Pitching matchup:
Lemon Harang 15-4, 3.65 ERA
Carlos Zambrano 16-12, 4.14 ERA
Lineups
Reds
On the Hopper, cf
Jeff Keppinger, ss
Griffey the Younger, rf
Brandon Phillips, 2b
VORP Donkey, lf
Eddie Encarnacion, 3b
Joe E. Votto, 1b
Tubby Valentin, c
Lemon Harang, p
Cubs
Chuck’s Whipping Boy, lf
Dance Fever, ss
Derrek Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Ginger, rf
PonDeRosa, 2b
Jock, cf
Captain Caveman, c
Carlos Zambrano, p
Who’s up for 15-15? I’ve got another fiver in me.
It’s time to go out there and keel the Reds. You will worship me again, bitches!
What is with the fossil on Comcast saying that “we didn’t boo the Cubs in the ’50s?” Fuck him, and his wife who’s wearing an oxygen tank. If I was at the game, I’d go stand on that fucking tube. Hah!
Boooooooooooooooooooooo!
Comcast’s normally cheesy video open just caused me. Nice job.
The Brewers will spend the winter lamenting my name.
Lament it? I couldn’t even pronounce it!
I like to stick my fingers in DeRosa’s eyes and ears.
Nice shot of Z pounding Mike Fontenot into the ground in the dugout. Oh, those wacky Cubs.
Felix does not know how to celebrate big hits.
Whoo! I hammered that. Nearly 50 feet.
Off to a grand start. Infield hit. Hit by pitch. What’s next? A balk?
Oh boy…not quite a good start
His stuff looks pretty good to me. I’ll sit down now.
How about a 1 pitch 6-4-3…
Matt (Boltz) is known as our engineer, producer, and drunk.
And Keppinger is out 8-3-5-6-3. Routine.
Why did Lee cut that off? I had him! He was still a good two feet from home!
Sure, I can go six tonight.
Hard to tell if this is Z on 3 days rest or business as usual.
He rarely pitches well against the Reds.
Why do our fucking outfielders who can’t throw always throw home?
I forgot to cover second. I’m sure Chuck will blame that on Soriano.
Where was Theriot? Shouldn’t he have covered 2nd there?
I’m clutch.
Two runs is all I’m going to need. Pack it up.
But we like coming from behind.
I went to go back up Fonsi in left
Don’t boo me! Yet.
I’ll swing at every pitch within the zip code.
I only gave up one run in Houston in the first.
I look just like Chris from Family Guy.
http://www.modernsoundpictures.com/4S-CUTOUTS/SU-577.jpg
I have nothing.
Sheets is hurt
The second inning is off to a good start.
We are getting very old.
…like emotionally? Spiritually?
Sheets is done
Let’s run everyone out there on three days’ rest. I’m a fucking genius.
It was either a leg or a vagina injury…probably the latter
With Z having two strong outings I wanted to get him back off track…
How do ya like getting the shit squeezed out of you, Carlos?
Stop your whining. Carlos has proven the ability to get lit up by the Reds on four and five days rest.
Sheets got hurt warming up? How is he not a Cub?
Lou you want me to start warming up?
Only one pitcher is getting the corner tonight, doges!
If Lou knew what he was doing, he’d treat this like a bad side session, lift Z for Traxshall, and get Z ready for a day game (he’s a lot better during the day) against the Buccos on Friday.
Maybe I get a complete game tonight?
You might get a perfect game tonight, Ha Rang.
Someone should tell Harang-utan that his wife is about to give birth and he needs to leave the game immediately. If he doesn’t have a wife find a pregnant woman and say he’s the father.
Nice shot of Larry Rothschild in the dugout after Carlos’ walk. He shook his head and muttered “Goddamnit.”
Dear Lou, please get somebody warming up.
I’m made of paper mache
I believe Harang is part wildebeest. How long do those gestate?
Lou should send me out to have a chat with Carlos. I’ll kick his ass all the way back to the dugout.
Lou, I mean it. Really. Please?
Here come the boo birds. Don’t cry Carlos.
I want Lou to get Sean Marshall up. Why not? Let’s go from a guy pitching on three games rest to a guy pitching on two.
Maybe the Cubs are going to spot the Reds an 11 run lead and then come back like the Cards did yesterday. Oh wait….
How pathetic is this. Len thinks Lou should wait until the end of the third to take out Carlos so it’ll be less obvious he’s being booed.
Sure, why not, the Cubs will only be down 12 by then.
Carlos will be worshipped. By all 19 Brewers fans.
