Delusion can be your best friend. If you really want to believe something enough you can make yourself do it. I mean come on, we’re Cubs fans, we’ve been doing it for 100 years! Nobody eats more shit than we do on a yearly basis. We just keep smiling and swallowing. So hell, this ought to be easy.
In the past two days the Cubs have shaved the magic number from four to two. That’s good. It’s progress. OK, they haven’t actually shaved anything, the Brewers have a razor out and are wildly swinging it around, cutting themselves like Angelina Jolie on a bender.
Last night I’d had enough. The Cubs had pinched off another doozy with Jock Jones flailing wildly at four balls in an at bat that would have tied the game had he just stood there. Steve Trachsel was horrible and he’s got a handle on this delusion thing, he actually thought he pitched well. So the Cubs lost all three games against a last place team, they lost all six to them this year and overall have lost ten in a row to those fan-less douches in south Florida.
I didn’t even watch the Brewers game. I watched Earl and The Office and then CSI on my DVR. Before I went to bed I saw that they’d lost again. As Red once said, “Hope is a dangerous thing.”
But here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to take a different look at how the Cubs went from a magic number of four on Wednesday morning to two this morning.
We’re going to pretend that instead of the Cubs and Brewers both losing, that they both won. That way, instead of flying to Cincinnati on a three game losing streak, the Cubs are still red hot. They’ve won 12 of 15. Peaking at the right time, that’s our Cubs!
Oh, those pesky Brewers, why won’t they lose? Won’t they ever make an error or two or five? Impressive the way they kept their cool in the eighth inning against the Cardinals on Wednesday, wasn’t it? That Ned Yost, he’s a genius!
Thank God the Cubs are playing so well that they can keep that juggernaut in Milwaukee at bay!
Feel better?
Probably not.
An old Cub, one of my all-time favorites, can come up big for his old team (and his current one) in Milwaukee tonight. Greg Maddux is on the hill against the Angel of Death, Chris Capuano and his 21-game ‘if he pitches, even an inning, the Brewers lose’ streak.
Carlos and his refound confidence are on the mound tonight in Cincinnati and his biggest nemesis, Adam Dunn, is out after knee surgery.
A Cubs win would have them in the visitors clubhouse watching the end of the Brewers-Padres (which starts an hour after the Cubs-Reds game). It’d be nice if Trevor Hoffman nails down the save, sending the champagne flowing through the Cubs’ clubhouse.
Stay positive.
What else have we got left?
(Other than the prospect of both the Cubs and Brewers losing tonight and tomorrow, setting off the most pathetic “victory” celebration of all time.)
Andy Doses = Cubs win.
Mark it down. Take it to the Bank. It will fucking happen.
End of story.
Too bad that the cubs aren’t playing in the Central me and the Crew in the Eastern. I was having visions of the Crew losing and Z sealing a CG shutout to clinch.
Yes, hope is a dangerous thing.
“OK, they haven’t actually shaved anything, the Brewers have a razor out and are wildly swinging it around, cutting themselves like Angelina Jolie on a bender.”
Brilliant.
Look, these last three days have been miserable. But if you dickheads who’ve ruined the gamecasts the last few days had your way, the television ratings for the Cubs would be zero point zero tonight. But they won’t be. You’ll all be watching. It doesn’t matter how they get there, they are going to get there. If you’d rather relive 2006 than 2003, then peace be with you. But you’re a loser. Back to the pipe.
Leave Angelina Alone!!
You heartless bastards!!
… by the Pee Your Pants Curse
http://homerderby.com/archives/1281
Dunn’s out after surgery? To whom shall we now pray and sacrifice our firstborns?
These make my knees shake and bones rattle
No TV here in beautiful Berkeley, California. Berkeleycubfan and I are reduced to either Pat and Ron on MLB.com, or Gamechannel. Or I can watch my video of the playoff against the Giants, and find out what happened in the Chronicle tomorrow.
The best thing for me is that I’m going to be on a football field tonight from about 6:15 till 9:30 or so. I told my buddy to send me a text message ONLY after the game goes final. I’m hoping I’ll have to stop at some lame convenience store on the way home and get a cheap bottle of champagne.
I was out of town tues-thurs in beautiful San Antonio, upset that I wouldn’t be able to follow every pitch of the FLA series. Maybe I’m not a real fan, but damn those fajitas I had on the Riverwalk were much better than the bile I would’ve tasted had I been able to watch the game. And I got to taste the fajitas twice when I got back to the hotel to check the score! It’s win-win!
Hey Stew, I hate to break your heart, but the Giants beat the Cubs – that damn Will The Thrill.
