Pitching matchups:
Beermen: Yovani Gallardo, 1-0, 2.70 ERA
Cubs: Rich Hill 5-5, 3.13 ERA
Lineups
Brewers
Corey Feldman Haim Hart, rf
JJ Hardy, ss
Ryan Braun, 3b
Fat Prince, 1b
Billy Hall, cf
Ponch, c
Enormous Melon, lf
Rickie Weeks, 2b
Yanni, p
Cubs
The Fonz, lf
Ted Williams, ss
MVLee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Cornelius Clifford Floyd Jr., rf
Mark “I’m kind of growing on you guys, aren’t I?” DeRosa, 2b
Rob “At least I’m not Michael Barrett” Bowen, c
The Balls, cf
Rich Hill, p
…Breeeeeeaaaaaaaaave!
Let’s Go Cubs!!
Isn’t it bit early for the exclamation point on live?
Brave!
Cubs Live! is back!!!
On Chuck’s screen I bet it still says Cubs Dead.
What am I doing at the bottom of the screen?
Wait, now I’ve gone. Was Tonker imagining things?
Guess what, you piece of shit Cubs fans? Me and my buddy, Bruce, are running the game today.
I hope you liked your 6-game winning streak. Because it’s going to end today, bitches.
Yes, Tonk, but we’ve replaced her, so it’s not all bad.
Did you see Wegner toss the Big Hurt last night? I wanted to punch that midget handjobber in the dicktip.
The Cubs ain’t dead motherfuckers!
Ouch!
K
Here’s hoping I’ve brought my iron glove with me again.
Hey, Rich, how about letting us help?
Hey, this game needs more of me.
Appearing soon as “Mac” in series 3 of “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia”. Who’s with me?
Slake, but I thought we buy tickets to baseball games to watch Wegner?
On second thoughts, go yourself, big man.
Great… The Froemming-Wegner idiot quartet of umpires is going to be umpiring this series…
They might as well be wearing Brewers jerseys…
Hey, BC – go fuck yourself. And change the fucking record while you’re at it.
You gotta give the kid props on fielder…didn’t want to face him…didn’t want to waste pitches…bang! Take your base.
I am rapidly losing my Kool-aid buzz.
A sweep of the brewcrew would mean me. Did we really think this was possible?
As a reader of Desipio, I am not sure what crawled up #20s ass.
Freddy Sanchez won the MVP last year, right?
Thank god the bullpen got a day off
Hope the Cubbies brought there bat’s today!
I tried to calculate the exact name of my perfect lover. It said “lefty”
As a DRUNK reader of Desipio, I am not sure what crawled up #20s ass.
Can anyone think of someone who is more up and down from one start to the next than me?
Did anyone take care of the obligatory Johnny Estrada is fat reference?
Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face
Man this is some shitty handling I’m getting from Michael Barr…
Oh wait.
Hello self, with my Kool-aid buzz gone, I wish I was drinking with you in your parallel universe. Alas, I am still working at the moment. Couple more hours and I will get to join you.
Down 5-0 before they even get to bat. Rich Hill is starting to look like the 2007 version of Matt Clement. Kevin Fuckin’ Mench.
is clapping. I can’t take this right now.
I’m still in the league?
Whoops.
Hi!
is completely flacid. Anyone got any Viagra? Cialis maybe?
Did they just go through the entire line up in one inning?
Typical Cubs. Can’t even get to the plate in a big series before giving up five freaking runs…
We can still trade Hill to the Braves for Saltalalamanaachia, right? Right?
HOT DAMN! THREE OUTS!
Well this game ended in a hurry. Thanks Rich.
Yes, we just batted around. Bitches.
I’m hanging here with Augie-O. He just said something about practicing his suplexes and mentioned something about Benoit.
All right, five runs down…so what? right?
ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit.
When did I change to play commercials instead of dead air?
seven pitch first for Yanni.
The Cubs we know and hate are back.
45 pitches by Hill
7 by the brewer
Any questions?
I would like to welcome back the real Cubs and the negative.
