Ten days ago (or thereabouts, I’m too lazy to look it up) the Cubs were a scintillating 7-13 and enjoying the comfortable (and all-too-familiar) dampness of the NL Central cellar.

Nine games later they’re 15-14 and alone in second place. Before you get too excited, being in second place in the NL Central is much like fourth place in a real division.

The beer makers from up north are in first place, holding the best record in the National League. Yeah, like that’s going to last.

So while the Cubs recent hot streak hasn’t exactly vaulted them to great heights, at least it’s put a slowdown on the rate they’d been sucking. We’ll take any kind of progress at this point.

Seems like a good time to take a quick lap around the roster and see who’s up to what.

Derrek Lee — We’re Cubs fans, so of course we’re biased, but come on, even the unwashed have to admit that right now the best baseball player in the National League plays first base for the Cubs. He’s hitting .414 with a ridiculous 1.108 OPS. You don’t even want to know what his HWEqBA is right now. It’d blow your mind. (Fine, it’s 2.107. Stop drooling.)

Did I mention he plays gold glove defense, runs like a very tall deer and his tear drops are being genetically altered to cure blindness in the young? If there’s one thing we’ve learned, our heroes are never as good as they seem. But if your kids are trying to figure out who their favorite player is? They could do a far bit worse than old Derrek.

E-ramis — My dad (I’ll try to keep this from veering off into Sports Guy land) secretly enjoys yelling at Cubs who don’t hustle, and the first thing he said to me about E-ramis this year was, “I think his leg was a lot worse than they ever let on last year. He always hustles now.” You have no idea what kind of ringing endorsement that is for E-ramis. I think it’s partly the bad quad he had last year and partly the fear of having one of Uncle Lou’s size twelves up his rump, but you can’t deny that E-ramis is a different player this year. He got off to a good start, he’s hustling, he’s playing excellent defense and he’s in shape for a change. Two years ago at the All-Star Game in Detroit, Lee and E-ramis started at first and third for the NL. They did so because old man Albert was DH’ing and Scott Rolen was on the disabled list. This year both should start again, based solely on merit.

By the way, Hench and J-Bug totally think that they should start at first and third, and that Schilling rocks and Nomar drools! Damn, I was so close. Sorry.

Ryan Theriot — How do you not love this guy? Is he really a Cubs’ farmhand all grown up? Do we have his papers? Can we check this? Guys don’t typically come out of the Cubs’ farm system with an actual knowledge of how to play the game. He takes pitches, he chokes up with two strikes, he steals bases. Your throwing arm is better than his, and yet the ball seems to miraculously end up at first base before the runner does. At bats don’t come much better than the one he had in the ninth inning off of Chad Cordero yesterday. He just kept fouling pitches off until he got one he could line to right field to tie the game. He obviously got his speed and fancy footwork from uncle Deney. Lou Pineilla works to get Ryan into the lineup almost every day. But it’d be a lot easier if he just chained Cesar Izturis to the bench–or to a radiator in the Wrigley Field basement.

Mark DeRosa — Ehh. I don’t quite know what to think of DeRosa. He’s basically just a more versatile Mark Grudzielanek. That’s not all bad. He’s played second (mostly) right and third so far this year. Also, he fits the requirement that Jim Hendry apparently has that his Caucasian second sackers must be able to grow a complete beard during the game. (See also, Grudzielanek and Walker)

Michael Barrett — I’m never quite sure what to think when I find myself agreeing with Chuck from IvyChat. He’s turned his Korey Patterson campaign to Michael this season. The basic premise is that while Barrett has proven to be an above average hitter, that his defensive deficiencies negate more than his offense can provide. If he was a hockey player he’d have a piss poor plus-minus. I guess I don’t feel as strongly about Michael as Chuck does (few ever feel as strongly about things as Chuck), but I agree that the Cubs would be better suited to using a catcher who did a better job on defense than Michael. This isn’t a call for Hank White to be the everyday catcher. Hank’s just fine as Carlos Zambrano’s caddy. But when you find yourself thinking, “Wow, we could use a guy like Yadier Molina” you know things are bad. Honestly, I’d rather have Brian Schneider and he can’t hit to save his ass.

