I had big hopes for the Bears’ 2007 debut on Monday Night Football last night. Since it was the first time the Bears and Colts had faced off since the big game in Miami last FebruaryI was fired up. To me, this was Super Bowl 41.5, wait, would that be Super Bowl XLI.V?

I couldn’t wait for the Bears to avenge the loss, and for Rex to run over to Peyton Manning after the game and tear the ring off his finger then hold it up and charge into the locker room with it.

Payback was going to be great.

And the Bears won and none of the ring stealing, or phony significance of a pre-season game were apparent, but you could hardly call this trip to Indianapolis a success for the Bears.

Even though Danieal Manning showed he’s got some promise as Devin Hester’s sidekick on kickoff returns, Hester himself looked to be in midseason form and the Bears defense turned the Colts away twice on short fields when old Peyton was still in the game gesticulating wildly before every snap.

So why wasn’t this trip a success?

Because Rex Grossman still sucks.

Oh, he doesn’t suck in the familiar sense. He’s no Chad Hutchinson or Jonathan Quinn. His brand of sucking is worse. He shows the ability to be a good quarterback, but it’s wrapped up in a package that’s fraying on both ends.

On the Bears first drive he drove them right down the field. He made a couple of really nice throws, one on third down that was particularly impressive. Then? Then he ended up in the pocket with the ball held right around his waist as he waited to throw. Predictably, it made an easy target for Robert Mathis to swat to the ground and fall on. End of drive.

What was worse? That he was holding the ball so low, making it a target, even for a lineman falling to the ground, or that he was oblivious to the pass rush? Probably both.

On the next drive Rex threw a really bad pass over the middle that was picked off deep in Bears’ territory. Hey, it happens. Guys make bad passes. Shake it off.

But then came the two mistakes that sucked the air out of the rest of the game. Rex fumbled not one, but two snaps. Something that happened last year with great frequency, and without exception happened in games in which he had already started to struggle. In other words, when things go bad for Rex, his fundamentals completely fall apart, meaning he becomes incapable of doing something most Pop Warner quarterbacks have already mastered.

You want to know why the Bears don’t run more plays out of the shotgun? Because when Rex goes into panic mode the ball would just be rolling down the field towards the opponent’s end zone. Guh.

It’s only the second preseason game and it doesn’t count and it doesn’t matter. Blah, blah, blah.

This is disappointing because we’ve seen it all before and supposedly, this was going to be the year that Rex got it together. He’s been healthy now for the longest stretch of his career. Last year he started every game and the playoffs and the Super Bowl, he was able to start working on his game right on time because for the first time in his pro career he wasn’t rehabbing an injury during the offseason. And he still can’t take a snap?

Oh, who knows. Maybe it was an aberration and because we saw it last year we’re just overreacting to it. Right?

Guh.

On the other hand, I do like the new Monday Night Football crew, even if you got the feeling that Rex’s struggles only fueled a debate they were going to have all night anyway about his fitness to lead a team to a championship. Ron Jaworski is a huge improvement over Joe Theismann, but then again, a sock with a toupee on it would have been a huge improvement over Joe.

Did you enjoy the heartwarming moment in the second half when Michelle Tafoya interviewed Brian Urlacher and he said hi to his daughters? Thankfully he only addressed the legitimate kids, Monday Night Football’s only a four hour show.

Devin Hester showed some promise as a receiver making a nice adjustment on a route to get a pass deep in Indy territory from Brian Griese. But did you notice on the first play he was in on, early in the first quarter that he lined up in the slot and looked directly at Rex the whole time he was lined up? Why not just hold up a sign that says “I’m going to back up and take a quick throw from the QB now?” It’s like the high school running back who looks at the hole he’s going to run through on every play as he’s lined up in the backfield.

Chris Berman has a new nickname for Urlacher by the way, it’s Brian “Davy Jones'” Urlacher. Clever. And timely. Looks like somebody saw Pirates of the Carribbean 2 on a plane this summer.

Emmitt Smith adds a lot to the Monday Night Countdown crew doesn’t he? He’s got the blank stare into the camera down pat.

It was great to see Keyshawn Johnson, too. Especially the part when he had no idea who the Falcons’ coach was.

Keep up the good work, guys. It’s not like this is your job or anything.

Poor DJ Stu Scott was stuck at the update desk because Berman takes his spot on the Countdown show until the regular season starts. Stu got to give the Michael Vick updates and you know this case is killing him. His vocabulary is cut by about 12 percent with the inability to call everybody “dawg” for the next few months.

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The Cubs lost the finale of their should-have-been four game series with the Cardinals, thanks to Rick Ankiel going out of his mind with a single a homer and a nice play in left field. But come on, how do you only score four runs when you hit three homers off Joel Piniero?

