Entertainment Weekly called this year’s Survivor the best ever, and if that is indeed true, and it might be, the reason is simple. It’s Rob.

We have never had a funnier Survivor, ever. He’s also pretty good at this game, though it’s another guy who seems to be the easy choice as the eventual winner.

Last night’s show began with a flashback from last week in which Quisty was lying on a log with her arms behind her head. It looked like she had small furry animals sleeping in her armpits. Did we need that again?

Anyway, Jenna was complaining about having pharyngitis, which she says is like tonsilitis, only in the pharynx. Huh? Sure, no problem.

Rob says that since he turned on Heidi and Jenna to boot Alex, that they have seemed to forgiven him. They even helped him get rid of Quisty last week.

He then tells Heidi, “I think next I’m voting for you and then Jenna.” Heidi seems OK with it. Jenna calls Butch a moron.

Then Rob wanders off and Heidi and Jenna talk about how they have got themselves this far, not Rob. What a nice, self-empowering moment.

Rob stops and watches Butch and his firewood collection. “I don’t know what Butch’s obsession with firewood is. He’s adamant about the wood. I don’t know how I ended up being his junior deputy firewood bitch, though.

Jenna thinks it’s ridiculous that they keep getting more wood because, “We have huge logs in our shelter.” And I thought it was bad when Clay whizzed in the cave in the last Survivor. Yikes.

Butch says, “I’m a crazy wood nut, I guess.” And then he dances. A lot. It’s troubling.

The reward challenge is kind of a rehash of all of the previous ones. Matthew wins, because Matthew always wins. He wins a car this time. He has to pick one person to have a tailgate party with, and true to his androgynous ways, he picks Rob.

Butch leaves arm in arm with the girls as they walk the walk of the loser back to their camp.

Matthew has won a Saturn Ion and he says, “I can’t believe how cool this car is.” Uh…it’s an Ion! He’s been in the jungle too long.

Back at camp, the camp is burning. Literally.

The whole thing is ablaze. Even the Magic 8-ball is on fire. Oh, the humanity.

The fire has burned itself out before Butch, Jenna and Heidi get back.

When they do, they see that everything is gone. All of their other clothes, their blankets, even Butch’s stupid Believe In Yourself banner.

Jenna yells, “My jacket!”

Only Heidi’s stuff hasn’t burned. She’s now suspect number one. Actually, don’t we think that the Survivor producers torched it? Isn’t it convienient that it burned while they were gone? Hmm?

Jenna is no inconsolable. She has lost “everything.” “I lost my pledge crown, my Zeta jacket–that can never be replaced.”

That’s everything? Oh shut up, you Greek moron.

Heidi says she wishes her stuff had burned, too. Heidi’s lying.

Rob thinks that Matthew is going to win the whole thing. He’s probably right. When it’s time to leave, he asks Rob where he’s going to park the car. The comedy never stops.

Rob and Matthew return to camp and find a surprisingly well built shelter on the other side of camp. Jenna explains about the fire and says, “I’ve had stuff that has been passed down for five years.”

Five? Oh, my, that is an heirloom!

Matthew says he’s not going to point fingers. Because, “we don’t do that.” Huh? That’s all you guys do.

Rob says, “I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but with 137 days worth of firewood left, our camp burns down. I’m not one to point fingers but…(coughs) Butch!”

–By the way CBS has a Hitler movie, with Julianna Marguelies in it. Nice career move, there Nurse Hathaway–

Heidi says “I want Butch voted off. I want him to go before me and Jenna. We didn’t burn down the shelter.”

Jenna and Heidi’s glasses apparently didn’t burn in the fire. Nor did their contact cases, or solution. Who knew? Where do they get that stuff? I had no idea that contact solution was naturally occurring in the Amazon.

It’s off to the immunity challenge and we see Heidi with the Immunity Necklace (Jenna gave it to her at Tribal Council last week. It’s burned. Pretty badly on one side.

I think it’s time to bring back the Immunity Calvin!

The immunity challenge involves climbing, crawling, running…why not just give it to Matthew now?

One reason they didn’t, is that even though Matthew won easily, we got a very impressive shot of Heidi’s fake boobs as she crawled through a rope bridge. Nice.

Back at camp, Jenna is now turning into Shawna. She’s crying. She wants to go home. She shouts, “I’m having chest pains!” For no apparent reason.

Heidi’s mad because she knows that if Jenna’s sick, she’s guaranteed to get voted off. Why not keep the sick one? She won’t win immunity.

Heidi tells Rob, “Jenna can’t make it one more day.”
Rob says, “Why, is she going to die?”

Nice try, Heidi. You lose.

At Tribal Council we see that Alex has shaved his cheesy porn goatee. He then laughs when Butch talks about the fire. Quisty seems to be happy that the shelter burned down, too.

Jenny says, “I have tonsilitis in the jungle.”

If that’s not the best euphemism ever, I don’t know what is.

Jenna then says, “It’s not a competition.” Huh?

Heidi pleads for her life, saying, “I’m like the mastermind behind half the plans. I have three guys scared of me.”

OK, you’re the mastermind behind half the plans alright, the half that don’t work. You have more than three guys scared. I know I’m scared of you.

Matthew then says, “When we get down to the last three, it will be every MAN for himself.” I don’t think he misspoke.

As Rob votes for Heidi he says, “Two girls, one brain, divide one by two, only one half wit.”

The votes are read and Heidi loses three to two. She also gives the most unintelligible, uninteresting final words, ever.

Good riddance.

The big finale is Sunday night. All we know is that when the CBS staffers got fired for voting for a Survivor winner on that Caymans Island Web site, they had all their money on Jenna and Matthew. Just thought you should know.

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Groucho lauds the Admiral for going out the right way.

Rick Morrissey says that MJ should not be allowed back in the fold. I agree.

Charlie Villanueva is going to pick his future this weekend. It’s either Kansas or the NBA.

Surprise! Jim McMahon doesn’t miss football, or football coaches.

Jon Garland still stinks.

Eric Karros “gets it.”

John Jackson with good stuff on Jim Rome and bad news that HBO isn’t bringing back Hard Knocks this fall. Boo!

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to try and get us to forgive Bob Ryan. I like Bob Ryan, but what he said was dumb, mean and unfunny. See you in a month, Bob.

The Wizard of Roz points out that MJ is acting like a boor again. Just the reason to not hire him.

Steve Lavin says he’s always liked the “greater Lafayette (Ind.) area.” So there’s one who does.

Jayson Stark says baseball is still tinkering with…everything.

Ray Ratto gives Mike Shula a list of things to do.

Stewey runs down just what Miami’s defection would do to the Big East and Notre Dame. A smart man wrote almost this exact same stuff about Pitt and the Big Ten and Notre Dame on a sports journalist message board the other day. Oh, yeah. It was me. I expect a stipend, Stewey.

Jack McCallum on the NBA. He looks a lot better without that cheesy mustache.

Larry King is still insane.

Fox is bringing Jason Bateman back to TV. Well, it’s about damn time! Yikes.

America’s finest news source says that Gee Dub got into politics because of the influence of “The Last Starfighter.” Hey, I liked that movie!