We’re going to keep doing this night thing for a while. Occasionally, I’ll forget.
Pitching matchup:
Phillies: Jamie “Paul Kilgus couldn’t carry my jock” Moyer 9-8, 4.75 ERA
Cubs: Rich “Is somebody warming in the bullpen?” Hill 6-6, 3.59 ERA
Fire up the L flag boys, you can’t hit me.
Know why they play me?
I am posting this idea again.
How do we get it out there?
We must get a message to David Wells. If he is facing Barry with the potential to give up 755, Wells needs to groove every pitch batting practice style down the middle of the plate at about 60 mph. Wells would do it. Barry is going to get the record. It’s inevitable. But since he is embarrassing baseball, someone needs to take the wind out his sails. Imagine that kind of treatment. The entire thing is a joke, so make it truly laughable.
Bonds would go ape shit.
Now, how do we send word to Wells or any other west coast pitcher?
We’re counting on you.
How do we get this idea into the Dodger and Padre clubhouses?
If Garvey still played for either of them, child size t-shirt and have some girl with bombs wear it while in the stands.
I have slightly worse splits against LHB. Think the lineup will reflect this?
Cliff Cliff maybe, but Jock sits.
My latest crazy ass lineup (actually reflects matchups):
A. Soriano lf
M. Fontenot 2b
D. Lee 1b
M. DeRosa 3b
M. Murton rf
R. Cedeno ss
J. Jones cf
J. Kendall c
R. Hill p
What little I had is being destroyed by this damn message board.
Runs are overrated!
Hey, my doppelganger hit a walk-off last night. F@#$ Chicago!
Hey, I hit a walkoff home run last night! Aren’t you glad you stayed up to watch?
Not good.
Phils
Kevin Roberson’s little brother, rf
Todd Iguchi, 2b
Jimmy Rollins, ss
Ryan Howie, 1b
Dirt Bike Wrecker, cf
Pat the Bat, lf
Carlos Ruiz, c
Abe Nunez, 3b
Hi-mee Moyer, p
Cubs
Alfonse, lf
Fontenot, ss
MV Lee, 1b
PonDeRosa, 3b
Pinky, rf
Dummy, ss
Jock, cf
Captain Caveman, c
Richie, p
What is this a split squad game?
Stupid lineup.
I should be just your kind of guy Apex.
I’m a salad tossing lefty!
Hey I remembered to stop by here this time. I’m working until 8 tonight, so make me laugh, ogdens.
Useless Trivia–the FIRST time Grandpa Moyer pitched at Wrigley Field, Rich Hill was a little over 6 years old. Moyer was making his debut, and earned the victory over Steve Carlton. Carlton made his debut on April 12th, when Moyer wasn’t even three. Somewhere, there’s some 5 year southpaw who’s due to square off against Hill in about 2027.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN198606160.shtml
The Cardinals are down 5-0 in Pissburgh. Ronny Paulino hit a grand slam off Braden Looper. They’ve got the Battlin’ Buccos right where they want them!
Oh, no!
When we get back from our roadtrip we’re having 70s night at Busch. I loved the ’70s. Reconstruction and all that jazz!
We’re in glorious HD tonight on channel 730.
Every time Moyer pitches, Kilgus, Steve Wilson and I sit around and reminisce about the good old days.
We don’t let Mitch Williams come. He gets drunk and pees all over the sink.
Hey, I won an autographed E-ramis baseball!
I was going to play, but I got tired autographing those 500 baseballs for John McDonough, or Jay Blunk or whoever. Some bald guy.
Really? He’s sitting The Riot for Cedeno? Ronny’s got no place on the roster.
Wow, quite the defensive aces we’ve got patrolling the outfield tonight.
I am the over-under.
7-0 in Pissburgh.
Hill starts off with two pitches and both are balls.
It’s over. The game, the season…ugh.
There’s one!
Chuck, Kerm and Slaky are all me. Let’s see what effect this has on the comments.
Is anyone warming up yet?
OK, which part of the play did you like best?
The fact I
a) Didn’t hustle to get to the ball
b) Pumped the ball needlessly before throwing it
c) Threw it right between Derrek and the runner hoping to break Derrek’s arm in half
d) Immediately looked to the bullpen to see if somebody was up
e) Asked for a timeout so I could read a self-help book before Iguchi batted
Why is Rich looking at me already?
Apparently the Phillies didn’t get the memo that Murton can’t throw.
Kerm’s the man.
Yesterday I went 4-4.
Today I plan on grabbing me some golden sombreros.
I better get someone up
How many runs did the Astros give up in the first inning the other day?
I don’t know 26, but it hasn’t had any effect on the number of Rich Hill gazing at the bullpen jokes.
