 
Pitching matchup
Dodgers: Derek Lowe 11-12, 3.78 ERA
Cubs: Marquis du Suc 11-8, 4.20 ERA
Lineups
Dodgers
Furcal Matter, ss
Slappy, cf
Shawn Kemp’s oldest illegitimate son, rf
HGH Gonzalez, lf
Russ Martin, c
Jim Loney, 1b
Andy LaRoche, 3b
Tony Abreu, 2b
Derek Lowe, p
Cubs
Al Soriano, lf
Dance Fever, ss
MV Lee, 1b
Fat Kangaroo, rf
PonDeRosa, 3b
Jock, cf
Captain Caveman, c
Little Mikey, 2b
Marquis du Suc, p
I READ YOUR BOOK!!!!!
Just shoot him already. Barbaro didn’t limp around this much.
Now pinch hitting for Barbaro Garbay…Manny Mota!
Resting Rammy today? Hmm.
Also, I have a feeling Marquis might feel like he’s got something to prove since he was left off the post-season roster last year by the Satanic Fowl. I hope he pitches like it.
I’m the best nickname, ever.
Dodgers
Alcoholic wrist breaking asshole SS
Not so Lucky CF
Kemp (now Shawn) RF
Washed up Gonzo LF
Robbery Victim C
Loney Tunes 1B
LaDouche 3B
The other Abreu 2B
Homewrecker Lowe P
Cubs
The Gimp LF
The Riot SS
Mark Grace’s black incarnate 1B
The Marsupial RF
Pon DeRosa 3B
Jock CF
Charlie Manson C
The Pocket Rocket 2B
Busted ass Grand Marquis P
My knee’s not sore, I just miss Pissburgh so much I flew out there a day early to see the sights, get some black lung, etc.
Splooge! Look how close Juan Pierre made that 3-1 putout! So close! He’s a hustler that guy! He gets to the park so early that he never even left last night. He just rolled balls up and down the foul lines until dawn.
E-Ramis usually rests on me.
Hey, that’s not fair. I drove in 99 runs once. Derrek only wishes he’d drive in that many.
Did somebody say, “roll balls up and down Don?” Where do I sign up?
I predict lots of me today.
Soriano: Hey, Rammy! You not in the lineup today?
E-ramis: Nope. No today.
Soriano: Why? I mean, I have one centimeter tear of my quad, and I play!
E-ramis: How about a size 12 up your ass?
Soriano: Have nice day off.
So Al and Ram speak me?
Rolled balls on the foul line? Is that a euphemism for a night spent in Boys Town?
Nice sinker, Lowe! Watch it sink into the bleachers!
Got my good stuff today. What time does BP end?
SORIANOOOOOOOO!!!!!
No shit. I mean what are the odds that two natural born Dominicans would actually speak English to each other?
Don’t look now, but he’s heating up. Just in time too.
So, Lowe was the Clemente award winner from the Dodgers. Does that mean home wrecking is good for the community?
Too early to pinch run for me?
Shit. I have to hop all the way to first?
I believe Grace’s career high in RBI was 98, not the 99 was reported in #10.
Don’t look now, but Daryle Ward continues to rule.
Where in the world was Daryle going?
Wow, that’s a new one. How can you get picked off first, when they’re not holding you on in the first place?
99, 98. Whatever. Derrek will be lucky to get to 85.
Finding new ways to not score since 1908.
Looked like Kemp missed the tag there. Nonetheless, that’s twice on the Fat Kangaroo.
How many times does this have to happen and he stays in the regular line-up. God damn it!!!
Don’t look now, Daryle Ward continues to suck.
Lou may never play me again – though Santo said I was safe.
… and of course, DeRosa walks.
Only the Cubs can string together two walks, a single and a homer and most likely score one run. There ought to be some kind of prize for this.
Well, that was easy. A Ward’s speed, anything more than a 2 inch lead and he can’t get back.
I’m *huff* too *gasp* fat *puff* to *cough* try *wheeze* stealing.
Why did I try it then?
I’ve got nothing
Too bad there isn’t a website that will accept bets that I will ground into a DP here.
Fine, I’ll fess up. Daryle’s really me. I’m just fat, and lefthanded now.
Here’s a question–why the fuck does Lou keep putting him in the lineup? Can’t run, can’t play outfield. Is Cliff still mourning Pappy or what? Would ity kill them to put Pie in Center and Jock in right? That’s Ward’s second start of the series. It’s almost Lenny harris-like.
How do you fucking get picked off there? Attendance at the Carlos Zambrano school of baserunning?