Yea, I’m kind of the biggest pussy in the league. I pitched like a scared rabbit (a “Clement” if you will) in the first. Even the fucking pitcher fouled off a few pitches. I couldn’t finish anybody off. I’m a choker and a bitch. I have single-handedly destroyed the momentum it took three weeks and 24 other players to build. I know people think I’m the ace because of my ERA, but did anyone ever ask why with that ERA I only have five wins, while Carlos has 9 wins? It’s because I’m a pussy, and Carlos is a winner. Too bad he’s not pitching this series.
Self, please have a drink for me.
How’s everyone’s rotator cuff?
I could care less what happens in the game as long as this Jack9 ad keeps looping.
Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16 starts
Allowed 0 or 1 run: 8 times
Allowed 4 or more runs: 6 times
I hate the middle ground.
oh how humiliating
Hey, does that pheremone stuff the girl is talking about, does it really work? Can I finally meet a girl this way?
Sup, fags?
Does this inning seem…familiar?
Evidently there are several Jack9 videos. Let me specify that its the one with the really hot chicks in the club.
You give yourself away. Teh Paul needs no artificial sweeteners to score tail. Male or female, mammal or marsupial.
Three borderline two-strike pitches from Hill in the first 11 batters. Froemming is a notorious big strike zone umpire, but yet mysterious those three pitches were all called balls. Hmmmm….
Shut up, Paul. You’re a douche.
……I’ve always wanted to do that.
We threw BC out of the union because he sees a conspiracy in EVERYTHING. It makes all of us seem retarded.
Did Fielder really get an infield hit? How is this possible?
Yes, it’s all the umps fault.
BC, eat shit. Ain’t nobody losing this game for us, except us.
It’s the biggest game of the year, and I wore my pee pants to the mound. I’ll be wearing my pee pants all day, in fact, I think I’ll pee a little right now.
I love these games. This is when I shine brightest.
Grab one of me BC, and it will all go away.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck…
Just think Pecks, soon you’ll be able to witness the rest of this cocktease in person!
Rich Clement, will you be peeing intermittent strong streams or just a steady all-day drip? So far it seems intermittent golden showers, but I am curious about your plans for the rest of the day.
Doesn’t matter HW, the shitstain already threw 74 through two. He’s got two innings left at best.
We shifted the infield over on Ramirez because we want Gallardo to practice working from the stretch. It’s more appropriate than an intentional walk and it saves the energy of pitching around him.
So far, so good, bitches.
So, I come out of a client call and I think, 4-0? Boy was I off. FYR (ich Hill).
You are all losers. I will go touch myself now….
Theres not much on the other channels either.
How many times is Pie going to let me go by?
Boy the shine really came off me quick didn’t it? At least I can catch.
shine – not meant in a racist way. Yikes.
Hooray! I’m over!
When is Pie going to swing at a low 3-2 pitch? When he’s 28? That’s too close to take, especially with (Brew) Crew Chief Bruce Froemming calling the balls and strikes.
I’m trying out this plate discipline bullshit y’all kept ragging Corey Patterson about. Punk bitches.
From now on for big games I’m just going to issue diapers for the players. I’m tired of cleaning all these shit filled pants.
All right, is this someone doing a BC impression or am I just crazy? There’s no way the guy can be this oblivious.
I am now Felix Pie.
I’m really tired. I need a nap.
They tried to warn you that I couldn’t hit my way out of a paper bag. Suckers.
I have the game on the radio, but it sounds like DeRosa has channelled Murton on a pair of pop flies. And if he catches the first one, it’s likely a 0-0 ball game.
Since when did Dickie Hill turn into me?
So easy a caveman can do it. The Cubs though, notsomuch.
Well at least the Rainbow Cone was tasty.
Did you all forget about my sparkling first half last year?
Dumbfucks.
The first popup was very tough, I don’t think DeRosa could/should have caught it.
There’s no doubt that the Cubs have played poorly so far, but why would MLB even assign this crew to this big a series and invite possible criticism when this crew was embroiled in a controversy with the Cubs only a couple weeks ago?
Can anyone step up and give BC’s career a boost? Someone’s got to have a yard or a cat they don’t care about that he can tend to.
You can’t catch me!
The change back to the “!” in Cubs Live! scared the piss out of me. Literally.