Error on the pitcher. Weak single. Hit batter. Ryan Howard up.
Hey, if Ronny Paulino can do it, why not the MVP?
The good news is that I have some NCAA Football 08 to play and I should have plenty of free time in a few minutes.
I think the whole “put your name in the subject field and then refer to yourself in the third person in the comment field” thing is played…too…much.
Here I come.
I thought I was the man, 31.
Fine. Whatever. No, it doesn’t bother me.
That curve had a little something extra on it.
Considering Hill soiled himself when Howard stepped in the box, I’d say it was pooh.
Hey, whatever works.
Sorry, Andy…it’s been a while since I’ve been slummin’ around Desipio.
FIGHTING BACK TEARS.
Fuck you guys. I’ll just strike them all out. That’ll show you!
Wait, what chapter am I on? Where is my highlighter?
Wait? Kerm is at the game?
I wonder what his wife is up to?
What do you think I’m doing, Andy?
That’s just so Cub.
Load the bases.
Strike out the MVP.
Strike out a guy hitting .330.
Throw a wild pitch to let in a run anyway.
The best part about meeting her at the Cubs Convention was that all of us referred to her as Mrs. Kermit and she had no idea why.
Just when I thought Rich might get out of the inning he decided to fuck up again. BTW nice block of that ball by Manson Kendall.
Wow…that’s pretty spot on.
It was just a tease, I really am going to implode
No, way…seriously? That’s hilarious.
Pat Burrell = The 21st century’s answer to Mike Hargrove.
I can’t stop wetting myself this inning.
That’s why we love “Pat the Bat”
I gave Rich a self help book.
It’s called “Throw strikes you fucking pussy” written by me and R. Lee Ermey and it’s not a conventional book, or a book on tape. It’s a book attached to a boot and you don’t read it, somebody just repeatedly kicks you in the ass with it.
Matthew Broderick is here. Better hear than in Ireland mowing down pedestrians, I guess.
The Brewers are up 3-0 in the bottom of the first with only one out. Gives their bullpen a nice lead to blow.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Broderick
I was there, too. He gave me $175 and I got my nose fixed.
The ’84 Cubs had Scott Sanderson
The ’98 Cubs had Steve Trachsel
The 2003 Cubs had Matt Clement
The 2007 Cubs have Rich Hill
I only wish I could think up whomever filled the “fourth starting pitcher/big giant pussy” role on the ’89 Cubs.
I swear I will swing at every pitch. Toe high or over my head. I’ll swing at it.
Harry Kalas: That’s just a long strike.
Gary Matthews: No, it’s not. It’s foul.
I just hit one to Waukesha.
I know! I know! I know! Call on me #57.
Way to kill the rally, Prince.
That would be me.
Why does DeRosa have a capital E on his home uniform and a smaller E on his road uniform?
Does anybody know? It’s really important!
Wait, time for my meds!
Hey, 57, why don’t you go back and look at all of the handsome number three starters on those teams who got more ass than a bus station toilet seat?
I’m just saying…
Wow. DeRosa in the cleanup spot. What’s next? Adam Archuleta lining up next to Tommie Harris?
You think Moyer’s a good pitcher, you should see the way he fucks my daughter!
Go Murton! Go Dumbledore!
Hey I was a #3 on the ’84 team, #65.
Too bad the only chick I was doing was the St. Paulie Girl.
Just like Jack Bauer! 1-1.
Eat it Lou!
Was I really the #4 in ’98?
Damn you, Mark Clark!
FYA(pex)!
Cedeno is good, right?
“That’s the first hit for Matt since June 7th.”
I am the missing piece to the puzzle when we can’t score runs against a lefty pitcher.
265/276/425.
28 Ks, 2 walks.
3 HRs, 12 RBIs.
Somebody got my check?
I suck.
Even in this anemic line-up, what business do I have batting 6th?
I just took the lead.
Hey, Hill. This is how you throw to a base. Now stop crying and throw a strike.
Good play by DeRosa on the bunt. Especially since he snatched the ball away from Dick and didn’t let him launch it into the stands.
Dadgummit, the Yankees have three homers already. But none for that twink ARod yet.
We just took the lead, too!
Not really, just kidding. We suck. Stop paying attention to us. We’re basically the Giants. An old, bad team with a 40 year old star whose had size increases by the week.
Albert’s not going bald, his scalp is just outgrowing his hair.
In case you guys were wondering what happened to me…
—I’m leading off for the Phillies.
Tough break for the Phighting Phils. Moyer will be exhausted from all this baserunning.
#80
Yeah but the Tards are only down 7-1 in the 6th.
