Pitching Matchup:
Sox: Obnoxious Cardinals Fan Boy 2-1, 3.61 ERA
Cub: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly 3-2, 2.53 ERA
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Pitching Matchup:
Sox: Obnoxious Cardinals Fan Boy 2-1, 3.61 ERA
Cub: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly 3-2, 2.53 ERA
wow… this should be sad
Cy Buehrle anyone?
Anyone got any idea what the kid is sayin in that pic?
Don’t question my fvcking lineup.
Anybody have any guesses as to what the fuck I was talking about just now when I said to the reporters that “We’ll have some interesting stuff for you Monday or Tuesday…”?
Brave!
To those of you drinking at Wrigley right now on this perfect day, on behalf of those of us currently sitting in an office…
We’d like to say fuck you!
I took the day off to watch this shit over a week ago. I would like those personal hours back. Not enough to actually drive to work though.
To: Lance Dickson’s Arm
RE: Post No. 6
Message:
+1
I’m going to try and ignore this game. Even if it means doing work.
To: CT
CC: Lance Dickson’s Arm
RE: Posts No. 6 & 8
Message:
+1
To: Apex
CC: Lance Dickson’s Arm
RE: Post No. 10
NSBB SMILEY FACE!
To: Michael Barrett
CC: Ted Lilly
Message:
Way to turn a sac bunt into a sac fly you cocksuckers.
Aw crap, I gave up a run. That’s the game.
I am stupid
I don’t have the gamecast up. I think pointless exercise sums this bad boy up better than anything. Utterly depressing. Year after year.
Konerko scored on a sac fly to left? What happened to Soriano’s cannon?
To: No. 14
CC: Everybody
Subject: Faux memos on desipio
Message:
Blow me you piece of shit.
CT, he was backing up when he made the catch. It was a 340 foot frope.
I’m thinking my neck still hurts. It’s going to hurt for a long time. I can’t play with these clowns anymore. Good luck losers.
Frozen rope?
Chuck, it’s Konerko. Soriano could make the catch, crash into the bricks, lapse into a coma for 3 weeks and still have time to throw him out at the plate from Northwestern Memorial when he wakes up.
What time does your flight land in Pheonix, DL(ee)? We’ll pick you up.
Do I come with sprinkles?
FYC
FY Me?
Michael Barrett with the plus/minus act again.
So, when Barrett leaves, who is going to be the FYC guy?
Barrett’s plus/minus back at zero.
Chuck, we’ll leave that up to you.
I can FYC. If I ever hit another homer, that is. Or start.
Put that on the board, you tool.
Where’s AJ so I can punch him?
I can feel Chuck’s love in Des Moines, or wherever the hell we’re playing right now.
Sorry Mikey, I’m too busy thinking of that huge penis I sucked on all last night. Chicago has the best ghey bars.
Good AB there Murt. Way not to hit into two.
What’s my average down to now? It’s amazing what getting more than 4 ABs a week can do to your batting average.
We are, without a doubt, the worst broadcast tandem in baseball.
Even better Izzy!
Hey, 35. Watch it. How can you blame Murton for not hitting when the bullpen has been as bad as it has?
It’s Dusty’s fault! Matt’s still pressing! He’s still trying to be aggressive. That’s why he’s swung at so many high fastballs.
Meanwhile Mark DeRosa goes unscathed. He’ll be under .200 in no time and yet we bitch about Murton. Not that bitching gets us anywhere.
Looks like Apex has been busy in the last few posts.
35 was ME!
To: Apex
CC: Anybody who cares
Re: Your request for a blow
Blow on what? Dickless bastard.
#36, you mean worst television broadcasters, right?
Murton is still better than Jock against a LHP, and probably the Barber too. If you’re upset about Murton, be pissed that we have a clog of mediocre outfielders, not at Murton.
The more we hate on Hendry, the better we all are. And wouldn’t it be great to find out that Hendry is getting shitcanned on Monday, and that’s what Uncle Lou is referring to?
How long until the Cubs bullpeln blows this?
I’m okay with DeRosa, because he’s white.
Well I hate white people. And the pussy who keeps bitching about faux memos. Stop writing them if you hate them so much you godddamn moron.
