One-hundred fifty six games are in the books, and not only are the Cubs still alive, they are standing atop the division with a size 12 cleat on the throats of the Milwaukee Brewers.
So we’re confident and comfortable and ready to roll into the playoffs with them, right?
What, did we just meet? Of course we aren’t. These are the Cubs. This is a franchise that’s played six games with a magic number of one to get to the World Series (since 1984) and lost them all.
If you can blow that…twice…you can certainly blow a 3.5 game lead with six to play. Hell, that’s easy. These are the Cubs. They are professionals when it comes to kicking their fanbase right in the newts.
So why fight it? Why pretend to be confident? Let’s embrace our fears. Because you and I both know that it’s still very likely they’re going to win this thing, and if they do we’ll be just as happy as the dopes who are acting like it’s in the bag.
Besides, look at who shares their false bravado. It’s the king of false bravado.
Who cares what that mascara wearing fairy thinks? The way the Cubs have played since the day they humiliated the Cardinals in the one-day homestand, there’s reason for confidence. They’re playing like the best team in the National League. And they’ve regained the honor of having the best record in the NL since June 1. They remind you more than a little of a team that played bad early, got hot and kept on trucking (much to our dismay) through the playoffs a few years back.
They make you re-think everything we think we know about the Cubs. First off, what the hell is with having a manager who will make lineup changes whenever he feels like it?
Lou Piniella decides (rightly so) that in the final weekend of the schedule that the best catcher on his roster is a rookie who’s barely spent a month in the big leagues. So he throws him in the lineup for an entire series. That’s crazy! Dusty Baker and Jim Riggleman must be rolling over in the graves that they entombed their careers in.
On Friday, it’s ludicrously windy and he starts a right handed stiff in center, but the Cubs start scoring and drive the opposition’s lefty starter out of the game, so Lou takes the stiff out in the fifth inning. Huh? Somebody wake Don Baylor. This is not right.
How about a team taking advantage of the fact that from September 7 through the end of the season they wouldn’t face a team with a winning record, by going 12-4, so far. Someone please get a hold of LaTroy, Moises and Neifi. And Dempster, we know where that dumbass is.
How about this for similarity? The worst week of my life as a Cubs’ fan (I don’t mean moment, I mean prolonged agony of a full week) started on the second to last Saturday of the season on September 25, 2004. The night before, the Cubs had come back to win an exciting game 2-1 in the tenth on a Derrek Lee RBI single. But on Saturday, the Cubs were an out away from a win over the Mets only to have Victor Fucking Diaz hit a homer to tie the game. Then, the Cubs had runners in scoring position in the next two innings and couldn’t score them. Some dope named Craig Brazell (who’s probably selling insurance in Cedar Falls now) homered to win the game. The next day, the Cubs lost another one in heartbreaking fashion and turned an otherwise great road trip (they’d gone 8-2 before the two crotch kicks) into a death march.
When the Brewers came back to beat Tim Hudson on Friday night, the sphincters of Cubs’ fans everywhere tightened. Then, on the second to last Saturday of the season, the Brewers were getting no-hit in the sixth when JJ Hardy hit a two run homer to tie the game and Corey Hart homered to give them a lead in extra innings. Then, with two outs, Scott Thorman (yes, THE Scott Thorman) played Victor Diaz and hit a 10th inning homer to tie the game. After the Brewers left the bases loaded, Mark Teixieria got to be Craig Brazell. (Much better to get beaten by Mark Teixieria than Craig Brazell.
Yesterday, they looked like they were going to win a game pitched by Chris Capuano for the first time in 21 attempts (did you know they won the first seven times he pitched?) but blew a 4-1 lead in the seventh. That turned what looked like it could have been a 6-1 road trip (they coughed up an extra inning game in Houston, too) into a 3-4 trip. Oops.
In 2004, the Cubs limped home and won the first game of their final, six game homestand, and were actually a game ahead of the Astros with six to play. They wouldn’t win again until the final day of the year, losing twice in extra innings and three one run decisions.
The Brewers can take discomfort in some comparisons.
In 2003, the Florida Marlins were in last place in the NL East on June 1, at 26-32. They’d finish the season by going 65-39 to win the Wild Card.
In 2004, the Houston Astros were seven games behind the Cubs on August 14 at 56-60. While the Cubs went a half-assed 26-20 to finish the season, the Astros went 36-10 and won the Wild Card.
