Just three days ago, the Cubs weren’t just struggling, they were in complete free fall. There was only one way there were going to pull out of it.
They were going to need 14 hits in the next two games from Jock Jones and Jason Kendall.
No problem.
Wha?
The surgent (resurgent, whatever) Cubs’ offense is being led at the moment by guys who batted .205 in May, .179 in June (Jock) and .169 in April and .227 in July (Kendall).
Kendall’s actually hit .317 as a Cub, and since the All-Star Break Kendall’s hitting an even .300 with more walks (8) and RBI (9) than strikeouts. Kendall’s on base since the All-Star break is .388. You know what this means, right?
It means in the offseason Jason’s getting a four year-$28 million deal from the Cubs, and we’ll all get Gary Gaetti flashbacks. For four years.
Seeing Jock and Jason turn it on, it’s no wonder that Jim Hendry is holed up behind a large box of Yum Yum Donuts trying to work out a trade for the slap hitting dumbass he claimed off waivers yesterday, Scott Podsednik.
At this point, Hendry’s sure he’s got the Midas touch. He was going to trade Jock and then decided not to. He traded a catcher he’d had a boner for, for years and a month later he got another catcher he’d had a longtime erection over. His farm system products are all over the roster and he’s pretty sure that life is good.
Chances are, he’s left the roster too thin and this time next year he’ll be managing a Midas muffler shop in Omaha, but hey, let the man dream.
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Carlos Marmol finally looked mortal last night. He was all over the place with his fastball and only Wily Taveras swinging at a pitch that almost hit the Rockies on deck hitter saved him in the seventh. He needed Bob Howry to do an unbelievable job in the eighth to get out of the bases loaded nobody out jam he left him. But as wild as the Marmot was, if Felix Pie doesn’t “Jock” a routine flyball and if Marmot himself can handle a routine one hopper back to the mound, he doesn’t even get into the mess.
The one thing all of the Cubs’ farm bred pitchers have in common (Rich Hill, Sean Marshall, Marmot, Kerry Wood, etc.) have in common is that none of them ends up in decent fielding position when they let go of the ball. Kerry has at least learned how to field the ball behind his back from time to time. Not like being able to field your position would help make life easier or anything. Ah, that Cubs’ farm system, it’s tremendous, isn’t it?
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Rick Ankiel hit his second homer today for the St. Louis Area Methadone Clinic and Brewery Softball All-Stars. tHom Brennaman thinks we need to celebrate his courageous comeback.
Comeback from what? From not being able to throw a strike? From not giving up his baseball career to go home to…nowhere to use his life skills in nothing? What other choice did Ankiel have? His dad’s a drug addict who is in jail for 20 years. His brother is a drug addict who has been arrested more than 20 times.
It’s impressive that he’s made it back to the big leagues as a position player, not courageous. But he plays the outfield like he’s on ice skates and his arm is, as you’d expect, erratic. He won’t hit for average and won’t draw walks. He will strike out a lot. He’s almost as good a prospect as Jason Dubois was. Awesome.
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Finally (mock applause fills the Internet), Jock has played so well the last three days that Lou Piniella is thisclose to letting him wear a uniform during batting practice again.
We help keep this magic train a-rollin’
Rick Ankiel now has as many multi-homer games this season as Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, and Alfonso Soriano. Combined.
The Padres put Michael Barrett on the DL with “concussion like symptoms.” How can they tell? What’s it like when Barrett is concussed? Does he become lucid?
Yes, but will I ever throw anyone out?
My balls are made of glass. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cry myself to sleep in the clubhouse.
Anyone know the number of a drycleaner in Denver? I just soiled my shorts against the Rockies.
Door # 1, 2, or 3?
You make my dreams come true, Rich Hill.
Watch out for snakes!
Damn, I’m good.
This time next year I’ll be the assistant manager for Hendry at the muffler shop.
Cue mouthbreathing shot.
No one likes Oates.
God help us.
i’m back after a two day hiatus.
Kendall can’t throw out El Caballo. Spanish for, the Caballo.
Completely off the subject, but does anyone want to doubt the high level of me that would be coursing through the local sports media and Sox fans’ mouths today had the fans at Wrigley given the Cubs closer a massive standing ovation after pitching one inning of mop-up duty in a 6-0 *loss* in mid-August for a team that’s in fourth place and 11 games out, no matter what meaningless little record he tied?
Yes, much bigger problems to deal with this week in terms of our own team, but still, Cubs fans would be roasted up and down as a bunch of ninnies “rewarding failure” if we pulled that crap.
What do I refer to? How does a team collapse from second place?
Don’t forget me.
Or me!
…
Let’s make a deal…save the praise for this team until something’s been accomplished. A Desipio Cover Jinx seems to exist.
Hey, I’m 1-29 now throwing out runners? How did that happen?
Somebody tripped between first base and second base.
My old dorm.