To:
I hate you too bitch.
A white rose? How bland.
So, while I’m busy being pissed that there’s a glut of mediocre outfielders I shouldn’t be upset at any of them when they constantly disappoint. Especially not Murton. That would be dum.
Ok. Got it.
#44. I’ve never heard a White Sox radio broadcast, but I will assume that you are terrible.
To: Faux memos on Desipio
CC: Andy, Karry Ling
RE: Gamecast policies
Joo guys like faux Latino agcents? In memo form? Perras.
PAY-gun is fast.
I dunna know Roy, with the Burlehe boy at over 50 pitches 2.2 in, the Sux pen might get the first crack at blowing the game.
And Pex, I’m not happy w/ Murton either, but given the others more deserving of a big dose of haterade, I just don’t get it man.
And while everyone bitches about me, i’ve driven in as many runs as our $138 million man – in 61 fewer at bats.
Let’s focus the hate back to where it belongs: on the brilliant man who assembled a team with 4 left fielders and a shitty bullpen.
Like the guy in the 138 million dollar Cubs uniform is going to drive in more runs than a guy who won’t make that in his entire life. COME ON!
Others are getting their dose. Why should I bother with them? It’s not like I have a Jock Jones poster on the wall in my house but there’s not much point in my ripping his ass when everybody else is busy whipping that dead horse. Meanwhile people are going out of their way to defend Murton. Why? That’s what I don’t get. This pitching staff is struggling in general and he’s the worst defensive player on the team. THAT pisses me off. To read you guys jump to his defense all the time is annoying. It makes my Dr. Pepper warm and flat.
Is that like 4 hungry children and a crop in the field?
(Garbled as he chews on giant leg of mutton): HAHAHAHA! I won’t be proactive at all! SUFFER MINIONS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
And Matt? What year did you hit 40 HRs and 40 doubles? When you put up that kind of season, I’ll cut you some slack. Til then you don’t get the benefit of the doubt when you struggle at the plate against solely lefthanded pitching and play the OF the way you do.
CT, while I love to hate Hendry as much as anyone, it’s hard to be upset about him as he’s as good as fired as soon as the team is sold. The biggest complaint is that he gets to run the draft this year and fuck up another class of kids instead of The New Guy.
FYB
Look. A decent right fielder.
I ask again, doges. What the fuck was I being so coy about in the pregame presser? “We’ll have some interesting stuff for you Monday or Tuesday.” What am I talking about? Is somebody pulling a Phil Nevin and brokering a deal for himself out of town? Is Ohman for Arod on Will’s bloated, greasy radar? Murton for Carney Lansford? Help me out here.
Thanks for wasting me. I might show up again, but probably won’t.
Wasting leadoff doubles since…well, since doubles were invented!
If I’m not as big a retard as the last guy, you’ll be shocked.
It’s probably Eyre getting DFA’d and Marshall getting called up. Whoop dee damn doo. Oh, and Lee getting placed on the 15-day, retroactive to whenever the hell.
Dempster goes back to the starting rotation. Zambrano becomes the closer. Cats and dogs live together. Mass hysteria.
Chuck, he’s not out of town yet. And I won’t feel safe until he no longer has control of the roster.
I meant that the NBA Draft Lottery is Tuesday and Stern has already fixed it so the Bulls are getting the #1 pick.
Marshall: great. Pie: great. Marmol: great. Soybeans: Variable.
That Bulls Pistons game was awesome. Not that I watched it. But I heard good things about the way it turned out.
Ok Apex, that was uncalled for.
Has anyone seen my eyebrows?
Lord, you’re insufferable. The pop culture ref’s. The self-referential hepspeak. The pointed fan-pointers pointed at the right points. You’re like a bad Pitchfork record reviewer sent to message board purgatory.
Nah, it was called for.
Yeah, yeah it was.
Or my feet?
Who would have figured that Chase would come up with something more annoying than me?
A fake Mick Jagger doing VOX over a dance club remix of that Soup Dragons song? What the fuck is that all about?
Time for me.
Turns out I hit LHP better than Jones and Murton put together.
Never heard of you.
JD said that I was fast.
Pagan is twice the ballplayer Murton is. I bet on a decent flyball, he scores.
