
Cesar
on April 10, 2007 at 2:13 pm
What are you paying me for?
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Shoot him. Cesar you are awful.
Santo
on April 10, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I’m starting to think that the ’07 meltdown (similar to the Kerry Wood tirade in ’04) is coming anytime now.
Mark DeRosa
on April 10, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Double plays work much better when the SS isn’t involved.
Cesar! Cesar!
on April 10, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Que?
Cesar
on April 10, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Holy shit.
Cesar
on April 10, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Good thing I’m a glove man, because I suck at the plate.
The Spirit of Alex Gonzales
on April 10, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I’ve possesed Little Cesar.
ChuckDickens
on April 10, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I should’ve known to not trust the NewsBox on the forums.
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Gamecast can’t be right. It says that Cy Sampson ground out to shortstop. No throwing error? No fielding error? Does that mean no Izzy?
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:21 pm
The Cubs have more errors than hits.
Weed and Pizza
on April 10, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Apparently the two of us, do not a good rightfielder make.
Aramis
on April 10, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Here I come!
Cubs offense
on April 10, 2007 at 2:21 pm
All singles, all the time.
Lee and Ramirez
on April 10, 2007 at 2:23 pm
As soon of one of you assholes wants to pick up a bat and do something productive to help us out, go right ahead. That’d be great.
Jock
on April 10, 2007 at 2:23 pm
At least I’m outhitting the $136 million man .214 to .212
Jock
on April 10, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Second straight time I’ve had a 2-0 count.
Both times I rolled out to the rigth side.
I truly am teh suck.
Morans
on April 10, 2007 at 2:24 pm
But Soriano’s really really fast!
Lou Piniella
on April 10, 2007 at 2:25 pm
If I see one more goddamn single I’m going to barf a fart
Who ever thought we would be wondering where Tomaz Perez is?
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Another error by Izzy. Good thing he makes it up with his hitting…oh wait…
Error! Error!
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
There’s another one.
Golden sombrero
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
I thought that I was for 4 K’s–but I’d be happy to sit on the head of someone who makes 4 errors.
Ryan Theriot
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
I can play shortstop. And I’m plenty gritty!
Ned Colletti
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
You’re really getting the best of me here, Jim, but OK, I’ll give up Izturis for Maddux.
Muhuhuhuhahahah
#140
on April 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Pizza Pizza Pizza
JS
on April 10, 2007 at 2:31 pm
E-zturis is a worthless piece of crap.
Cesar Cesar
on April 10, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Hat trick bitches!
Greg Maddux
on April 10, 2007 at 2:32 pm
You trade a gold glover to get another… Hell, I could do a better job at short today than the Pizza Boy.
CT
on April 10, 2007 at 2:34 pm
But hey, at least we got a crooked number up on the board.
Ichiro
on April 10, 2007 at 2:36 pm
on my facing Dice-K tomorrow:
“I hope he arouses the fire that’s dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul,” he says. “I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger.”
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 2:36 pm
So apparently the Astros don’t have anyone other than Carlos Lee to wear Jackie Robinson’s number.
Melvin Udall
on April 10, 2007 at 2:37 pm
People who speak in metaphors can shampoo my crotch.
Drayton McLane
on April 10, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I don’t care about black people.
KKK
on April 10, 2007 at 2:38 pm
The ‘Stros are a notoriously non-black team.
Marquis de Something
on April 10, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Fat boy Lee is making me work out here
Charlton Jimerson
on April 10, 2007 at 2:39 pm
No kidding #156. What am I, chopped liver?
Jason Marquis
on April 10, 2007 at 2:39 pm
I plan to give up a couple more runs and then go home and roll around in a pile of money.
4 walks already? Now you know what I worked on with Marquis this winter: If you don’t throw it over the plate, they can’t hit it. Not many people think about this, but it’s true.
Roto-Rooter
on April 10, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Someone called about some clogged bases?
Carlos Lee
on April 10, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I’m Panamanian, not Black.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Yet, you are the only person of color since they got rid of Willis Hoolian Tavaras
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Giving up 4 wouldn’t be so bad if the Cubs could score some fucking runs!
What’s that, Cesar? You committed every type of error possible? All in the span of 2 innings? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad, that’s amazing! How bout we get you into your PJs and hit the hay?