Matt, for the love of God, with all of your fielding problems use both hands to catch the ball.
The Brewers sent Rickie Weeks to Nashville? I didn’t even know he could sing!
STRIKEOUT
Shut up. I’m a god. I have driven in ALL of our runs tonight! I can catch balls with my teeth if I want to. You don’t play Major League Baseball. Don’t tell me what to do.
Nothing says pennant race like watching Ivan DeJesus, Matt Sinatro and Len Kasper playing 16 inch softball.
Honestly, why is Jock playing and not me? Did I stink up Lou’s private bathroom again?
His private bathroom is a bucket he keeps under his desk, natch.
Sorry guys, BP is cancelled tonight!
Murty, something tells me you’ve caught balls with your teeth before.
Which way to 1st?
I’m Jason’s half brother!
Murton came through with a nice piece of hitting there. They keep him around just in case they have to face a 44-year-old lefty with absolutely nothing left. Yay?
Matt Sinatro looks like me, no? When will an industrious photographer take a shot of Sinatro and Brenly?
WTF?
Manson Kendall with a double off of the wall. Now if only someone could drive him in.
This hitting stuff is easy. Is it too late to get me voted on as an All Star?
That’s my boy!
In me, Jason Kendall doubled and Rich Hill singled him home.
What’s it like up there in reality?
I run like a killer.
FYT!
I put RonCe to shame
Holy Crap!
Hey Cubs fans! I told you Moyer was going to be all tuckered out!
The bad news of course is that Richie Hill is circling the pillows right now.
And by that I mean he’s running the bases, it’s not some weird gay bed prep or anything. Not that the Beege and I would ever know about stuff like that.
I was just going to write that. Dick hits better than Cedeno.
Moyer has NOTHING. They’d better get at least three more next inning before he gets yanked.
Hey Chip, tell them about the time I assfucked you and made you ride your bike home!
I’m using this joke once a night whether you want it or not.
[/johnnydrama]
Felix Pie — Iowa .374 — Chicago .212
Ronny — Iowa .360 — Chicago .097
Rich Hill — Iowa .774 — Chicago .121
So Kendall’s weakly hit mess was a double. Hill’s was an RBI single. Soriano’s was a single. Mine’s a double play? This is some kind of rookie hazing, right?
Apparently, Corey Hart took off his sunglasses to drive in the 4th run.
Look, ma!
–Makes nice over the head catch. Flips ball to DeRosa. Head to the dugout.
Sits down. Realizes there’s only one out.
Apparently, Corey Hart took off his sunglasses to drive in the 4th run for the Brew Crew.
I used to play Sunglasses At Night on my guitar on the team plane! Apparently Moises and Mercker were ’80s music snobs.
How many balls have bounced off of Kendall’s glove so far?
We took the lead back.
I don’t own Ryan Howard. But I’m leasing with an option to buy. Sit down, fat boy!
It’s 5-4 Brewers. The Mutts picked a nice series to crap themselves. They couldn’t have waited for this weekend?
Somebody else pointed this out, too, but it pisses me off that not only does 18-20 on fly balls this year Matt Murton still only uses one hand to catch flyballs, but that he gets under them completely flat footed, so that if he misjudges it all that he can’t move without making an awkward lunge. He’s what 25? Nobody ever taught him how to catch a fucking flyball in little league, high school, college or in two big league organizations?
He’s gonna need to hit .380 to make up for everything he can’t do.
From the Department of Heart Attack-Inducing Statements
Hey Cubs Fans! I hope to see you all this year in the NLCS this year against my Bravos! I’ll be calling the games along with my partner – renowned broadcaster Tony Gwynn. Should be a heckuva time!
Well I won’t be around and my career average at Wrigley is about .645.
I’d teach that cocksucker how to play outfield, but your team only wants glad-handling hand-jobbers on thier staff.
I make Murton look like a Gold-Glover.
Regression to the mean, bitches.
Keep throwing that 74 MPH shit up there, Moyer. I’m loving it.
Booyashaka! D-Lee respeck.
Who will eat himself out of the league first?
Ryan Howard
Or
Cecil Fielder
That was a nice girly run after the ball by Burrell on DLee’s double.
Now drive me home, bitches.
How about the old guy who sits behind home plate at every game wearing the hot pink hats they gave out at the All-Star Workout Day at Wrigley in 1990?
I’m pretty sure he killed Ronnie Woo Woo, and I love him for it.
I’ve already gambled and eaten my way out of the league.
All right fellas, I’m checking outta here to head home. Go Cubs.
What was that 132? I can’t hear you over the chewing!
Hey, I’m right behind the plate wearing the pink hat!
I still play, 132?
