Pitching matchup:
Reds: Bobby Livingston, I presume 3-2, 4.79 ERA
Cubs: Marquis de Suck 9-7, 4.18 ERA
Ah, do the lineups yourselves.
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Pitching matchup:
Reds: Bobby Livingston, I presume 3-2, 4.79 ERA
Cubs: Marquis de Suck 9-7, 4.18 ERA
Ah, do the lineups yourselves.
A four-run lead is too much. Let me see what I can do.
BRAAAAVE!
If I only played in wrigley, I would hit 85 Homers a year.
I wish Adam Dunn would just get VORPED to death. I hate that fucker.
Adam VORP,
And if you only faced Cubs’ pitching
I’m 6’3 and 205 pounds with long legs, a killer smile, and firm breasts. I gave Ron Santo a hug yesterday and he ain’t been the same since.
I’m back bitches
Damn, I DO suck.
I don’t know what to tell him.
Walk to the pitcher. Jason Marquis hates pitching with a lead.
Way to put the double-play back into effect, Jason. That’s some fine work right there.
D’oh
Everything looks good to me. Keep doing what you’re doing, Jason.
Why can’t you bet on things like: “I will hit a grand slam?”
That’s what the 4 run lead is doing.
“What is going on?”
Because there aren’t enough people that will bet it won’t happen.
I can’t believe they’re still paying me.
excellent
So, who is our long reliever today?
Euthanize me. Now.
If I say Hattie-berg one more time, please stick a fork in my eyeball.
Are you fucking kidding me?
He walked the pitcher. The Cubs are going to need to score about 50 runs today to win.
At least he didn’t spike himself.
Funny. I don’t have Tivo, but I think I already watched this game?
Good baserunning.
That boy Josh Hamilton knows how to run the bases. I could learn alot from him.
Has the booing started yet? Can we take bets on that?
Damn, Griff looks like me on the basepaths.
I suck less than Jock, how come I can’t play?
So, short of the Cardinals’ team plane crashing and burning, how do we expect to start next week in anything other than 3rd place?
If Marquis doesn’t homer in this next at-bat I’m gonna say a whole bunch of bad things about him.
Where are the pitchforks and torches?
Were getting a drink after the game.
Hey Felix, I DID get a hit my last AB.
I do this all the time! I love this team!
I’m pretty sure all the torches were just used by Marquis to light himself on fire.
Hey 37, to be fair, bitching about the pitcher leading off the second isn’t much to bitch about.
Because Jock Jones is our leading run producer lately and you can’t hit shit.
Fuck Marquis.
I’m getting so much pussy lately.
I’m money.
I blow. Seriously, where’s Phil fuc*ing Nevin?
I can’t believe they’re pitching to me
Do you think the scouts think DLee has me? All he sees are low outside pitches.
I’ll plug you.
#46. I been thinking that all year. Thank you.
Ramirez hits DeRosa with a batted ball. Out 3.
mmm pancakes
How in the hell do you get hit by a grounder going from first to third?
So if it hits mark derosa, I get a hit?
I thought it was a fielders choice.
Hmmm. How do you score that? A HDR (Hit DeRosa)
Lassie, shouldn’t you be beating the Brewers right now?
OK, how in the hell do you get hit by a grounder going from SECOND to third?
Boy, that D Lee is on fire!
Shut up #46,
You big hole.
I can’t believe they haven’t drilled me yet.
That is so us and the story or our downfall, we get an out on a single that would’ve scored 2 to end the inning.
I am still a butcher in the OF.
Wow Murton is one of the worst fielders I have ever seen in my life.
Get out of the way, Mark Derosa.
I love this name, by the way. Everyone should call me this.
Make fun of me all you want but I’m going to win the Sy Young Award this year. Sy was Cy’s brother who was a really shitty pitcher who sucked beyond all sucking and oh wait that’s not a good thing is it?
Dunn would be an improvment over Murton.
I’m thinking that every time the Cubs score 5 plus runs in a game (like 9 last night) and the cubs don’t win, the entire pitching staff needs to pony up for charity. On the flip side, every time the Cubs hold the opposing team to 3 runs or less and the Cubs don’t win, the position players have to drop some green. 4 runs is a push. You always gotta have a push.