Is it bad when you can’t even look good in a CARICATURE? I would think so, no?
GIDP
on April 10, 2007 at 3:43 pm
The Cubs are really good at hitting into me.
Shutout-o-meter
on April 10, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Risen.
Draw Chuck
on April 10, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I looked great.
Pause….
NOT! (Borat)
Futility
on April 10, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I rear my head yet again.
Stale Eyre
on April 10, 2007 at 3:47 pm
So the Sun-Times runs an article today about Dusty overworking me and Howry, yet here I am again.
Andy
on April 10, 2007 at 3:48 pm
The worst part is, she’s not even wearing a Vikings helmet. The horns are hers.
Lou
on April 10, 2007 at 3:49 pm
There’s a difference. I don’t read the paper. Dusty couldn’t.
Damn, now I have to apologize to the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team.
Figures
on April 10, 2007 at 3:50 pm
The bullpen is lights out when they’re LOSING.
Phil Garner
on April 10, 2007 at 3:51 pm
You still look like a bunch of fucking losers to me
cubbiejulie
on April 10, 2007 at 3:52 pm
That’s not funny, Dolan! I got those horns off of an ox I ate for lunch.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Time for the weak groundout at 3-0
Jock Itch
on April 10, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Oh my god, I went the other f’ing way!
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Oh my god I LOVE Jock Jones. I can’t believe you guys were ripping on him earlier.
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Well that’s different.
Borat
on April 10, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Horns? Julie is Jewish?
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Yay, it looks better to people who didn’t watch the humiliation!
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm
There goes the shutout.
Too little, too late
on April 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Yay!
DLee
on April 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Fuck you, shutout-o-meter!
Shutout-o-meter
on April 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I end at 10.
Taylor
on April 10, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Too bad the Cubs spotted the Trolls a 4 run lead. They could have won this one 1-0
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 3:59 pm
It isn’t spotting, it is Marquising.
Gaycaster
on April 10, 2007 at 4:00 pm
The fucking umps didn’t do us any favors
Marquis de Something
on April 10, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Hey you fuckers knew you had to put up at least 6 to win every time I start. You’re 5 short, assholes!
Clifford
on April 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm
How about a double play to end this?
Dusty Baker
on April 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Can we sacrafice an out to get D. Lee off the bases. Far too clogged for my liking.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Fuckers escapes the filter? Nice.
Apex
on April 10, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Marquis wasn’t that bad. He was shitty, yes, but if we get him to go five innings with 3 ER every time through, he’d probably be our third best starter. Meanwhile the Cubs vaunted offense has been that bad and that shitty and they’re ruining my life.
Dusty Baker
on April 10, 2007 at 4:02 pm
I bet this Floyd kid can rake.
The Filter
on April 10, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Cockmaster works, too.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Come on Jody!
Barrett
on April 10, 2007 at 4:03 pm
I can’t wait for Desipio’s wrath after I suck in this at bat.
Leaves
on April 10, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Dusty,
He tried once to do just that with us. One of my buddies hit him in the leg and he went on the DL for 30 days.
Micheal Barrett
on April 10, 2007 at 4:04 pm
I’m not a goat… I’m not a goat… I’m not a goat…
The Filter
on April 10, 2007 at 4:04 pm
As does dicklicker.
Hank White
on April 10, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Im sooooo gonna be the everyday catcher next year.
Berut
on April 10, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Remember that grand slam against the Cardinals last year? Yeah, that was awesome.
Rex Kwan Do
on April 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Keep that ninja wannabe in the bullpen where he belongs
The Goat
on April 10, 2007 at 4:07 pm
BAAA!!!!!!!1
Only the Cubs
on April 10, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Can take a 4-0 deficit into the ninth inning, and still find a way to make it hurt more. You write off the team, then they give you a glimpse of hope, and wham, like a punch to the kidney, the hurt you in new and exciting ways.
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Nice going Mikey. Now its up to Ponderosa? We’re fuct.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 4:07 pm
How is fat Daryle not ready instead of Cesar?
cubbiejulie
on April 10, 2007 at 4:07 pm
C’mon Marky you can do it. Think of me when you’re batting!!
Ronny Cedeno
on April 10, 2007 at 4:08 pm
/misses keyboard
/misses keyboard
/drops mouse
/misses keyboard
/falls out of chair
/misses keyboard
/misses keyboard
/foul tip
I probably would have took that pitch too……
Izturis
on April 10, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Please hit someone for me.