Given that Cecil is retired, I would have to answer Howard.
Do not waste me
I’ll be at 2nd until the 3rd out
AT least Cedeno is due up in this inning. Oh wait….
Stayin’ Alive, bitches
I just made a sick play to stop couple of runs from scoring. Somebody needs to pull a Nancy Kerrigan on me.
Ryan Braun’s a catch-22. You hit 40 balls to him, he’ll catch 22.
We don’t understand how Rowand caught that ball.
Don’t worry, I’ll drive him in! How many outs are there? What’s the score? Who are we playing?
Marlon Anderson gave us the lead again.
Well, we’re back in the lead.
Marlon Anderson just homered.
Really?
i got excited about Ronny actually hitting the ball.
Who saw me step up off second before time just now. Nearly tagged out, no?
Who are the guys out there in our uniforms, and where are we?
Don’t hit me in the bat with your fastball…
How about the Cubs last five run scoring hits.
– Jock Jones
– Jason Kendall
– Matt Murton
– Rich Hill
– Ronny Cedeno
Cedeno has a two out RBI single? Seriously?
OK, who here thought I would fall of the 2nd base bag after I slid?
Put me on that list again, Dolan!
The Cubs were fooled by my luck
Jock Jones
Dustified line-up our ass
Wait! These are the Cubs?!?!? A bloop RBI double for Jock with two outs
Add another Jock
That’s right. Walk Kendall to get to me. Jamie Moyer has NEVER gotten me out. Not once. Hah!
Why is the big bad pitcher walking that guy to get to me?
I’ll make these assholes pay.
I’m a fucking RBI machine.
Hey Cubs…watch me hustle
Fuck you
Lou’s not so crazy.
I’m now 8-22 lifetime against Hai-me Moyer.
Desipio might need more bandwidth if the Cubs continue to make things interesting.
Did you know…
Ryan Theriot reached base in every game in July? Well, except for the Futures Game and the All-Star Game.
BRAAAVE
How’d you like that route to that ball? I went back to the wall and it dropped about 40 feet to my right, on the track. Wow. I am terrible.
Played it just like Rowand.
I am the route Jock just took to that ball…but he can play center.
Don’t blame me, guys.
Corey Hart lent me his shades.
Watch me give all these runs back. I am good like that.
I’m pretty sure that the Twins used to DH for Jock and not the pitcher, right?
I was just hoping that went into the stands so I wouldn’t look as stupid as I just did.
Here’s where I implode, again
Another one for the Jock Jones highlight reel.
in his back pocket
Ahh, screwed up my own lame joke. Got my for in the wrong place.
I’m pretty sure that the Twins used to DH Jock and not for the pitcher, right?
Never mind. Still makes no sense. I’m gonna sit out a few plays.
It’s ok Jock, I still love you
I’m Jock’s usual approach toward fly balls.
Sniff me out Lou. I’m coming.
Mommy?
Can E-ramis win a Gold Glove, as well as he’s played defensively, when he’s the second best defensive third baseman on his own team?
Notice how they aren’t letting Dick field the bunts.
I am impervious to pressure! Damn, this is one good book!
Who’s surprised I didn’t johnson that routine grounder?
It’s 10-1 Pissburgh in the 8th. And the Pirates are still batting.
The Brewers just pulled Vargas and their pen already went 6.2 innings last night.
13-1 in Pissburgh. Yup. We’re making our charge!
13-1 Pirates against the Cardinals. Cardinals have the pirated just where they want them.
A couple of me right there
Jump or go back in already. Either way, get off me, BC.
#198: me or not? Who can really tell?
DLee is due for a home run.
The world’s slowest fastball just froze me.
Me?
Seriously??
Taguchi in as center fielder. Bay walked on a full count. R.Doumit struck out. Paulino singled to center, Bay to second. Ja.Wilson singled to right, Bay to third, Paulino to second. J.Castillo pinch-hitting for D.Marte. J.Castillo was hit by a pitch, Bay scored, Paulino to third, Ja.Wilson to second. N.McLouth singled to center, Paulino scored, Ja.Wilson to third, J.Castillo to second. J.Bautista singled to center, Ja.Wilson scored, J.Castillo scored, N.McLouth to third. F.Sanchez doubled to left, N.McLouth scored, J.Bautista to third. Ad.LaRoche grounded out, second baseman A.Kennedy to first baseman Pujols, J.Bautista scored, F.Sanchez to third. Bay doubled to center, F.Sanchez scored. R.Doumit singled to right, Bay to third. Percival pitching.
(As played by Michael Richards)
Someone e-mail Len and tell him to ask Sarge what the hell was going on with Corey Patterson? Why couldn’t he fix that guy?