This year, the Cubs trailed the Brewers by seven and a half games on June 2. The day before that the Cubs’ starting pitcher punched out his catcher (several times), that day the manager went batshit crazy and tried to bury the third base umpire’s feet during a loss to the Braves.
Since that time the Cubs have gone 61-42, the best record in the National League. The Brewers have gone 48-51.
The numbers in the final week look good for the Cubs. As long as the total number of Cubs wins and Brewers losses equal four, the Cubs are going to the playoffs. If the Cubs go 4-2 it doesn’t matter what the Brewers do. If the Cubs go 3-3 the Astros have to go 7-0 to end the season. If the Cubs go 2-4 they have to go 6-1, 1-5 means 5-2, even 0-6 means the Brewers have to play over .500 to tie it up.
But first, the Cubs have to go back to Dolphin Stadium, the site of their fourth failed chance to advance to a World Series since 1984, and the site in 2001 when Preston Wilson put the final nail in the Cubs coffin with a homer off Flash Gordon that is still traveling south.
The Cubs’ nemesis, the St. Louis Cardinals are in Milwaukee for three starting tonight. It might be the first time in recorded history that the Cubs root for the Cardinals to do anything other than drown in their own vomit.
But the Cardinals are pulling out all the stops. They’re starting their ace, the guy who would have recorded the final out in the 2006 World Series had such an event taken place. Tomorrow they send out Braden Looper and the closest thing they have to a third starter, Joe L. Piniero. Even Albert Pujols is available to pinch hit, despite the fact that his osteoporosis is flaring up again.
What can go wrong?
Apex wears me!
I will be the level of effort you see out of the Fowl the next three nights.
The title of the thread gave me chills, as my dad, sitting next to my cousin Tom during Game 6 of the ’03 NLCS, leaned over and said to him “Tom, I can smell it” after Grudzielanek’s single made it 3-0 in the 7th inning. Of course by Christmas, we were able to cope with the disappointment by joking that what my dad, in fact, was smelling was death.
Screw them up one side and down the other. Here’s to hoping Lou has this team go out to win the division instead of hoping somebody else does their dirty work.
Do we really want these Cubs to make the playoffs? Their collective VORP isn’t high enough.
Osteoporosis. Nice. The way in which you continue to find unique ways to insult Pujols will never get old.
Yeah maybe they’ll make some off-season acquisitions if they fucking fail
Please don’t link to me ever again.
That belongs in the Transactions thread. This is the general baseball talk thread. MODS!
Honestly, now. Shouldn’t I be the QUEEN of False Bravado?
Adam Dunn! Adam Dunn! Adam Dunn!
Give me and the Miner a three day break you pussies, and I’ll pitch the next six games. Check out Elias and see what the fuck we did in ’08.
I’m from a different era, but Lou’s got it right – Let the kids play. Soto, Theriot and Murton can take us home,.
Where are Mordecai Brown and Ed Reulbach when we need them?
Go you fuckers, go! This team has it.
the stench of some of the hilarious drunks at the game on saturday and sunday. put the hammer down cubs!
> If the Cubs go 3-3 the Astros have to go 7-0 to end the season.
Andy’s editor seems to have gotten the night off.
much better than Len (kermit the frog sounding) Kasper.
We agree with #15
Brewers, Astros, what’s the difference?
No. 15, you’re right! Let me also tell you that there are no gays in Iran and that the Holocaust never existed. Oh, and Iran is a free country.
I believe that’s called a post-trauma flashback.
Apparently, I am working on Andy’s Doses.
BTW, a little late here but I let it slip that Cliff FLoyd delivered the game-winning hit in last Wednesday’s rubber match with the Reds when, in fact, Matt Murton had been inserted as a pinch-hitter for Cliffy and Murton had the hit (which was, technically, a fielders choice). Looks like Phil not only didn’t watch one of the most important plays of the series, but I didn’t either.
Sorry. Link is above.
“It wasn’t long after Soto handled that throw that Ryan Theriot scored on Cliff Floyd’s fielder’s choice to left field — yes, fielder’s choice to left field because Derrek Lee’s indecision allowed him to get forced at second base — to send the Cubs to a 3-2 victory that protected their interests in the National League Central.”