Thank God!
on April 10, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Its the Red Head Kid!
Error Error
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Time to atone.
Post
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Red Man!
Murton
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
If I want Apex to not hate me, I’d better at least not suck here. Fat chance of that.
DPappy
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
#253, Daryle Ward already pinch hit.
Dusty Baker
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
/whispers to Lou
Yeah….put that freaky red head kid in to pinch hit in a pressure situation he’s destined to fail in….then you wont have to start him anymore. You need Floyd out there daily…or at least Freddie Bynum.
Chuck's Kids
on April 10, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Go Daddy Go
Freddie Bynum
on April 10, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Im not on the Cubs anymore.
therick711
on April 10, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Now don’t be too selective, Matt.
Murton Fan Boys
on April 10, 2007 at 4:10 pm
If he hits a homer here, we’ll REALLY go apeshit.
Murton
on April 10, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I don’t give a shit what Apex thinks. I think it’s clear he doesn’t know anything about sports.
Murton Fan Boys
on April 10, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Not so much
Cub Fans
on April 10, 2007 at 4:12 pm
We still heart you, Matt! You’ll always be our favorite boy! When they trade you for a sack of shit, we’ll cry and cry like the little bitches we are.
Dusty Baker
on April 10, 2007 at 4:12 pm
#264
Like that ever stopped me from fucking up a lineup card.
Chuck's Kids
on April 10, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Time for a new dad.
Forget this
on April 10, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Next time, I’ll just watch the Gilmore Girls. At least they have a better chance of working a count.
Get some more life in those bats
on April 10, 2007 at 4:14 pm
and this team will start going places. Other than last place that is.
WAYBACK FORMER CUBS PITCHER MACHINE
on April 10, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Please choose the following former Cub pitcher to be brought back to the future to replace Jason Marquis
Kevin Foster
Anthony Young
Amaury Telemaco
Glendon Rusch (2004-05 models not available)
Shawn Estes
Willie Banks
Anthony Young
Mike D.
on April 10, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I vote for Jim Bullinger.
Tavares
on April 10, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Can Angel Guzman be put on that list?
WAYBACK FORMER CUBS PITCHER MACHINE
on April 10, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Jim Bullinger is not available. He went back to Morder after his retirement.
WAYBACK FORMER CUBS PITCHER MACHINE
on April 10, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Mordor….even machines make mistakes. Ask Dusty.
cubbiejulie
on April 10, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Doughboy you’re soooooo cute I could eat you right up.
Chris Sampson
on April 10, 2007 at 4:46 pm
The Somebody Sampson insult was just as effective this year as it was last year. Good work with that.
It doesn’t get any funnier than teams developing and bringing up young players through their system.
Shawn Boskie
on April 10, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Hey guys, need a pitcher??!?!
jim hendry
on April 10, 2007 at 7:32 pm
we are going to score a lot of runs
jim hendry
on April 10, 2007 at 7:33 pm
our bullpen is our strength
jim hendry
on April 10, 2007 at 7:34 pm
don imus is smart
jim essian
on April 10, 2007 at 7:37 pm
greg hibbard to replace marquis
jaime navarro
on April 10, 2007 at 11:41 pm
yo
WAYBACK FORMER CUBS PITCHER MACHINE
on April 11, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Voting results(not final)
Kevin Foster – 37 votes (the ballflipping between innings account for 80% of the votes, disappearing off the face of the earth the other 20%
Anthony Young – 27 votes (oh the irony*)
Amaury Telemaco – 22 votes (voters possibly confused due to last name sounding like a new Taco Bell menu item)
Glendon Rusch – 19 votes (4 votes from himself were discarded….how do we know? They were written on french fries)
Shawn Estes – 17 votes (14 votes were Padres fans attempting to keep him off the active roster in anyway possible)
Willie Banks – 0 votes**
Not on ballot but received votes:
Greg Maddux – 4 votes -get that Cy young bullshit out of here
Mike Maddux – 2 votes – he probably touched one or two of his bro’s trophies(lets not risk it rubbing off.)