You SOB’s should have kept my boy around!
How do you like me now?
(Sarge love me long time.)
What are we doing, swapping announcers? Remember how much fun this was when Fox Sports Net used to do it with Buck and Hrabosky and Stone and Chip.
Nice to see Jock play another ball into a double.
Sarge points out that Jock has his glove upside down. Honestly, I’m surprised he had it on the right hand.
Who’s hoping I don’t get up after the next dive like that?
“Jock’s usually a pretty good fielder.”
Yep, I was a coach for Dusty Baker.
I’m really losing playing time to Jock?
Did Len just ask Sarge if he had problems catching flyballs at night at Wrigley?
Considering the Cubs didn’t have lights, I’d say it was a trick.
Nice dive Jock. You only dove about 3 feet too soon. So the Phillies have another lead off man on second thanks to the outstanding fielding of Jock.
Rich Hill is behind the mound trying to build a bullpen bat symbol.
Or signal. Wow, rough night.
Did someone say they were making a highlight reel for Jock? I’d like to audition for the part of “background music.”
Someone may need to change me real soon.
Holy **** I’m terrible.
I can’t see why no other teams wanted me…
Jock did it again. That’s an out and he took another terrible route.
Please take me out of the game.
Get me somebody who can catch the damn ball!
I feel bad for Jacque.
He looks so sad!
How’s this for relief pitching? 1.2 IP, 9 H, 1 W, 7 ER.
Fear Walt Jocketty.
Jock should have been under me.
You know how bad Jock is? Murton is laughing at his fielding.
Tie game.
Plop Plop
I suck.
I need to STFU. This isn’t a Phils broadcast.
I suck.
Too Soon
Rich just shit me
To be fair, my CF has given them about 7 extra outs.
This wonderful inning for the Phillies is brought to you courtesy of us.
Thank you.
I’m going to have to absolve Rich Hill. He had a rough first but if he’d had a major leaguer in CF tonight, it’d still be 4-1. He’d probably have gone 7 or so with just the one unearned run. Not even Zambrano would have kept pitching well with his CF fucking up this much and this badly.
FUCK Jock Jones. He needs to get the fuck on the bench.
#218, I was thinking the same thing. Yakety Sax playing behind footage of Jock playing outs and singles into doubles, triples and the occassional homer.
I am without speech as to the defense Jock has played the last two nights.
I’m just here to make you morans thankful for Brenly
Scott Eyre in the bullpen. Yeah, this is going to get better.
Also, I know it lead to an out, but what the hell was Cedeno doing letting that throw through on the cutoff? It was on the fucking ground.
Are not always caught…Jock DOES blow, but 3 balls in 2 innings have gone over 380 off Dick
Don’t worry, folks. Here comes the Cavalry!
Anybody wanna have a gasoline fight?
I’m afraid to have them hit the ball now. I wish I were kidding.
Dick:
Moyer is batting. Throw strikes.
with a walk of Moyer
I can’t believe I have to take my “untouchable” pitcher out when he’s pitching to a 43 year old pitcher.
Lou’s seen enough of this crap.
I’m pulling Rich Hill but leaving Jock in the game… I deserve to have him fuck up another flyball and cost us two runs.
Has Jock been frequenting the casinos in Gary? Maybe the mob got to him too. Nobody could be this bad unless it was on purpose, right?
I want to kick this little pussy in the balls.
Remember, it’s always a good idea to sign middle relievers to a 3 year deal.
Lou I was thinking the same thing. Why not put Pagan in center right now?
would be nice out of the bullpen right now
Time to stretch Kerry Wood out as a starter.
1. remove match
2. Place against flint
3. Close cover
4. Strike match
5. back away from mound
6. enjoy heat and warmth!
If you don’t have anything nice to say, disappear for the inning, I guess. Did Bob go off to interview for the Reds or something?
It’s going to be real exciting when my arm flies off and hits the dirt like Hee Seop Choi’s head.
Has Moyer ever hit a 3 run home run?
Lou trusts me to pitch to the best lefty hitters in the game again!
Like Jamie Moyer.
HOLY HELL I CAUGHT A BALL
I was just corrected by Santo.
Did you like how I smiled behind my glove and made a smart remark to Soriano after I caught that last one? Because it’s FUNNY how I’m costing my team a shot at first! Don’t you get it? It’s FUNNY. Let’s laugh.
We’re going to hit every ball to center field. Enjoy the rest of the show folks.
That’s as hard as I can hit the ball…the co-ed line should be enforced.
Am I still here?
Sarge is still on?
I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be providing hitting tips.
Good eye, Matt! We love you!