Wonder which one of me they’ll invent today?
What’d Murton do?
What if Barry Bonds gets his 3,000th hit by hitting a base runner….and that base runner is Craig Biggio, who is one short of the record for most hit by pitches? Whoahoaohohohoa! That sure would be wacky huh kids!!
Simple Dave – you run right into it.
I did what I do and I did it with the usual style and grace.
Anybody want to rub some lotion on my back?
Or what if the ball was about to hit the baserunner, but steve bartman jumped on the field and it hit him, and then…..um…whoaoahaahoa! I don’t even know!
These losers look worse than I do.
I will not eat them in a box
I will not eat them with jake fox.
I look pretty good, you know, for shit.
I just went yard again. In your face milwaukee.
I feel another bat flip coming on.
I’m a doubles hitting fool!
I hope the Cubs enjoyed those 4 runs they scored in the 1st. Cause now I’m going to shut them down for the rest of the game.
Hey, I had my ONE big game with 5 RBI. What? Did you think that was just a sign of things to come. SUCK IT!!! Cause I sure do.
Suck it Bobby
Brave! Oh wait. Fuck. What time is it?
9 pitch inning. I’m used to that when the opponent is batting.
After those 2 scoreless innings I plan on shitting all over myself in the 5th
I continue to be the Tits
You have to leave The Riot in the leadoff spot after soriano returns. For one thing, soriano won’t be able to runn as well. And the riot is just much more suited to the role.
Because of his GRIT.
We are fucking gamers.
Yahbutt Soriano pouts if he’s anywhere else and goes all Todd Hundley as a hitter.
I love The Riot (don’t want to say that out loud since I’m typing this from work). He says “Screw you, Quade, I’m scoring”.
You guys got the lead again. Well I’ll fix that in no time.
Grrr….
exactly. the grit. and the the approach at the plate, and the base running, and thte health, and the fact that he’s doing a great job in the spot. and the grit too.
Hi.
Can someone tell me what this means:
Outfield assists – J Jones (K Griffey Jr at 1st base).
Thank you.
That’s twice!
I love me!
Simple. Griffey had a basehit to center and Jock and his rocket arm threw Griffey out at first.
griffey got caught in a run down on the way to what should have been a double, but the bases were clogged by josh hamilton or some dope who forgot to run.
or something.
I’m back bitches
OK, so Jones didn’t go all Dawson on us, correct?
hehehe
#90. I’m about to place a bet you.
Lead? We don’t need no stinkin’ lead
I wish jason would find me. I’m lonely
HWbeqwa this, Vorpdonkey
Nice grab huh! They don’t call me the flyin hawiian for nothin!
I’m fat.
I mean, that’s why they call me Charlie Hustle!
I mean, that’s why they call me Donny Baseball!
I mean, that’s why they call me slammin sammy!
Is this funny yet?
That’s why they call me “sexy rexy”
Maybe Marquis should come off me, because he seems to only pitch well after the 4th…..sometimes.
As long as he doesn’t come on me. That was a bad choice of words.
Actually i tend to do my best pitching after the 9th. (As long as it’s not an extra inning game)
Come on who?
Why do I only add to opposing teams leads? The Cubs never seem to use me.
They don’t call me The Hawk for nothin’!
I’m way too big for the Jock.
Hey Lou can I pitch another couple of innings? Lou are you having a heart attack? Lou?
I think it’s gonna be a long long time….
Murton is way better when he hits me instead of swinging for the fences.
The last letter in Jock.
we can’t wait to blow this if marquis de shit doesn’t beat us to it
That’s three times! I really love me!
I think hill might have swung at me too.
Holy crap, Koyie Hill sucks. Three ABs, 9 pitches, all low and away, 3 Ks.
(About the catcher position)
“The Cubs need offense”
::Koyie Hill strikes out::
We’ll start sucking soon. Probably when we get to Milwaukee.
The first letter in Koyie.
I’ve got a better batting average than Koyie.
I made some mad contact in the first inning.
BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!
Why do I keep popping in today?
Where did I come from?
Who the hell is this guy out there on the mound in the last couple innings?