Alfonso Soriano — Are you like me (you probably should hope not) did you hear that Alfonso has been on base in every game he’s played in and thought, “Huh?” His start was slow, but apparently steady. Since he moved back to left field his offense has taken off, finally. He has stopped getting picked off twice a week (progress) and when the Cubs hit Theriot behind him in the lineup the lineup takes on a pretty formidable look. Peter Gammons claims that Soriano is better in left because he developed a habit of throwing across his body when he played second base, so his throws are better from left than center. I have no idea. I’m still befuddled by why a grown man hops on one foot when he catches a fly ball.

Jock Jones — Brace yourself, I’m going to say something nice about Jock. I know, cats and dogs hugging, all that stuff. He’s a terrible right fielder. The worst. He makes Murton look like Andre Dawson out there. But in center? As much as I hated seeing it because it meant less time for Felix Pie, Jock’s been pretty damned good in center. He covers more ground than I expected and his arm (while still embarrassing) isn’t as crippling out there. Watching Jock and Theriot team up on a cutoff brings to mind a bowl of wet noodles, but still, it’s not that bad. So basically, if you can keep Jock away from lefty pitching and play him in center and not right, he’s somewhat useful. Who knew? I’d still trade him for a syphillitic panda bear, but that’s just me.

Cornelius Clifford Floyd — I can’t help it, I like Cliff. He scares me in right field, but then again, he scares himself there. But he’s the kind of lefthanded bat the Cubs have needed since…uh…well, there’s…there has to be somebody since Billy Williams, right? Wow is that sad. That’s like saying that Earl Schieb is the best painter since Renoir. I’m not real keen on him batting second (mostly because it means Cesar is batting eighth and not eleventh), but I like Cliff. And when he falls down and goes on the DL, he’ll clear up the outfield picture for us.

Matt Murton — When Soriano trotted back to left nobody felt it more than Murton. Instead of platooning with Cliff in left, he was relegated to fifth outfielder status. That’s not good. He has decent speed, so you may see him play center against some lefties (which could be a disaster) but if I were Matt I’d be rolling marbles over by Cliff’s locker. I’d also try to see if Amazon has a book you can order titled, “How to score from third base, you complete dumbass.”

Felix Pie — I’m not alone in having irrational man love for Felix. He plays center like he was born to it. He bats…uh…not so much. But he doesn’t seem overmatched at the plate, like our pals Seabiscuit’s Jockey and The Fabulous Gord keep maintaining. He makes solid contact, but unfortunately he’s showing a Pattersonian understanding of the strike zone. Then again, maybe that is overmatched. Nah, screw it, I’m not agreeing with those two twits. I don’t think it something that a few hundred more at bats won’t cure. I do like that Lou finds a way to use him every game. He’s not just sitting and molding like he would have under Dusty. Because when Felix is on first and a ball heads for the gap? Watch out.

Ronny Cedeno — He cried when they sent him to Iowa. I cried every day that they didn’t. He’s got talent, but there’s no way he’s not dumber than a box of hair. Enjoy Des Moines.

Hank White — Even a herniated disk can’t keep our man Hank down. He strode to the plate in the tenth inning yesterday, presented his doctor’s note to the home plate umpire, pulled Wonderboy out of its case and ripped a game winning single to right field. Only to see Murton get lost around third and not score. When healthy, he’s back to being Carlos’ personal catcher. I see nothing wrong with this. You can tell that Carlos has no use for Barrett.

Daryle Ward — The fat kangaroo continues to be a productive pinch hitter, maybe the best the Cubs have seen since the days of Henry Cotto. It’d be nicer if he could drop about 20 lbs and actually run for himself. That’s how he got his nickname. He’d get to first, pull little Ronny Cedeno out of his pouch, leave him on first and hop to the clubhouse for some Danish. Yesterday, not only did Daryle have to run for himself, which he did with much alacrity, if not speed, but he had to play left field for an inning. He so wanted to avoid a second inning in left that he won the game with a hit in the tenth.