Or not. Fuck.
I don’t believe JD.
No such luck, Apex.
Why didn’t Pagan score? Fly out not deep enough?
For those who didn’t see it, the fly ball was medium depth. Dye was running in and toward the RF line. He threw a bullet to the plate that shorthopped Hall and bounced far enough away for Ramirez to move up.
I think they were right not to run as they didn’t have anyway of knowing that Hall would boot that.
Sucks.
Whose fault is it when these clown CONTINUALLY fail to score runners from third with less than two out or can’t get a clutch hit?
Barrett swings on the first pitch against a tiring pitcher. No chance for a walk or a WP.
Fuck him.
I agree, but I still don’t like it. I mean, if DeRosa coulda just got on, then RBI machine Matt Murton would’ve been up. That’s what really sucks.
It’s mine, Dave
If Phoenix doesn’t win the next two games, Stern had better fix the lottery so the Suns win it.
Most people don’t hate on me because I’m white. Don’t believe me? Look at all my defenders and fanboys. What do they have in common? They’re all crackers man.
Sean Marshall?
Can anyone on this team hit with RISP?
Clutch hitting?
FUCKING WINNING BASEBALL?
Come JD, you were so close to hating on me. Missed it by a pube.
100. Iowa
101. What now?
Can’t let Buehrle beat me. Gotta be careful here.
Mark DeRosa plays for the cubs?
Before anyone blames me, I did NOT write post 99. Niggas.
Why not?
[backwards]K[/backwards]!
Hey, bitches!
Hi. It’s me again. The Cubs seem to love me. I’m at the hot corner more often than E-ramis!
What the hell am I doing here????
Wow!
I can’t see much on gameday, but shouldn’t Pagan Ritual been able to score on that pop up? Isn’t that why the young guys play so that we have some speed? It looks even worse because of the error!
I’m not sure I follow you. What other races are here besides whities? Don’t you have to have more than one to have dialogue? And wouldn’t I be a good thing provided I was civil?
There is no excuse for my existence.
I got some black in me.
I am blaming Soriano for misplaying that ball.
How much am I getting for every misjudged fly ball? I can’t do the math, too many zeros.
I’ll refer you to post 93.
There’s at least one of us here.
Were you guys complaining about the white boy’s defense? Because that’s two plays I should have made that cost runs today.
Wanna have a racial dialogue?
Hey guys, it’s a baseball game not a race! Anybody paying attention to another ****ing double by the south side.
That would have been one hell of a catch, Fonzy.
My dick in yo ass don’t count #116.
Not really.
Len, said if Murton straightens that out, it’s on Waveland. He’s leading the charge for the red-headed dope.
I wouldn’t take anyone that sounds like me seriously.
We don’t care what record the Reds, or the Nats, or whoever have. We are the worst, most uninspired team in the league this year.
And last year.
And 2005.
And 2004.
But in 2003, we were alright.
I’ll jump start this offense, perras. BB!
*Yawn*
It’s go time, perras. Oh, they’re switching pitchers. Nevermind.
Estos cabrones se van a joder.
It’s me time.
Aqui se habla yo.
Splooge.
TOMA CABRONES!!!
Pushing all the right buttons, perras.
Now would be a nice time for me to come through, eh?
I positive the Spanish-speaking. Makes the phoney Latino accents obselete.
Yay.
SPUH————————–LOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!!!!
Taking notes, Matt?
Nice plate slap, Pagan.
I’m allowed to put Ted Lilly back on the mound, right?
That’s close enough, right?
Do you have any tears left after yesterday? You’re gonna need them.
Curb your enthusiasm, bitches. I’m loosening.
I’m pitching through the 9th today if you don’t mind. Perras?
Shit!
Otro hit.
We’re so common these days, we don’t even merit a mention anymore.
Boss.
What the heck am I swinging at?
Did Pagan really slap that plate? That’s kinda sweet.
I’m one more stupid swing away from momentarily hopping on Chuck’s anti Berut train.
Hell yes he did, Slak.
Too bad it can’t pour down rain right now. Not a cloud in the sky and this lead is going to be short lived.
Welcome aboard, Apex. Free ranch dressing for your…. Well. You know.
Oh, please let it not be me.