I know you’re really proud of our son Little Sarge and all that money he’s making with Anaheim. Does he still have his steroids FedExed to your house?
I completely got hosed by the ump with those called strikes.
How did you feel when your son got caught using HGH?
How did you feel when your son got caught using HGH? And why didn’t he use it when he was a Cub?
We’re back!
Here comes Jock to save the day. For the Phillies.
Help!!! Sarge locked me in the closet.
DeRosa doubles.
Murton whiffs. DeRosa still at second.
Cedeno whiffs. DeRosa still at second.
Jock? Hits one to center where he assumed no one will catch it because he can’t. Instead, it’s an out.
See Jock that’s how a center fielder catches a ball.
So that’s how you do that.
Hmm…I thought Rowand wouldn’t be able to see that if I hit it to center.
Just went yard. 8-5 Mets. It’s a mitzvah!
Maybe I can do everyone a favor by tripping over the bullpen mound.
This is around the time I make that mistake. Too good for too long.
Scott Eyre really has an athletic build.
He’s like a ten fingered Alfonseca.
yep, thats about right.
Time to make it 6-4. Scott Eyre doesn’t have anything he can get me out with.
OMFG!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!! RICH HILL BLOWS!!! HOW DID THE CUBS EVER THINK HE COULD CUT IT!!! HE HAS NO SACK!!! AND IT’S HIS FAULT HIS CF CAN’T CATCH A F*****G BALL TO SAVE HIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All of you that think he’s worthless would’ve blown him when he was 6-1 and an ERA under 2…and you’d have been happy to pay him for the opportunity.
And that was my sinker…
Hi all, just catching up on the game. Glad to know I dont have to watch Philly games on TV. Mountain blew up real good. Jacque back to his old tricks, and we need to fear the Pirates. Is that everything?
It’s awfully quiet in here, following the 5th inning Jock Jones Fielding Exhibition and Rich Hill Bed Wetting.
Nice curve, Eyre! Good bounce to it!
I don’t believe what I just saw!
Eyre struck out Howard?
Look at me walk off the field like I do it all the time. Either that or I saw a box of Munchkins. Probably that.
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Scott Eyre
Sure the Cards gave up 15 runs on 20 hits, but we did not commit an error. Things are really coming together.
Just because Rich Hill’s stats are decent doesn’t mean he’s not a pussy, there Smitty.
12 fingers in. Im feeling better already
We’re starting to see Scott Eyre come into bigger situations.
Like facing Jamie Moyer.
Just peed myself 296
Do I have the physique of a twelve fingered Scott Eyre?
I’m staying in the game… right, Lou?
According to me, the ump has a wide strike zone.
I’m on, bitches…
am i done
I’ll drag this game past midnight if I have to.
Or Theriot?
Soriano stole second and the throw popped up out of Rollins’ glove. He caught it and held it on Soriano and it looked like Soriano was going to be out. But the replay showed he never took his hand off the bag, even as he was calling time out. He’s no Ronny Cedeno.
El Pulpo’s hair smells nice.
Good things happen when I walk during rallies.
(from way down here)
Ha! Nice catch, Howard!
You are no match for me Derrek Lee! Muahahahahahahaha!
Sure. Whatever.
Kerry Wood’s looking awfully skinny.
According to me, the cubs pitchers are not getting the same calls.
Hey, whatever happened to that Prior guy?
Screw you Marmol.
Perfect 3-2 pitch, right down the middle. Burrell thinks he struck out. But no, ball four.
Next pitch, double play. Screw you? Screw me!
I’m the new ball
Who died and made me coach?
Better get your runs now, Beer Makers. One more inning to me.
too soon 320, now we have to pull your commenter privs
What’s the over/under on people calling Jose Mesa tonight on the gamecast?
Joe Table. 6.15 ERA. Time to let the varsity bat. No more circus of queers after Dero.
Hey DeRosa! My wife doesn’t even flinch like that!
“Great ballgame tonight”?
I must have the full MLB Extra Innings package.
Yeah 320!
#320… Gold, Jerry. Gold.
I get more ass than Pat Fitzgerald! Madison honeys top Evanston hags any day! Whoo!
That was a strike?
We’re pure bullshit tonight
Nice strike zone.
Hero time, NSBBers!
That pitch wasn’t even close.
My hip flask is almost empty!
Why do I have a blue glove?
matches his wife eye(sockets) 336
If it’s a strike on the bounce, does that count?
Look out!
Here I come…
I look frighteningly like Sergio Garcia, don’t I?
Had to break for a deuce, so this is probably off topic by now..
He may be in touch with his feminine side, Andy, but he’s no Matt Clement or Sir Tightpants. Without his hot start to the season, the Cubs are still 4-5 games out, if not more. Also, aren’t .500 pitchers going for 10 mildo per nowadays? We’re lucky they’ve got him for the league minimum.