Jamie Navarro – 3 votes – not eligible…career ERA under 5.00 are not options
Henry Rowengartner – 8 votes (if only injuries made Wood and Prior super talented freaks)
Henry Rodriguez – mmmmm candybar
Gary Busey – 4 votes
*fictitious silly fantasy vote results are anything but ironic
** There were actually 4 votes for ERNIE Banks, none for Willie
mike perez
on April 11, 2007 at 8:55 pm
what about me? i got a truck of guys back there
heathcliff slocumb
jim bullinger
RODNEY “not randy” myers
frank castillo
andrew lorrainne
jeremi gonzalez aka germ
WAYBACK FORMER CUBS PITCHER MACHINE
on April 12, 2007 at 12:31 am
Jim Bullinger is a hobbit. Therefore, not eligible.
Does that say “Get a brain! MORANS” in Arabic? Or, did you accidentally link the wrong picture? Or, are you starting a jihad by sending pictures of scribbly crap and shit language to your other jihadists?
Derka derka, bachalah…derka Mohammed jihad.
I think it says “Jock Jones sucks.”
Either that or “Hi, mom!”
Kelvin Sampson? Ralph Sampson? Ralph Wiggum?
I cut the Sampson’s hair before the game, and all he throw are slow meatballs. I also give him a Wade Miller jersey.
The sign says, “Who died and made Al-Hasan Uday sharik?”
Daddy?
Wait a second. You guys don’t remember me kicking your ass in my major league debut last season? 7 innings, 3 hits (all singles), 0 runs, 1 walk….86 pitches. Ringing a bell at all? No?
Maybe this will jog your memory:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/boxscore?gameId=260607118
So, did the Astros score twice or once? The homer the scoring summary shows in the 5th isn’t reflected in the box anywhere. Strange.
We always suck against a guy making a debut. The next time out… wait, we suck then too.
The recap from Sampson’s debut indicates that Lane hit a foul ball that was originally ruled a HR but was overturned after an umpire conference. Apparently, ESPN couldn’t (or didn’t) correct the error in their play-by-play.
Knock it off, Sampson. Dolan hates it when his masturbation is interrupted by facts.
I think I could shut out a lineup that featured Pierre-Womack-Barrett-Walker as the top 4 hitters. Besides, didn’t the Cubs’ season end in early May?
CF-Soriano
RF-Jones
1B-Lee
3B-Ramirez
LF-Floyd
C-Barrett
2B-DeRosa
SS-Izturis
P-Marquis
2B-Biggio
3B-Ensberg
1B-Berkman
LF-Lee
RF-Scott
CF-Burke
SS-Everett
C-Ausmus
P-Sampson
I think this will be the game in whick the Barber’s leg falls off.
Just getting all of these out of the way now
I forgot female doges. But seriously, these never get old. Go back VORPing Adam Dunnce.
That sign is the recipe for matzah.
Am I the guy with the 1.153 OPS?
Hover over me and you can read what the sign says.
Hee hee.
Present.
Make me laugh, mofos.
Marquis’ sinker would be a lot more effective if it started at the hitter’s knees instead of their tits.
Is this making you laugh, tough guy?
I have started.
Say one thing about playing on the road, at least you never come up to bat in the first inning already behind.
You make ME laugh.
Tough to use a sinkerballer when the wind’s blowing in. The wind keeps the ball up.
Wow. Nice start.
At least Jock got to play second base there for a second.
Actually, that’s pretty impressive hustle.
I guess there will be room for me after all.
Tough to keep runs of the board when you’re the reigning worst pitcher in the game.
Well, this was money well spent.
2 years and 5 months to go.
Marquis’ sinker isn’t exactly matzah, Obama. It keep rising to about belt high.
Heh. Even I got through one inning without crapping my pants this badly.
They’re still shitty
He’s just getting warmed up. He’s got another six or seven earned runs in him today.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck fuck
Is Marquis being booed yet? I really liked all the articles this weekend that were talking about how all the new Cubs were excited about playing in front the Wrigley crowds for the first time. I wonder if the novelty has worn off yet.
Put me in, coach! Put me in!!!
Three runs will not win this game.
Four probably will though.
All Jason needed was for me to work out some of the kinks. Voila.
Today is the day we come all the way back, right? Third time is a charm?
Awww, fuck. Get Prior’s ass up here and send the Grand Marquis to the scrap heap.
Gotta walk HR Powered Everett to get to Assmess.
At least he got Adam Everett out.