Why is the Biz good after me, but horrible before?
I love leading off! I should do it more often!
Hey Lou, can I pitch the 7th inning? Lou? What? You want me to give this note to Manson who’s waiting for me in clubhouse? Okay. I’ll be back in a minute. Lou, why did you just start laughing hysterically?
I wanna bat ninth tomorrow
We love facing the Cubs
Looks like Lou learned his lesson from last night, and has decided to leave Marquis in.
I will not follow the last couple innings if the Cubs can’t add to this lead.
http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/us/sp/v/mlb/players/20070502/7099.jpg
Looks like Eyre with long hair.
I am for anyone who hits after the pitcher according to Lou. Regardless if it might mean an extra runner or scoring opportunity. Of course, we may as well put the pitcher in the leadoff the way this game is going.
I’m so fucking due
DeRosa sure knows how to break out of a slump. Maybe he can share his notes with DLee.
or not
I now have the same dread when Lee comes up that I used to have with Jacque.
Yeah. That’s what I mean.
d lee, a 2 hitter this year?
Why do you think they call me the slump-buster Mike?
Gotta get him out of the three hole. Now.
Someone say “slump”?
#144–
Replace “due” with me and you’re spot-on.
You guys can thank me for DeRo’s 4-4 today.
I think he knocked something loose.
I’m loose, Larry.
#151, who to replace him? a healthy sori?
I am the collective sound of 40,000 fans at hearing:
NOW COMING IN TO PITCH…SCOTT EYRE!
Me and outright release are arm wrestling to see which one of us gets Eyre after this outing.
My butt hurts.
Okay guys–Gameday says Griffey “lined out sharply” to right.
Was it as frightful as it was described?
Look I just dropped a LOOGY on Griff. Get me outta here? Please?
I might be pitching the most important inning of the season to-date.
Not as frightful as the walk I’m about to serve up to Phillips. But it was pretty scary.
Good God, I shudder every time I see “carloszno1fan”.
Who am I again? I don’t remember ever seeing me before today.
I love me!
If Eyre gets out of this, I’m thinking of sending him a pizza.
Why haven’t they sent me yet? Hill couldn’t throw out Stephen Hawking.
Or maybe he could.
Wait a minute. Scott Eyre is pitching in a 1 run game?
K!
We love the 7th inning stretch
Strike ’em out, throw ’em out. Fuckin-huge.
Well, I don’t suck as much as Ozzy.
Are we so difficult to learn?
RE: 167. Brooklyn or Philly?
Did somebody say suck?
Wow.
Strike ’em out, throw ’em out?
Holy crap.
Apex–I reccomend D’Agostino’s on Southport and Addison.
(blows on finger tip and feigns holstering the hot pistol)
I’ll make ya famous.
A strike ’em out throw ’em out from the tag team duo of Eyre and Hill? Wonders never cease.
Consider my wad blown.
Hey fatass, where the hell are you going with that 5 gallon container of Al’s Beef under your arm? You still gotta face Dunn to lead off the 8th.
…
YAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!
I love having emotional peaks in the 7th inning. This is a high school game, right? Game over?
A scoreless inning? I have reached the apex of my career.
Jake: Hey Fatman! Why ya takin’ me out?
Fatman: Because. You didn’t bring me donuts this morning.
Seconded on D’Agostinos. Bonus – also has coupons.
We won’t win this game
142. Chuck, you’re right! Except for the fat hanging off Eyre’s jowls.
I feel a collapse coming on today. Oh wait…
Looks like Cyrano de Bergerac is pitching for the Reds.
I’m trying out some Murton Quasi-Positive. Let’s see if it works.
Go Matt.
I just showed up on this computer
You guys hang on to this 1 run lead cause I’m ready to go for the 9th.
You were on top of that one.
If you bums don’t light my 11.42 era having ass up like a Christmas tree in Times Square then you might as well quit.
Wow. Go Matt indeed.
A little JJP on a flyout to the warning track would be super tits-out right now.
Oh, shit. Here comes Lee. I mean Jacque. Whatever.
And you haters all wanted me to stay in the minors. I expect to be the balls on the website soon, even though I should have a cleaver instead of a glove since I’m such a butcher in the field.