Alright, now its all in the hands of the Cubs bullpen….crap
K!
Shut the fuck up.
L5!
Rammy is looking very me-like these days.
I suck.
Hey look! Bob Howry!
Your plane is boarding, Steve.
Pass the wire holmes!…
Curb your enthusiasm, bitches. I’m loosening.
Do we exist?
Avril Levigne? Are you serious?
WGN’s streak of craptastic music and great camera work continues. And how!
did they actually show a hot girl in a white sox shirt?
im so confused!!!
CT, how did you know I’m working as a stewardess flight attendant now?
Es tiempo perros sin madres!!
Blind squirrel finds…
After 05 it became “fashionable” to be a sux fan. Or at least to wear a sux T.
Teh Usx are playing me to perfection.
yeah… but i thouht it was illegal for white sox fans to have all their teeth and not be fat
Since, I know your gamecasts are having trouble figuring that last bit out. Hall threw to second to chase DeRosa back and the ball kicked into CF. Both runners advanced. Izzy did his part by striking out. Here comes CLifford.
Those aren’t “fans” party boy. They’re just chicks. Don’t ask them the score.
I don’t want to think about what will happen if these insurance runs don’t plate.
I sometimes get the feeling that I’m alone.
Its fun bringing chicks to the ballpark. I play a cool game where we kiss after each pitch. I kiss her on the strikes and she kisses me on the balls.
We don’t actually live on the south side, we’re from the west and south west suburbs…and didn’t really know anything about the sux until October of 2005…but now I love them and they’re all over my myspace page…teehee…
There you go Apex.
Ron thinks I am the pitchers name.
For you gamecast enthusiasts…
Baltimore CHOP to short Uribe went to third. Ozuna couldn’t come up with it and Murton was safe after initially being called out. Derosa scores.
What’d Uncle Cliffy do?
I only happen when the other team f***s up.
Thanks!
yeah… youre probably right… and cant you pay hookers extra to wear what you want?
probably just some sick meth head’s crazy fantasy
6-3. Two more and we might be ok.
Muchos gracias Apex.
I’m still not enough perras
Was going to third on that play as stupid in real life as it seems like it was?
Angel Pagan might have etched his ironic name into the crosstown series history today. Ricky Gutierrez, Carlos Lee, Michael Berut, Tony Graffanino, Wendell Kim etc…
Yo como mierda todo el pinche dia!!!
191: I wanna say yes. But probably not. That ball was bounced WAAAAAY up in the air. It would have taken a great play to get him. I will add that Murton had absolutely no clue that there was a play being made on him. None whatsoever.
Hope all of you have a change of pants!!
Oh, God. I can’t watch.
God, this is a big out. Puhleeeeeeze get it.
(hops on one foot and makes the catch, much to Dolan’s dismay.)
So this is about where it fell apart yesterday, right?
R-O-B-B M-A-C… Aw, fuck it.
i never happened
dont say i happened
cant we just forget about me?
Strikes out ROBB!!1!11!!!1 YEAH DEMPSTER, YEAH!!!!1
on 5/17/07
Remember Monday?
Dempster. Maybe I shouldn’t have dropped you from my fantasy team, boss. Oh, well. Good luck wherever you end up.
I’m shocked. SHOCKED.
And I can smile tonight.
Let’s get drunk.
[backwards]K[/Backwards]!!!!!111!1!!!11
Has anyone noticed how obese I look these days? Who needs a neck when you can have more Chins than China Town??
Allow us to unceremoniously break up WGN’s crappy music streak with teh Crazy instrumental.
PWNED!
Nobody mentioned me today? I played with Hank Aaron remember dudes?
No further comment
Just wanted to throw some kudos out on ths gamecast. i actually enjoyed reading through it. I watched the game in Grand Haven, MI but for a nap that took place in the 4th and 5th innings. Funny how the “solution” of Angel Pagan to the crowded outfield situation is now a problem again, like it was for Pie, seeing as how Pagan probably deserves to play everyday for a while, which means we’ve got 3 guys in right that can’t be expected to be happy about the situation, Jim Hendry, time to make a move, you fat bitch.
i suck, and i will pitch like shit until the cubs trade/unload me, whereupon i will regain my form and be awesome