Everyone just needs to me. It’s just the first game of the series, and it’s still June. Seriously, there’s no reason to panic, just a bad start to this game. It’s only the 4th inning.
BC, stop this now.
Hell, I’m calm. I’m I bought a fifth of Jack Daniels yesterday for just this very type of situation. In a few minutes, I’m going home to open it and kill myself.
I’m going to watch London blow up now.
D’oh!
…D’oh!
What did I say at the beginning. The exclamation point was a suspect choice.
Wow…boy am I glad I timed my lunch to see the beginning of this game…guess I’ll be doing work this afternoon.
False hopes, here I come…
this game is still in me and it’s a 3-run deficit now. hmmm, I wonder if the petrick kid will still be pitching though….
Put your helmet back on and get back on the bus, BC.
We ain’t dead yet. But just in case I’ve got a bottle sleeping pills to OD on when I get home. I’ll die to dreams of reading a single paragraph 3,000 word post about the umpires by BC.
Mendoza line here I come!
This is easy.
Froemming does it again. There’s no way that was a strike to Pie.
Goddamn it BC, suck a beefhorn.
You tell ’em, Beec!
Yes, I suck. But Pie’s still a rookie, and he should know to protect the damn plate on a two-strike count instead of looking for a walk on a borderline pitch. Especially when I called him out on the same damn pitch two innings earlier.
Patience at the plate is one thing. Expecting geriatric umps to give a rookie hitter a call on a close pitch with two strikes is merely stupid.
excellent work today by me
Why did Lou pull Petrick out after only 2 innings? Hell he pitched better than Hill and probably can hit better than Izzy.
Regressing is mean!
can’t agree more. I was at the extra innings game against the M’s and Pie was up with the bases juiced and a full count. you got the feeling he just wanted the walk…..
You tell me to be patient, now you tell me to swing! Which is it!!!??
Mother Nature is conspiring with Bruce Froemming to screw us. When the game started, the wind was blowing out. Now that we are behind and need a bunch of runs, it is blowing in. Woe is me.
I need more seasoning.
Try Lowry’s Seasoned Salt. Tis good.
this afternoon won’t feel like such a waste if I can at least get to see some Marmol action.
We’ll have to take the lead for that one 128.
howry’s season salt. mmm.. sounds delicious.
From the wide angle, I look like one of the fat hockey players from Nintendo’s Ice Hockey.
i used to play with one skinny fast guy, and all the rest the fat subby guys. those froemming hockey players could sling it in there.
from the wide angle? is there any other angle to see bruce froemming? honestly.
Bruce Froemming has a large handicap. And most of it is in his shirt.
I’m a stupid douche. Somebody should kill me.
Glad I wasn’t around for the first inning. Sheesh.
And Pie with the walk. I’d still rather see him take strike threes than swing out of his shoes at ball fours.
Was Pie running on the play where Pagan singled to right? It was 3-2 count.
Mighty Mike, KEEPS THE STREAK ALIVE!!
Neither the game nor the season is me.
Come on MVLee!
My clutchness has little equal.
Come on now. I just got into this thing and it is only a 3 run….make that 2 run deficit and the Cubs are starting to get a handle on things. How quickly we forget that the Cubs have proven something in the last 6 games. They can hold their own in close ones. Let’s give some love the Cubs are gonna win today!
COME ON ARAMIS!!!!!!!!
Shit. This mini-comeback has restored my nascent positive though. There’s losing and then there’s getting your balls crushed. Plenty of ball left to be played this weekend.
How am I able to sit in the bleachers and still manage to post #141?
Give some love?!?!
I am trying to get the W today. I already retired the first two I faced.
Remember that time I was rappin’ about Wrigley Field where the fans show their love?
Good times, good times.
Okay, so maybe that sounded a little goofy. Give some BIG love!
If you are posting from the Bleachers, look up there’s a game going on. This is supposed to be for us sad sacks who are stuck at work or home instead of enjoying the game in person.
It’s so great that we all get into the game today! Thanks, Rich!
Remember when Dan Gamecasted from his seat at Shea? And then the Cubs blew the game in the ninth against the Mets? Bad times.