YAAAAY!!!
You owe me one, Carlos. I don’t catch those for whiteys like Trachsel.
Oh whatever.
Today should have been a bullpen start. I get a boner for those. Even though my teams are 1-47 in the last 15 years when I do that.
I just said, “Let’s see if the Cubs can solve the mystery of Aaron Harang.”
I’m guessing this is either the title of a Hardy Boys book or an anthropolgy study.
Carlos has only thrown 61 pitches through three. Not too shabby. He won’t hit 100 until…well, probably the fourth.
Jock hates me.
I’m reminiscing about Harry Caray. I might want to hang onto some anecdotes for when it’s 7-0.
Harang-utan is throwing a perfect game.
#67. Bob can always talk about that 2001 World Series. He never gets a chance to do that.
Wait, so the Cubs are going to play a recording of Harry singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” in 1997, on Friday? Gee, it’d be crazy if they did that…every game. Nah, how would The CW promote the shows nobody watches?
There goes the perfecto.
Nice timing, #68
Not no more, 68!
Watch me swing from my ass.
How’d you like my no-look toss to second? Flashy! All it cost us was an out.
Yeast infection flaring up again.
The Cubs still don’t have a hit or run.
This sets up the next inning well. Fonsi won’t be leading off. Like 9th inning last night.
Carlos almost beat the throw to second after Encarnacion blocked the ball, but he ran through second into left, so even if he had, he’d have been tagged out. Things are going well, aren’t they?
I know he was out on the force, but does Zambrano know that he can’t run past second like you can first? If he was safe on the throw he would have been tagged out.
RonCe must be giving baserunning tips in the dugout.
Ben Sheets is a pussy!
I was on my way to third when I got called out at second
Bronson Arroyo is at the bat rack ready to help out in a pinch.
I don’t throw many strikes anymore do I?
Doh! Lead off out…here I’ll walk the pitcher
Looks like Z is pitching around Harang.
I hate ball four also.
Hey! I’m settled in. Let’s start the game now!
time to get things started
1-2-3 inning. The fans go wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When does the game start?
Harang’s on the mound. Anyone who expected a run, much less a win, was just fooling himself.
Hey look!!!!! I’m throwing a no-no!!!!
Cancel the postgame show.
Pancakes spits on your no hitters.
Thank you, 94!
Worked like a charm…
Hey look!!!! I’m throwing a shutout!!!!
Enough of dis boolshit
We’ve tied it 1-1, and have loaded the bases. Hope you enjoyed first place.
How about a hanger here…
Grand slam. 5-1, game over.
Were the France of the NL Central
Not so fast, 103. We’ve got to go 8 tonight.
Hey Jock…..Brewers hit a grand slam.
Bases loaded for me! I’ll strike out on 2 pitches
Product testing reveals that “Shambala” is as or more effective than the Special Medicine.
I tried to ground to second, but just missed. 3-2.
Holy roller…it made it through
Well it wasn’t a grand slam, but it’ll do.
Oh man, I am soooo tired.
Even when I drive runs in, I do it on a weak grounder to the right side.
Jock did his best to ground out to second and ended up scoring two.
Boy did Jacque swing at a bad pitch… and get a good result
Hmmm?
Thanks too, 99!!!
Pete Mackanin: Let’s walk Kendall so they pinch hit for Zambrano.
Harang: What, why would you want him out of the game?
Mackanin: Right. Never mind.
Hey look! I still have the lead!
I am Chip Carey.
Worth a try.
Hey Ultimate Seventh Inning Stretch people! YOU SUCK!
Just to make sure, the ridiculousness has reached the point where making fun of it isn’t worthy of bandwidth, right?
Because otherwise, we’d be asking what kind of grown man would paint Cubs logos on his cheeks like a 6 year-old girl.
Hey Norris Hopper! Suck on this.
Atta boy Jock.
I’m going as Edmonds for Halloween!
Did Brenly say that Jock is “doing it on both ends tonight?” Awe-some! I’ll bring the lube!
Trying to make sure Jock gets his running in.
Hey, at least I’m throwing strikes now.
Jacque looks likes he can find both his ass and a map in centerfield tonight. Nice to see.
That was a weird inning.
Big deal, I could have gotten through five. I’d have given up nine runs, but I’d have gotten through five.
Hey, in my first start I did that. And all it took was Daryle Ward throwing a guy out at second and Soriano throwing out two guys at home. I was dealin’!
Zees French Armee, ve must run and hide. Ze Bosche zey are all over Milwaukee, no? Sacre bleu, retreat!
