Pitching matchup
Reds: Somebody Shearn 3-0, 4.15 ERA
Cubs: The Bull Moose 15-7, 3.82 ERA
Lineups
Reds
On the Hopper, cf
Jeff Keppinger, ss
Griffey the Younger, rf
Brandon Phillips, 2b
VORP Donkey, 1b
Eddie Encarnacion, 3b
Joey Votto, 1b
Dave Ross, c
Tom Shearn, p
Cubs
Al, rf
Dance Fever, ss
Derrek Lee, 1b
Cliff, rf
E-ramis, 3b
PonDeRosa, 2b
Jock, cf
Geovany Soto, c
The Bull Moose, p
Those of you stuck with us…what did you do in a previous life? Muahahahahaha!
Weeks on base to lead off the game against some cockhead from Houston. FUCK YOU CECIL COOPER!
I’m not that bad. Brantley, on the other hand, is terrible.
We’ve started off the game by giving up a single and committing an error. The Brewers should be up 10-0 by the middle of the first. You can thank us later.
Good thing I’m playing short for your Astros.
Forget the Cubs-Reds game that’s blacked out since we purchased the rights. All O.J., all the time, motherogdens!
Juan Gutierrez looks more than a little like Mel Rojas. Tremendous.
Kendall taught me how to do that.
I hate life.
I’m walking Prince to load the bases with one out. Grand slams are fung.
Even when we get an out, we’re still terrible.
This game is off to a good start.
Next time I’ll start ’em both on two days rest!
I’m no Juan Gutierrez.
We’ll give up 6 or 7 here in the first, then you can turn this shit off and get on with the rest of your evening.
It’s 14 after 7 and I already feel like I’ve wasted my entire evening. Think I’ll eat that last pot brownie now and pretend this is going the opposite.
Nice hustle, Jr!
Hey, you guys doing anything at eight?
Brewers leave them loaded. 0-0.
I had em the whole time doges.
I’m a genius!
I will kill each and every one of these fools!
Juan Gutiérrez you are my hero. At least for an inning.
And good job by Bundy to get out of the 1st with no damage. Take notes Carlos.
The game is blacked out on ESPN, and I’m in Iowa. WTF is that?
Let’s get some runs!
the game on ESPN right now?
I don’t know what a Tom Shearn is. Sounds like a pubic trim.
Get the scouts down out to HEIDLEBERG TOWNSHIP, PA on the double. I could use those kids in the late innings!
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AhHqx1WiUZFOgIsk1x8BRBoRvLYF?slug=sh-miracleleague091807&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
Extremely ghey, Corporal Corpulent. That’s what it is.
Um…Orel Hershiser, that is.
ALF!!!!
This is why Lou leads me off, motherfuckers! 1-0.
I do that so I don’t have to run the bases.
Hey Alf, take a pitch. Never mind.
Has Dave Bush ever thrown a no hitter? Let’s help him out, eh guys? Yee haw!
Damn. :(
I’m not retired yet!
Hey C Lee, instead of fielding our positions tonight lets have a BBQ on the grassy knoll.
Berkman you fat greasy wad. Up yours.
Hey guys…remember how we’re bad every single year? Why don’t you stop playing down to our level for once and blow our asses out of town? Thanks for listening.
Well that lead didn’t last long.
I’m so sick of the fucking Reds. I THOUGHT THE WIND WAS BLOWING IN??!?!?!?!
I’ll never win a Gold Glove, but I should.
…are for cowards
Great catch by A-Ram.
Juan Gutierrez is gunning for me!
You know, I wonder how many pitches Tom Shearn will throw before he gets the hook…I’m gonna look that up. It would be nice to see their pen before they just go with Burton and Weathers.
Doesn’t Houston know there is no need to explain benching Woody Williams in any situation?
Shearn will go up to and past 100. Patience boys. I wanna see that pen nice and early.
nice work so far. Good time for Soto to come through and earn some splooge.
Soto, if you want to be the starting catcher now is the time to show why you should be.