Fuck that ump, he’s squeezing us.
I’m not feeling funny, CT; I’m still groggy from yesterday’s bender.
You’re gonna have to make the funny.
I WANNA TALK TO SAMPSON!
I’ll try. I guess anything is possible.
But first I need some support. Otherwise, I’m going to start my own gamecast somwhere else.
Get me Knuckles on the phone!
I support CT!
I also support my local bakery. Very supportive.
And tell him to get me a sandwich!
How many of us did he just break?
Why is Hot Dog Boy talking like Popeye?
#51–
Please explain…
What’s will all of the double plays? I liked it better when they just struck out all the time.
Well, I got to first base by getting hit on the hand with a pitch.
GIDP bitch
Are we positiving Jock today?
No kidding, I was just thinking that this team seems to have hit in to an inordinate amount of double plays so far this year.
I still suck.
I’m sorry to the fans that Jacque is still here. I couldn’t trade him. Phul Nevin wasn’t able to work out a deal for me.
Is it too early to start negativing?
Nice at-bat, Jockstrap. 2-0 count and he rolls into grounder. I hate Jock. I hate everything about him. I even hate his Gameday photo. He looks like he got stoned and ate a whole pizza.
But mostly I hate him because he sucks.
That’s because the bases are constantly clogged.
I’m still here bitches.
We suck again!
And I’m sorry, JD. It’s just the way things are.
“But mostly I hate him because he sucks.”
I think we all know what you really meant:
But mostly I hate him because he’s black.
I negative positiving Jock. Unless it’s positiving that Jock sucks. In that case sign me up.
“Jockstrap?” Stupid monitor! Be more funny!
–touches nose with finger, nods head–
Jaques Jones is a nappy-headed ho. There, I said it.
I don’t know much about Imus, but I’ve seen him on TV lately, and it seems like he should be the last person mocking somebody’s looks.
Back on track, bitches. 1-2-3 inning! Just had to get that sinker going. Plus I figured I’d spot these assholes a 3-run lead like my boy Lilly did yesterday. I love a challenge!
Imus looks good. For a corpse.
Jason gets a lot of innings. Why? He gets you 5 runs down early, the game is already over, so you might as well let him go 5 to 6 innings and save teh bullpen.
Pipe down, baldy.
Jock’s black? I don’t even see color.
Taylor, I disagree.
Imus looks whiter than he really is. Embalming fluid will do that to you.
Jock is the mayor of Cinci?
How do you like the new, improved, Aramis Ramirez? Now with EFFORT!
After today’s fiasco the Cubs will be tied for last place.
And gave Imus a radio show?
Wake me up around the 5th inning.
Salmon, Sampson, who’s pitching today Pat?
Where am I?
I like kittys…
The Barber is playing left again? Jeez Lou. Ask Dusty he’ll tell you play whitey when it’s cold out.
Did I just hear Pat Hughes right when he said that Cliff Floyd beat the throw to first on what should have been a double-play? Did they give him a 15′ head start?
No Chuck. But Jock was the only Cub who saw that ceremonial first pitch and wondered why it was so funny.
Can Michael Barrett get amnesia and simply forget that he’s got a cotnract to play baseball?
Ankles to shoulders on the Cubs today.
The Cubs are the cure for what ails us. Always.
Looks like I picked a good day not to buy the MLB satellite package.
Hey guys, anybody wanna hang…for a year?
Screw this. Off to the strip club.
Your with me #94
When Berkman comes around to score, I’ll throw my ceremonial first cheap shot into his back.
On when Andy will lose interest and stop doing Cubs Live!: May
Don’t forget me Pac Man!
Time for the Dead Cubbies Sketch already?
Go get ’em, Mikey.
The Cubs will win today. Stop your flippin’ ledge-jumping, kids.
Marquis has settled down a bit, it appears. This offense should be able to score more than 3 runs.
Mike D.
Promise?
and made #101 Al Yellon?
Who you crappin’, CT?
When you’re facing a pitcher like Marquis, ya wanna get at him early. Not necessarily because he’s gonna settle down, but you wanna get as many at bats as possible to help your average and he could be knocked out of the game at any time.
CT,
Not a chance. They are facing Cy Sampson today.
97, it’s probably closer to Friday.
I promise, Taylor.