I think I speak for all of us here when I say: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
If I remember correctly, I usually either blow the Cubs away or just get hammered by them.
I hope I just get hammered by them.
Why don’t we see this guy in the Ninth? I keep hearing he is being groomed to be a closer and every time Dempster is not around they turn to Howry. Can’t we groom him to be a closer by putting him into save situations when our regular closer is out. Especially when Howry seems to be pitching BP.
I’m on my ass in my office listening on MLB: Media Player. Don’t know much about the habits of this Al person of which you speak. Sounds like a real goofball.
ME TIME!
Turdthrow is due to give up Ward’s first Cub homer.
Fat Kangaroo’s due for his first HR of the season…
I’m going to the street!
Wild pitch 2-2. Reduces the odds for a DP which would mean we get at least as far as Fontenot in the 9th.
Damn! Out on a foul (dick)tip!
I’m due.
…to ground out.
Why why why why why yyyyyyyyyy must you leave me out here.
huh?
Has the coldest guy in the lineup come to the plate in the clutch for the Cubs? Early in the year, it was Izturis every damn time. Every key AB in the Texas series was Theriot. Today, it’s Pie.
I love to pitch every day!
How high can we fly!
Ha, let’s make this interesting.
Can anyone watching at home tell me if I’m really looking as terrible as Gameday suggests?
Maw, did that chubby boy ever show up today to clean out the septic tank?
Am I really empty?
Runs or three. Three would be nice.
I’m on and I look stupid! Let’s hope I work. Fontenot loves me.
Come on Aramis!!!!
Holy shit, I am head over heels in love with this team.
Hey Cub fans–
I’ve been wearing the label “Wrigley Field Warning Track” Murcer for 30 years. That’s long enough. I say we pass it along to DLee.
Hell yeah.
Holy crap.
Nice.
!!!!!!!
Home Run!!!!!! Lets give some LOVE!!!! I looked stupid but I worked. Go Cubbies!!!! I knew there was still a chance. These are the Cubs we love!!!!!
Very nice.
CUBS WIN!!! CUBS WIN!!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!!!
Holy shit.
I walk away from Gamecast for a few minutes to speak with a customer on the phone, come back to see 2 out and nobody on base–don’t even check the score–and think… there’s always tomorrow.
Are we closing in on splooge territory?
Me? I went into my fridge and pulled out a frozen carp. Seemed to work.
You bet your ass I cranked the volume up on my radio in my cubicle when I heard that special sound in Pat’s voice when the ball’s going out!!!!
GO CRAZY FOLKS!!!
I’m puttin’ out!! Who want’s a piece of my pie??!!!!
Apex, enjoy your death sentence pardon … and your Jack tonight.
Hey Gitles!
Fire up that sports-library. This one’s going in to the books!!!
THAT was the last thing I was expecting at about 1:45 this afternoon…
he gone
HOLY SMOKES! INCREDIBLE!
Me? I was calling my landlord to see when I have to tell him we’re renewing our lease or not.
I came back to the game and audibly gasped, prompting my coworker to ask if I was all right. Oh yes, I’m quite all right.
I KNEW THIS GAME WASN’T OVER AND THIS TEAM IS AWESOME!!!?!?!?!?!?!#$%!@#%
Foul ball!
To #192:
Fucking classic.
got salad?…. ahhh, forget it.. let’s indulge…. got ice cream?
Pherelure. 60% of the time it works all the time.
Fuck Salad and Ice Cream. It’s Pancakes, shirtless hugs and a SHOT O’ JACK!!!!! for everybody.
I left the office as Hill was letting his vulva show and the Cubs were down 5-0. I ran some errands, checking on the game as I hopped back in the car from time to time. Drove home during the aborted comeback in the eighth and in the ninth when Fontenot singled Soriano to third I said–to no one since I was alone in the car–just get it to E-ramis. He’s going to torch one.
Sac fly.
Home run.
As I drove down the road honking and shaking my fist at cars in the other lane. Which is what I normally do on my drive home except this time I had a shit eating grin going.
Just when you think you’re out. They pull you back in.
Holy shit.
Oh, and since I can see Wisconsin from my deck, I’m going to gladly fly the exclamation on the Cubs Live! for a while.