Bring us in
The Reds will be competitive when I’m a good recruiter. The answer is um, never.
I’m Bruce Weber & I can’t recruit.
Cue mouthbreathing shot.
Son of a bitch.
Making baseball look very hard since 1908.
Horse shit call right there.
Making baseball look hard since 1908.
This is why you have your pitcher bat 8th so your #8 hitter can bat 9th. Unless of course they both strike out.
Gutierrez mowing em down. Get some runs Assholes.
Making baseball look really, really hard since 1908.
Slaky,
How can the Asstrolls score any runs. It’s Dave “Cy” Bush pitching for the Brewers. He’s got a 5.34 ERA. He’s unhittable.
We want to see our young guys play. Thats why we have a 40 year old batting second.
HR
Why didn’t we just forfeit this series? Would have been just as competitive.
Would it kill the Cubs to score a shit load of runs and put this game out of reach and just win it without any drama?
Alright, I’ll take some drama if needed, but just win.
Is DLee going to get over 20 homers this year? Jesus.
2-0 Brewers.
I really can’t swing the bat at all, can I?
The Cubs are really good at flying out to shallow left, center and right.
We’re also good at losing to rookie pitchers!
And losing to the Reds!
And missing the playoffs!
corey provus always brings bad news. shut up corey.
I’m inevitable.
Who says we laid down in this series? We’re going to score 1 run in 3 games.
Estrada and Fielder. Damn them. Damn them to hell.
we suck
I’m consistent.
where did our bats go?
Insert me here.
Shit
And that’s how I ended.
See you next year.
I feel right now the way BC must feel every day.
I’m slipping away
Holy shit Houston scored.
I’m empty tonight. Imagine if the wind wasn’t blowing in!
…Negative Nancies. Grab your vagisil, your well worn copy of Sleepless in Seattle, and have yourself a good cry. Then, once you have cleaned up your runny mascara, you can come back and watch the game with the fellas.
In case anyone is wondering we’re done for the night.
We’re due
Yeah, 82, I make a lot of damn sense after 100 years.
There’s a difference between fatalism and realism.
That never gets old.
Jock with the ever popular GIDP
I am such a talentless piece of shit.
Why can’t I ever be the one to tear a muscle or pop an ACL?
I’m going to beat the Cubs tonight. Yep. Me. The fat guy from that movie. Wow.
Apparently five feet off the outside corner is me today.
wheres my fan club
Tie game.
Who the **** is Jason Kendall?
YES!!
If I had to guess, I’d say Soto wants on the big club next year.
We gotta play Soto more
1st friggin’ pitch double play.
I really shouldn’t play more than 2 or 3 games the rest of the way.
Who the hell came up with me?
I did, matee
Isn’t DLee due? Really over due.
I’m actually Cy Young
I suck
Please Cliff don’t hit into a double play. Please. Get a hit. A big hit. And that was a bullshit strike on the 1st pitch.
Who has the better disgusted bat flip: Floyd or Todd Walker?
I have one pitch working for me. An 85-89 mph fastball and the Cubs still can’t hit it. Yar.
GIDP????? Come on
Let’s just keep coming
We are fucking pathetic.
It’s Ground (into double play) Hog Day at Wrigley.
I’ll see you in second place yet, losers!
I just ordered a pizza on the wireless
I’m missing my appointment with a shower and a bottle of whisky
Is the ump sure that Eddy struck out. I know he swung and missed at 3 pitches, but is that really a strike out.
No matter what happens tonight, Lilly gets covered in me tonight.
Danke Shearn is done. It’s the Reds’ pen for the rest of the way. Let’s get some runs!
I think my average is .640
It’s GIDP time!!!
Nope, pop up bunt to the catcher.
dont boo me, you guys didnt want a double play. i didnt give you a double play
I am reporting that Bruce Froemming has been hospitalized with a grabber.
I am utterly useless.
I’m worthless
Ok seriously. WHO THE F AM I???
Why am I here, again?