I’d have a 10 year old’s ass for that. Maybe there’s a lucky Somali village who can have Daryl’s.
The throw definitely beat Ward, but the tag looked iffy. Maybe he got his foot in?
Nah, it’s just Santo being Santo…
Everything is okay. Jock is up.
Ooh, Jock’s up! Get ready Tony Abreu, this one’s coming to you, on six hops.
Cliff got a weak back about a week back.
I suck again.
I’ll just throw Jock four pitches out of the zone, he’ll swing at all of them and only foul one off.
Swing at everything Jock. Just swing at everything.
#38 Jock, with 2 outs you can’t exactly GIDP…
To those who think Lowe has nothing: how many times have you seen a pitcher have a rough first inning vs the Cubs only to follow with six more dominant ones? Yes, today could be that day! Way to squander that one boys.
How much does Lou hate Pie to keep throwing Jacqueshit out there?
Thanks Jock!
I’ll beat all your for talking bad about my baby!
I’m still annoying everyone.
If there had been one out Jock would have hit into me.
Sorry, tuned in late – thought there was one out. Nevertheless, Jock is still terrible.
I’m sure the Cubs won’t regret that inning.
Nah.
One run out of all of that? !!!!!
So, a homer a single, two walks and a strikeout.
The homer is 1 pitch, the single is one pitch. The walks are 8 and the strikeout is 3. That’s a minimum of 13 pitches.
Lowe threw 19.
I’m enjoying the nightlife too much, that’s why they punish me. I guess EPat ratted me out that I was the one who jumped in the cab with his wallet. That’s why he was late. Guilty as charged, but I can’t believe he narced on me. Pussy.
Actually, this is the Cubs idea with Marquis on the hill. Drive up Lowe’s pitch count, but go easy on the scoring. Too many runs makes Jason go boom-boom. It’s brilliant, really.
Hey, I’m as surprised as you guys.
Lowe’s pitch count is immaterial. Grady Little’s managing the Dodgers. Every pitching move is a coin flip. He’s as likely to pull Lowe in the sixth after 74 pitches as he would be to ride him for eight at 147 pitches.
Here I come, on 5 pitches nonetheless.
For anyone in Chicago that has any complaint about Len and Bob, in LA we are stuck with Vin Scully who is currently putting me to sleep.
We aren’t going to swing at the first pitch today. We’ll swing at the second one and make an out.
If Soriano had been batting 5th, it would be 3-0 right now. Just sayin.
Sullivan thinks the less I shave the crankier I am. That’s why I gave him a nice good look at the fact that my nutsack is hairier than the Wellesley softball team.
Yeah, but at least Vin knows baseball.
Oh, boo hoo. You have to listen to Vin Scully, the best baseball announcer…ever. I feel bad for you, really.
I’m sure you don’t know, because it’s never talked about, but Brenly won a World Series title with the Diamondbacks.
Seriously, Vin Scully alone makes me worth every penny.
According to me, Marquis is dealin’.
Once upon a time, Vin Scully may have been the best announcer ever. But just like any other activity, as you age your skills erode. He needs a partner, someone to keep him on track.
Somebody forgot to tell Lowe that the Cubs never get Dodger pitchers out.
I (seriously) live right next door to Seattke Sutton. I went out for a drink last night and saw her standing in the kitchen cooking in the nude. I dropped my drink and ran in utter terror.
Hey Jason, don’t leave me up anymore.
Did I almost go yard?
Gameday had Lowe’s fly out over the wall. Did Jock make an unbelievable catch?
Sorry EAS, he doesn’t. I watch Dodger home games just for Vin. He’s the best. Oh, I’m sure he’s not as good as he used to be, but he’s still awesome. He’s literate, polished and often funny. It’s actually a big deal that he came to Chicago for the series, since he rarely travels to cities outside of the NL West anymore.
Every catch my baby makes is unbelievable.
Apex, you live next to Don Sutton.
Time for our nap.
Lowe’s drive was caught about 2 steps in front of the warning track.
“…literate, polished and often funny.”
And I am the exact opposite.
Don’t even bother the rest of the day, Ogdens.
Winning a World Series doesn’t mean you know baseball. Look at Dusty Baker….
I won a World Series?
Did I make it to first yet?
As a player.
Me too.
Marquis has a perfect game going!
I bunted that little hard.
Most of you don’t know this, but I played with Hank Aaron.
Still does!
THERE ARE RULES! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TYPE THAT?!?!
