Honestly, why do we fall for it? Most of us are intelligent people, with real jobs and families and all kinds of normal things, and you’d think when it comes to the Cubs we’d take precedents into account when we get our hopes up.
From June 3 until August 1 the Cubs went 34-18 and made up a 7.5 game deficit to take over first place.
Since then? They are 1-6, still only one game out of first, but looking every bit like the lousy team we saw in 2006, and 2005, and 2002, and 2000, and do we need to go on?
A rational baseball fan (if such a thing exists) would probably argue that their performance over 52 games is a better indicator then the last seven. Every team, no matter how great, will lose six of seven, or four of five at some point. It just happens.
Consider the 1998 New York Yankees, likely the best team in a generation. They won 114 games and blew through the playoffs. They started the season 1-4. They followed up a 12 wins in 14 games run in June-July by losing four of their next five. They lost six games in eight tries in a stretch in August. See, it happens.
So this latest Cubs’ stumble is just that. They’re still good, just having a rough go of it for a week. Nothing to worry about, right?
Wrong.
Believe it or not, I’ve seen good Cubs’ teams. More than one, even, and I can’t recall seeing any of them curl up into a steaming turd the way this one has in the past week.
How many good teams give up nine runs in the ninth inning of two games in one series? How many good teams can’t hit a home run, ever? How many good teams let Jock Jones run around in centerfield.
Honestly, Jock is the equivalent of a restrictor plate on a stock car. He’s so dumb and so inept that he can hold the entire team back from progressing at the speed they want to. The difference is that not every team has a Jock Jones on it, so the Cubs are at a decided disadvantage with him missing flyballs, swinging wildly at first pitches with the bases loaded and oversliding a base and refusing to hustle back when he could have been safe.
To me, the first sign that things were going south occurred when Ryan Dempster got torched by the Mets for the second time this year. He took a tie game and put it out of reach. The last time he’d pitched against them, he blew a save in a game that the Cubs had a five run lead in when he came in.
Then, the worst possible thing happened two days later. Alfonso Soriano got hurt.
The worst part of this isn’t how great he is and how much his overall excellence will be missed, it’s that the players had a convenient excuse to grab onto. They said all the right things, but they’ve played like they’re scared, ever since. It doesn’t help that E-ramis has developed a bad wrist.
The worst part of this is that I had written the season off in May as just another torturous Cubs’ year. I was just hoping that, though they’d be bad, that Lou Piniella could exert enough of his influence on the roster and the way the team played to turn things around next year under a new owner. Instead, they did the worst thing they could have done to me. They got my hopes up. They played like a real team. For two months. Long enough that were sure it wasn’t a mirage. Turns out, it was crueler than that.
So I find myself pissed off, a lot. At the team, and at things surrounding the team. In no particular order:
The “It’s Gonna Happen” assholes — I don’t mean just the dumbass who dreamt this up, but also anybody who will wear one of the shirts or, God forbid, buy one. I don’t care if he does give signs to hot chicks to hand out, it’s not like they’re going to blow you if you offer to hold one up. Show some self respect.
It doesn’t help that this douche is the guy who Randy Myers nearly killed for running out towards him on the mound years ago. The guy claims he’s sorry he did it and he just wishes people could forgive him. Why should we ever? Sixty million people go to Major League Baseball games each year, or thereabouts. How many run on the field during games? Maybe 20? How many of those people ever do anything but run around like drunken goofs trying to see how long it will take before a security guard, or six, tackles him? One? Maybe one guy a year is dumb enough to yell at a player or even approach one. The “It’s Gonna Happen” guy is one of those one in sixty million, and he wants to be forgiven? Fuck him. And fuck his stupid purposely ambiguous, and thereby meaningless slogan, written in the Red Sox font, printed in red and waved around like it means something when it doesn’t.
Cubs’ message boards — There are some Cubs’ blogs with messageboards that come in handy around the trade deadline each year because the obsessives who frequent the sites quickly post any trade rumor that’s out there. It’s one stop shopping for rumors. They do the work so that I can extend my very long streak of not listening to The Score or AM 1000. But there’s a danger in going to these sites, and that’s actually reading the threads they create. Their irrational love for any Cubs’ prospect is really kind of sad. Not that it’s not funny. We got great mileage out of one of the most pathetic things in Internet history when one site actually made a plaque and gave Eric Patterson $100 for winning their own Cubs’ minor league player of the year award. It’s not that they just take themselves seriously, it’s that they take that to an extreme.