Do I still threaten to kill Omar Vizquel whenever he bats against me?
Mesa hasn’t come close to getting that breaker over but watch:
That’s all well and good, but I’d like to see him supplement his talent with a little Rod Blagojevich “testicular fortitude.”
What did I tell you?
I still suck. Hard. Hey, Jock will pick me up.
You come through in the clutch like me too.
It’s okay Jock will hit the go ahead home run then. Then commit 12 errors in the next 2 innings.
Here I am, trying to pull everything. Get ready Iguchi, I’m ground to you, baby!
Howard got in the way.
I’m not very good at playing baseball, am I? Felix or Angel couldn’t do this.
Longest…game…ever…
Is it going to be me tonight?
I’m always a good idea in a tie game.
Is this my fault because of the picture I picked for the GameCast?
Wait, it can’t be. Fred Savage didn’t give up any runs last night.
It’s 8-5 Mutts going into the bottom of the 9th. Hopefully their bullpen can hold the lead.
And the Cubs’ bullpen can hold the tie and the offense can score some runs and win this damn game.
My son plays baseball, so we can get rid of all the mexicans from the MLB.
Does Kendall wear an adult sized catcher’s mitt?
I’m the original Money Honey.
Considering half his batting glove is showing, i doubt it.
I don’t think that it’s Kendall’s glove as so much as it’s the owner of that glove. Howry needed an extra 8 pitches to get the K because Manson Kendall couldn’t hold on to that foul tip strike.
Bottom of the 8th. Let’s get some runs.
Wait, so the Comcast Poll Question was “Are you glad the Cubs stood pat” or “I wish they’d made some upgrades?”
So the question is basically, do wish the Cubs had gotten better, or are you glad they didn’t?
And 36 percent said they were glad the Cubs didn’t improve?
This is why I hate approximately 36 percent of Cubs’ fans. You know the ones at Bleed Cubbie Blue, the ones who write into Carrie Muskrat and the basement dwellers at the four letter.
We have 2 guys on with 1 out.
I’m at the plate with one out in Milwaukee.
i singled off Wagner. First and second, one out. Sunglasses at night is up.
Do donuts have to go through waivers after the trade deadline? I just know that prick Pat Gillick will put in a claim on two dozen Krispy Kremes I’m trying to trade Ronny Cedeno for.
I popped out. Two out in Brew Town. Two on. JJ Hardy is up.
Fine. Get on my back. I’ll take you to first place. I thought I had the night off.
Well, maybe tomorrow. Gotta go.
why are we pulling everything?
When was the last time Soriano hit a home run?
We don’t need no stinkin’ patience!
Time to get gritty.
WE LOSE.
Hey, we lost!
Pick me off? I’ll steal it anyway! Drive me in, Gritty. We’ve got places to see, things to do.
Lou is pinch hitting for Fontenot during the at bat. Wow. If this works, it’d make a fine entry on http://www.sports-library.com.
Firing all my bullets at once!
I hit two Saturday, Taylor.
I call this one “The Cajun Swap”
Hero time, bitches. Get ready on Waveland.
I’ll take third base, thanks.
I have an extremely small strike zone.
Any old kind of hit will do.
The bases are loaded and so am I!
Actually 383, those were balls to Lee.
I might be our last shot for an inning or two.
I fucking blow.
we make it feel like october…only warm
Fine call by that first base ump.
Yeesh. That was close.
Shit
I should have tried to steal home.
I must be something, what with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 8th of a tie game when you are just now one half game back of tying for first in the division.
This is looking like the Mets Brewers game from last night
Ewww. That’s gonna hurt.
Who’s pitching the ninth, Dempster? Well, hey, go get ’em tomorrow.
Walk off home run by Murton in the 9th?
I bought 300 today, and I paid extra for the Deluxe Edition because the art on the cover was much less gay than the regular one.
Murton
Cedeno
Jones
Gack.
Hey! How about that! I’m getting the hang of this Edmonds, thing! I got a terrible jump on a routine flyball and had to dive for it.
Maybe I’m going blind?
Hopefully everyone will remember my nice catch when I ground out to end the game.
One out of 20 ain’t bad.
I’m gonna go ahead and think that makes up for the rest.
It doesn’t, but that’s what I’ll tell myself.
See! That’s why you have to be nice to Jacque!
Walking a guy in front of Howard seems like a good thing here.
I would have made a diving catch of that call hit to right.
That shift is ridiculous. Howard could bunt Rollins to third with that thing. I’m not evening exaggerating.