On Baseball Tonight last night they featured the Roberto Clemente nominees from each team and did some stuff on Roberto’s career and Dusty was on talking about how when he and his brother were kids his brother would pretend to be Roberto and he’s pretend to be Hank. I don’t know what happened after that, because I kicked the shit out of my TV.
Which HOF broadcaster did Vin Scully replace for the Dodgers in 1950?
Me.
I’m coming.
Oh, for the millionth time, the only people, according to the stupid superstition not allowed to talk about a no-hitter or a perfect game are the pitcher’s teammates.
In fact, it pisses me off when broadcasters don’t do it, because after all, it’s their job to describe what’s happening and it’s kind of a big deal.
I’ve clipped my tonails, eaten a calzone and sent off a bout a dozen job applications this afternoon. God, I’m such a fucking loser.
This is what I was afraid of. But hey! Comcast Sports Net!
I’m pretty pink. Maybe it’s time to loosen my collar?
I thought I’d mix it up this time. How about 6-3
Sorry Red, it was me.
Oh, piss off.
I’ve really settled down since the first inning. Guess you guys (the Cubs) had your chance to knock me out early, but didn’t.
I love hair dye.
I walk…why doesn’t NSBB like me?
When was the last time I got a hit?
Hey, that’s easy to remember.
Why couldn’t I be a jinx?
Time to help the old cause.
Scully is solid but he’s lost definitely a few ticks on his fastball.
He’s Greg Maddux
I dig sports announcer babes. Where’s that Gail chick?
Probably pitching around Marquis to get to Soriano.
They oughta pair him up with Dusty. That’d be the balls.
We’re idiots.
Or not.
Nice job Jason. Ground out on what would have been ball 3.
I love the Patterson brothers.
The Cubs will score me in the fifth.
If you share our taste in music, you’re tone deaf.
This game is making me nervous.
13 down, ogdens.
I’m going to warm up just in case. Hell, I can pitch the last four innings of this bad boy.
Anyone noticed the Flight of the Conchords reference I dropped the other night?
Marquis slings me today.
“…Filthin-flarthin-filth!”
Ugh.
James effing Loney????
there i go
SHIT
15th man to bat. Yard.
The real Jason
That was fun while it lasted
me too!
bye bye 133 and 138!
sorry wrong thread
You all expected a perfect game from me? Seriously?
Dear To Wong Fu,
Thanks for everything.
What was Andy saying about regretting the first inning…?
That team could actually hit.
Nothing is phucked here, dude.
Maybe Alf can hit another leadoff homer. Yes, I’ll cling to that for the next 3 seconds.
At least I didn’t let that homer get in my head like our “Ace”.
Juuuuust a bit short Slaky,
I still throw like a girl.
Juan Pierre’s arm…pfft.
Somewhere near first base, Theriot looked up and went, “Hey, Juan Pierre’s fielding that ball, that weenie arm couldn’t throw me out from 10 feet.”
You can’t quiet THE RIOT!!
No you don’t Juan.
You fuckers better hurry up and score.
Just doin what I do
The Cubs need two of me right now.
Am I striking out more than in past seasons?
nope.
I’ll be at 2nd at the end of this inning.
at least it wasn’t another GIDP
I have a feeling today might be my last start this season.
These goddamn gutless assholes
I really suck right now. I suck so much I’ll probably get picked off at home in my next at bat.
Are the called strikes as bad as Gameday has them? It looked like DLee should have walked on 5 pitches according to how Gameday showed the pitch location.
I’m giving one up this inning then it’s going to rain all fucking day. Get ready bitches.
Jim Miller is replacing Richard Dent on Bears Postgame Live? Now the only unintelligible mumbling will be from Jerry Azumah?
here I come.
Why didn’t I throw to second? Anybody have any clue?
What the fuck am I doing?
I should have thrown to second. Here comes a run.
How did that not get turned? Seriously, Abreu wasn’t even half way when Marquis fielded the ball and Lowe wasn’t running hard to first.
I’ll haunt your dreams!
Because you want to be SURE to get one out, ogdens.
The Cubs couldn’t score in a women’s prison even if they had me.
What’s more irritating, that Juan didn’t make a token effort to avoid the pitch or that after getting hit on the arm he “limped” to first?
Well, I’ve lost it.
I’m on my way to second. Then I’ll score on bleeder past DeRosa.
Ah…had ’em all the way!
(passes out)
wow
It ain’t gonna rain long, but it gonna rain hard.
or not
Somehow Marquis will get shit on for giving up one through six…meanwhile back at the crime lab they’re trying to cook up a fucking fun.
