Pitching matchup:
Pissburgh: Paul Maholm 1-4, 5.51 ERA
Cubs: Carlos Zambrano 3-2, 5.80 ERA
Lineups
Pissburgh
Freddy Sanchez, 2b
Jose Bautista, 3b
Jason Bay, lf
Ryan Doumit, rf
Xavier Nady, cf
Adam LaRoche, 1b
Ronny Paulino, c
Kirk Hinrich’s half brother, ss
Maholm, p
Cubs
The Fonz, lf
Dance Fever, ss
MV Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Red, rf
The Rose, 2b
Hank White, c
Angel Fucking Pagan, cf
The Lawnmower, p
Howdy boys! Over/under for how many times Carlos leads off an inning today?
I am back and you will enjoy it.
Pagan’s still better than Cesar., so we shouldn’t get too upset.
Speaking of that big-eared failure, at what point does he simply get cut? Seriously. What purpose does that fuckstick serve by being a bench player?
Mike D. is my new hero.
Where the fuck is my playing time?
Okay, female doges. Get ready to witness the first no-hitter in over 35 years.
In Iowa.
BREEEAAAAAVVVVEEEE!!!!
Brave!
Who got sent down for me?
Nevermind, #10.
I have holes in my intestines.
Guys remember me? How come *I* didn’t make Bad Kermit’s “Bottom 126”? I sucked big-time.
Pay attention, Angel. It was me.
Sending Pie down for Pagan is probably a good move at this point. If I have to defend that stance, I’ll probably do it on the board somewhere. Here’s hoping I don’t have to.
Pagan ain’t great or nothin’, but Felix has to be getting regular ABs, no matter the cost.
That would be one Felix Pie. Now he can tell all his boys in Iowa about being in the show once, for like 21 days.
Is Theriot in the lineup?
I agree with SD.
I also agree that Apple Fritter Jim is just too inert to swing a deal this early in May, and that is why we have a logjam in the outfield and it’s also why Angel’s playing. Sure, it’s hard gto swing a deal early in the season, but it’s not impossible. Didn’t we get Eckersley and his drinking habit for Billy Buckner in early May?
We’ve been getting some love from Andy this week
Who do you think dance fever is?
Apparently, all the mainstream reporters and columnists in town are basing their conclusion that Pie’s in over his head based on me.
Even though he’s got, like, 6 extra base hits. That’s certainly more than Izturis, Cedeno, Murton and Blanco (and maybe Jock sniffer?)
If only I were, say, printed on this page or something.
So, Pie needs to go down because he needes at bats. Check.
Jones is benched, so someone needs to take his at bats in the eight spot in the order. Ergo, bring up Pagan.
Fucking brilliant I tell ya.
Que Puto
D’ur, sorry…I haven’t been to the site in a long time, so I don’t know what Dolan’s knickname has been for him.
Carlos is off to a good start.
I want Barry Zito money!
Yeah Z deserves my type of money because he’s pitching like me right now. SHITTY.
Keep in mind that I personally would not start Angel Pagan. I just think that he would be a better option for our bench right now. Felix Pie is obviously the better ballplayer, and is a good option off our bench, but I don’t like him coming off the bench at the expense of costing him at-bats at his age.
But why bring up Pagan to START??!?!?!?!
Que Puto infuckingdeed.
There’s a commercial on the radio where Mikey Barret talks about how great it is to catch Carlos. Funny how they didn’t mention that Hank White is usually catching Carlos while Mikey watches from the bench.
What the fuck was I doing there?
Aren’t you glad that I pitched a complete game yesterday? Because it looks like the bullpen is going to in this game by the 2nd inning.
What? I really fucking suck so far this year.
When is Dr. Andrews going to look at me?
Because they’re facing a lefty today Chuck. Take a fucking breath
hey guys. sorry i’m late. but Angel Pagan? wtf? starting?
I don’t know if anyone has broght that up yet, but it seems strange to me.
A complete game from the Frenchie? Watch theees! I go complete opposite!
when did I become the cubs #4 starter?
HBP, Double, Double, Single–Gameday shows Z is getting squeezed.
What the fuck is going on?
I have to be injured…..that’s the only explanation for how shitty i’m pitching
Sheesh, all these swears and none of them from me. This sure is a ballgame.
Frenchy? I’m from New York dickhead!
I didn’t know that Carlos did impersonations. He should seriously not do his Wade Miller impersonation on the mound though.
If anyone feels like doing some research, I would be curious to know what Carlos’ career stats are in the 1st inning in the months of April and May.
I didn’t have a beard last night. Testosterone, anyone?
I don’t think Carlos can tell the difference from Parisian Frommage and New York Kosher.
