The Cubs managed to do what few teams have been able to do this season. They gave up nine runs in one inning to a Pirates team that would have a hard time doing that with a batting tee and an empty field. Of course, it’s hard to walk in tee ball.
It wasn’t hard to walk in the top of the eighth yesterday.
The Sox were in Toronto showing symptoms of their own brand of SARS (Sox Absolutely, Really Suck), putting on a show of nearly the comic level that the Cubs were demonstrating at home.
Memorial Day is a day to honor those who gave “the ultimate sacrifice” in defense of our liberty. Apparently Juan Cruz and Carlos Lee have interesting ways of showing their respect.
On Friday night, I detailed a number of troubling Steve Stone and Chip Caray statements, and they pretty much retained that pace the whole weekend. Chip is just wearing me out. The sheer amount of ridiculousness that comes out of his mouth on a daily basis is incredible. But two things caused me to nearly toss the TiVo remote through the TV this weekend. I said “nearly.” It TiVo for chrissakes, you have show some respect.
1. How many times did Chip and Steve wax on about how great the Astros bullpen is? They were like a broken record that kept finding its way to, “You need to treat this like a five inning ballgame.” Or, “You’ve got Dotel, Wagner and Stone down there, look out!” Hey. Shut up. How many times do you think you need to completely flog a point before dumb guys like us can get it?
2. For the FOURTH time this spring, Steve and/or Chip mentioned that Delmon Young “Dmitri Young’s son, could be the first pick in the MLB draft.”
Dmitri Young is 29 years old. Delmon Young is 18. Just what crimes are Chip and Steve accusing Delmon’s mother of here?
It’s his brother! Yesterday it was Steve who suggested the incest. Someone make it stop.
On The Score yesterday, David Schuster and Jesse Rogers (I know, I know) were talking about third basemen the Cubs could trade for. They both thought Matt Williams would be a nice fit.
Matt Williams?!?
Honestly, when you own a radio station and anybody says anything that stupid you either have to stop broadcasting immediately or at least take the host(s) outside and start the flogging.
Matt Williams?!?
He’s 37 years old, his body parts keep falling off and he’s hitting .233. Not to mention he’s making FOURTEEN point SEVEN million dollars this year and he refuses to accept a trade out of Phoenix. Other than that, it’s a brilliant move. Really.
I also like the radio guys who opine that since the Cubs are in first place they don’t need to trade for any offense. Yeah. That makes perfect sense. It’d be a lot better to wait until you fall out of first place to make a move. Then see if you can get back there. Brilliant!
Everything you need to know about how “bad” the pitcher’s mound at Wrigley was yesterday was that Kerry Wood allowed one hit through seven innings and Josh Fogg allowed three. Unless they came out and started hacking at the mound during the commercials before the top of the eighth, I don’t want to hear it.
I also don’t understand why Dusty thinks he needs to carry twelve pitchers when he only uses nine of them.
Don’t even get me started on the wisdom of starting Tom Goodwin again yesterday either.
Sigh.
Roger Clemens, one of the most vile, unlikeable people on the face of the Earth (he’s almost as bad as Jim Edmonds) tried to pitch in yesterday’s game against Boston with a glove that had a ‘300’ patch on it. When Red Sox manager Grady Little insisted he not use that glove, Roger explained that it wasn’t on there to commemorate his 300th pitching victory, but rather he just liked to wear his weight on his glove.
As for my brilliant prediction that Dallas will win the NBA title, all I can say is that I even tried to start a grease fire for a distraction before game four, and that didn’t work. Oops!
Besides, I was really just sucking up to Mark Cuban. I get that way around billionaires.
Blah, blah, blah the mound was flat and so were the Cubs.
This just in, Mark Buehrle is still losing.
Big Frank is going to start at first base this weekend. My advice. Bunt at him.
Mike Downey on the Cubs wild Memorial Day.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut and says that giving endorsement money to LeBron is foolish. Gee, that’s pretty deep.
Larry Brown resigned from the Sixers but still wants to coach. He just wants to go someplace where Allen Iverson isn’t.
Dr. Jack is a big Larry Brown fan.