You really have to admire the approach of most of the Cubs hitters. Lowe’s throwing all sinkers and they’re trying to hit everything in the air because the wind is blowing out. Great.
I have no idea where the strike zone is.
Yeah, sure, I’ll just check with the boys down at the crime lab. They got three more detectives working on the case. They got us workin’ in shifts!
Runs… (Hysterical Laughter)
Swing at everything Jock. Swing at everything.
According to Gamecast, I’ve thrown about 5 pitches in the strike zone all day.
a jinx
The frustrating thing about this offensive “effort” is that the home plate ump isn’t really giving Lowe many low strikes. The Cubs are swinging at shit that would very likely be called a ball. Great way to force Lowe to get his pitches up.
where did i end up?
And it says your girlfriend is a whore.
CUBS —
MIL 1.0
STL 3.0
On me, 190.
CUBS —
MIL —
STL 1.0
i hate this team
Ogdens.
Thanks for keeping 1st place warm.
Gosh…
If we lose this game 2-1, Ward must be shot.
I really don’t believe this fucking shit. A fucking guy with one good fucking leg scores all the way from first. Fuck me.
Fucking Jock. He cut the ball off but instead of actually setting and making a relay throw he jumped in the air and threw up another lazy ass toss to the wrong side of Fontenot, giving them no shot of throwing out the speedy Russ Martin.
Anybody care to describe Loney’s double? I have a suspicion Jock and his suticase of incompetence were involved in the run having scored.
Can you believe these suckers are going to pay me 6 million next year?
is exactly what this is.
Whiny bitches.
I’m going to drive toward Naperville until the Rain washes out my softball game. Then I’m going to turn around and go back home. Hopefully, this will work out so that I miss most of the football game.
Meanwhile in St. Louis, the Pirates are trotting out a AAA pitcher and their forfeit line-up.
Never mind. Thanks, Andy.
I wonder what Pie did to be banished so. I mean, he came in as a defenive replacement last night and got pulled for Kendall when ARam was intentionally walked. As if pie was unable to hit an infield popup to the first baseman.
nasty case scenario,
The Tards are up 2-0 in the 1st.
Feel the Suckitude
Oh, goody. Here coes the Derrek Lowe three run jack.
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
When I say “lets wake up old Harry” I don’t mean literally. Although that’d be something.
On the next “Cold Case Files” who stole the Cubs offense.
Ok, Mike D. The ball was roped into teh RC gap where Jock raced over and cut it off near the track. He then jumped like a left-handed shortstop and threw the ball with all his momentum carrying him toward the warning track. The throw one hopped Fontenot who had no shot to get a gimpy ass Russel Martin.
Yeah, it was a shitty throw by Jock but, it would’ve taken a ridiculous relay to get him.
Why did Sling Blade leave Lowe in the game to hit? Not that I should concen myself with the comdeic stylings of the opposing manager, but Lowe’s close to 90 pitches and they’re in the 7th inning with a lead.
Looks like BC is posting as Dave B. (207) today.
Did Kurtis really say somebody was the balls? That’d be the balls.
I’m on deck.
Was just thinking the same thing, Mike. following the game on gamecast I expected a long delay while they got a PH ready. Man, why can’t Grady Little manage the Cardinals?
I also kept Pedro in too long in 03.
Good times.
Here I come.
When’s the last time Cliffy got a solid hit?
Come on Cliff….come on buddy, ol pal.
I have to be on the move.
Hero time, bitches!
I’d settle for a walk.
I kept Kerry and Mark in too long pretty much the whole year in 2003. Pansies.
Here I come!
Conversely, Lou could have left Marquis in to bunt Banjo over and spare us the prospect of a DP by Cliffy.
My legs are fresh.
I’m due.
Time to bang a not sportscaster.
That’ll do, Derek. That’ll do.
BOOM! Headshot.
Can Soriano get a bunt down?
I’m the only Cub who can lay off that fucking sinker, apparently.
I love how people say Dusty abused Kerry and Mary in 03. It would’ve been the balls to keep sending that bullpen out there and finish fourth that year. Christ.
Did you mean “hot” sportscaster?
I’m fatter than Chris Young.
I throw hard…and straight. I should be Soriano’s dream.
I’m running for Cliffy
I am Fontenot II
Who was talking about me?
Sam Fuld!!!
Did I shit in Lou’s cornflakes?
We won’t advance
Hi everyone!
GIDP, BB, [backwards]K[/backwards]
Do it
is it time for me yet
The Pirates just tied it 2-2 in the second.
Could Broxton win the sausage race?
Aramis will hit whenever Ward’s turn is up.