We go together much better than Warning and Track.
I’m still WAY more annoying than an over-enunciated Acapulco Taco.
I seem to show up for the Cubs ALOT! Can someone send me a deep fly.
He’s gonna K isn’t he?
Grounder to the pitcher works too….I guess.
No, Apex. Damn, you’re good luck today.
First good bounce I’ve gotten all year Ogdens. The. First.
What is this world coming to when Jacque Jones is more reliable than D Lee?
I’m scared. Please pinch hit for me, coach.
I’m not sure we’re enough either.
Little help from you guys w/visual access to the game?
How did Jones single on a “sharp ground ball to Stanton”? Did he decapitate the old fucker? Should it have been an inning-ending souble play? Not that I really care. I’m happy about the State Farm Insurance Run; I’m just curious.
I can’t believe Lou has me warming up.
Good for me, I may be baseball stupid but I’m not a bad guy. It has been nice to see me hitting.
Jock hit the pitcher and didn’t get out? Say it ain’t so–I’m thinking of the almost comeback Philly game when he could’ve broken it open in the first and Loshe’s arm got in the way.
Time for the Koyie Hill experience. A swinging bunt out should still leave one eligible for the Golden Sombrero.
Great point 208. If the game’s on the line, I’m going Jock over D Lee right now.
Don’t call me Lucky, Berkley. I went yard last night in my last softball AB of the season.
It was emotional.
Ball deflected off of Stanton and into the outfield.
Oh shit. They’re bringing in Howry again. Time to get loose.
I can’t believe I’m still in the league.
Hey, a hit!
Lou’s gonna let me hit.
Hill was one pitch away from going 0-4 w/4 K’s on 12 pitches, no?
Here comes the sun, doo doo doodoo….
I am losing it.
Very nice.
My Barbie got recalled.
Walk me bitch
Reginald Manson will snatch you out of your truck and stab you in the gut, ogdens. Prepare to neal before Zod.
Fuck you Stanton!
I really know how to take balls.
Clutch walk!
Yeah, I’m scared of Helter Skelter too. Them cats aint right, ogdens.
6-0 Tards, top 9. Let’s see if the Cubs can keep the coat hanger in the Fukin’ closet today.
I’m getting soooo much ass tonight.
I am awesome.
Alfonso. Bat 5th or don’t come back.
It’s time for The Riot. Baseball the way baseball should be played.
Holy shit. I might have a good today after all. I’ll still get drunk, though.
5 run lead?
We’ve got our work cut out for us today.
Im ordering my The Riot jersey today
Reds pitchers with ERA’s under 5.
Cubs wins vs. the Reds.
Why, God? Why?
I haven’t showed up 4 different times.
Wow. Over .500, 40, and Elvis is still dead all at the same.
Great Day!
The Sexiest un-sexy pair up the middle in MLB
Why are the Reds pitching to DeRosa with a base open and teh pitcher on deck.
Can the Rose not keep us hanging.
Rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated.
all around. DeRosa Rules.
Come on D Lee. Wake up.
Oh wait. I hate him. Fuck off, Derrek.
That’s why they call me The Say Hey kid!
Geez even Koyie has more hits than me in this game.
Shit. Bat him 9th. Bat the pitcher 8th.
I am the last letter in Derek.
Remember when I didn’t strike out looking every at-bat?
Me neither.
Everyone and their mother is hitting right now, but I think I’ll just look that 3rd strike into the catchers mitt.
I think i caught my daughters eye disease.
(Booo hissss fills the interweb)
I just realized there are a lot of me on this team. Just not on the Pitching staff. That’s it, the Biz is now Markee.
I’d like to see DeRosa get one more at-bat, just so he could get a crack at equaling Ronnie Cedeno’s SEASON total of 6 hits in one game.
I didn’t see that coming.
I might make the 3rd out this inning as well…looking of course.
I’ve got a hit and you don’t? ROFLMAO!!! YOUUU SUCK!!!
Greatest. inning. ever.
Their not even giving me a chance now. What’s with driving people in from second?
Come on guys, get me a few more runs.
I could still fuck this up.
Bang.
I am Derrek Lee.