Cesar Izturis — He’s supposed to be a no-hit, slick fielder right? How come he’s not even that? Seriously, he’s basically just the world’s biggest bobblehead doll. There has to be somebody who needs a shortstop, right? Maybe Juan Uribe will go to prison soon and Cesar can just move a few miles south?

Carlos Zambrano — I have no idea what’s going to happen with his contract. Only Jim Hendry could needlessly drag his feet on a sweetheart deal for the club and see it pulled out from under him by a new owner. Everyone seems to think that Carlos will get that deal anyway, so what’s the holdup? In the meantime, he’s not pitched really well so far. He’s blown leads, he’s melted down three times when it’s just been hit after hit after hit before he can get it together. Maybe it’s just a slow start, or more ominously, maybe he’s finally showing the after effects of being ridden into the ground by Dusty. I don’t think I want to find out.

Theodore Roosevelt Lilly — I’m a dope, but when I saw that he wasn’t going to be re-signed by Toronto I immediately saw him in a “Guys like Jamie Moyer who are better in their 30s than they were in their 20s” light. His skill set (walks, flyballs) seems bad for Wrigley (or anywhere for that matter), but so far he’s been fine. I think getting out of the AL East and into the NL Central is like a little vacation for him. I hope so, because he’s going to be around for three more years.

Jason Marquis — Larry Rothschild “fixed” him. I would have thought that would have involved Jason’s nuts in a bucket and some seared flesh on his hindquarters. But apparently, the Cubs pitching guru tipped Jason off that he’d been tipping his pitches off last year. And they did something with the way he released his sinker. So far it’s worked. Not only that, but Lou likes his new toy so much that Jason’s already pinch run more than once and has pinch hit. Hell, he almost had to play first base in a game against San Diego.

Rich Hill — Count me among those who thought Hendry was daft for making Hill “untouchable” two winters ago. Hill was a monster in the minors, racking up absurd strikeout numbers and allowing very few hits. But when he came up to the Cubs (a few times) it had never translated. It’s translating now though. He’s got an unhittable curveball, a better than average fastball and a new change up, and he’s enjoyed watching batters screw themselves into the ground trying to hit him. So have we.

Wade Miller — Wow is he bad. Let’s not speak of him again. Or see him for that matter.

Angel Guzman — How many springs ago was it that Steve Stone walked around Mesa with an enormous Angel Guzman erection? It’s been a long trek for Angel since then. He’s had lots of arm injuries and spent a long time rehabbing. But he’s back. He’s starting and he’s got some wicked stuff. He might have too much stuff. He could probably get by with just that fastball and one breaking pitch, but he’s trying to throw a sinker and a curve and a change. If he ever gets it all together he’ll be a sight to see. But honestly, I’d just be happy to see him figure out how to throw two of those four pitches for strikes. Before his arm falls off again.

Will Ohman — Here’s what I expect Lou to do the next time he brings Will into a game. I expect to see him wait for Will on the mound, but before he gives him the ball, to reach into his jacket and pull out a tape measure and give one end to Michael Barrett. Then have Barrett walk it back and set it down at the front of home plate. Then in a Norman Dale tone say, “Hey Mike, how far is it?”
“Sixty feet, six inches.”
“I think you’ll find it’s the same distance as the one in the bullpen. Now try to throw your pitches that entire distance, you jackass.”

Scott Eyre — I have far more hopes for an Eyre resurgence than Ohman, but I’d feel a lot better if he wasn’t such a lazy tub of goo.

Neal Cotts — We may have seen a turning point in Neal’s Cubs’ career when Lou yelled at him Saturday before Neal turned it around and got out of a jam of his own making. Then again, we may just see the same old horsehit over and over again.

Michael Wuertz — The Cubs have had two excellent relievers all year, Wuertz and the closer. When Lou turns the final two innings over to those guys exclusively, I think the Cubs will start shutting the door with more regularity.