To #104– also, the Tribune will not sell the Cubs. Speculating on that notion is counter-productive.
When are they going to start putting the names of players on certain seating areas of Wrigley like they do at other stadiums? I for one, am psyched about sitting in the Cesarean Section.
Soriano’s off to a slow start. Yeesh. How hard is it to hit in April?
Do we look as shitty on television as we do via GameCast?
Marquis with 51 pitches through 3 innings. That’s more like it.
Cy Sampson is so good he doesn’t even have a picture on ESPN’s Gamecast.
GameDay isn’t working again.
There will be a lot of options when it comes to putting names on the shitters.
I want to take a dump in the Jock Jones bowl.
What are you paying me for?
Shoot him. Cesar you are awful.
I’m starting to think that the ’07 meltdown (similar to the Kerry Wood tirade in ’04) is coming anytime now.
Double plays work much better when the SS isn’t involved.
Que?
Holy shit.
Good thing I’m a glove man, because I suck at the plate.
I’ve possesed Little Cesar.
I should’ve known to not trust the NewsBox on the forums.
Gamecast can’t be right. It says that Cy Sampson ground out to shortstop. No throwing error? No fielding error? Does that mean no Izzy?
The Cubs have more errors than hits.
Apparently the two of us, do not a good rightfielder make.
Here I come!
All singles, all the time.
As soon of one of you assholes wants to pick up a bat and do something productive to help us out, go right ahead. That’d be great.
At least I’m outhitting the $136 million man .214 to .212
Second straight time I’ve had a 2-0 count.
Both times I rolled out to the rigth side.
I truly am teh suck.
But Soriano’s really really fast!
If I see one more goddamn single I’m going to barf a fart
I wonder how much Barrett paid Paul Sullivan to plant that “contract extension” nugget?
Craig Biggio. Brett Favre.
Probably nothing
Does a guy get me for three errors?
How many errors is that today. Can we change my name to E-zturis?
You’re fucking dead, Izturis
I’m thinking Ronny Cedeno is going to get the start tomorrow….
Error! Error!
Who ever thought we would be wondering where Tomaz Perez is?
Another error by Izzy. Good thing he makes it up with his hitting…oh wait…
There’s another one.
I thought that I was for 4 K’s–but I’d be happy to sit on the head of someone who makes 4 errors.
I can play shortstop. And I’m plenty gritty!
You’re really getting the best of me here, Jim, but OK, I’ll give up Izturis for Maddux.
Muhuhuhuhahahah
Pizza Pizza Pizza
E-zturis is a worthless piece of crap.
Hat trick bitches!
You trade a gold glover to get another… Hell, I could do a better job at short today than the Pizza Boy.
But hey, at least we got a crooked number up on the board.
on my facing Dice-K tomorrow:
“I hope he arouses the fire that’s dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul,” he says. “I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger.”
So apparently the Astros don’t have anyone other than Carlos Lee to wear Jackie Robinson’s number.
People who speak in metaphors can shampoo my crotch.
I don’t care about black people.
The ‘Stros are a notoriously non-black team.
Fat boy Lee is making me work out here
No kidding #156. What am I, chopped liver?
I plan to give up a couple more runs and then go home and roll around in a pile of money.
Well, at least I was sort of fun.
4 walks already? Now you know what I worked on with Marquis this winter: If you don’t throw it over the plate, they can’t hit it. Not many people think about this, but it’s true.
Someone called about some clogged bases?
I’m Panamanian, not Black.
Yet, you are the only person of color since they got rid of Willis Hoolian Tavaras
Giving up 4 wouldn’t be so bad if the Cubs could score some fucking runs!
I’m black, too!
What’s that, Cesar? You committed every type of error possible? All in the span of 2 innings? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad, that’s amazing! How bout we get you into your PJs and hit the hay?
I ain’t black either.
Craig Biggio’s Helmet is ALSO the major of Cinic? I’m so confused…
Hence the term “person of color”, yes?
They’re still really shitty
Good thing you’re missing me this series.
We weren’t aware we could wear number 42. We thought it was a black thing. You know, like not touching a black man’s radio…
Seriously guys. I’m black and I’m on the team. No joke. Look it up ya honky-ass doges.
Apparently Charlton Jimerson’s fan is on the ebays today. Way too many mentions for someone who sucks.