Ted Lilly is a fucking gamer.
Here I come, to fill my pants!
It begins!
i have the ugliest swing ever.
Nothing ever comes easy for this team.
Am I the only one who never heard of this fucking guy hopper before this series?
thats how drop a sac bunt?
It is down to 1.5 games in me.
what about dropping a sac?
pretty impressive huh.
it only costs 300 million a year.
well played #134
K!
If I’m on your fantasy team this year, you are stoked.
im a fucking retard
I’ve got a little somthin’ extra on it tonight.
surely i would have dropped that
Suck it red legged beetches. I am the sheeeettt!!!!
OH MY GOD!!!
Big Spot Bob, better buy Alf lunch tomorrow for that assist.
Um, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have ran there.
Does Wavin’ Wendell coach for the Reds now?
I’ll take it, whoever it was.
From sec. 213 that was the best thown I have ever seen
Watching this game on Gamecast is me!
The reds 3rd base coach went to the Wendell Kim school of waving
We love pitching against the Cubs.
No ESPN?
Inexplicably blacked out in Champaign
If we played as hard against the rest of the league as we do against the Cubs we’d be running away with the division.
If we played this way all the time we’d be the 1962 Mets
But we have been hitting for awhile in the 7th.
Did the Reds finally stop playing me? Are the Astros even familiar with the definition of me?
We black out ESPN within a wide radius of Chicago. So wide, in fact, that it extends past WCIU’s broadcast radius by several hundred miles. Sorry, most of Illinois, Indiana, and Iowa! No Cubs for you!
Please not now
My groin exploded.
That was one of the saddest plays you’ll ever see. I feel sorry for Junior.
who got hurt?
COME ON LORETTA!!!!
YES!!!! LORETTA!!!!!!
I still play?
I’m sweating through my shirt watching all this shit. Holy hell.
It hurt watching that. I think I just suffered a sympathy groin pull.
According to Gamecast, D-Lee just singled the Riot over and Soriano is on deck. How you like that switch, Mackanin?
what did we do?
2-2 in Houston.
Fuck you Jason Lane. Could have had the lead. 2-2 in both games. This is KILLING ME.
not pretty at all, but I’ll take it. We’ve got a lead.
Suck it Monroe. That’s how you drive in a run.
You know what? I think that was a catch.
ha ha
I learned that pickoff move from Mordechai 3 Finger Brown back when we played together here in chicago.
Who is that umpire? He’ll be lucky to work the Frontier League next year!
I’m relying on you guys…according to Gamecast, Murton has yet to see a pitch.
Shut your pie hole Dunn, you big oaf. Same result anyways.
Why’d they pick me for the DHL commercial?
Oh well. At least that bad call won’t effect my VORP.
Murton hit a sinking liner to left, Dunn slid to make the catch. Ump ruled trap, Dance Fever scored and Lee got forced at second.
Pie pinch running. One down, Ramirez up.
I meant two down. Pie now steals second.
Ron, tell us about Todd Coffey.
We finally got a break from an umpire. That was a catch. Bud Selig will now institute instant replay for the rest of the season.
I tagged up on the play, so I would have scored no matter the ruling.
I’m going two tonight.
Great, i thought this shit was intense before….
Slaky, have a drink dude. We’re going to get through this.
A 1 run lead going into the 9th. I……(grabs chest and collapses)
We’re playing for off-season pussy. Our groupies are going on strike if we lose again.
Looks like Coffey has two legs Pat. Must be nice.
No Dempster. wow.
I’m going to hit this fucker to Lake Shore
I’m breaking out in me
I just hit the bowl Dan. Hold me.
Is the four letter site going crazy because Buck Coats replaced Junior?
I’m covering my eyes. Somebody yell when dunn is done hitting it over the Red Line.
I’m up with RISP in Houston
I should work for the NBA
Breathe into a paper back Slak. Breathe. Oh Hell I can’t do this either. I just wet my pants.
Stros escape…I might not be so lucky.
