The happy, gutty little Rick Ankiel comeback story rode off the rails yesterday, despite his two homer, seven-RBI performance in a win over Pissburgh. The New York Daily News reported that Ankiel recieved a year-long supply of Human Growth Hormone from a Florida pharmacy in 2004.

On the surface, this seems immediately like a big deal, and then after you think about it for a couple minutes it seems like far less of a big deal.

But it’s a big deal.

The Ankiel apologists will come to his defense, saying that a doctor prescribed it for him and he got it legally and it wasn’t banned by Major League Baseball until 2005 and he stopped taking it when it was banned.

In fact, they’re already saying it. It’s so cute that they live in a naive little world where everything is that simple.

You know why people take HGH? Because it works. It’s like steroids, only better. Harder to test for, fewer known side effects. It’s almost natural.

To think that Ankiel stopped using HGH when baseball banned it (a ban that doesn’t come with any kind of test to prove who is using it) is plausible. In much the same way that jumping out of an airplane without a parachute and surviving is plausible. It can happen. It pretty much never does.

It’s an interesting case for Cardinals fans, though. These are the same fans who by an overwhelming majority think that Mark McGwire never did anything wrong. They believe the fairy tale that all he ever did was use “perfectly legal” (you’ll hear and see those words a lot from Ankiel defenders) Androstenedione, even as he turned into Paul “Freakin'” Bunyan and enjoyed a second round of teen acne (this time all over his back) in his 30s.

Cubs’ fans look back on the Sammy Sosa homer era with a great degree of embarrassment. You look at film of that muscle bound freak and wonder why you ever believed anything other than the very obvious truth. I was a Sammy defender for far too long. Now when people talk about his Hall of Fame candidacy, I laugh. The only way he deserves going to Cooperstown is if a bus hits him and he sticks to the grill all the way there.

It’ll be interesting to see what excuse the Cardinals are able to cook up for Ankiel’s HGH use. While HGH and some anabolic steroids, are legal by prescription, there are very narrow medical reasons for which they can be prescribed. Recovering from ligament replacement surgery isn’t likely to be on the list. Also, the thing that many seem to be missing is that the pharmacy where Ankiel had his prescription filled is the focus of an investigation into a “national illegal prescription drug operation.” There’s a key word in there.

But Ankiel has a few things going for him here. Most importantly is the city, or town, or whatever St. Louis is, that he’s playing in. They love their doped up baseball players. From Garry Templeton to Keith Hernandez to Darrell Porter to Mark McGwire to Daryl Kile to Josh Hancock to Scott Spiezio to Rick Ankiel, and many, many, many more. If you can snort it, bake it, inject it, drink it or shove it up your bum, they’ll love you for it. When you are a Cardinal, when word gets out that you’re a drunk or a drug addict or a performance enchancing cheater, it’s not your fault. It is the fault of the evil media.

Didn’t take long for them to circle the wagons today, either. Already at Viva El Fuckwads Birdos they have taken up Rick’s case with typical paranoid vigor:

The timing of this “story” breaking is pretty fishy to me.To me it seems like some of the “East Coast media” is trying to put a wrench in the Cardinals playoff chances. Maybe it’s just me but I think they are thinking… We can’t have the Cardinals come and crash the post season again so lets dig something up on their new hero. No it’s not good news, but I really question the timing of this.

by KYCards on Fri Sep 07, 2007 at 01:52:33 AM EDT

yeah i thought that too.

by Pujols on Fri Sep 07, 2007 at 01:53:54 AM EDT [ Parent ]

I seriously doubt the NY Daily News looked at the NL Central standings and decided to break this story based on the Cardinals chances to make the postseason.Let me get this straight…Rowand over Pujols??? Really, Tony?

by cardzfan24 on Fri Sep 07, 2007 at 01:56:41 AM EDT [ Parent ]

 

I wouldn’t be so sure it seems real fishy that this broke the same day Rick has a big game and the Cards are only 1 game out.I remember last October when even Mike Shannon said the last thing the East Coast Media wants is the Cardinals in the World Series. He went off on a pretty big rant about it, and there was alot of truth to what he said.

by KYCards on Fri Sep 07, 2007 at 02:10:54 AM EDT [ Parent ]

Maybe they didn’t study the NL Central standings, but they sure as hell wouldn’t be writing this if Rick were slugging .375 with 2 HR. Did you look at the NYDN’s front sports page? Do you really think this is not being overblown, cardzfan?

by baw on Fri Sep 07, 2007 at 02:20:52 AM EDT [ Parent ]

Another poster then says that the writer of the article must be a Mets fan, still upset over the NLCS last year. That’s the mentality. Sad.

The most telling quote in the whole piece comes from Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty,

“If it’s true, obviously it would be very tragic, along with everything else we’ve had happen to us this year.”

Walt ignores the fact that most of what’s “happened” to them they’ve brought on themselves. Nobody forced booze down Josh Hancock’s gullet and sent him off to terrorize the Missouri highway system. Nobody held Scott Spiezio down and pumped him full of coke. Nobody ordered Tony LaRussa to take a drunken nap in his car at a stop sign in Florida. I get it, Chris Carpenter’s hurt and Juan Encarnacion took a foul ball off the eyesocket. I don’t think this gets lumped in with those, though, Walt.

But Jocketty’s assertion that it’s “tragic” is right. The Cardinals were desperate for a fuzzy story to put a year’s worth of public, selfish acts, behind them, and they thought they found one in Ankiel. Guess not. He’s just another puffed up fraud. Some day, a performance enhancing drug scandal will rock them even more, but for now this will have to be the one that forces them into sychophantic overreaction.

I’m sure they’re busy making “We still love you Rick!” signs. Oh, who am I kidding, they don’t make signs, the Cardinals make them and hand them out. We’ve known that for years.

It’s ironic, that the biggest Ankiel supporter up to this point had been Will Leitch of Deadspin. Ironic in that one of the funniest running bits the site has ever had focused on the irrational, and overwrought reaction to the Barbaro saga. They loved to post hilarious and sad, over the top sentiments expressed “to” Barbaro from people all over the country. It’s ironic, in that more than any other professional sports franchise, Cardinals fans give off that same, creepy vibe.

That was evidenced by them immediately thinking this is a plot by the “East Coast media” to de-rail the gutty Cardinals charge to the playoffs. I mean, holy shit.

The reality is that as we go along, more players will get implicated this way, and some of them, likely will be Cubs. If it’s one we like, we’ll be tempted to make excuses for them. Of course, if they keep playing like they did yesterday, that temptation will be fleeting. I personally hope that Jock Jones and Will Ohman are busted in a horse tranquilizer sting before lunch today.

The rest of the season ought to be interesting for Rick Ankiel. At home he’ll be loved, to a sickening degree–more (if possible) than he already is. On the road, he’s going to get lots of “Hey, Rick? How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!” and “You’re really going through a hot flash these days, aren’t you?” I would like to think right field will be littered with prescription bottles when Rick comes to Wrigley on Monday.

Oh, that just seems wrong.

But funny.