Broxton hasn’t given up a run for a while.
It’s 3-1, can I still K?
(curls up in fetal position on couch a la 2007 NFC Championship Game)
o my God
I’m coming!
HOME RUN!!!!
I am the shit.
I told you so. I had nothing I could get by that skinny fuck.
4-2 Cubs.
I was going to go strikeout, walk, GIDP myself, but you’ve got the general idea…
Bomb Threat!!!
OGDENS
Fuck you, everybody!
That’s as excited as I get!!!!
OH YEAH!!!
Best. Free. Agent. Signing. Ever.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Passes out)
Damn right yay!
Up yours Gitles!
Fuck you Steve Stone.
Wheeeee!
Laser Rocket HomeRun!
I’m heating up, Ogdens.
du suc possibly, but i can still get win 12
which would put me just two behind our “Ace” and our theodore.
BLAHHHHHH! GAHH! (cough) How ’bout that!!?!!!
I’m not over yet, motherfuckers!
This rules. THIS RULES!!!!!!!
i am shining
There might be a bullpen out there crappier than the cubs.
that was non-chalant.
thats so me
Some guys have all the luck.
3R Blast, 4-3, 1B.
Suck us.
How am I relevant or necessary?
Don’t count your chickens, #275. Still plenty of time to get punched in the nuts. How about a few more runs?
Was talking about how bad Sori is in September.
Leave me alone until you play the Orioles in interleague sometime.
SUCKAS!!
Don’t get ahead of yourself, #280, there’s still plenty of suck left in us…
First made it’s appearance during the NFC Championship Game. As did Seattke jokes.
This day rivals that one in coolness.
No it doesn’t, really.
Ramirez time!
Glavine and Maddux…Johnson and Schilling…Pedro and Schilling…
…Lilly and Marquis?
I’m kinda pompous but I’m a better stretch singer than Ditka.
Why did I get awoken?
Can someone explain me?
You have to love Grady’s move to bring in a lefty to force Daryle Ward out of the game, how did he not figure that E-ramis would pinch hit? You basically are begging the Cubs to use their best hitter with a man on to face a lefty, no less.
Freet stack of buttermilk pancakes for all 37,000 in attendance if Ramirez goes yard.
You guys sure are confident for a team with Jason Marquis a lock to make your post-season rotation.
ouch
Friends call me “Grimace.”
Done for the year
Ouch. Right off the old funny bone.
Joe Biemel’s Gameday photo makes him look like me.
OH SHIT…..Aramis is DOA.
Fuck this shit. I wasn’t even supposed to play. And now I get hit? For the second day ina row? Like I said, fuck this shit.
He’s not really hurt is he?
Ronny is running over me?
Yeah, we’re so confident that we refer to him as “Marquis de suc.”
Sheesh.
Hey you guys!
Watch me steal second, guys!
Mike Maroth almost made it through the second inning.
Right-handers are hitting over .300 against me.
(sigh) …
again, 294?
I’m really not worth the trouble.
AHHH HAAA HAAA miss me now fuckers??
Seriously guys, what’s the deal with ARam? Where was he it? How bad it it look? I need ANSWERS!
yeah count my 11-8, maybe 12-8, sub 4.30 era (lower than fat Z) as someone you can’t count on
Ahh, there’s that DP we’ve been waiting for. Why would you want to tack on any extra runs?
I’m not really hurt right? Right?
I like pulling everything.
Say hello again, bitches.
I took it off the elbow, not the hand.
Seriously guys. Ramirez? He’s okay, right?
I’m back bitches!
And now the fun really starts.
I got grazed on the fleshy part of the right forearm. It looked scary but I didn’t look like I was in much pain. I’m fine.
Sam Fuld is staying in the game! Wait, I’m not at all excited about this!
here I come
He got hit on the forearm, didn’t look bad and got pinch run for by Ronny Cedeno as he yelled like Dante from Clerks, “It’s my day off! I’m not even supposed to be here!”
explain me!
Not Brant Brown, I hope.
I hope I don’t burn down now.
yeah he looks fine. Come in off the ledge.
I just hit a three run bomb in St. Louis. 5-2 Cardinals.
Seattke was a typo in a headline on Chicagosports.com as they were writing a story about the Bears-Seahawks game. Seattke left town. Something like that. It’s funny if you’re me or Apex. That’s it. We’re ok with that.
I hit another HR. I can’t keep this up, right?
Sam Fuld can catch. Nice.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
During the Mariners’ series a Tribune headline writer spelled Seattle wrong…Seattke…we ran with it. For three days.