I think I’ve got another Dune DVD to watch… Shit… it’s at home. Well, I guess there’s always work.
QUE PUTO
What is a missed catch error on Zambrano?
what the fuck is carlos doing with a pickoff move.
doumit wasn’t going anywhere, and nobody steals on big z with his quick delivery and hank white behind the plate.
Z will be fine. Just wait until the calendar flips to May. You watch.
I’m not out of the realm of possibility.
“Missed catch error on Carlos Zambrano”
Huh?
Parisian frommage aint all its cracked up to be.
Pex, you go ahead and watch your Dune. I backread a Gamecast when I got back this week, and saw you light up some Dune while the Cubs were squandering, only for you to pick up the pompoms when they went ahead and on to win. Since I’m here this time, I’ll even let you know when pompom time is!
ANyone hear my “root canal” voice? it’s hilarious.
Speaking of Dune, anyone think the Others are trying to breed the Kwisatz Saderach?
Now 13 1st inning runs allowed in 8 starts this season
Outstanding!
Baby steps. Z’s last start he gave up 4 runs in the first. This time only 3. Baby steps.
no.
so who got sent down for pagan anyway? rocky cherry?
[backwards]K[/backwards]!
Did I get all fired up when I came off the mound after that inning? I know the fans love it when I do my little scream and point routine
Now watch me steal a base and get picked off second.
I guess “In God We Trust” means only 1 thing to me
I am omnipresent!
How Todd Walkerish of me.
See what happens when you choke up on the bat with two strikes and try to make contact with anything??
Surely, how Jock Jonesish of me?
I own the Cubs, whoever I am.
#46, I’ve got plenty.
Why is my last name pronounced Mahalom? Am I hawaiian?
8-pitch [backwards]K[/backwards]!
I bet Carlos was saying “Que Puto” in that string of expletives he just let fly on the mound.
Now that’s better.
Is there a way we can get Z to pitch a simulated first inning or something next time?
Another solo shot perras.
Mas Puto!
My sign read, “Cubs Game plus No School = Pricelees
Oh the irony…
Patient hitter my ass.
Excellente, 77.
For Z’s next start someone should pitch the first inning and have him come in the second.
With my speeling skeels I should consider becuming a fan of teh Cardinals.
3 runs won’t win this ballgame.
Then the second inning would be horse shit, Taylor. At least there would be a chance he get the bottom of the order.
How about some more tits and ass shots there Arne?
#39. Fourth starter?!? Gooze has been better than Z. Carlos is the five.
Slob, why would you want to see Arne’s tits and ass? That’ really sick.
K!
You’re an idiot.
If the answer is Angel Pagan, I sure as hell don’t want to know what the question was.
8 in a row, perras.
You’re an idiot. I was talking about shots of halter top chicks in the bleachers.
The new desipio buzzword.
Could you please describe the chicks in halter tops? It sucks to hear you talk about it and not know what’s going on.
I got Crohn’s dude.
OH NO!!!!!
BREEEEEVE! Sorry I’m late. – Oh wait…
When did I get reacquired?
D’oh. I’m not going anywhere near Z today.
What?
This is a hell of a way to win a pennant.
OH YEAH!!!
He dropped the ball?
me getting angry
Big Z can’t seem to find me.
Let me rephrase that, when did i dye my hair red?
Yay?
Where’s Steve Stone with the “For all you little leaguers out there, this is why you use two hands to catch a fly ball?”
But man, I can take a pitch like it’s nobody’s business. And I am CHEAP! CHEAP! Don’t want to overpay for these errors now. You gotta admit, I’m better than Soriano too.
That one play sums everything about Matt Murton. He’s an awful baseball player and if you didn’t believe it, watch him miss that fly ball. just cut him already. Who cares if anyone picks that fuckstick up
How’s the visibility, Matt?
That was painful to watch. It wasn’t even like he lost it in the sun. he just missed it. closed the glove before the ball was in it. it was like little league. guh.
Don’t worry, my ERA for the 4th – 6th inning is 6.75
Did you see I was rocking the Pacific Coast League with a .310 on base average? I’m really going to help!
The Pacific Coast League is tough, mang. Especially on guys named Angel. It’s a lot easier down here in Chicago.
i have no value at all to a major league baseball team. worthless.
Give me a heet. I smoked that!
Miss me perras?
[backwards]K[/backwards]!
Let’s see if the Big Z-man can pitch here in the fourth after having to run the bases.
Rally-killing time!
I was kind of hoping that Murton and Jock would platoon this year, that way we could platoon their detractors as well. Especially since they’ll all have bad ACL’s from their knee jerk reactions.