But here’s the real reason they irritate me so. Many of these douchebags want to be Sabermetricians, but for the most part they don’t understand the numbers they are so quick to tout. They can tell you that VORP stands for value over replacement player, but they have no clue how to actually apply that stat in any meaningful way. These are guys, mostly guys in their late teens or early twenties, living in their parents’ basement, who think because Ronny Cedeno was hitting .360 at AAA and Ryan Theriot was hitting .270 in Chicago that Ronny’s better and needs to play. They can’t understand why Lou doesn’t love Matt Murton as much as they do. They question every minor league transaction like they actually have a clue what they are talking about.
I treat Cubs’ minor leaguers the way I treat college football recruiting. I don’t give a crap about these guys until they start playing for the team I follow. Besides, with the Pacific Coast League completely void of any pitching talent, a guy could hit .872 down there and probably struggle to hit .250 in the bigs. Why waste the time or the effort?
The stupid seventh inning stretch contest for the “Ultimate Fan”– I’m on record a million times over as hating with a red hot passion the fact that the Cubs still have a moran lean out of the booth after the top of the seventh to sing that wretched song. It was great when Harry did it because it was original and born of a spontaneous moment (even if that spontaneous moment happened 8.3 miles south of Wrigley). When he died, this charade should have died along with it. It’s bad enough when B-list actors, or high school volleyball teams, or God forbid sixth place finishers in American Idol (no matter how hot they are) do it, but the fact they’re having fans “compete” for the chance to do it makes me physically ill.
One of the idiots trying to get selected frequents one of those puddles of douchebaggery message boards I was writing about earlier. He claims to be a huge Cubs fan (what does his size have to do with it) who travels thousands of miles from his home in Lower Bumfuck, Louisiana to see the Cubs play. He also claims to have voted more than 100,000 times for Derrek Lee to make the All-Star team in 2005. Derrek lost, by the way, so nice job, you derelict. My answer to anyone who brags about how many miles they travel to come back to Chicago to see the Cubs is that I don’t care. If you really liked the Cubs that much you’d move to be closer to them. So you get no extra credit from me.
Ron Santo — I know it’s blasphemy to not love Ron Santo, and I want to preface my remarks by saying this. I think he’s a man to be admired and respected for what he’s gone through, how he’s handled it and the fact that he was an ass-kicking baseball player who should absolutely be in the Hall of Fame.
But…holy crap is he one terrible baseball announcer. This actually happened last night.
Pat Hughes: Here’s the three-two pitch.
Ron Santo: Ugh. He walked him.
Pat Hughes: No. It’s popped up to third.
Ron is more of a mascot at this point than an announcer. He’s like a former heavyweight champ who ends up with a job greeting people at a restaurant. Except he’s not greeting people at a restaurant. HE’S ANNOUNCING MORE THAN 140 BASEBALL GAMES ON A RADIO STATION THAT REACHES 38 STATES AND PARTS OF CANADA!
Cubs’ players, including Cliff Floyd and Derrek Lee who complain when the team gets booed — I like both of you guys, but shut your asses. You only have an argument if Cubs’ fans refused to cheer when good things happen. They don’t. They go nuts when something remotely positive happens to the Cubs at Wrigley. Your fanbase is so irrationally in love with your team that they practically throw their firstborn onto the field when you hit a sac fly. So if they choose to boo you or your teammates when they completely suck…well, hey, I’m sure Blockbuster is hiring, maybe you can learn how to alphabetize children’s movies.