Look for abou 3200 words of pure crap from Apex tomorrow in Prep Sports. Cross Country Preview. Editor said it was good stuff, but you’ll know better.
thank you
Bitches.
Pierre can hit the ball in the air all day, for all I care.
Why did you trade me? Perhaps I should have listened to my mother when she told me that I was given my name at birth because I was destined to be a male porn star. BUT NOOOO, I had to listen to dad and play baseball.
Thought I’d give one of them back.
Ankiel 3-run dong. 5-2 Satanic Fowl.
Matt Kemp. Shit.
I throw a tightpants fastball.
that’s exactly what i would do in this sceanrio. right around the time matt kemp would do that.
That’s one back.
Goddamn it.
Shit
im so proud
Matt Kemp, from what I’ve seen, is the best player ever. He’s fast, hits for power and average, and he gets on base. He can also throw. He’s amazing.
It’s okay all I need is a run one lead. You can count on me.
that was a creepy promo
Frankly, I’m amazed that Big Spot Bob doesn’t give up more homers, he throws 99 percent fastballs. If he’s off even a little with his location it’s on a tee.
I still like the guy, though. Of course, that’s subject to change.
Told you I still sucked, ogdens…
Slaky’s version of the Seattke story is correct. The second one is not.
“The Bears Hysteria in Chicago hasn’t subsided since Seattke left town.”
And Slaky said, “I know exactly where I was when Seattke left town.”
I don’t know why but it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I’m stupid.
Lets get some runs! No? How about A run? Still no? Ahhh get killed then.
By the way, I’m taking the same drugs Pujols is.
May I bat again?
When the Cubs and Dodgers were talking trade for Maddux it came down to Matt Kemp or Cesar Izturis. The Dodgers didn’t want to trade Kemp, but they really wanted Maddux and Ned Colletti admitted had push come to shove they would have traded Kemp, but that Hendry was happy with Cesar.
Great.
Slaky,
I was actually thinking that last night. Kemp is a nice, all-around ballplayer.
That’s HIRSUTE, dumb ass.
Colletti should’ve held out for Aramis.
I’m no slouch either.
I thought you were taking Hancock’s old drugs.
rons color of choice
Actually the reason Hendry was happy with Cesar was that he thought it was “the salad with the big fucking chicken laying on top of it.”
I live on a park bench.
Joe Beimel does not want to walk Mike Fontenot. Not with Sam Fuld on deck!
Well, Andy if Kemp played for the Cubs, he couldn’t hit against them.
kaspers grade for his bad jokes
Lets just text message this shit out to the batters box and see if the other team can find the strike zone on an invisible person….or we could just go through the motions of getting 3 outs and turning it over to Dempster. Either way, there’s not gonna be any sort of offensive threat.
Martin
Loney
LaRoche
No problem! It’ll be 6-4 in a heartbeat!
Back to the fetal position for me, ogdens.
me confusin
Oh how I love thee in the Outfield
This is going to be rough.
Yikes. Strike two to Martin was a meat ball.
Gulp.
Am I some sort of emo poetry or what?
One thing Hendry has shown ZERO ability to do right is get value for players you no longer want. He has literally given away players that smarter GMs would at least end up with something of use. Maddux for Kemp, figures.
BTW, how is the Great Nate Spears doing in the minors? How about Kyler Burke? Are they all-star prospects yet?
Or, rather, am I?
I just hit a foul ball about 700 feet.
apparently 377 is a fortune teller. i believe he meant 370.
Why wouldn’t it be?
lovely start
I’m making this interesting…
“BTW, how is the Great Nate Spears doing in the minors?”
Inquiring Gail’s want to know.
Great start cocklunch.
I’m due to blow one.
Off to a good start.
Even I won’t bunt here, right?
Hey Hey! I suck!
I just said DLee was playing too far off the line.
Am I on deck? I’m ready to hit a grounder to short then curl up in the fetal position again. That was fun.
Okay, wait…save the other night…inning of one hit relief last night, a shaky save on the 2nd against Houston…..add the angle of the light off of bob brenly’s head, subtract the overwhelming beauty of Carrie Muskat, carry the one….
yep it looks like today is scheduled to be a blown save.
Sorry, the math doesn’t lie. I can’t control this.
1 loss from elimination
1 gb from last place overall in major league baseball.
I’m fully clenched.
Don’t boo me.
Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick…
I’m a gold glover.
Right now, I’m wearing it.
Now…
We’re f ucked.
i do that best. im dempster.
ill take some money on that action $393
Andre Ethier, hitting .444 as a pinch hitter.