Wow, that’s twice Tim Timmons has fucked the Cubs when I was at the plate.
That’s cool. I want some oats.
These foul balls are killing me!
There’s your fucking oats. One down bitch.
This plate has no corners on it right now.
TWO MORE! LETS GO!
Two down
Dammit Soriano. One of these times you are going to do that stupid hop thing and drop the ball and I’m going to throw my tv out the window.
I’ll shave years off your life.
The Riots arm is truly eckstein esque.
I should be a casino greeter with a name like this.
ONE MORE WITH TURTLE ON DECK!
Bobby looks sharp tonight. 5 bucks says he’s the postsean closer (if we actually make it).
The count is me.
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Crank me bitch
I get to live!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
WE MADE IT SLAKY!
Sing it Stevie
The Cubs are now me in 1-run games. Pretty amazing, huh?
Got him! Cubs win!
They’re at commercial break
Lots of the balls tonight:
the Bull Moose on three days
Al coming off a shit night with a great one
Jr.’s groin is now wrapped completely around his balls
Ginger with the “sac fly” fielder’s choice
Big Spot Bob
Carlos Lee is coming to the plate to face Derek Turnbow. Still 2-2 in the eighth.
This is kind of fun.
I’m pitching to Carlos Lee with two on, one out and a tie game in the eighth.
Two on, 1 out, bottom of the 8th, Taco Lee at the plate. Turdthrow in to pitch. Come on MVP!!
Turd Throw coming in. Tonights our night
one out, runners on first and second. Captain Mullet throws ball one to Carlos Lee
Mark Loretta tied that game? I’m fining his ass big time.
Ball two
flappity-flap-flap-ripple-flap
Turd throw has no idea where the plate is.
I owed the Cubs that one.
Lee singles, 3-2 stros. Runners on first and second one out.
Thanks Turd Throw!
TURD THROW!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
a) I don’t think I can take another 10 days of this.
b) Has anybody else pointed out Derrek Turnbow’s picture on mlb.com’s gamecast? And I thought I was less-than-photogenic.
Woof.
RBI for el caballo. 3-2 Trolls!
Hunter Pence up.
Double steal. Runners on second and third. Pitch was a ball.
Asstrolls up 3-2
I had a pretty goddamned good night, you know it?
A double steal? Did Cecil Cooper take the night off?
How about a little insurance? 4-2 Astros.
Me and Turd Throw are like Lovie and Rex, no?
Pence sac fly to left, Fat Elvis scores, 4-2 now.
Oh shit, that means Turd Throw gave up a double steal to Fat Elvis AND Carlos Lee. bwahahahahahaha
Sac fly. 4-2 Asstrolls
Sac Fly RBI for Pence. Penceational! Hells yea. 4-2
I’m a helluva strange way to spell penis.
How’d Donnie Moore do that to himself again?
4-2 baby!
I’m a hell of a way to spell “hung like an anteater.”
Ty Wigginton grounds out to the world’s tallest shortstop
As long as Albert Pujols doesn’t hit in the ninth, we’re in good shape.
Let’s go Lidge. Close this bitch out.
Brad Lidge coming in to try to out Turd Throw Turd Throw.
Well, I did a little better than Woody Williams would have. Suck it conspiratators! Or whatever.
wha?
Albert Pujols doesn’t play for Milwaukee does he?
I don’t think so.
Are you sure?
No.
Fuck!
Craig Counsell
JJ Hardy
Rickie Weeks
If anybody gets on, Joe Dillon. If it gets to Ryan Braun’s spot? Well, Ned took Ryan out already. Genius move.
Last nights quiz should have been:
Who would the Cubs most like to see on the mound?
Lilly
Z
Marquis
Hill
Turdthrow
I think I can
I think I can
I think I can
Are you SURE Pujols doesn’t play for Milwaukee?
Should I walk the first guy? Yeah?
Look! A strike!
Braun is out? What?
You wanna have another slice of pizza?
yeah, but I don’t want to get up and get it.