Remember, everyone – I’m the closer!
Evening?
I am apparently drunk.
Howard strikes out and Kendall hits Rollins in the kidney with the throw.
Even a decent throw would have had him. He’s lucky he hit him, or it was headed for Jock, and as you know, that means it’d still be rolling.
I have a positively douchebaggy batting stance.
Rollins steals third. Here comes the wild pitch.
Probably best I didn’t throw to third and pull a Barrett.
That’s twice tonight where a Phillies batter has thought he struck out and it’s called a ball.
Take it easy, Andy. Why don’t you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.
Strike 3. I guess not.
Hey, have we lost on a balk in awhile?
The strike zone is a friggin’ teacup.
416, I’ve been waiting for a walk-off balk loss for years. If anyone can do it, it’s you.
Selig gave me an extra hundy to make sure I squeeze the plate tighter than Darryl Ward’s pants.
Somebody needs to punch me.
Ball eight.
I’m pretty sure that if the Phillies try a triple steal here it will succeed because Kendall will eat the ball.
Finally. Let’s not go to extra innings.
I got it! Settle in, ain’t a lot of offense coming up next inning.
Whew.
Just like I drew it up.
great portion of the lineup coming up..murton..cedeno jock.. line out.. strike out.. popped up..yikes
Another strikeout should give Lou a reason to send me packing to Iowa. That’s where I’m a Viking!
This is going to come down to me, isn’t it? I’m not even supposed to be working today!
I could have been taken I-35 home tonight and I STILL would be able to get home in time to see part of this game.
I gotta be up at 5:30. Will I get any sleep?
Jock Jones is playing left field for the Phillies?
Clutch double there by our man Murton!
Even if it was a flyball to left that Jayson Wuerth kicked.
Matt Murton on the bases. Always an adventure.
Things have worked out all right, but Murton’s baserunning ineptitude is on full display. He came to a stop and if Rowand hadn’t bobbled the carom he’d have been out trying to get to second, and he completely froze between second and third on that wild pitch.
How appropriate would it have been to get thrown out on third?
Murton still has no clue what hes doing on the base paths, worked out though.
I’ll give Murton credit for the heads-up advance to second, but if Ruiz didn’t bobble that thing ever so slightly, he’s toast right there.
Jock will hit into a triple play.
Lou needs to pinch run for Murton now. He’s got a history of not being able to score from third on…well, anything. Lou switch pitchers during an at bat and hitters, so why not runners?
How about a wild pitch on an intentional walk? You guys ever seen that? let’s see if I can pull it off.
Squeeze?
Put me in coach!
I hit fly balls all the time. Can I do it when i need it?
I’m going to hit for Kendall, right?
Manson Kendall take a pitch.
Time to get hit, Jason.
Notice I didn’t say “a” hit. Just lean into one.
Strike out.
Double play.
I got this.
Bases loaded and no outs. What are the chances the Cubs don’t score a run?
Granny.
Can you feel it?
Don’t lean into one Kendall….it hurts
Wild pitch.
Can you feel it?
Welcome to first place. Doesn’t matter how you get there. Just get there.
See I can run fast!
CUBS WIN!
BEHOLD…THE POWER OF THE 58 foot deuce!
Go Cubs Go.
Can you hear it?
Time to change me.
Don’t thank me, Matt. Thank the guy you sold your soul to.
I drive a Chevette
I just loved seeing the Wood jersey out there after the game….what a freaking game – Jock! Intentional walk!!! I am in awe
Thank you Baby Jesus.
CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!
Oh, Homer?
https://www.desipio.com/images/media/simpsons_inface_milwaukee.mp3
Some of us like it more when the Cubs lose.
I will be had tonight with the Cubs in first. No worries until Marshall starts hanging fastballs tomorrow night.
Ohhh Berman and Morgan in the booth for the Dodger Giants game. Hope they reinforced the booth to hold their egos (actually, I hope they didn’t)
We are in second place… wait, what?! Crap!
Ditto, 464.
SPLOOGE!!!!
I’m talking in my postgame presser like I’m almost serious about going with 13 pitchers for the next two weeks. No days off, and a trip to Denver and all.
I’m geting tired of these pussies who can’t even pitch beyond 6 innings.
And I rode Hill to the media for not shaking off Jock’s admittedly clown-on-a-unicycle gig during the tying inning.
good thing i pay attention and threw Howard out at third to let myers meltdown in the 9th
Yeah, if Jock wasn’t the worst throwing OF in history, Lee wouldn’t have had the chance to get Howard. Awesome.
but hey…at least i was focused on the fact that jacque cant throw eh?
Could my walk-off wild pitch have happened to a nicer wife-beating scumbag?