That was fun.
Lookin’ good, Billy Ray.
What the hell happened?
You’ve got to be kidding me…
Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK!!???
Someone bring me the head of Ryan Dempster.
Imagine me in October
good call.
Hate you
It’s done.
#405, I suck ass, thats what happened.
Un F*#$&T#$&*@%* @# believable.
On any other day, that’s a can of fruckin’ corn. I blame Dempster for none of this.
We’ll take it from here.
Dempster does know these aren’t the Mets, right?
TODAYS FORECAST: Partly cloudy, slight breeze from the NW, 60% chance of volcanic eruption.
That’s a season! Don’t forget to tip your waiter.
I think an angry mob of fans should toss Dempster onto the El tracks and tie him down.
Any conductor who knew anything wouldn’t stop.
That’s about all we’ll be doing. Imagining October.
See, this is where a 45 ft breaking ball would have served a useful purpose.
Anyone know why I pitched last night? I’m tired, ogdens.
i can hit homers
They’ll be laid off soon so why not.
Fuck you, 417. We’re backing into this thing. Not you.
HA HA…. off the hook now doges!!
why am I in the bullpen?
Doesn’t this pretty much ensure I’ll be closing.
Wow
Ok. To hell with Dempster.
im being poured all over the mound
How’s Marquis’ win total looking?
Do you also leave movies before they’re over?
I worked so DAMN HARD!
And this is the FUCKING THANKS THAT I GET?!?
It’s not cool to boo, we’re human you know?
Here I come
Dempster, dude, we had to put you in yesterday – we were only up by 6.
I need to be invented today!
I still pitched good
You still don’t know if I’m a comedy or tragedy yet.
Wow 434 really holds a grudge
i scored, 5-3
I wish I could PH against the Cubs everyday.
oh i will be heard today
It’s too bad Sam Peckinpah isn’t around to chronicle this properly.
Don’t worry, I bat second in the bottom of the inning – if we ever fucking get there.
We went nuts at the big cake when we saw the score.
NOW LEAVING FIRST PLACE..*snicker*Come Back Soon!*snicker*
I repeat. This will be looked back on as the 10-game stretch when the Cubs completely pissed away their season. Nice fucking job you fucking sack of pussies.
Can’t wait to hear Lou after the game.
Kendall now 1-46 throwing out runners as a Cub.
in a loss?
No. 439 is right. How tits out would it be if everyone just cheered when Dempster came out, and got louder and chanted his name and just obnoxiously acted like those fuckers won a World Series? That’s what these assholes want, right?
are they saying boo or what
I just want to start again!
Would you like me to save a seat for you 2007?
It will be great having me around next year for the entire season having people steal at will.
making my way down the pitching staff
#449 has got to be me.
Funny, Andre Ethier doesn’t look like Preston Wilson.
Just feels like him.
Was this my swan song as closer?
Wasn’t I demoted from being closer like eight times this year?
Looks more like Victor Diaz.
Matt Kemp 3-run homer
Hey, I’m 4-46! (Of course, on 3 of those the runner actually fell down and broke his leg on the way to second – or something)
Nice timing.
ill score my way, biatch
I can’t watch this shit anymore.
We’ll score enough to sit Saito down.
you mean me
There’s another run LA. You’re fucking welcome.
I’m a big sack of shit. Lou must be doing meth if he thinks I’ve got the sack to pitch in this situation.
I also have the ability to let runs score in alternative ways.
468, that was a passed ball all the way. Kendall should’ve had it, no question.
We are pathetic.
Even the inning ending strikeout bounced out of Kendall’s glove. Perfect.
I”m going to sleeep now
I plan on starting my 4th consectutive year in AAA next year – that’s what all the stars do, right?
Who’s the fucking numbnuts who’s accusing me of being on meth for putting Wuertz in there? Who exactly HAS the sack (or the skill, which is vastly underrated by the guys here) to pitch in this inning? Anyone in my bullpen? Will fucking Ohman? Scott Eyre? Who? Help me!
Fucking retard.
This team sucks.
bwah!!!!
Hey, we play Sunday!
You just know the Cubs will score two in the ninth now.
We yell at the ump, it shows we care.
I’m like Santo, but I’m not.
No, the Cubs will go down in order
pinch hit for me… for the love of god, I can’t hit.
By the time we play, the Cubs could be well on their way to 3 GB
Ol’ Lou is giving ’em away down the stretch just like Dusty. Why was Dempster pitching yesterday with a 6 run lead?