You just knew that when the Cubs finally started hitting homers they’d make sure nobody was on base when they did it. I’m sure Daryle Ward is facing a stiff fine for his grand slam on Saturday.

But have no fear. Even though the Brewers beat the Diamondbacks last night to get a share of the lead back (they won 9-0, the D’backs lose games 14-2 and 9-0 and win them 5-4 and 3-2, that’s how they can post a horrific run differential and still have the best record in the NL West–you watch, they’ll win the next two against Milwaukee now and get outscored in the series.) the Cubs are ready to roll now. Hank White will rejoin the team tonight while Koyie Hill wanders the lonely, scary streets of the waiver wire all by himself.

I was at the game on Wednesday when Koyie Dolan Hill (awesome last name, by the way, Koyie) struck out three times on nine pitches. I also saw his last Cubs’ hit (even though he’ll clear waivers and be back on Sept. 1, it’s still probably his last hit). We had some good times, didn’t we Koyie? Good times.

The best thing he did was to drive home the point to Jim Hendry that a solid defensive catcher was a better fit for the team than an overemotional dope like Michael Barrett. Koyie pretty much always sucked (except for the game when he drove in five runs somehow) but he played a huge role in saving the Cubs’ season. Even if that role was simply allowing Lou to say to Jimbo, “Wow, compared to Barrett a closet case like Koyie looks like Johnny F’ing Bench.”

We only got a little more than three innings of Joe Morgan on Saturday night, but he didn’t disappoint. In that short period of time he managed to squeeze out a few gems.

– He called Barrett “Mike” in the opening, which actually was closer to getting the name right than he normally gets

– He obsessed over the math in trying to explain how if the Cardinals didn’t win at least one game in the series that they were screwed because last week they were five games out and if they lost the series to the Cubs they’d be “almost as bad off as they were then.” This, despite the fact that had St. Louis lost all four games they’d actually have been six games out, which, according to my math is worse than five. Even if you think he was factoring in a rainout, the Cardinals would have been five games out which is not almost as bad as five, it’s exactly as bad as five.

– But that glory that is Joe was on display when he took some time to tell us why Tony LaRussa wears dark glasses during night games. Take it away, Joe:

See, those glasses, they aren’t sunglasses. They’re…they are glasses, but not sunglasses. He can’t see real well without them, so he wears them, but they’re the kind of glasses that, see they get dark when it’s light and light when it’s dark.

As Joe is eloquently explaining this, the cameras are showing Tony in the dugout, in the dark and Stevie Wonder doesn’t wear glasses as dark as Tony’s.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut (wow, been a long time since I’ve written that) to pile on Michael Vick, but I’m not sure if the headline has anything to do with the story. I think it’s actually the cutline the Sun-Times is going to start running under Jay’s picture every day.

Besides, why is nobody reporting the biggest part of this story? Now that Vick has agreed to plead guilty it means that EA Sports will take him out of the next roster update for Madden. No word yet, however, on if they’ll add a similar QB named Ron Mexico to the free agent pool. Yeah, like you aren’t going to go home and create him anyway.

Gordo says that the Cubs are moving Carlos up a day for his next start since he only threw 44 pitches before Noah sailed across the field Sunday night. This is good for two reasons. First, it means more Carlos, and he never pitches well when he’s well rested. But second, putting him in between the salad tossing lefties, Richie Hill and Sean Marshall should be good for Marshall and the bullpen. Even though Jason Marquis can implode from time to time, Hill and Marshall are the most likely Cubs’ starters to flame out early and tax the bullpen. This means it’s less likely it’ll happen to the Cubs on consecutive days. Plus, Hill’s best pitch is his curveball and it’s the balls. A great pitch. Marshall’s is the curve and his isn’t the balls, or at least not as ballsy as Hill’s. When the Cubs faced the same opponent on consecutive days when Hill, then Marshall pitched, Marshall’s ERA went from 2.27 to 6.48. That had to be because the team spent the day before trying to hit Hill’s curve and then they see Marshall’s lesser version the next day and it had to be easier for them.

Oh, yeah, I made the stat up. Sounds good, though, right?

Chris Deluca says that the Cubs are doomed! Soon we’ll all go to sleep under the light of a Cardinals’ moon! Or something. Oh, shaddup. Get a grip. Hell, even I’m more optimistic than this guy.

The Wizard of Roz wonders how long Lovie can stick with Rex this year.

The Mets picked up a world-class handball player! You know, the one the Cubs haven’t been able to get out since 1996.

Lester Munson details what Vick’s agreement to plead guilty means. Lester’s first draft was only two words, but ESPN.com told him he needed to flesh out “He’s fucked” into a little greater detail.

24 just got a little bit more unwatchable.

Ryan Seacrest is doing to host the Emmys? Wait, the prime-time Emmy’s? I think you have them confused with the People’s Choice Awards, right?

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