Bippity boppity boo
Oswalt, get out here so I can cry on you, for old time’s sake.
It’s going to be a long eight years Cubs fans.
How’s your resume coming, Mr. Hendry?
And I’m on the Rockies.
And that closes the book on Marquis (thank GOD!)
Ron Santo just told us that whatever color Lake Michigan is, the sky is the same color.
I’m flabbergasted.
And I’m CRAZY!
Another grounder to second. I am the new Juan Pierre.
Look on the bright side, Jock. If Soriano ever manages to double, you can move him over to third.
I think Ted Lilly will pitch pretty well for the Cubs this year. I’m not so sure about Jason Marquis
The Cubs’ bats are colder than me right now.
and made Capt. Obvious the announcers for the Asstros?
We may suck, but at least we’ll score you some runs!
Or something like that…
I made Capt. Obvious the announcer. I am doing color.
I guess that makes ME the mayor of Cincinatti.
3, 4 and 5: 3-9
1, 2, 6, 7, 8, 9: 0-12
That White is a fat a$$!!!
Cubs have scored in 3 of their last 25 innings.
DeRosa hasn’t had a hit in days. Looks like he’s in a slump. I think that I can fix that.
I had as many hits in the 90s as Julie had Ding Dongs
Ding Dongs? Who has ding dongs? Where are they?!?!?!
Fuck, Gooz! Hit my glove! Can’t expect me to acutally have to MOVE to catch a pitch.
Jules, they are in the conveience stor of your own.
Does Julie really have a big, fat ass?
The Motorola bullpen cell phone is still the most ridiculous thing, ever.
Besides, if they want Eyre to warm up, why not lure him onto the bullpen mound with a Hot Pocket?
F you, Andy
#202
Are the Cubs losing this game?
Now at 9 innings.
And rising!
Nothing wrong with some bodonk-a-donk
So this is what a few hundred million gets you? I hope Hendry kept the receipts.
Hey I said he was Somebody, not a nobody.
But he is a nobody.
Is it bad when you can’t even look good in a CARICATURE? I would think so, no?
The Cubs are really good at hitting into me.
Risen.
I looked great.
Pause….
NOT! (Borat)
I rear my head yet again.
So the Sun-Times runs an article today about Dusty overworking me and Howry, yet here I am again.
The worst part is, she’s not even wearing a Vikings helmet. The horns are hers.
There’s a difference. I don’t read the paper. Dusty couldn’t.
Damn, now I have to apologize to the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team.
The bullpen is lights out when they’re LOSING.
You still look like a bunch of fucking losers to me
That’s not funny, Dolan! I got those horns off of an ox I ate for lunch.
Time for the weak groundout at 3-0
Oh my god, I went the other f’ing way!
Oh my god I LOVE Jock Jones. I can’t believe you guys were ripping on him earlier.
Well that’s different.
Horns? Julie is Jewish?
Yay, it looks better to people who didn’t watch the humiliation!
There goes the shutout.
Yay!
Fuck you, shutout-o-meter!
I end at 10.
Too bad the Cubs spotted the Trolls a 4 run lead. They could have won this one 1-0
It isn’t spotting, it is Marquising.
The fucking umps didn’t do us any favors
Hey you fuckers knew you had to put up at least 6 to win every time I start. You’re 5 short, assholes!
How about a double play to end this?
Can we sacrafice an out to get D. Lee off the bases. Far too clogged for my liking.
Fuckers escapes the filter? Nice.
Marquis wasn’t that bad. He was shitty, yes, but if we get him to go five innings with 3 ER every time through, he’d probably be our third best starter. Meanwhile the Cubs vaunted offense has been that bad and that shitty and they’re ruining my life.
I bet this Floyd kid can rake.
Cockmaster works, too.
Come on Jody!
I can’t wait for Desipio’s wrath after I suck in this at bat.
Dusty,
He tried once to do just that with us. One of my buddies hit him in the leg and he went on the DL for 30 days.
I’m not a goat… I’m not a goat… I’m not a goat…
As does dicklicker.
Im sooooo gonna be the everyday catcher next year.
Remember that grand slam against the Cardinals last year? Yeah, that was awesome.
Keep that ninja wannabe in the bullpen where he belongs
BAAA!!!!!!!1
Can take a 4-0 deficit into the ninth inning, and still find a way to make it hurt more. You write off the team, then they give you a glimpse of hope, and wham, like a punch to the kidney, the hurt you in new and exciting ways.