This loser is going to walk the leadoff hitter.
I’m not going to throw my slider. It’s only my best pitch.
Ye of little faith. K. 1 out.
Suck it voices. That’s a strike out!
Counsell can take that stupid batting stance back to the bench.
Do you think brad lidge can hear us?
Maybe?
Really?
Yeah.
ok, then lets shout together. “DONT FUCK UP! DON”T FUCK UP!”
I’m too tall to be a shortstop. I should play for the Bucks.
But I just hit a double.
Double.
I’ll have some of that pizza if you guys aren’t going to get it.
WTF, I took BRAUN out? When did that happen?
Stop fucking around and throw strikes you pussy.
I double switched with Braun in the seventh. Dusty told me to.
I decided to replace him with “brain”.
heh heh.
For the last goddamn time, this isn’t Albert Pujols!
I almost balked
Hey, another homer.
fuck me
I homered and I killed Hunter Pence.
Brad Lidge, you are a piece of shit. Fuck.
you gotta be shitting me
I’m one of the most overrated “closers” of all time.
Ploppity plop ploperoo gang!
what the fuck happened? I went downstairs for some pizza and there’s an asstroll laying on his back and the score is tied.
I’m a joke. Miller Park South. That’s a routine liner to right.
i’m good though.
It’s all Dan’s pizza’s fault.
how you holdin up slak?
Forget about the drug test tomorrow, chief?
we’re coming up next. get comfortable boys. this one is going into extras.
I heart gay porn
NOT GOOD DANNY
I liked Weeks better when he was playing in Nashville.
I just bought MLB TV. So I’m actually watching this shit. I paid MONEY to see this shit. The brownie is kicking in now. Ahh.
I predict this one is going to go 12.
Dan,
Can you predict the Asstrolls will win it?
I paid money for mlb.tv too. and my video screen is still frozen with a shot of hunter pence laying on his back. i get audio though. i love the interwebs!
let me ask my magic 8 ball.
….
“outcome not good”.
there you have it.
Why didn’t they bring Turd Throw back out? Why?
OK bitches. now drive me in!
If this game goes 14 do they have another sausage race?
Happens to me too. Try hitting F5 button to refresh
Corky will score on a base hit. Gotta get a single here. JUST A SINGLE!
I also predict that the chorizo will win the 14th inning sausage race redux.
Not in Houston.
1 more wild pitch.
They brought Lidge out to pitch the 10th. They are throwing this series.
Lidge got it done. I’m still here.
Now Lidge pitches a 1-2-3 inning. Why couldn’t he have done that in the 9th?
Ive never rooted so hard for the Asstrolls
Bring me home, please.
I’m not actually rooting for the Asstrolls. I’m just rooting against the Brewers.
OK Backe on third, one out… ohhh for a sac fly now
Wild Pitch will work also….
Balk also
YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love me.
Your first place Chicago Cubs.
FIRST PLACE ALONE AGAIN!!!!!
Thank you Hunter Pence!!!
And a single works also 5-4 Hooston.
In your face Milwaukee!
Say it with me-
Let’s go Braves.
(Tomahawk Chop optional)
I suck!!!
Enjoy your day off.
Oh yeah, you don’t HAVE another day off. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hot damn tamale. Asstrolls win. Tied again in the loss column and up 2 in the win column.
Also, Sheets is getting the MRI on the Hammy and I suspect the Cubs wont see Griffey for the final series. Holding serve for a series never felt so good.
I have to hold the mike like this because my rack gets in the way.
Gail, are you coming to my house or your apartment tonight? I forgot who’s turn it was.
Although, and perhaps because I contributed absolutely nothing to it, this is perhaps the Cubs Live! of the year bitches. It’s Jimmy Anderson Pizza Night good. It’s Devin Hester good. Give yourselves an E-Patt on the back, all ye who posted here.
Nice work. Now to bed with me. Got a jorb interview in the morning.
My jorb is easy enough that I can wade through the gamecast on the clock.
what am i, anyway?