We’re pretty much the same guy. Jock’s got more haters, Murton’s are just more prolific.
5 runs might win this game.
I love baseball! Are the Bears winning?
CT back with the positive! Welcome back, bro (or sis…)
I’m giving Nady a hit on Murton’s flyball. Just because I like to be a contradictory dumbass.
OW! MY ANKLE!
I’m gonna go drop a deuce. I’ll be back in a few.
Bye Apex! Hope everything comes out okay!
It’s bro.
And Apex, I guess we’ll see you in the 8th inning.
Nice to see us make Paul Mahomo look like Cy fukkin Young, just like we do against every pieceashit lefty on the face of the earth.
Two hits so far? Two lousy hits against the Pirates 4th or 5th starter?
My wife always says they need to restructure all contracts – you get paid by the win. Losses, all you get is your meal money. In 27 innings against the cheapest team in creation, and we scratch out 5 runs???
What? They didn’t change the rules saying you can only have three people up in an inning? Shit.
You’re welcome, Derrek!
What is this shit.
We are WAY underrated.
3rd time today. whaddaya gonna do. that’s bad luck.
Dude, this Lou fellow has got it all wrong. Leadoff with the speedy center fielder, then the second baseman.
Not bad luck 139, it’s called swinging at the first pitch.
Well today was fun. See ya tomorrow.
If anybody is interested you can watch me.
Wasted effort for 75 Million, Alex.
Hey, maybe the club was smart holding off on my contract – I kinda suck.
is more fun than this game right now.
Maybe the club WAS smart holding off on my contract – I kinda suck.
Classy.
Real nice.
You bastard.
What’d I miss? Oh, really? Jeez. I hate this team.
Fuck yourself.
I’ve taken a real dive today.
I’ll get it right in the 6th
There is definatly a direct correlation between me and message board fights.
Lou brought him back out for another inning? The bullpen must be REALLY tired.
No, more like Cubs Dead!
Perras!
Fuck all you sonsa bitches. Fuck you all. I hope you die of AIDS.
Five more and we will be ahead.
K.
I think the Pirates may have figured out how to pitch to me…
I was just about to say, that on the bright side, there is no lame-ass “Cho Time” on the boards today. But alas…
The Cubs are who we thought they were.
Or maybe the poster in #156 was just emulating my retardo faux-conservativism.
Everybody has AIDS
This is a rough outing. On a side note – the I-Cubs will hopefully roll their 3rd win against Fresno tonight.
Makes the dogshit poster seem downright eloquent.
I’m the anti-Cliff Floyd. When I hit the ball, it actually falls ASLEEP.
We want to finish this game quickly so we can finally have a beer in our clubhouse
Too bad its been banned.
Maybe I can pitch for the I-Cubs.
Will be banned after May 18. Still time to get smashed before the charter flight to Philly.
2-3 with a homer. Not bad you bunch of perras!
FYC
‘Nuff said.
Crap. I’m back. Down by 2.
I know how to kill something good, don’t I?
One swing MVLee, that’s all we need.
I just struck out
Actually, a swing with some contact.
he swung at ball four
No, really, I think they have my number…
I’ve struck out a lot this week, haven’t I?
Also I’m on pace to hit about 14 home runs. that’s positively Murton-esque, isn’t it.
Shades of Sadnberg in ’93. Any of you guys STILL want to play down my wrist injury? Once again, you have fat tub of cum Scott Eyre to thank for that.
Gee. Barrett actually did the one thing he can do. Maybe he can be the new Thad Bosley.
Wow, those 2 unearned runs look positively huge.
The official drink of Desipio.com
Maybe so, #182, but if Big Z’s going to be the Cy Young candidate that he deludedly thinks he is, then he has to pick up his stone-handed, limp-wristed, slap-hitting, quasi-retarded redheaded teammate in that situation. To allow that error to lead to runs is something you expect out of a lesser pitcher, not some so-called “ace”.
This WAS the Pissburgh Pirates he was facing, no?
Mike D, I would also expect an “ace” to have an ERA under 5.
did Salomon Torres become Mariano Rivera?
#185,
Answer: When he’s facing the Cubs
One run scored on that play.
Damn, that game was maybe kinda sorta brutal.
Boy did I really fuck with you guys for the better part of a week. HA HA! I may return at some point once I pull the rug out from under the AL East and Yankee haters world wide like I do every.fucking.season.
Will I turn out to be the most absurd free-agent signing from this past offseason? I’m on pace to hit about 18 home runs and bat about .240. Christ if I wind up playing everyday this team’s in trouble and your corpulent GM will be searching the want-ads in October.