Nice going Mikey. Now its up to Ponderosa? We’re fuct.
How is fat Daryle not ready instead of Cesar?
C’mon Marky you can do it. Think of me when you’re batting!!
/misses keyboard
/misses keyboard
/drops mouse
/misses keyboard
/falls out of chair
/misses keyboard
/misses keyboard
/foul tip
I probably would have took that pitch too……
Please hit someone for me.
Its the Red Head Kid!
Time to atone.
Red Man!
If I want Apex to not hate me, I’d better at least not suck here. Fat chance of that.
#253, Daryle Ward already pinch hit.
/whispers to Lou
Yeah….put that freaky red head kid in to pinch hit in a pressure situation he’s destined to fail in….then you wont have to start him anymore. You need Floyd out there daily…or at least Freddie Bynum.
Go Daddy Go
Im not on the Cubs anymore.
Now don’t be too selective, Matt.
If he hits a homer here, we’ll REALLY go apeshit.
I don’t give a shit what Apex thinks. I think it’s clear he doesn’t know anything about sports.
Not so much
We still heart you, Matt! You’ll always be our favorite boy! When they trade you for a sack of shit, we’ll cry and cry like the little bitches we are.
#264
Like that ever stopped me from fucking up a lineup card.
Time for a new dad.
Next time, I’ll just watch the Gilmore Girls. At least they have a better chance of working a count.
and this team will start going places. Other than last place that is.
/looks over to first
/glances at impending Lou volcano in the dugout
/looks to third
“Oh shit guys, it wont be long now”
So now that I can’t hit…AT ALL…what is my value to this team now?
You need to remove a “U”.
Looks like I need to work with Matty and help him out of his slump like I did with Marky.
Mr 2nd Base,
At least you get a free flight, all im gonna get is a dirt facial.
Don’t panic.
Still early.
Showing some fight.
Dusty’s still the manager?
cubbiejulie–
Together, you and I could rule the world.
Why? So they can work a cont?
Please choose the following former Cub pitcher to be brought back to the future to replace Jason Marquis
Kevin Foster
Anthony Young
Amaury Telemaco
Glendon Rusch (2004-05 models not available)
Shawn Estes
Willie Banks
Anthony Young
I vote for Jim Bullinger.
Can Angel Guzman be put on that list?
Jim Bullinger is not available. He went back to Morder after his retirement.
Mordor….even machines make mistakes. Ask Dusty.
Doughboy you’re soooooo cute I could eat you right up.
The Somebody Sampson insult was just as effective this year as it was last year. Good work with that.
It doesn’t get any funnier than teams developing and bringing up young players through their system.
Hey guys, need a pitcher??!?!
we are going to score a lot of runs
our bullpen is our strength
don imus is smart
greg hibbard to replace marquis
yo
Voting results(not final)
Kevin Foster – 37 votes (the ballflipping between innings account for 80% of the votes, disappearing off the face of the earth the other 20%
Anthony Young – 27 votes (oh the irony*)
Amaury Telemaco – 22 votes (voters possibly confused due to last name sounding like a new Taco Bell menu item)
Glendon Rusch – 19 votes (4 votes from himself were discarded….how do we know? They were written on french fries)
Shawn Estes – 17 votes (14 votes were Padres fans attempting to keep him off the active roster in anyway possible)
Willie Banks – 0 votes**
Not on ballot but received votes:
Greg Maddux – 4 votes -get that Cy young bullshit out of here
Mike Maddux – 2 votes – he probably touched one or two of his bro’s trophies(lets not risk it rubbing off.)
Jamie Navarro – 3 votes – not eligible…career ERA under 5.00 are not options
Henry Rowengartner – 8 votes (if only injuries made Wood and Prior super talented freaks)
Henry Rodriguez – mmmmm candybar
Gary Busey – 4 votes
*fictitious silly fantasy vote results are anything but ironic
** There were actually 4 votes for ERNIE Banks, none for Willie
what about me? i got a truck of guys back there
heathcliff slocumb
jim bullinger
RODNEY “not randy” myers
frank castillo
andrew lorrainne
jeremi gonzalez aka germ
Jim Bullinger is a hobbit. Therefore, not eligible.