The Milwaukee Brewers — This is your fault. All of it. The Cubs spotted you a big lead and you blew it. They’re trying to give you the division in August and you won’t take it. If you had just gotten your head out of your ass for a week or two, the Cubs would not be torturing us like this. Just because your manager is dumber than a box of hair, your first baseman is obese and your third baseman fields like Roger Dorn is no excuse. Tell Ben Sheets to take that middle finger of his out of his ass and start pitching. Because we can already tell you how this is going to end if you don’t, and it involves a really terrible Astros team winning the division on the final day when both you and the Cubs blow nine run leads in the ninth inning in your final games. Screw you, screw your insecure, wannabe a city, suburb of a hometown, and your artery clogged, Packer fan, fatass fanbase. Actually, screw you. The only Brewers I’ve ever liked were Bob Uecker and Samuel Adams. I hope you don’t win another game all year, then I hope your spring training complex gets hit by an asteroid next March.
The Chicago Tribune – You assholes couldn’t have sold this team last year, or the year before, or the year before, could you? No, you had to finally do it this year, effectively holding any player moves hostage during a year in which even the medicore Cubs were good enough, with an in-season acquisition or two (Jason Kendall does not count, ever, for anything) to make the playoffs in a terrible National League. But no, you screwed that up, too. Just a final line added to your legacy as the most inept ownership in the history of professional sports. Thanks. For nothing.
Hallelujah, holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?
P.S. Nice job, Mr. Dolan.
I resent this inference:
Just a final line added to your legacy as the most inept ownership in the history of professional sports. Thanks. For nothing.
….Please don’t hit me Andy?..
No love for me, Andy?
I blame CT.
We blame salads.
A. FUCKING. MEN!!! You just put my/every Cub Fans thoughts out there perfectly.
Ack! The Cardinals just recalled Rick Ankiel!!!!11!!!!1 Help, the sky is falling!!!!1!!1!
You don’t know how many times I’ve seen them bring a player up from the minors and go on a huge run!
Bravo Andy. Great read as usual.
I was a great game.
Because we can already tell you how this is going to end if you don’t, and it involves a really terrible Astros team winning the division on the final day when both you and the Cubs blow nine run leads in the ninth inning in your final games.
Face it. It will be Houston and St. Louis as 1-2.
Incredible rant! Just don’t go myopic about the worst ownership title — Fox’s run with the Dodgers was awfully bad.
Outstanding. Wow.
Why bother reading “the other crap” on me if your just going to get your panties in a bunch Andy?
I blame me too.
Andy, you shouldn’t leave your feelings bottled up, its not healthy. A seriously wonderful rant, couldn’t have said it any better myself.
And when the Cubs come back to life and win 15 of their next 18, everyone will have forgotten about this.
But we went out and got the best player available this past off-season! And we re-signed the second best available. What do you want? Jermaine Dye? Shannon Stewart?
I am unbelievable on the air, to say the least. However, the great thing about about me (compared to current players who bitch about booing) is that I am a player who evolved into a lifelong fan. If every player had suffered through what the typical Cubs lifer has, then maybe they’d run out a goddammed pop fly or try taking a pitch.
wow…you’re not too happy. go cubs?
“What’s a kupfer?”
“Protects yer balls.”
So that was our run for the night right?
Andy,
Len’s calling you out on WGN right now. Not by name, but I can tell by his heartfelt tone that he’s trying to cheer you up.
I know he is. It’s a very strange feeling, actually.
TR Lilly had a better at bat than Pie. WTF
C’mon killer you had a 4 run lead. Don’t blow it.
As soon as Len said that I knew he was talking about Desipio. Their comments were fair though I think.
It’s really hard to tell what’s up with this team right now. Really hard.
oog no have techmology. what len say?
that as he was checking some of the blogs he could tell that a lot of cub fans were sort of despairing and giving up on the season already. Then they talked about peaks and valleys. One interesting thing Bob said was how last season when the Cubs would lose everyone would say “Wait until next year,” but when they lose this year everyone says “Wait until tomorrow.”
We’ll see I guess.
Will my 9 runs be enough?
Don’t expect us to put out like this for the rest of the year.
They should have traded me to Colorado.
I hope you just hid under the bed cause we’re both 3-3 and the caveman just got a triple.
Andy, if this is the result you may have to fire the venom more often.
Thank christ… I can go back into the shoes.