I dare you to click to enlarge my image on my Sun-Times page!
That’s OK. Phil reported from LA during the Bonds HR chase and got the score of one of the games wrong. Oh, wait, he got the score right, he just wrote over and over again that the wrong team won.
I am going to be quite high….I’m thinking 70/30???
It really is amazing how often Phil Rogers is factually incorrect. And we’re not talking typos or honest oversights. Oftentimes, we’re talking “facts” that are intended to buttress whatever point he’s making–like the time in ’05 when he was giving Felipe Alou credit for getting the Giants into the playoffs the previous season in ’04 (they didn’t).
My personal favorite–and one I’m certain I’ve mentioned before–was an article he wrote about 5 years ago. Time has robbed me of the ability of recalling exactly what his point was, but he blatantly placed Dennis Eckersley as one of the starters on the nineteen eighty NINE Cubs. It wasn’t a typo from ’84, as his discussion was centered on the ’89 team. It’s funny, not only because Eckersley was long gone from the Cubs by ’89, but he had, by that point, been totally re-established as a tits-out closer for Oakland. In fact, ’89 was AFTER he had given up the infamous home run to Kirk Gibson in the World Series.
I am Desipiots’ fave phrase lately. Mmmmm me.
I know I’m a dumbass, but I didn’t understand the Dumbass Dujour at all. Who cares if Chip is announcing on TBS? We have two idiots in our own booth to deal with. Here’s hoping Ronny gets better and gets to see the Cubs tear into the playoffs.
Hey 24, I’m not sure there are 30 Marlins fans total.
Ummm…..that last post kinda sounded like I thought Ron and Pat were idiots. That is not the case. Ron and Pat are great. It is the T.V. heads that suck. Bobblen Heads.
You should care that Chip is announcing on TBS because TBS will be airing all of the Division Series as well as the NLCS, asshole.
Yes, there’s a chance we’ll get to miss the Chipster for the first round.
If, God willing, the Cubs make it to the NLCS, though, we are stuck with his smarmy ass (the NLCS featuring a team of Caray-Gwinn-Brenly).
Do you really need a reason to make Chip the Dumbass? Christ, the thing should be named in his honor (sic). And Tony Gwynn’s bad. His voice makes Len’s home run calls sound like they came out of Barry White. Dare I say I might be longing for the dastardly Buck-McCarver duo? Or (gasp) Joe Morgan, even? Bring on the Old Style commercials and the five second delay!
I guess you have a knee injury. 12 year olds on the four letter message board weep.
I’m assuming that you mean the Cub fans will fill 70% of the capacity while the Marlins have 30 fans total?
Isn’t G-Man-G the same guy who called the Chicago NL Ball Club the “Cubbies?” Isn’t he the guy who ripped Steve Goodman? This guy is obviously 12 years old.
I, too, routinely called the Chicago NL Ball Club the Cubbies. What’s your point?
Harry Caray is invincible and can do no wrong. G-Man-G is a simpleton with AIDS.
Actually, I did not rip Steve Goodman. I ripped the song and the character it was describing. Also, when you spend your days watching the Cubbies with a two year old, it kinda becomes second nature.
If you are wondering who I like to rip, just to get the facts straight, it is Len and Bob who suck balls.
#36. That was a brilliant insult. Get out of your mother’s basement. AIDS hasn’t been scary or funny since celebrities stopped dying from it.
I never ripped on Steve Goodman morans. I ripped on the content of the song “A dying Cub fan’s last request.” If you know the song, you will realize that it rips on the Cubbies and their fans.
From the song: “He said, “but you the living, you’re stuck here with the Cubs, So its me that feels sorry for you!”
So I reiterate, Fuck that guy! And if you believe that Goodman wrote it while he was fighting leukemia, then you’re wrong there too. He was in good health when he wrote that in 81 and didn’t fall ill until over a year later.
And yes, I do say Cubbies. If you watched every Cubs game with a two year old, you might find yourself saying it too. As for the Dumbass Dujour, if you want to put people on that list just for being awarded the opportunity to call games on T.V. then Len and Bob would have the award locked up every day. I’m sure we could have waited until Chip called the game to give him the award.
Have I said enough? I am sure I have said too much, but when there is nothing else to do at work, it is time to post on Desipio!
I believe I have been blocked
good