Bitches, I’ve got you covered. I’ll have this game wrapped in under 2 hours 20 minutes so by the time you’re done pulling the 13-12 thriller out of David Weathers’ fat ass you’ll be all clear to go crazy.
You’re welcome.
Pretend the Cubs have won? What’s next? Pretend the Cubs are 1 game out and every win and Brewer loss is worth 2? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
our last few games have been in progress knowing
the Cubs already had lost earlier in the day
…..we are the ones C-H-O-K-I-N-G…
and what about us? …. 8 game lead 2 weeks ago
and now we’re tied with the Phillies……
BIG TIME C-H-O-K-E!!!!
all around….
Chuck, the only reason that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard is because you don’t listen when you talk.
Chokarama All Around…so you’re telling me that I will win the WS and all this handwringing, as always, is for naught.
That Chuck is a douche.
The fact that the Cubs can play all awesome against last place teams during me, and then play terrible against last place team during the following week tells me one thing: if the Cubs make the playoffs and are lucky enough to win the first series, they will definitely not win the next. Probably also means they don’t really deserve to be there in the first place…but we’ll see
Drugs here again: hey 19, I think you know what this means. The chokingest team that gets in the dance is going to win it all. That bodes well for the Cubs since the Mets are dead in the water.
F Y C!!!
The Cubs are seriously me right now. SERIOUSLY.
No TV here in foggy San Fran…going to Greens to battle my way through all the a-hole Yankee and Red Sox fans who are there for no reason.
PS If anyone wants to use my mlb.tv account they can just watch Gamechannel instead. Cheers!
You know, I really hit pretty well last night. I had a good at-bat in the 7th, saw the ball real well, but sometimes you just gotta tip your hat to the other guy, you know? Dusty told me that once.
I say you pricks get off my ass and Trachsel’s, too. We were just unlucky.
I wanna dedicate this to my homie, Ned Y:
In the great Book of John – you’re warned of the day
When you’ll be laid – beneath the cold clay
The Angel of Death – will come from the sky
And claim your poor soul – when the time comes to die.
Chorus
When the Angel of Death – comes down after you
Can you smile and say – that you have been true
Can you truthfully say – with your dying breath
That you’re ready to meet – the Angel of Death.
When the lights all grow dim – and the dark shadows creep
And then your loved ones – are gathered to weep
Can you face them and say – with your dying breath
That you’re ready to meet – the Angel of Death.
Yeah, death and all that. How about we clinch tonight and then it’s all the drugs and liquor the Cubs can lick off a Cincinnati whore! YeeeHaaa!
I’m still around because once the Cubs win this series, they will have won 7 of 9 (no Star Trek jokes, geeks) series this month. That means they have a great chance of winning the next three series they play which would make them World Champs. Not to mention, they will probably drop Marquis off the roster for the playoffs, and we all know how that worked out for the Tards. I say hang in there and we could repeat in ’07 and ’08. Hey, it’s happened before and it’s the only history on our side. Go Cubs!
Sorry we missed the Fish trip. We’ll meet you in Cinci!
Hey! That’s right! With everyone so mad obsessed with 1908, nobody realized this is the 100th year anniversary of a great Cubs finish! They swept the Tigers big style!
I’m the best nickname Chris Capuano every had. And most accurate. (Although Crapuano works too)
…has been my mantra since summer of 2006, before Soriano, Marquis, Lilly, PonDeRosa and Cornelius were signed. How great that would be.
mark derosa is hitting me against the reds
Why isn’t there one of me?
good question perhaps the ogdens are trying to change the luck
why do people run on me?
There’s your Gamecast.
Needed a bad blood-letting.
we just tied this ogden up
Correction…we just took the lead. Crapuano attack!
I giveth, I taketh away. Posing always.
It feels good to be cheering for both Maddux and the Cubs again! That being said, I hope the Cubs stomp the Pads in the playoffs. Then we can avenge my first true Cub Heartbreak, 1984. Also, how cool is it that the Mets are blowing a huge lead in September. Every time this is mentioned you can hear Santo trying (and failing) to hold back the giggles.
Somebody must have forgot to tell Quade that Buck Coats led the Iowa Cubs in OF assists (15) when he was traded.
Go Cubs Go! Go Cubs Goooo! Hey Chicago whaddaya say, Cubs are gonna win today!
Flipppity Flappity Flappity Flap on the road ogdens.
champagne get ready
Worship my long, flowing blond locks, ogdens!
I have officially gone the way of Elvis. Dead on the toilet before my time.
I have officially gone the way of Elvis. Dead on the toilet before my time.
Move over 46, I’m hopping on the pole
love lou pinella
Where are all the pissers and moaners from Thursday?