Sorry to say this boys….Soriano is done, the Cubs are done…A- Ram and D – Lee look horrible right now….When K-Wood is the highlite right now we should face facts and realize the team is done…..see you next year…..Lou can’t manage, Kendall is a joke, Jaques Jones Should be gone, Marshall, Ohman, Dempster know they are stealing right now…..and by the way does K-Wood have a tape worm or do we all know now that he and Prior we on roids………..by the way it’s almost Football season, thank god….but as much as the Bears have improved they still have Rex….
You dopers go off, rescue the season and save me the trouble – thanks Andy and ogdens.
#37 Len Kasper on line 2
No love for me? Buddy?
is nothing but goofs and blowhards who think they know everything..ie mike north and everyone else on there..then you have the afternoon show on am 1000.. a bunch of goofs
“He also claims to have voted more than 100,000 times for Derrek Lee to make the All-Star team in 2005. Derrek lost, by the way, so nice job, you derelict.”
FYI – I was the starting first baseman for the 2005 All-Star team after a late surge in voting…
Good, but bloggers in there parents’ basement couldn’t be any less original and lame. Not that I’m offended since you’re the blogger and I’m not.
I may not be the best announcer on the air in the traditional sense, but you have to admit that I am probably more fun than 90% of the rest of them. I’m the new Yogi Berra and half the fun is waiting for my hairpiece to catch fire in the booth. Besides, Pat is about the smartest baseball announcer on the planet but without me, we would never have known how fun he can be too. Last point in my favor: I am a true Cubs fan. Unlike the rest of the “pro” announcers, I am going to live and die right along with the fans. I actually connect because I know exactly how you feel.
I love this tradition and I am glad that it did not die with Harry. Without this tribute every night, many people would be asking what that stupid ball with glasses is. We keep Harry with us by keeping the Stretch. That being said, I hate the fact that they bring any goofball with some media exposure into the booth and let him/her destroy one of the easiest songs in the world to sing. To add insult to injury, they make the true fans, who sing this song in their living rooms during the 7th and put their kids to bed with it at night, compete for the chance to sing the thing the way it should be sung. I say drop the pseudo famous jackholes and pick somebody out of the crowd each game to sing it with the heart and love that Harry sang it every time. Long live the stretch and Harry’s memory.
What, they don’t have a blog for the Sux or Tards or Drunkards or whatever crap team you like? Go spew your garbage over there, or better yet, Eat &*%# and die!
Uhm…gotta point out one thing. The 7th inning stretch is sung in the MIDDLE of the 7th, not the top. But yeah, breaking out every Jim Belushi or worse for the ritual is pretty awful.
If you want to properly honor Harry doing the 7IS, this is what should be on.
Uh…Al, I don’t think you needed to correct this.
Holy Toledo! If they want the song to pass the test of time, they should let me sing it!
The worst part is that they allow whatever worthless ‘celebrity’ sings the stupid song they allow pimp whatever it is that has made them a celebrity during the broadcast for half an inning. Really, do we all need an update on what Larry the Cable Guy is up to this summer – I don’t give a shit, I’m trying to watch a baseball game, if I wanted to know about bad white trash scumbag ‘comedy’ I’d be watching something else. If you want to let these creeps sing, fine, but don’t broadcast it and don’t subject the audience to their salespitches either.
You ARE Cub fans right. You’re going to watch the games right? You’re going to the games right? This little version of HeeHaw is not for you. It’s for the people you hate. The “where’s Sammy Sosa” gang. The guy/gal like number 45 who wants “to keep Harry with us” for whatever reason.
Stupid money spends as well as yours you know.
I’m not exactly sure what this site is all about. Then again, maybe I know exactly what it is about but it is just too hard to put together more than one sentence on a single topic at any one time. Coherent thought is not my forte’ as is apparent by my Mc Moniker. I’m going to find the real version of Hee Haw in my VHS collection and rewatch all those wonderful scenes with the sheep and that guy in overalls. Stupid money spends as well as yours you know.
ronny was saying how great it would be to sweep the cardinals when it was actually the astros that they were playing and it was the last game of the series and pat didn’t correct he probably just figures, “who cares”
What do you think of my recruiting, Andy?
Cue mouthbreathing shot.
Did anyone catch the Cubs – Phillies game when I referred to their 2nd baseman as “Iguchi, Uguchi… Goochie Goochie”?
That was awesome.