Still got plenty of tramadol, stop by.
boo me
I like the high hard stuff.
Good to be an anxious hitter when the ppitcher is throwing balls 10 feet outside…
I look like a homeless bum but your fucking right-handed hitters couldn’t touch my shit even though every other righty in the league is hitting over .300 against me.
Suck it Chicago.
This feels like my September
Gotta use my horses, Dude.
I’m sorry, I can’t help it that my parents are cousins
trying to hit a four run homer
Yep. 1-2-3 inning coming right up.
boo me
I have to get my teeth polished.
FUCK. YOU. CUMDUMPSTER.
am i that?
HEY GUYS!!! You start this shit already without me? LOL, where’s the seeds?
IM GETTING SENT WHERE???
Ball game. Unbelievable.
boo me
Cue me up.
Just f@#$ing pitiful.
At what point in the season was Ryan Dempster actually me, Brenly?
im so bad
It’s not Dempster’s fault he sucks, it was part of his cultural upbringing.
Fuck these goddamn gutless fucking assholes with Bea Arthur’s fucking dick.
And yeah, that was me earlier. What a fucking waste of 10 days.
Lose to a guy who hasn’t pitched in two months.
Lose to Wandy Fucking Rodriguez
Ace shits the bed.
Closer shits the bed.
This should have been a 9-1 homestand. Instead they choked worse than 2003 or 2004. Nice fucking job you pussies.
Tough loss, but all World Series winners need to go through this.
Who wants a tee-shirt?
The Cards are up 7-3 over Pittsburgh. Oh wait, that sucks, doesn’t it?
I need to start saying something different or I need to shut the fuck up. One or the other. My BC-like agenda is very childish. Fucking pussy. Fucking bedshitter. Fucking pussy. Pussy. Fuck.
I just read that Aramis went to the hospital and there’s speculation he has a broken elbow. Seriously.
Cubs will finish the season me, so quit all your faggoty whining. Your team has played like crap this week since Zambrano set the tone Monday. However, they’re in first place with two teams that happen to be more retarded than they are in Milwaukee and St. Louis. Strap on a pair and stop sounding like a bunch of Boston fans.
I really don’t care anymore. I just want some Dean’s ice-cream.
Wait. If Ramirez has a broken elbow, reverse my record to 7-16 and disregard everything I said.
NOW you can say my name, ogdens.
I’ve had about as much to drink as you apparently have, but it’s not helping.
16-7 my ass. If this team reaches 80 wins it’ll be a fucking miracle. Fuck this fucking group of fuckers.
Hey, got around the word filter!
Morpheus. Stop reading Bleed Cubbie Blue.
How about this?
Suck my fucking dick. If you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it.
We just read that Aramis went to the hospital and there’s speculation he has a ruptured spleen. Seriously.
I’d love to see me since about 3:30 CDT.
I saw it at ACB, actually. Did I get suckered?
I think you did. I saw it there, too. But then, these are the Cubs we’re talking about.
Brewers to CIN on the road
Cards to ARI
Cubs to Pirates.
Sweet, tease them into thinking they’ll win before we smash the Pirates and those other teams crush the BrewCrew and CardBirdies!
I hope that was sarcasm, #524.
This team is done. D-O-N-E.
What a gutless performance this week. No heart at all.
But some perspective is warrented. I could see them wanting to get the hell out of dodge and having a good road trip.
What a pathetic homestand though. Somehow I just new knew before I even checked the score that today was gonna be baddddddd.
Apparently, the “hit” credited to James Loney immediately preceding Ethier’s HR was originally ruled an error. if it was that close, then I shoulda had it.
Chuck can rag on my hitting all he wants. What’s even more alarming, though, is that I’ve slowly morphed into Fred McStiff-who eats ass– on defense.
“This team is done” and “What a gutless performance”?
Just all ’em a bunch of “asshole slapdick pussies” and get it over with, LoneStar.
Yer right #416. After coming in from the ledge and watching the 9th again, the soon-to-be-demoted closer didn’t pitch all that badly. A couple of seeing eye scratch hits and a wind-blown fly ball. The division’s still up for grabs. If these mopes can start hitting just a little, they should take it. Then it’s a brand new season. I’ll hang up and read your jeers.
You’re right, #529. Would have been nice if DLee stepped up and made a play, but I was sort of snakebit.
On the other hand, I was ahead of all of the hitters. Missing some bats would be nice, though, and actually getting a strikeout. This is why Marmol will probably take over the rest of the way.
Looks like my storybook season may have had a pharmaceutical boost.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3008363
YES!