Black is slimming. I need more black. Lots more.
This just in: Slaky sez Houston is going to make a comeback and win.
I’m refilling my gas can, just in case.
Why does it seem like i’m never ready to go the first couple of innings? Maybe if I didn’t half-ass my pregame running and stretching….
The Felipe Paulino era has ended in Houston. Paul Assenmacher’s younger brother, Trever Miller is in.
Something tells me not working hard enough is not one of Carlos’ problems.
Slaky,
Is Turd Throw warming up already?
I had the body of Greek God. The God of chicken pot pie.
Don’t think so Taylor, but they’re gonna have to use him at some point tonight.
I am so going to win the poll contest tonight.
Until tomorrow.
They should let Turd Throw pitch the rest of the game. What’s the worst that can happen?
If Theriot were leading off there’d only be one out!
What did Len say about checking the Cubs for warts?
**Orgasms**
Wow…if Kendall and Valetin had a throwing contest 85 feet would win.
How many outs?
Ryan Braun would look good with a baseball sticking out of his neck
We’ve tacked on two more, even our pen won’t be able to blow this.
No, Mark. Nope. Nuh uh. Nope.
Whoever mentioned that Hooston is the France of baseball teams had it right. Nice that they just waved the white flag for the Brewers series.
Back to a 2 run lead.
Don’t be so sure of that, #150.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/boxscore;_ylt=Ao9sWzSKLmL.Aot324szVhG4u7YF?gid=270805108
Carlos didn’t deserve to get booed. Also didn’t deserve an ovation. Stunned silence would have sufficed.
Well, I suppose the good news is that the Cubs won’t fall all the way into me.
Time to knock this 1.29 down a few points, doges.
I got the start for Baltimore in the Bronx tonight. Did great. Four innings, six runs. It’s only 12-0 Yankees.
I can blow any lead at any time, don’t doubt me #150.
Do not mess with me over there Joey Votto!
#156
Don’t be so sure. The surging Cards are up 3-1. They could make their come back any day now.
I’m no longer just stranding runners, I’m erasing them.
Joey Votto was standing three feet from first and got picked off. He’s a natural for the Cubs.
Anybody listening to Gameday?
Ron: Wow, that pickoff move would have got me!
Clearly
Hey Ice Man! I got a start in St. Louis tonight! I wonder what Phil Norton is up to?
#159,
I’ve got a lead! I’ve got a lead!
Yes, Taylor. My plan is all coming to fruition.
Time to rename the “Sixth Inning Cold Blast To The Booth” the “Simplistic Assholes With E-mail Access” segment.
Hey, I got on that segment once…oh, I get it now.
I will continue to have the game of my life. Riiight now.
Nice at bat Murton. You just had to stand there with your bat on your shoulder and you would have gotten on base.
After 152 games
Astros 83-69 —
Cubs 82-70 1
The “Simplistic Assholes With E-mail Access†segment brought to you by northsidebaseball.com.
Shit, I’m still at only 91 pitches.
I found a bunch of strangers wandering around outside the park, gave them uniforms and decided to let them pitch. You’re welcome!
**Weeps for his departed positive, urinates, rehydrates.**
Balls in the dirt are about as tough to lay off as a bucket of KFC
Why wouldn’t you just drill Harang in the ribs right now? I don’t get it.
Mouthbreathin’ sumbitch.
what up bitchez. I’m reporting live from the espn zone in times square. its obnoxious here, but I figure any place that has plasma tvs above the urinals can’t be that bad.
Take a lot of fucking pitches.
Come over to my place, dan. I’ll hold a plasma up over my head.
where’d I go?
Hey! I have a commanding lead!
I think it is unfair what Houston is doing… just let us get in and we can even this up.
Ryno’s doing better with the whole talking thing.
Manson shows em how to work a count. Good start.
Even Kendall thought that was a strike…good start to the inning though
So who’s up?
I’m such a creepy, dirty sexual deviant; chock full of cheezy come-ons and STDs.
If Cliff goes yard, I’ll blow myself. Somehow, someway.
hey jim edmonds, if you want me to piss on your legs, you got the wrong idea about me.
But Cliff was taking pitches though! That’s awesome.
Damn you Cliff.
Fastball down the middle, naw. Fastball outside corner, naw. Fastball way outside, sure, why not.
The word “certainty” was invented for me.
Should’ve batted Marmol there.
It’s me again!
We get you to heaven.
hey apex, there is a way to do it. I figured it out before batting practice one time. I’d be happy to show you. plasma is optional.
hey apex, there is a way to do it. I figured it out before batting practice one time. I’d be happy to show you. plasma is optional.