Marc Stein breaks down the open NBA jobs. Too bad Chicago isn’t one of them. Yet.
Peter Gammons thinks the Expos have a disadvantage. Really?
Gammons with his weekly best.
Marty Burns’ mullet expects Larry Brown back soon.
Stewey thinks Mike Price will be in Arizona next year. And, because he was thoughtless and mentioned Maria Menounos but failed to picture her…here you go.
Tim Burton is going to remake “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. Which part does Johnny Depp get to play?
Apparently, Finding Nemo is really good. I enjoyed the trailer if that’s worth anything.
You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to Super size it for only 39 cents more…
The world’s greatest newspaper has news that China’s president has SARS. Apparently his is Stupid people Always Read Sh@##y newspapers. Yeah, that didn’t really work, did it?
Does this Andy Dolan clown really think mean-spiritedness and bitchy sarcasm counts as being witty?
To paraphrase Steve Martin’s character in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"
"Here’s an idea, Andy, the next time you write a column, how about making a point? It makes it so much more interesting for the readers. All seven of them.
Did anyone else catch when Chip said Ausmus dropped the forbidden "pronoun" to get tossed? The only forbidden word I’m aware of is "Fuck" (most commonly used as a verb, as in, "Go fuck yourself Dan.") Never could you substitute Fuck for a pronoun (he, she, it…Hey all things that apply to the Dan.)
And seriously….who over the age of 5 refers to themself, or lets other refer to them, as Danimal. Nice email guy. What a knob.
"Does this Andy Dolan clown really think mean-spiritedness and bitchy sarcasm counts as being witty?"
–As a matter of fact. Yes.
I think there are more than seven of us, Danimal. There have to be at least 11 intrepid readers.
I like Desipio the way it is. It’s small, it’s homey and it makes an impact on Chicago sports that only those of us who come here every day realize.
Is it a coincidence that Steve Stone calls Antonio Alfonseca, Pulpo?
Is it a coinsidence that Dan Bernstein refers to Esteban Loiaza as Stevie?
After Andy went off on Wendell Kim the other night, two of the score guys debated that very play for an hour, citing the exact same example that Andy did.
I can also guarantee you that a little rabbit eared wuss like Chip Caray reads this stuff, too. Probably cries himself to sleep on that huge eyebrow he uses for a pillow.
Keep up the good work. Danimal must be a Sox fan.
Like most Cubs fans, I take a peculiar delight in the misfortunes of the White Sox. The problem is that I have Mark Buehrle on my fantasy team. I guess I should have known better. You just know that Buehrle is going to end up in St. Louis and win 20 games, but he will be long gone from my roster before that happens.
Maybe so but I bet he’s got a Porsche 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.
Dan, we’re breathlessly awaiting your fine works. Where are they?
Note to Jim Hendry… please trade for me. Need some reasons? Here you go:
1. Florida will not be able to afford me when my contract is up, and they have a talented third base prospect named Miguel Cabrera in the minors.
2. Florida’s pitching staff has been decimated by injuries, and I hear you have a few young, talented pitchers that could help them rebuild the staff.
3. I am having a banner year and am in the prime of my career. My bat and glove could help make the Cubs a legitimate contender this year.
Make the right move, Jim. Trade for me!
I love this site, man.
BTW, while pinhead UGA grad Chip is still wrong in what a pronoun is, I believe the forbidden WORD is "cocksucker" According to Ron Luciano’s first book, "The Umpire Strikes Back" or it may have been his follow up "Strike Two", former American league ump Luciano (now dead–suicide. Poor bastard), describes to the reader, with great buildup, that the magic word for an auto-ejection is "cocksucker"
Of course, if the umpire in question were to be, say, Dave Pallone, you might get an invite to dinner instead of an ejection. But that is what I understand the magic word to be.
And it’s STILL not a pronoun, Chip, you stupid cocksucker.
If someone was to say that word to me I would most certainly hand out ejaculations.
Dave Pallone has been known to be someone who commits premature jockularity, too.
What is morality in any given time or place? It is what the majority then and there happen to like, and immorality is what they dislike. by online poker
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