Bob Howry — You probably couldn’t have expected him to be as good as he was last year again, but he’s been maddeningly inconsistent so far. Case in point, on Friday in the Nats’ series he got out of an impossible jam so the Cubs could win. Then on Sunday he basically gave the game away. Of course, this is the same moran who forgot his grill had wheels on it and threw out his back picking it up to move it.

Rocky Cherry — This is what happens when you sign relief pitchers with the names of Gold Club dancers. He was tits in spring training and has been OK since he was recalled from Iowa. He’s probably just holding a spot warm until Kerry Wood is ready to pitch…so you know he’s only up in the majors…forever.

Ryan Dempster — Is this the same guy from last year? Suddenly, Ryan Dempster is such a lights-out closer that Lou can ask him to get more than three outs. I’m not sure how this happened, or how long it can last, but I’m glad it’s here.

Kerry Wood and Mark Prior — I still like them both and think it’d be great if they pitched for the Cubs again, but honestly, at this point, I’m just tired of thinking about them.

Lou Piniella — I can’t get over this guy. Did you see him walk into the outfield yesterday to talk to Jock (while completely holding the game up) to see if he was OK to move back to center since Jock had been hit in the leg with a pitch a few innings earlier? Who does that? Who thinks, “The game will resume when I say it does?” I love that. I love it when he gets pissed and yells at his pitchers. I love that when he comes to the mound you have no idea if the pitcher’s really coming out of the game. I love that he identified after just a few games that Ryan Theriot had to be in the lineup. I also love, for better or worse, the idea that you can’t sit around at the end of games afraid to make a move because of what might happen. Lou makes moves designed to turn the game in the Cubs’ favor now, and he’ll worry about later if later happens. Nothing’s worse than losing a game with bullets left in your gun. Lou runs out of bullets and starts trying to hit guys with the gun itself. I’m not so keen on using four relievers in one inning, but hey. Isn’t it nice to have a manager who is squeezing every last drop out of his roster, instead of a guy afraid to make any of his veterans unhappy? This may not end well, but the trip is going to be fun.

Gerald Perry — The Cubs’ hitting coach already has changed the culture of his team. They take more pitches and work more counts than we’re used to. They still aren’t walking as much as they should, but you can actually see a shift in the approach at the plate of this team. A shift that is about 80 years in the making. Plus, he threated to punch out an umpire in the tunnel behind the Cubs’ dugout. Sweet.

Larry Rothschild — Cubs’ insiders claim that Dusty didn’t listen to Larry, and it was no surprise to baseball people that guys like Lou and Jim Leyland would want Larry to work for them. I’m not sure. I just like that Lou makes most of the mound visits. His are more fun to watch than Larry’s.

Len Kasper and Bob Brenly — Are we really on year three already? I’ve almost forgotten how welcome their approach to the game has been after the seven year hell walk that was the Chip Caray era. I should be more disturbed that my wife says, “Hi Len” to the screen when they show him. I guess if he ever says “hi” back, I’ll have to deal with it. Until then, I’m just enjoying that I can now completely take for granted watching Cubs’ games on TV with the sound up.

Ron Santo, Pat Hughes, Dave Otto and the new guy — I haven’t had to listen to the Cubs on the radio much this year, but when I have it’s nice to know that Pat is still the best in the business, that Ron is still Ron and when his intermittent health crises arise that Dave Otto can more than capably fill in. As for the new guy? He’s no Andy Masur. Take that however you want.

The outlook — It’s way to early to tell. But on a pure talent basis, the Cubs should be more than capable of hunting down the Brew Crew. This seems like a good year to win the division since Roger Clemens switched leagues and Karen Carpenter’s arm has fallen off. Ten days have changed a lot. Maybe they’ll regress and it’ll be the same old shit we saw the first month of the season. But I don’t think so. I think the Cubs are in it for the long haul this year. I’d feel a little more confident if I thought that the GM had an actual plan. But so far the “Let’s just throw money at everybody and see who signs” approach has been an improvement. How much of one remains to be seen.