We get you laid by 72 virgins.
Have I been that bad?? Santo seems to think I’m brutal.
Well, Cliff grounded into two so I’m gonna fuck myself in the ass instead.
I’m off doing other stuff, leave a message at the beep.
Am I enough to get to the bullpen?
Apex, can I help you with that, or at least watch?
Yes. I’ve given Harang an extra 6″ to either side of the plate that the Cubs pitchers haven’t had.
However, I’ve tightened up on Harang the past couple innings, thankfully.
Will Ohman has me and causes me.
I finally threw a guy out and I get hosed like that?
I’m actually an operative of the NL Central French.
Boy, I suck.
scoreboaed update: mets lose 9-8 to Nats.
Time to throw some fire on the gasoline, ogdens. Say bye to first place for a while, maybe about 6 months.
Any guy with some speed that gets on base is a guaranteed two bagger… pisses me off.
Am I beginning to become relevant? Cause my shoulder kind of hurts
Aren’t the chances of me being good two nights in a row small enough that I should be avoided at all costs? I thought so too.
We will still be tied for 1st if we lose… so you need to wait until tomorrow.
The Brewers control me, the Cubs do not.
can you win in the post season if your catcher throws out ZERO percent of baserunners. the only 2 guys kendall has thrown out either overslid the base or were in a bothced hit and run. seriously. this is a problem right?
My profile as a crappy German left handed relief specialist is just a cover. Viva La France!
Along with Hunter Pence and Jose Reyes, the Cub-Killer HOF inductees for 2007!
I’ve said for awhile that the lack of throwing out baserunners will probably keep us out of the playoffs.
I’m still waiting for the Houston Frenchies to get that come back started.
Throw me!
We’re warming up in the Reds pen, close the door Kerry.
Sorry guys, I can’t go an inning w/ out walking at least 1 guy.
is what keeps the Cubs out of the playoffs. Honest to christ, you put this exact roster in Astros uniforms and they win 95 games and the #1 seed. But no, this is the Cubs, so they suck. We’re never going to see a winner, and I don’t know why we bother.
No comeback tonight, I’ll make sure of that.
Kendall needs to be hung, shot, beaten and drug behind a barn, and then to Ted Lilly’s basement.
Geovanny Soto needs to start every game from here on out.
Lou needs to stop managing like a dumbass.
Why does a three-run lead seem me tonight?
Good to see you here BC
Everyone hide and beg for mercy!!
Hey, BC came to a gamecast.
Smart move by Wood…I would rather face the Reds bullpen down 3 than Harang down 2
What is our record when I start?
Game’s not over yet. The realist in me says it’s only three runs and the worst pen in history hopefully coming in. Go Cubs.
Sorry, that’s worst pen in history IN.
Why do you guys foul me off so much?
Over
shut up #229. that fatalistic bitching is tiresome..
time flies like an arrow.
fruit flies like bananas.
you gotta admit, wuretz does have a filthy slider.
Please put him in
The Asstrolls are utterly useless. Turd Throw just pitched a scoreless 8th.
DeRosa, Soto, Jones, Ward, and we are tied up.
Let me load the bases and we’ll see if I can get out of it
I’m calling 2 pop ups and a ground out.
Day-vid Wea-Thers!
CLAP! CLAP! Clap-clap-clap!
good start. get on base Jock.
good start. get on base Jock.
Glad Cub hitters never, ever, ever, ever, take a fucking 2-0 or 3-1 pitch.
2-0 count and you hit a soft ground ball to 2nd base?????? God bless.
Theriot did the other day, and of course walked. Thanks Jock.
Nice game guys…
You’ll never see me again.
oh well. at least the brewers are losing–d’oh!
Big Game Z comes through again.
Hey, why aren’t they playing my song at the end of this game?
Welcome back Cubs.
Did the game start yet? What did we miss?
I just got a little bit bumpier.
Tomorrow we’re going to have the Houston School for the Blind play for us. They might have a better chance at winning than we do.
It’s what Big Z does best.
If anyone out the over 35 couldn’t remember why you follow these clowns, my piece on Brickhouse should do. Blame Jack.
Glad I opted for preseason hockey tonight.
Said the same thing last night, before the game was even over. Go eat a plate pf penises.
Have I won a big game, oh, ever??
I just referred to fellow grizzled vet receiver “Hank” on the pre game show with Cory Whatsis. Should I have said “Henry White”, like Dick Mountain did?