Hi, my name is slump and every player has me once in a while.
Lay off of DLee.
How many games would’ve I been suspended if I actually ate the umpire?
Remember when Fontenot’s average equaled me? That was fun times until the fur got tangled in the sprocket.
I hate chicago, but what the hell.
Sorry, that was poorly worded. In other words, DeRosa can do in one game what that shitbag Cedeno has taken all year to do, and that’s collect 6 hits.
We’re going to ban Fielder right now just in case he decides to argue with a bat.
And is a member of al queda.
DeRosa didn’t collect me, he dished me out. Go Cubs!
I didn’t die on the crapper. Derrek Lee shot me.
We taste good.
I’m lost at the plate right now, like I was in the 2003 playoffs. I need a seeing eye dog just to get to the batters box.
I have no shot of ever having a cool nickname.
It’s actually Pinella, but pops didn’t want anyone to think I was spoiled by getting to pitch today.
C’mon Piggy it’s only an 8 run lead.
Valentin spelled backwards is Nitnelav.
that’s Miss Piggy if i blow.
Check out my hot wife.
Tards win, Brews lose. 8-0.
If you look at Carmen’s wife, I’ll fucken whack you, kid.
I’m pitching for the Reds next inning.
This game kinda has the feel of me, doesn’t it?
HELLO PIGNATELLO!!!
D Lee didnt’ shoot me. He just watched me slip off the outside corner of the toilet seat.
#285,
I’m suing your ass.
These pudding pops are made by P-I-G-N-A-T-E-L-L-0!
The Cubs just started to play smart ball. Base hits instead of swinging out of their socks for homers which never came. Good defense. Ejections don’t do that.
Today, August 16th shall now on be referred to as Mark DeRosa day!
I am a classic.
exactly who are you arguing with?
when’s my day G Rod?
I may look like I got some flaws, but what’s my Win Percentage Biiiaaatches!
I am the ace of this staff.
[selfcenterednessonextremelyhighevenforme] #293 – Sob… And fuck your lack of virility[/selfcenterednessonextremelyhighevenforme]
Jock Jones day is February 30th.
We’ll throw you a parade, ok buddy?
When you speed up and don’t have to be replaced by me. Oh, and playing some defense might help you.
Might los Cubs find a way to lose even with the game “in hand” ?
did somebody say ‘in hand’?
did somebody say, “In hand?”
Really? No shit?
Thank God I can give up six runs and still not lose this game.
See, told you I was still the closer. BItches.
My name is two ways to warn someone I am on the way.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!
Todd Walker’s defensive replacement!!!!
So dreamy.
On my way out.
I rule! Oh wait, the Celtics are still gonna suck?
Breaking news on how to correct Mark Prior’s fastball.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2007/08/16/scispeed116.xml
In my infield we have a Trailer Park. I gave it to the Pickler there.
Yeah, this is a good time for a walk.
I’m a dumbass.
Thanks, 307. My day is now complete.
THrow a fucking strike dempster.
Go Cubs Go! Go Cubs Gooooo! Hey Chicago whaddaya Say? Cubs are gonna win today.
Ogdens.
Bring on the Tards.
BREEEEVE! I-mean. Cubs Win!
Really. I thought you were coming for a visit.
By Buzz Bitchenger?
This has nothing to do with Jock. I feel a Tards sweep.
… and if there’s hell below, we’re all gonna go!
Apparently I’m writing headlines on Brewers.com:
“Brewers fall to surging Cards in finale”
Oh, Those Surging Cardinals. So goddamn dreamy.
Flap-flap-ripple-ripple-Flap females doges.
(copied from someeebody)
Who the hell is “Steve Goodwin?” Is that Tom’s brother?
Nah, Steve Goodwin’s MY brother, #324.
Racist.
I penned the slightly less well know ditty “Stop, Cubs, Stop!” back in the fall of 1980.
We’re surging after going 8-7 in our last 15. Look out, National League!!
You’re a fuckin’ loser, Cetera.
After the week the Cubs just have, they’re only a half a game back. Really?
Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
the cubs didn’t get me till september 17th last year
looks like we are in contention!!!
331 posts in August, to be me…
D’oh!